Word of the week ---- mundane ----
Brr, I'm shivering and I can't tell whether its because I'm cold or my nervous system is making me feel cold because it wants me to curl up in a warm bed and sleep.
Right now I'm thinking too much for my own good, (above would be a good example) its a dangerous thing for imaginative people like me to have enough time (which I unfortunately have) to imagine every possiblity of everything. Its not comforting to think that all my favourite artists lost their minds. I need climb or be pulled from this lonely hole I think it would take more than the time between now and september (when I start my foundation course) for me to lose my mind, I guess I'll end up getting depressed until then. That is if I don't have something like a job or a girlfriend. Sorry my writing is all dissjointed, I can't round the subject off before the next thought comes. Madness, I'm trying to out run my own thoughts! There I go again! Argh, I need something to focus on that I won't get bored of. I keep getting tired and not being able to sleep, its really very anoying, it means I have to lay in my horrible wobbly bed thinking even more than usual because my only distraction is the sounds of my own movement and blackness. I'm sorry, I don't even know why I'm writing this. Maybe because its making me think less and the typing and translating abstract thoughts into words in a nice distraction, or even slows my thinking down that little bit so my hands can keep up. I don't know, its amazing how we have this shocking inabillity to define ourselves, you'd think that we would be the best at it! Arghh it all so deeply complex I get lost forgetting what the thought I had on that subject was thirty thoughts ago or something like that. I wish my memory was better, like some thred I could roll out along the way so I can find my way back. Mind, its pretty hard to remember something that you can't define because you don't even know what it is you're meant to be remembering! This is hopless! I can't sleep and go off into some lovely word of dreams. I could try and immerse myself in a book but there isn't anything I feel like reading right now apart from Keroac I suppose but I think I would just end up getting sleepy eyes, then going to bed and remembering that I can't actually sleep! Help! If only I had some kind of sedative, or drink. I've got to stop keeping empty bottles around my desk. I just get angry because they are empty all the time. I give in, my nervous system has gotten the better of me.

Hey people listen to this! Afghanistan's only girl band!

http://www.m-1.us/m4m_burka_band_-_burka_blue.mp3

Pfffthhthhhh, I feel like an empty baloon.

I dreamt about the world ending again. How weird, its like a regular thing now. I dreamt I was in america somewhere by the sea and a giant red tsunami came crashing towards me and everyone else. There were thousands of people, big crowds ran down streets and got taken away by the red wave, it was pretty scary all I could hear was people screaming and drowning. I managed to escape and get to a multi story car park and was safe. I found an old workshop with some guy in it, he was fixing a train, he told me I could come with him. He claimed that this trian would be our ticket to living through the apocalypse. He had a little girl with him who I think was his daughter, she had a pet monkey. I spoke to her a while until he monkey escaped through a window. She went after it and I heard a scream. An old man came running in with a knife, yelling, I couldn't hear what he was saying and eventually pinned him down so he didn't kill the guy with the train. His wife came in after with a big metal pole, she started hitting me with it. She yelled how the girl outside had been killed and it was all our fault. Her dad broke down in tears and I let go of the old man. The end.

Listen to some of this stuff...

http://cuneiformrecords.com/bandshtml/univers.html

Things are not good. Damn things. I failed an interview fro safeway (bastards! That Tracey will burn in hell!), I'm i'll, boredom is eating me alive, I'm a bloody loner surrounded by couples and my family are doing their best to push me that little bit further over the line. Its amazing how everything can go from being amazing to this in a weekend.

Hahaha! My dad is ranting at my mother and she isn't even in the house, she left about a minute ago! Hahahahahah!

I was just scared that my head would turn into an orange. I still am, please no! I don't want an orange for a head!

Not much has happend lately, last night my friends neglected to aknowlage the fact that I exist. Today I went to chester and purchased three cds and I just finished watching Doctor who. I feel sorry for you people who don't have it!

Do people realise how seasonal they are? No one is single at this time of the year, every year. Accept for me and the usual people of course. I wish I was a swan. They seem to have it good, they don't have silly angsty and confused ways of finding a partner and when they find one they stay with them. No cheating, being unsure of sexuality, being tied down or the like. I want to be reincartnated as a swan.

Old people are loud and this is very annoying, especially in cafés. My theory is that they have bad hearing so they speak louder to level things out like someone wearing headphones. Wales contains alot of old people. This is due to the fact that young people can't afford houses in Wales and they don't want to stay here anyway because there is nothing to do. This makes Welsh cafés stressfull. Today I tried to read a Friedrich Nietzche book in one, it wasn't easy. I'll take some Mr. men books next time!

I apologise for all the ranting. There seems to be alot to rant about at the moment somehow. Maybe I'm just bored. I love you all really.

e

People are strange; I once walked into a lesson in a full pirate getup and no one said a word.

Last night I kissed a girl. Shortly after I found out that she was blatantly bisexual and 23 years old. Why is it never simple!?

Arggh! I need to live on my own before my family give me a mental breakdown.

Just writing in my diary to see what the time is...

I just cut my finger on my top hat! Haha, what a strange way to obtain a cut.

Last night I thought I forgot language but it didn't last long/

If you don't listen to Nick Drake, go and do it! Do it right now! Very hard not to like, even if you don't like it you can't deny that its amazing. Kind of like some people don't like some great classical music but they know its amazing.

Arr, I love Led Zeppelin so much, so damn amazing I tell you! Just, amazing! I've been learing "babe I'm gonna leave you" today, such a pretty song. I connected my guitar amp to my stereo and listened to them through my window in the sun a few days ago, I reccomend it to anyone! I love the sun too.

Went to an open mic thing on friday, that was cool, many friends there. The music was alright apart from the guy who completely sabotaged "man on the moon" by REM. I'm glad I didn't go up in my drunkeness although I'm not really that bad. Not anywhere near as bad as that guy at least. Luiz was good, as were bethan and faye. After that we went to Laurence's flat thing, we invited two random people from the pub. We there there a while but it was quite boring, we drank some wine and got more drunk.
Danny and I decided to go to tresspass at a girls private school. Danny wanted to see the archetecture, I wanted to see that and also females. We only saw the archetecture until we heard voices and thought we were being chased. We started to run, first through a forest and then through feilds, then a bog, thats where the running ended. Danny lost his shoe. Then spent the night at peter's.

The last two days have been nice, I feel different and I don't know why. My grandparents came over today and I finally cut my 18th birthday cake. We had some fizzy wine, very dangerous fizzy wine. I opened it through the window, I'm sure that plastic cork is up there orbiting the planet right now. I spoke to Louis about going to Oxford a few minutes ago, that should be happening in about two weeks time. I'm sure there will be much fun over easter.

Bloody illness, being all hot cold and dry. Maybe it was all that nutmeg I smoked last night. Danny gave me a John Cage cd which I'm listening to right now, pianos, nails, rubber bands, good and bad notes etc. Its not comfortable to listen to but good, its like harsh Erik Satie, I listen to Satie when hungover, I think I might die if I try and do the same with good ol' John.

Hunter S. Thompson is dead. He shot himslef in the head last night. If you don't know his work he was an amazing writer and one of the legendary beats.

RIP