It seems like all inspiration has left me today, and yesterday and quite likely the day before that. Life is lacking excess in everything but unexcess at the moment. I'm getting closer and closer to letting the poor love birds out of their cage. They are the result of my dad's discusting softness with my sister and her discusting want for anything cute (regardless of its wellbeing). I mean, I live in a family of vegetarians, surely my dad would have the ethical wisdom to know its wrong to keep birds in a small cage because they look pretty. They also got three of them, one female and two males! Now one of them is left on his own while the other two swoon, my dad has clearly forgotten the reasoning behind the name "love bird".

My body is telling me I'm addicted to caffine again. Oh joy, headaches all 'round!
Tell me, am I wrong to be angry with my dad for searching through my things for his CDs (which he NEVER plays) when my back is turned? I mean for a start he could just ask me for them back and secondly what about my damn privacy! Its just not something you do, unless you are a communist. Perhaps my dad is a communist!

Today ain't so interesting but I feel like writing anyway. I've just realised I've been singing almost every other day for the last six months and my voice has hardly improved, its quite pathetic. What a waste of time. I'm also partly writing this entry because I have no idea what day it is, if its friday, its possible that I'm going to the pub. We'll have to see. Tea, yes tea, isn't it brilliant? It always leaves you wanting to drink more, it warms you up, it wakes you up with its little dose of yummy caffine, its a good social activity, its neither sweet or savory so you can have it with almost anything. This is especially good if you don't like the taste of whatever it is. It contains anti oxidants which help preven the corruption of cells which slows down the process of ageing and decreases your risk of getting cancer. On the whole I think tea is amazing.

http://www.niksula.cs.hut.fi/~jhame/2005/videot/roskilde%20039.avi

Boring would not be an apt word for today. Today I didn't do a single thing worthy of note. I feel compelled to head butt the keyboard...tgyh6g5huji8kkkkyhguyhujjjjjjjjjjjjjjjyt6ht6hhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Ahh! There are insects on my monitor! Don't leave windows open at night with computers on, this is what happens! Mass bug invasion! Why do they want to be on the moitor? They can't read can they? Oh no! Perhaps they can, perhaps they are reading these very words! Oh yes, as I was saying, I LOVE it when insects crawl on my monitor. Delightful beasts!

On to more important matters...
Live 8! Bob is a saint, listen to him and do what he tells you, the world will be alot better.

Pink Floyd! Music dosen't get much better kids. Those who did not watch it are very silly indeed.

I'm tired now, the bugs have gone to sleep and so sould I, buh bye.

The night the music died  part 1

Those two colours remind me of
that special christmas feeling,
I stood, watching them,
transfixed on the oily swirls,
gliding across the glistening
mud,
trampled, over and over,
those feet still massage its surface
milling across the projection,
they turn their heads to
laugh at my smile,
the look of child like awe,
posessed, hypnotised and intoxicated,
the swirls, toxic looking themselves,
a trigger happy poison,
not smoked, injected,
snorted or injested,
absorbed,
through large, dark
and dliated eyes.

The trees leaned over,
comforting and parental,
dowsed in that toxic light,
alive and warm,
a peaceful nook in chaos,
their arms beckon me futher
into my fungal stupour,
there I was led away,
I held hands like that fascinated
child who cast its shadow not so long ago,
pulled into the cold and chaotic
current of the hysterical night,
it was a feaver,
no one could see it,
or Identify.

their wide,
dark and crazed eyes
glinting like rocks in the stream,
they welcomed me,
we all understood
that none of us did,

An epic,
living line,
swooping like a
streak of matt paint
across a glazed plate,
veering to an uncertian halt,
where elusive shadows,
celebrated their uncertain and
sinister cause.

There it was, there,
hit by nothing,
empty,
sad,
gone,
silent and dead,
thrown away,
I slipped back into the current,
again,
silent and dead,
an empty shell,
refracting empty light,
I felt it, this was,
the night the music died.

Today I invented an almost-perpetual machine (perpetual machine of the third kind for anyone who knows what that means). I'm going to draw the plans neat sometime so I can show people. I want to make the damn thing but I can't be botherd right now. It dosen't do anything, its completely pointless because it has no output, its true art! It will be a sculpture at some point, its a shame someone else has already done a perpetual sculpture although mine is different.

Well...Glastonbury festival was interesting. I woke up at about six in the morning on the first day to anh angry sounding thunderstorm, alot of mud followed. I did, as strange as it may seem, enjoy the mud. I want to continue writing but I didn't sleep last night and I also ate some special fungus and met strange people, now I'm pretty spaced out, I'll finish this later.

Oh no, what am I doing inside? This is terrible, its sunny outside! Damn it elftown, why'd you always do this to me?!? Ahh thats better, a good it of the ol' stairway. People; listen to lez zeppelin, you have to because its summer. I'm going to turn this up full volume and open my window so I can enjoy it outside...

In that tree,
the pol pit,
1000 years old I said,
it fitted perfectly,
like an egg in a cup,
smooth and soft,
that bottle,
cider,

sitting on steps looking down,
thinking of the man,
standing with dusty book in
arm,
sunlight and
sunday morning serenity,
sunlight,
not now,
sitting here in the twilight,

old,
its been for so long,
feeling relaxed
in the comforting
dependancy I have
for its exsistance,

yew,
me,
and him too,
all drinking the whisky,
laughing,
nestled
in that tree.

I've just remembered that I met someone who rolled a joint, smoked most of it and then realised there was nothing but tobacco in it! Hahahah! Classic.

Last nights dream...

I was chilling with Ricky and Louis in an airport/college hybrid and all of a sudden we started to argue about chocolate. Ricky grabbed the chocolate and got into an airport car, Louis and I got on too. We were fighting over the chocolate as I was driving the car around the airport like a maniac, going over ramps and all those James Bond style things. Ricky pushed Louis off, I continued driving, after a while we realised that the ride was more interesting that the chcolate. We started to laugh at all the security gaurds trying to catch us, we went down a set of stairs and I did a hand break turn out of the door but Ricky fell out. I carried on through the carpark and around back into the airport where my car broke down. We had actually gotten away with our crazy stunt and no one was angry with us because they were so amused by it. The End.

I thought I saw Jesus on a tram,
I said "are you Jesus?"
and he said "yes I am"

- Spike Milligan

Tehehe good ol' Spike.

Ahhh, my head, damn this caffine headache! I can't believe my body is addicted to the suff, terrible. Caffine helps me think though, which helps with my art so I shall endure the pain. "we must suffer for our art" - David Bowie. Quite right, everything comes at a price. "You don't know true happiness until you've known' true sorrow", "the sweet ain't so sweet without the bitter". Ying and yang, chaos and order. Everything is relative to the other. Ahh, no I shouldn't get all philosophical, its bad for sanity or maybe insanity, I could quite easily be getting more sane when others think I'm going the other way. Its just that other people don't think enough to be sane, they are the insane ones. Living in their worlds of ignorance believing its the right way. I think that makes sense dosen't it? Its always the most sane people who are called insane, well I don't mean in the real sense, the definition in the dictionary. I mean what idiot people call the more sane insane. What a backwards world we live in.

I painted a mural today. Its very theraputic, painting big swirls of yummy colour. Orange and blue mmm yes.

Venus fly traps are amazing, I've been wondering today how they evolved, what from? At what point could a plant develop reflexes? At what point does a plant learn to count?!? Bizzare and amazing they are.

Oh my head, I feel like hugging someone, damn it. There are never hugable people about here. Its such a brilliant thing, its like smiling or when people wave at you and say "good afternoon" when they don't know you, or sighing. They are the things that make us feel that we exist and are not alone but not enough people do them these days, well not in Britain anyway. Its so sad, all these straight faced cold looking people you get pacing to their next destination that is so vitally important to them they can't even aknowlage other members of their race. I think Thatcher has alot to do with this sort of thing, she started it. Its sickening, everyone acts like what she did is all fixed! Is it heck! Everyone is so agressivly capitalist and cold, everyone spends so much time trying to get money they forget what it is thats making them unhappy in the first place. I'm sorry I'm saying everyone, by that I mean many. There are some amazing and warm creatures on this planet and I'm very lucky to know quite a few of them. The only thing we truly fear is being truly alone, I believe that is the very whim by which every single human lives.

I've spent the last week doing up my dad's old office into my "studio" so now thats all finished I can have friends over finally.
Last night was good, nothing bad happend and I managed to not make a complete fool of myself. The music and the people were good. I got hugged a few times which is always good. Katie managed to break her bracelet by hugging me which was funny. I walked home this morning and enjoyed the summer.
Now I'm just sitting about being hungover.

[Smoked a cigarette:] Yes, but only when drunk.
[Smoked a cigar:] Yes
[Snorted coke:] Nope, I ate a bit.
[Smoked Weed]:Yes.
[Been high:] duh
[Said "I hope you die" to someone:] Well not exactly but I did wish it upon someone as a joke and it happend three days later. Drowning pool singer it was, I apologise to all the drowning pool fans! It wasn't just me you know, there were others! It was a joke! I'm sorry.
[Tried to kill someone:] No
[Tried to kill yourself:] I've felt like it, its extremely selfish and pathetic thing to do unless there is no real choice.
[Got in a fist fight:] Hah, yeah with a friend. We apologised straight after and never spoke of it again.
[Lied to your parents:] Yes, I think they'd rather not know the answers sometimes.
[Given someone a bruise:] yes
[Ditched someone:] no
[Freak danced:] gah all the time!
[Cut yourself:] I tattooed my own knee
[Skipped school:] Hah, yes almost to the point where I wasn't going.
[Hung up on someone:] Yess
[Threw up at school:] Hehehe, it was the school meals and those damn hot stage lights! Not many people can say they've thrown up on stage with an audience!
[Done someone else's make-up:] no
[Kissed someone of the same sex:] Got kissed by, urch, Greg told some guy I was gay! What a nasty trick!
[Had a burping contest:] I think I was eight
[Snuck out:] I make it known even under protest :¬)
[Been to a school dance:] not since primary school
[Thought your teacher was hot:] no
Oh what? Finished already! I was enjoying that.

Meh, I didn't sleep last night and now I'm getting that horrible hollow feeling I always get when I don't sleep. I'm sure there were things I was meant to write just then but they are all gone. Damn.

Hey, hey kids.

Today it was sunny, oh yeah.
Today I tried to eat only fruit but failed.
Today I read in the sun.
Today I got sun burned on one arm because my garden is on a slope and I can only sit reading facing in one direction.
Today I started to paint mating seaguls, you will see it in my house when it is done.
Today I listend to led zeppelin.
Today I made a crazy techno/classical/tribal guitar song.
Today I stroked cats.
Today I tried to get live8 tickets.
Today wasn't the greatest.

There is nothing funny about
hitting your funny bone,
I thought in the shower,
it was too hot,
I went out,
people looking at me
because I looked
slightly red,
went back to the boat
crumpled out my sleeping bag,
went to bed,
thought of all the words I like,
vermillion,
quill,
perhaps,
filling my head,
and then I open my eyes again,
there isn't much room here,
clouds are visiting
and the heat is no more,
get up,
put my feet on the floor,
swayyyy.
All a while ago,
slow,
converge sleepy beats,
still swaying,
pippin is happy and simple,
is that the way?
I wonder,
I love this song,
what does it stir?
"Be a simple kind of man,
or be something you love
and understand",
Unfinished paintings and poems
all looking at me from the floor,
unhealthy?
Half empty bottles too,
"finish me" they say,
go away,
finished films,
rectangles curled up
like sleeping cats,
waiting to unravel
and make me smile,
giving back lost thoughts,
then happy to know they are,
even though I knew not
of their existance before.
Get up again,
feet on the floor.

Ach, now I feel the yearing to write another poem, I guess it might bve a good idea considering that its late and I'm prone to ramble at such times of the night, no matter where I am or what I'm rambling about. The past few days have been classically weird. I actually feel like my house is floating and ebbing on waves. Its not, I'll have you know, niether am I insane or have been taking things. I actually was staying on my boat and my body hasn't re ajusted to the life of a land lubber, my poor boat. She is being taken out of the water soon because my family can't afford to keep her in the fascist rip-off marina. She is being sold :¬(
Well anyway, I went with my family to west sussex to clean her up to impress potential smarmy buyers. On the way there, my dad went to a warrick uni introduction thingy and the rest of us went to drayton manor theme park. That was fun but the first two rides were complete bastards, my sister suggested we go on "the one where you get wet" first. We did and I got the most wet. It wasn't the best thing to go on first, I was wet all day! That may have also had something to do with my dry clean only coat and the constant rain. The next ride was great as far as I can remember. There was one thing which ruined it however. My loving friend who relentlessly clung to my head for almost exactly a whole year and went through many things with me, finally let go. That damn roller coaster! Off it went and I proceeded to shout "oh shit!" regardless of the fact that my little sister was behind me. Oops. Oh well, poor hat, poor boat.
Staying on the boat was ok, which it probably wouldn't have been if I didn't have a connection to the outside world with the help of my trusty phone. I went on many walks on not many beaches, looking for strange and pretty things on the cobble stones. Now I'm home and tired, tomorrow will be a day of crumpets, tea, guitar, music, cats, solitude, painting and the computer.