Help, I need to get away from this place, its eating my soul. Damn this lack of money to hell!
I woke to the sound of birds at about 6am this morning, I looked at my ceiling and read the words I had written on it the previous night... "I'm fixing a hole gets in to stop my mind form wondering", I'm not sure why I wrote that there, it seemed like a good idea at the time though. Considering how early I woke up I'm not tried at all, there must be something wrong.
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Hello, back again, my dad just got an interview for medical school and my sister got into a secondary school so I'm quite happy for them as you can imagine. I've just seen the brilliant "big fish" for the second time, Tim Burton is a genius. Music for the moment is Orbital, tomorrow I plan to read more of "the rum diary" by Hunter S, drink coffee, get some art done, what am I saying? No one should ever get their art "done", now would be a good time to quote something Wilde said but I have a bad memory when it comes to words and can't think what it was, only that it would be apt for the moment. I shall continue with my monk painting, finish off the film I have in my camera, learn "babe I'm gonna leave you" on my guitar and brood as ever. Good night.
I love cats.
I want to write something but I haven't done anything today really. I had an amazingly twisted dream, I shall inform you of it when I've had the brewing coffee that waits for me downstairs...
Hello. Today I drank two cups of very strong coffee, had a bath, ate a banana and learnt to play and sing "wish you were here" by Pink Floyd. I think I sould plan to do the things that I'm not meant to be doing, then I might get things done instead of vice versa. Now I'm going to tidy my room...
Friday night was fun, for the first time in my life gin and tonic tasted good. I've decided my top hat isn't worth the hassle it draws. I got a busker to play Mr. Tamborine man and Hallelujah to which my friends and I sang along to.
Yesterday I woke up late, talked to Danny a while until he left, made a think smoothie, ran about two miles to the top of a hill with my camera and tripod, got back and made dinner. Pancakes with cheese tomatoes, olives and mushrooms inbetween, my mum said I had a "talent" for cooking which was nice.
Today I woke up late again, painted a girl and then sat on elftown until now.
That was fun, not that you were interested anyway!
Good bye.
Elftown has ruined my sleep patterns. I didn't sleep at all last night, I wasn't on elftown though. I saw a human disection programme, really very odd, I'm sure the "live model" is mainly there to attract female viewers. The guy doing the disections spoke in the strangest (and horrible) voice, the the most disturbing thing was that he had the dead body of a woman with plaster on her face to mask identity hanging on a hook behind him! It was disturbing. I then went on to see american phsyco, chris morris short film (pure brilliance), some other short film with two kids who hung another kid (late night tv is odd but better than any other time). Human disection, mass murder, a talking dog and kids hanging themselves all in one night! I think it was maybe best that I didn't go to sleep. I then drew two pictures, shortly after that I started reading the da vinci code, everyone keeps banging on about how amazing it is. I have to say its pretty good so far. All full of pointless facts and fun to read at the same time. Ach, sleep deprivation leaves me feeling dry and meek, kind of like a hangover whithout the headache, regret and bruises.
Arg! If I was to meet myself as I was two years ago I would feel the need to hit myself. I apologise to all the people who read my dairy any older than 2003. I was a twat.
update
(0) Name: Dale Tristan James beckwith
(1) Your gender: Male
(2) Straight/gay/B
(3) Single?: single
4) Want to be?: Not really
(5) Your birthday: feb 23 1987
(6) Age your act: not really
(7) Age you wish you were: this one or about six
(8) Your height: used to be 5:11 but I think its now 6
(9) The color of your eyes: brown and green
(10) Happy with it?: yeah
(11) The color of your hair: brown
(12) Happy with it?: mildly, its far to long right now
(13) Left/right/amb
(14) Your living arrangement?: Um I live at home with my family
(27) Your family: 1 bro 1 sister, mum and dad
(29) What's your job: Don't have one, stupid question reminding me of my inadiquacies!
(30) Piercing?: no
(31) Tattoos?: tiny dot on my right knee
(32) Obsessions?: Drawing dead things, reading a load of books all at the same time, nice weather..
(35) Do you speak another language?: no
(36) Have a favorite quote? To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and
the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics
and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty; to
find the best in others; to leave the world a bit better, whether by
a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to
know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived.
This is to have succeeded.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson, 1872.
(37) Do you have a WebPage?: yup, http://www.noo
DEEP THOUGHTS about life and you in it
(38) Do you live in the moment?: I find it hard not to.
(39) Do you consider yourself tolerant of others?: It really depends who.
(40) Do you have any secrets?: yes
(41) Do you hate yourself?: not really
(42) Do you like your handwriting?: sometimes
(43) Do you have any bad habits?: yes
(44) What is the compliment you get most from people?: talented, intelligent, hot
(45) If a movie were made about your life, what would it be called?: Thats a bit broad isn't it?
(46) What's your biggest fear?: Having a crappy life and others having the same.
(47) Can you sing: urr not really
(48) Do you ever pretend to be someone else just to look cool?: Nope but I'm often mistaken for someone I'm not!
(49) Are you a loner?: Right now I'm a hermit.
(51) If you were another person, would you be friends with you?: um probably, we'd be quite alike!
(52) Are you a daredevil?: I'm not totally sure what they are.
(54) Are you passive or aggressive?: passive
(55) Have you got a question?: why are humans so destructive?!?
(56) What is your greatest strength and weakness?: another broad question, I can't answer such things, what do want me to bloody say, kyptonite??!
(57) If you could change one thing about yourself? I would do ALL of the things I think about
(58) There are three wells, love, beauty and creativity, which one do you choose?: For fuck sake!! Who wrote this?!?
(59) How do you vent?: food, alcahol and creating things
(60) Do you think you are emotionally strong?: I like to think so, but it depepends, does the question mean how well you can subdue them??
(61) Is there anything you regret doing/not doing in life?: Um letting idiots get me down
(62) Do you think life has been good so far?: contrastey(63) What is the most important lesson you've learned from life?: Be good! No not the political good, but good good. The truth is everything.
(64) What do you like the most about your body?: my hands or my eyes
(65) And least?: my feet, they get in the way
(66) Do you think you are good looking?: alright I suppose
(67) Are you confident?: confidence is no virtue, an idiot can be confident
(68) What is the fictional character you're most like?: none of them I know
69) Do people know how you feel?: some people
(70) Are you perceived wrongly?: yup
DO YOU...
(71) Smoke?: mainly the herb but I sometimes have cigars or cigarettes when drunk
(72) Do drugs?: soft ones
(73) Read the newspaper?: sometimes, most of them are full of crap.
(74) Pray?: nope
(76) Talk to strangers who IM you?: what is "IM"?
(77) Sleep with stuffed animals?: that would be highly disturbing, I'm not an insane taxidermist
(79) Talk to people even though you hate them?: Either very little or ranting
(80) Drive?: nope
(81) Like to drive fast?: depends on who's driving
HAVE YOU EVER...
(82) Liked your voice?: um sometimes a bit, but that's only how I hear it, if I hear myself recorded I cringe
(83) Hurt yourself?: um about 5 times a day, chairs are dangerous!
(84) Been out of the country?: yes
(85) Eaten something that made other people sick?: yes
(86) Burped?: yes
(87) Been unfaithful?: never had the chance! I wouldn't even think of it if I did though.
(88) Been in love?: I thought I was but I have no idea
(89) Done drugs?: yes
(90) Gone skinny-dipping
(92) Had a surgery?: no
(93) Ran away from home?: nope, want to though, wouldn't be for long just a couple of days walking in forests and hills!
(94) Played strip poker?: yup, I had lots of clothes on though.
(95) Gotten beaten up?: nope
(97) Been picked on?: yaa
(98) Been on stage?: yes
(99) Been so drunk that you know you're supposed to go out on a date with someone, but you can't remember with who or when and that you faint when you look at yourself in the mirror in the morning, not to mention your breath?: Um that's a bit obscure isn't it?, no .
(100) Slept outdoors?: lots of times
(101) Thought about suicide?: ya
(102) Pulled an all-nighter?: yup
(103) If yes, what is your record?: 3 nights
(104) Gone one day without food?:yup
(105) Talked on the phone all night?: no, Rebecca and I shall see to that though!
(106) Slept together with the opposite sex without actually having sex?: its it so hard?!? Yes
(107) Slept all day? Almost
(108) Killed someone?: no
(109) Made out with a stranger?: yes
(110) Had sex with a stranger?: yes, I was very drunk and she was not at all so I consider it rape.
(111) Thought you're going crazy?: plenty of times
(112) Kissed the same sex?: no, I narrowly avoided it
(113) Done anything sexual with the same sex?: nope not really
(114) Been betrayed?: ya
(115) Had a dream that came true?: quite a few
(116) Broken the law?: yes
(117) Met a famous person?: not really met but seen a couple, I met eric from the murderdolls, he was a bit arrogant so it seemed but I'm not one to judge.
(118) Have you ever killed an animal by accident?: um flies
(146) Stolen anything?: not really
(147) Been on radio/TV.?: tv, I was in the background of a news report catching a £10 note before it blew into the sea.
(148) Been in a mosh-pit?: yes
(149) Had a nervous breakdown? nope
(150) Considered religious vocation?: no
(151) Been criticized about your sexual performance?: yes(152) Bungee jumped?: no
(153) Had a dream that kept coming back?: yes
CLOTHES and other fashion
(157) What are you normally wearing to school/work?: I don't go to either but just my normal stuff, which nowdays is hats, shirts, my dinner jacket and jeans
(159) Wear hats?: oh yes
(160) Judge other people by their clothing?: um not really, I can judge how pretentious they are though.
(161) Wear make-up? no
(163) Favourite article of clothing?: my dinner jacket or my top hat
(164) Are you trendy?: not really, I'm me
(165) Would you rather wear a uniform to school?: no
BELIEFS
(175) Love at first sight?: yes
(179) Believe it's possible to remain faithful forever? yes
(180) Believe there's a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow?: um is that metaphorical? If so, I dunno, for some I guess
(181) Do you wish on stars?: sometimes
(182) Did you get frightened or uncomfortable seeing that as a section title?: no
(183) Do you remember your first love?: yeah
(184) Still love her?: I'm not sure
(185) Do you consider love a mistake: not really
(186) What do you find romantic?: forests, rain mixed with sunshine, smiles, eyes, sun sets, feilds, hugs, and a buch of unusual things
(187) Turn-on?: um not being transparent and being more than just a good looking shell, intelligent, thoughtfulness
(188) Turn-off?: Um false affection, people being hollow, lies, stupidity, lack of dignity
(189) Do you base your judgement on looks alone: no
(200) If someone you had no interest in dating, expressed interest in dating you, how would you feel?: I'd just be nice to them
(201) Do you prefer knowing someone before dating him or her or going on a date: adults "go" on dates from what I know, I am not however.
(202) Have you ever wished it was more "socially acceptable" for a girl to ask a guy out?: yup, there is no reason why they shouldn't but I guess it dosen't really matter too much, besides its kind of fun
203) Have you ever been romantically attracted to someone physically unattractive?: to a degree
(204) Do you think the opposite sex finds you good looking?: apperently
(205) What is best about the opposite sex?: only a shallow person could answer this question with honesty.
(206) What is the worst thing about the opposite sex?: " "
(207) What's the last present someone gave you?: a book from my mum
(208) Are you in love?: no
(209) Do you consider your significant other hot?: I don't have one
(210) What would you do if you were walking down the street and saw some hot girl standing on the sidewalk?:
I would think there is a hot girl standing on the sidewalk
WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON...
(211) That haunted you?: bush
(212) You wanted to kill?: bush
(213) That you laughed at?: bush
(214) That laughed at you?: I can't remember, I think it was Rebecca.
(215) That turned you on?: Liv Tyler
(216) You went shopping with?: Greg
(217) That broke your heart?: Katy
(218) To disappoint you?: Myself
(219) you asked out?: Haha, I was very drunk but would rather not repeat who
(220) To make you cry?: I'm not sure
(221) To brighten up your day?: Becky! Thanks to you!
(222) That you thought about?: frank zappa
(225) You talked to through IM?: I don't know what it is!!!
(223) You saw a movie with?: Tigger
(224) You talked to on the phone?: A friend of my parents
(226) You saw?: my mother
(227) You lost?: Louis and Ricky, it was a brilliant and drunk night.
(229) You thought was completely insane?: no one
230) You wanted to be?: a better version of myself
(231) You told off: my cat, poppy
(232) You trusted?: um surely its something that is rather than something you do at a certain time?
(233) You turned down?: can't remember
WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU
(234) Smiled?:
today
(235) Laughed?: today
(236) Cried?: last week
(237) Bought something?: last week
(238) Danced?: last week
(239) Were sarcastic?: wow, I can't remember
(240) hugged someone?: last week, damn it, why don't people hug more!!!!?!
(241) Talked to an ex?:I don't have any!
(242) Watched your fave movie?:I don't have one
(243) Had a nightmare?: a month ago
(245) Talked on the phone?: this morning
(246) Listened to the radio?: last week
(247) Watched TV?: today
(248) Went out?: yesterday
(250) Were mean?: yesterday, to my cat
(251) Sang?: yesterday
(252) Saw a movie in a theater?: a while
(253) Said "I love you"?: last summer
(254) Missed someone?: today
(255) Fought with a family member?: yesterday
(256) Fought with a friend?: um in my old band
(257) Had a serious conversation?: today
(258) Got drunk?: last week
(259) Had sex?: I rather not remember
(260) Been kissed?: a month ago
FRIENDS AND SUCH!
(261)Whos your best girlfriends?: I try not to have favourites
(262)Whos your best guy friends?: however Louis is my best friend
(263)Where do you hang out?: my room
ANYWHERE!
(264)Best looks?: liv tyler
(265)Best hair?: not sure
(266)Best eyes?: katy
(267)Most trusted by you: trust is trust
(268)Tallest?: louis
(269)Shortest?: katie
(270)Best friends for ever and ever?: many
(271)Smartest?: silly question
(272)Pyromanic?: me
(273)Tolkienish?: Louis
(274)Style?: uh?
(275)Funniest?: too many
(276) Serious?: um dunno
(277)Can keep secrets?: louis
(278) Favorite weather: sunny hot and a bit stormy
(279) Favorit song: too many
(280)favourite color: ARGGH!!! IT'S SPELT C-O-L-O-U-R!!! I know America is a different counrty but its still the same language and there is absolutely no reason for it to be changed, it just looks dumb. Anyway, yes, my favourite coloUr is Purple.
(281)favourite sound: rain, pianos, good music, complete silence if that counts as a sound, many things
(282) Astrological sign: piscies
(283) sex or alcohol: thats like asking ying or yang damn it!
Listen to mayonase by the pumpkins and isis by bob dylan...do it!
Bill Gates is a crafty bastard I tell you. He's designed everything to piss people off, this sort of thing never happens on macs. Macs just randomly explode, thats far better, at least they don't dither and fustrate you to the point were you are booting the computer. Macs just get on with it. Macs generally look nicer too.
Someone should make a matrix musical.
Billy Corgan should propose to Bjork. They would make a great couple, they are so similar and not. I mean they have got two things going for them, they have a load of stuff in common but then they also have the whole "opposites attract" thing going on.
The last dream I had I was outside a night club wearing a sailor moon outfit sitting on the floor feeling proud of myself.
Here is my new journal entry. I spend too much time on this site, its all college. Was up very late painting some sky and a dead sheep so I'm tired, I was cold for two hours because some arty girl on the bus was ill.
Yesterday sarted with a rush to get out of the house to pick up Greg and get a Ruthin bus. Greg and I had decided to have a day in chester and spend our christmas money on some nice new clothes with. Yet that day managed to not buy a single practical piece of clothing. Once we got to chester we idley browsed shops, we ran into Elen and Later Sned, Fill and Chris. After this we phoned Louis and we met him and Ricky in Virgin megastore. We browsed for a short while and met three girls with perhaps the worst music taste ever. Eventually we decided it was boring and crowded so we made our way to the café nero, it was full so we decided to go into "ye olde boot inn". We got beer instead of coffee, the stuff there tasted like vinegar, probably the worst beer I've had. We drank more, I had about two pints of larger. We were all a bit light headed, on our depature Louis ran to the blacony and shouted "you're a bunch of fucking slaves" to the general public, everyone looked at us in shock. Louis and I realised that he had made us suddenly very unpopular so we swiftly walked off pretending to be a gay couple. Jamie and Louis had to go and see their grandfather so they went for about an hour. In the meantime Ricky, Greg and I went to buy things, I bought sopme candles for Louis christmas present for some christian shop. We then went to a hat shop where I got my top hat. Its so brilliant as soon as I walked into the open people started looking at me funny, I ran into my college friend Uther in mcdonnalds no the way to the toilet. We went back to the boot inn met up with Louis again had some more too drink. Louis enjoyed my candles, Greg started off with the spirits and I speculated over going to say hello to the artist Tim Pugh opposite us, I eventually decided it would be best not to disturb him and his family having dinner with the whole "hi, I'm a fan!" thing. After a few more drinks the bar tender refused to sell us drinks so we left for the Jazz club.
We got there and it was empty save a few people setting up equipment
to be continued...
I think I might try waxing a kiwi someday.
ARGGH!! I JUST WROTE A WHOLE LARGE ENTRY AND THE FUCKING COMPUTER DESTROYED IT!!!!!
I keep having lrc dreams, I spend too much time here, college is getting to me.
I dreamt that I was e-mailing billy corgan the other night, then we met in a derelict house same as the college lrc with three floors, my dad did up the middle floor so that was fine but not the bottom one, werid, there was a cupboard at the top for lots of rusty pipes. I gave him a illustration to one of his songs and I though it was crap but he loved it, we just hung out on the top floor a while until I go up.
urr drubnk drunk drunk, hangover hangover hangover, COLLEGE COLLEGE COLLEGE, I have dry hair and sharp sounds are hurting my ears.
I plan to try absynthe on the 18th of december, wish me luck.