[Smoked a cigarette:] Yes, but only when drunk.
[Smoked a cigar:] Yes
[Snorted coke:] Nope, I ate a bit.
[Smoked Weed]:Yes.
[Been high:] duh
[Said "I hope you die" to someone:] Well not exactly but I did wish it upon someone as a joke and it happend three days later. Drowning pool singer it was, I apologise to all the drowning pool fans! It wasn't just me you know, there were others! It was a joke! I'm sorry.
[Tried to kill someone:] No
[Tried to kill yourself:] I've felt like it, its extremely selfish and pathetic thing to do unless there is no real choice.
[Got in a fist fight:] Hah, yeah with a friend. We apologised straight after and never spoke of it again.
[Lied to your parents:] Yes, I think they'd rather not know the answers sometimes.
[Given someone a bruise:] yes
[Ditched someone:] no
[Freak danced:] gah all the time!
[Cut yourself:] I tattooed my own knee
[Skipped school:] Hah, yes almost to the point where I wasn't going.
[Hung up on someone:] Yess
[Threw up at school:] Hehehe, it was the school meals and those damn hot stage lights! Not many people can say they've thrown up on stage with an audience!
[Done someone else's make-up:] no
[Kissed someone of the same sex:] Got kissed by, urch, Greg told some guy I was gay! What a nasty trick!
[Had a burping contest:] I think I was eight
[Snuck out:] I make it known even under protest :¬)
[Been to a school dance:] not since primary school
[Thought your teacher was hot:] no
Oh what? Finished already! I was enjoying that.

Meh, I didn't sleep last night and now I'm getting that horrible hollow feeling I always get when I don't sleep. I'm sure there were things I was meant to write just then but they are all gone. Damn.

Hey, hey kids.

Today it was sunny, oh yeah.
Today I tried to eat only fruit but failed.
Today I read in the sun.
Today I got sun burned on one arm because my garden is on a slope and I can only sit reading facing in one direction.
Today I started to paint mating seaguls, you will see it in my house when it is done.
Today I listend to led zeppelin.
Today I made a crazy techno/classical/tribal guitar song.
Today I stroked cats.
Today I tried to get live8 tickets.
Today wasn't the greatest.

There is nothing funny about
hitting your funny bone,
I thought in the shower,
it was too hot,
I went out,
people looking at me
because I looked
slightly red,
went back to the boat
crumpled out my sleeping bag,
went to bed,
thought of all the words I like,
vermillion,
quill,
perhaps,
filling my head,
and then I open my eyes again,
there isn't much room here,
clouds are visiting
and the heat is no more,
get up,
put my feet on the floor,
swayyyy.
All a while ago,
slow,
converge sleepy beats,
still swaying,
pippin is happy and simple,
is that the way?
I wonder,
I love this song,
what does it stir?
"Be a simple kind of man,
or be something you love
and understand",
Unfinished paintings and poems
all looking at me from the floor,
unhealthy?
Half empty bottles too,
"finish me" they say,
go away,
finished films,
rectangles curled up
like sleeping cats,
waiting to unravel
and make me smile,
giving back lost thoughts,
then happy to know they are,
even though I knew not
of their existance before.
Get up again,
feet on the floor.

Ach, now I feel the yearing to write another poem, I guess it might bve a good idea considering that its late and I'm prone to ramble at such times of the night, no matter where I am or what I'm rambling about. The past few days have been classically weird. I actually feel like my house is floating and ebbing on waves. Its not, I'll have you know, niether am I insane or have been taking things. I actually was staying on my boat and my body hasn't re ajusted to the life of a land lubber, my poor boat. She is being taken out of the water soon because my family can't afford to keep her in the fascist rip-off marina. She is being sold :¬(
Well anyway, I went with my family to west sussex to clean her up to impress potential smarmy buyers. On the way there, my dad went to a warrick uni introduction thingy and the rest of us went to drayton manor theme park. That was fun but the first two rides were complete bastards, my sister suggested we go on "the one where you get wet" first. We did and I got the most wet. It wasn't the best thing to go on first, I was wet all day! That may have also had something to do with my dry clean only coat and the constant rain. The next ride was great as far as I can remember. There was one thing which ruined it however. My loving friend who relentlessly clung to my head for almost exactly a whole year and went through many things with me, finally let go. That damn roller coaster! Off it went and I proceeded to shout "oh shit!" regardless of the fact that my little sister was behind me. Oops. Oh well, poor hat, poor boat.
Staying on the boat was ok, which it probably wouldn't have been if I didn't have a connection to the outside world with the help of my trusty phone. I went on many walks on not many beaches, looking for strange and pretty things on the cobble stones. Now I'm home and tired, tomorrow will be a day of crumpets, tea, guitar, music, cats, solitude, painting and the computer.

A poem I wrote about a month ago...

A weekend of empty dance floors.

Stop frittering in my head,
like the throb and clench,
of that fist on the clarity this mind,
remembering those times not so long now,
reduced, weeping in in the rain,
hides those tears in the night with the damp,
shiver, no one knows I'm here,
like the fox in the road,
almost on the floor myslef,
finding the phone in my
crumpled towel like pocket,
smiling in the dark,
under the crying sky,
above those clouds, forever,
warm orange,
lighting the smile and glint of rain,
nostalgic pixles,
meant more than I remember now,
back to work, look ahed,
focus on the toxic fuzz,
home, home again,
sometimes like to be there when I can,
all over now, forget them, especially her,
no but not her, even if she you,
probably does you know,
make strong effort without the hope,
you were too clever, sorry,
close your eyes and come back later,
maybe more of that solution?
we want that for you but you still don't
so much like that taste,
unless pepper with guitar a bit,
wish u knew,
hard to make all you know,
some are good like him,
with that hat and nice smile,
'tis hard to squeeze at once,
like those bits of wood in canada,
in brown roads then stopping for nothing,
maybe, hopefully go one day,
when accepted by safeway?
don't want again,
too good for them,
I wait, stay up late,
writing half sleep,
half in half out,
almost in the day,
look for that other way,
looking all the time,
thrash in beside that van,
watching him roll it up,
like a sculpture after we got there,
throb all the time, must sustain it,
no one really cares just not cool to say "fed up",
sleep after the night, they all do, in the forest,
near the lake and the orange sky,
"oh I didn't know there were two of you there!"
because I came in too,
don't want to be alone much like that abmle,
pretty fresh eyes, even after that?
maybe wasn't "all that",
"this is shit" Yeah then we go,
just want to sleep now like that lot in their cars,
wasted teddy bears, pick nick of carling and pills,
in the forest,
walk down to the slate now,
muttering about the cherry gum because it tasted "so good!",
find an old house, pretend to be warm in fire place,
funny, makes me smile humble family in all this wind,
"once upon a time",
those swirls of fence like a sculpture,
next time I'll exploit with the camera,
lovely texture, grey and sharp, soft, round,
move on, back to the beggining of this,
I think that was the end,
"bye bye" over the hill,
"cya" more away,
"GOOD BYE!" just see head...
and gone,
alone,
I go back home.

I've got to stop dreaming of the apocalypse, I used to find it interesting but now they are more like nightmares.
This time a volcano exploded, I think it was a pryoclastic flow (spelling?). I was in my house and before I knew it I was breathing in sulphur and all the air in my lungs was turning into sulphuric acid. Yuck.

Message to all people in this part of Wales;

I NEED A BAND!

If you know anyone or are someone with a broad (when I say that I really mean it) taste in music, can play guitar, keyboard/piano, drums, bass or any other instrument (well) and are interested in making new and unusual music please message me!

I have songs but no one to play them with!

Buh, today isn't so good. I'm just about ready lecture the friends of my siblings on common decency. Its not on, kids yelling outside my room and waking me up, grr. However that isn't the only factor to the crapness of this day. I've got no one to talk to, I'm just stuck in this house. Everyone is a couple at the moment and I'm sick of being reminded that I'm not apart of one and actually and never have been.

I had another apocalypse dream. Global flooding and tsunamis. It was some dream, giant waves and people running for their lives. When it was over all structure in society had been destroyed and the few remaining people lived on mountain peaks. Hundreds of millions of ruined and rotting houses were everywhere with junk floating about them. People became unhappy and turned to drugs, alcohol, fighting and art for entertainment. I wish I could dream about nice happy things instead of epic dreams of aliens, dispair and destruction.

I can smell garlic but I have no idea where its coming from. Its a lovely day today, which makes me wonder why I'm inside, elftown eats your life kids! Ohh! Coffee from my dad. It tastes slightly of tobacco, blerch, the cigars I had last night were vile. It makes me wonder why I smoked them. Yesterday was brilliant, I'm officially on a foundation art course as of about 2:00pm yesterday. Nice teacher too. I was there with a very pretty and slightly strange girl. The interview I mean. She seemed quite nervous and put "etc" at the end of every sentance which I could no longer restrain myself from laughing at when she said it for about the hundredth time. After the interview I went with D, Dan, Danny, Martin and Peter to the pub to celebrate their end of college foreverness. We all got intoxicated, I downed some nasty looking vodka Dan's parents got on holliday, it was in a plastic paint stripper style bottle and my stomach rejected it onto Dan's drive. The pub was good despite my lack of moneyness, we had a "laugh" as luiz would say. After leaving the pub we stole these foam tube things from scafolding (I have no idea who thats spelt, tell me how if it bothers you). We used these trusty tubes for shakespearian/star wars style dules in the street. After that we went and sat under the stars in the Denbigh high school field next to our beloved tree. I drank crap wine, we talked about the good days and Peter removed part of a fence which made Danny irate for a while. We sang songs and made our way back to Dan's. The End.

Last night I dreamt that I was singing "dream brother" by Jeff Buckley. In a dream, weird.

Hey people, or whoever reads this, I'm guessing they are people too though. I don't have much to say. This is a nice song by the way...

http://www.sparkletunes.com/mp3/handsmix2.mp3




Ignore all the stupid stuff below, its nothing but idiotic.

Word of the week ---- mundane ----
Brr, I'm shivering and I can't tell whether its because I'm cold or my nervous system is making me feel cold because it wants me to curl up in a warm bed and sleep.
Right now I'm thinking too much for my own good, (above would be a good example) its a dangerous thing for imaginative people like me to have enough time (which I unfortunately have) to imagine every possiblity of everything. Its not comforting to think that all my favourite artists lost their minds. I need climb or be pulled from this lonely hole I think it would take more than the time between now and september (when I start my foundation course) for me to lose my mind, I guess I'll end up getting depressed until then. That is if I don't have something like a job or a girlfriend. Sorry my writing is all dissjointed, I can't round the subject off before the next thought comes. Madness, I'm trying to out run my own thoughts! There I go again! Argh, I need something to focus on that I won't get bored of. I keep getting tired and not being able to sleep, its really very anoying, it means I have to lay in my horrible wobbly bed thinking even more than usual because my only distraction is the sounds of my own movement and blackness. I'm sorry, I don't even know why I'm writing this. Maybe because its making me think less and the typing and translating abstract thoughts into words in a nice distraction, or even slows my thinking down that little bit so my hands can keep up. I don't know, its amazing how we have this shocking inabillity to define ourselves, you'd think that we would be the best at it! Arghh it all so deeply complex I get lost forgetting what the thought I had on that subject was thirty thoughts ago or something like that. I wish my memory was better, like some thred I could roll out along the way so I can find my way back. Mind, its pretty hard to remember something that you can't define because you don't even know what it is you're meant to be remembering! This is hopless! I can't sleep and go off into some lovely word of dreams. I could try and immerse myself in a book but there isn't anything I feel like reading right now apart from Keroac I suppose but I think I would just end up getting sleepy eyes, then going to bed and remembering that I can't actually sleep! Help! If only I had some kind of sedative, or drink. I've got to stop keeping empty bottles around my desk. I just get angry because they are empty all the time. I give in, my nervous system has gotten the better of me.

Hey people listen to this! Afghanistan's only girl band!

http://www.m-1.us/m4m_burka_band_-_burka_blue.mp3

Pfffthhthhhh, I feel like an empty baloon.

I dreamt about the world ending again. How weird, its like a regular thing now. I dreamt I was in america somewhere by the sea and a giant red tsunami came crashing towards me and everyone else. There were thousands of people, big crowds ran down streets and got taken away by the red wave, it was pretty scary all I could hear was people screaming and drowning. I managed to escape and get to a multi story car park and was safe. I found an old workshop with some guy in it, he was fixing a train, he told me I could come with him. He claimed that this trian would be our ticket to living through the apocalypse. He had a little girl with him who I think was his daughter, she had a pet monkey. I spoke to her a while until he monkey escaped through a window. She went after it and I heard a scream. An old man came running in with a knife, yelling, I couldn't hear what he was saying and eventually pinned him down so he didn't kill the guy with the train. His wife came in after with a big metal pole, she started hitting me with it. She yelled how the girl outside had been killed and it was all our fault. Her dad broke down in tears and I let go of the old man. The end.

Listen to some of this stuff...

http://cuneiformrecords.com/bandshtml/univers.html

Things are not good. Damn things. I failed an interview fro safeway (bastards! That Tracey will burn in hell!), I'm i'll, boredom is eating me alive, I'm a bloody loner surrounded by couples and my family are doing their best to push me that little bit further over the line. Its amazing how everything can go from being amazing to this in a weekend.

Hahaha! My dad is ranting at my mother and she isn't even in the house, she left about a minute ago! Hahahahahah!

I was just scared that my head would turn into an orange. I still am, please no! I don't want an orange for a head!