from [ox 2008]

[{{{THE TRUTH BEHIND THE PENIS}}}]


several years ago the united states funded a studie to dertermine the head of a mans penis is larger than the shaft.


the study took two years and costs over $180.000 the result of the study concluded that the reason the head of a mans penis is larger than the shaft was to provide the *MAN* with more pleasure in sex.


after the results were published germany decided to conduct their own study on the same subject.convinced that the results of the U.S. study were incorrect.


After three years of research and a cost in excess of $250,000 they concluded that the reason the ehad of a mans penis is larger than the shaft was to provide the woman with more pleasure during sex.


when the results of the german study were released polland decided to conduct their own study.the polland didnt really trust the U.S. or german studies.


so after nearly three weeks of invasive research and a cost of $75, the pollish study was compleat:
[The pollish study came to the conclusion that the reason the head of a mans penis is larger than the shaft is to prevent your hand for flying off and hitting you in the forehead!]



(EVERY TIME A FLY DROPS SIX INCHES)
there is a fly hovering a foot over a river and a frog is looking at the fly.
he says if that fly drops six inches i can get that fly
there is a fish looking at the fly
if that fly drops six inches the frog will get the fly and i can get the frog
there is a bear that sees whats going on and he says if that fly drops six inches the frog will get the fly the fish will get the frog and i can get that fish
there is a hunter that sees the bear and says if that fly drops six inches the frog will get the fly the fish will get the frog the bear will get the fish and i can get that bear.
there is a mouse looking at a piece of cheese in the hunters pocket and if that fly drops six inches the frog will get the fly the fish will get the frog the bear will get the fish the hunter will get the bear and i can get the piece of cheese.
there is a cat that sees a mouse and says if all that happens i can get the mouse.
well sure enough the fly drops six inches.
the frog got the fly, the fish got the frog, and the bear got the fish.
the hunter shot to early and missed the bear
the mouse got the cheese the cat jumped to far and landed in the river.


[whats the moral of the story]
every time a fly drops six inches a pussy gets wet.

THIS IS A POEM FROM THE BOOK THE PERKS OF BEING A WALLFLOWER CALLED THE POEM BY NO ONE


Once on a yellow piece of paper with green lines
he wrote a poem
And he called it "Chops"
because that was the name of his dog
And that's what it was all about
And his teacher gave him an A
and a gold star
And his mother hung it on the kitchen door
and read it to his aunts
That was the year that Father Tracy
took all the kids to the zoo
And he let them sing on the bus
And his little sister was born
with tiny toenails and no hair
And his mother and father kissed a lot
And the girl around the corner sent him a
Valentine signed with a row of X's
and he had to ask his father what the X's meant
And his father always tucked him in bed at night
And was always there to do it


Once on a piece of white paper with blue lines
he wrote a poem
And he called it "Autumn"
because that was the name of the season
And that's what it was all about
And his teacher gave him an A
and asked him to write more clearly
And his mother never hung it on the kitchen door
because of its new paint
And the kids told him
that Father Tracy smoked cigars
And left butts on the pews
And sometimes they would burn holes
That was the year his sister got glasses
with thick lenses and black frames
And the girl around the corner laughed
when he asked her to go see Santa Claus
And the kids told him why
his mother and father kissed a lot
And his father never tucked him in bed at night
And his father got mad
when he cried for him to do it


On a paper torn from his notebook
he wrote a poem
And he called it "Innocence: "A Question"
because that was the question about his girl
And that's what it was all about
And his professor gave him an A
and a strange steady look
And his mother never hung it on the kitchen door
because he never showed her
That was the year that Father Tracy died
And he forgot how the end
of the Apostle's Creed went
And he caught his sister
making out on the front porch
And his mother and father never kissed
or even talked
And the girl around the corner
wore too much makeup
That made him cough when he kissed her
but he kissed her anyway
because that was the thing to do
And at three A.M. he tucked himself into bed
his father snoring soundly


That's why on the back of a brown paper bag
he tried another poem
And he called it "Absolutely Nothing"
Because that's what it was really all about
And he gave himself an A
and a slash on each damned wrist
And he hung it on the bathroom door
because this time he didn't think
he could reach the kitchen.


[p7]

"I am the girl
kicked out of her home because
I confided in my mother that
I am a lesbian.


I am the prostitute
working the streets
because nobody will hire
a transsexual woman.


I am the sister who
holds her gay brother
tight through the painful,
tear-filled nights.


We are the parents who
buried our daughter long
before her time.


I am the man who
died alone in the
hospital because they
would not let my partner
of twenty-seven years into the room.


I am the foster child
who wakes up with nightmares
of being taken away from the
two fathers who are the only
loving family I have ever had.
I wish they could adopt me.


I am one of the lucky
ones, I guess. I survived
the attack that left me in
a coma for three weeks, and
in another year I will probably
be able to walk again.


I am not one of
the lucky ones. I killed
myself just weeks before
graduating high school. It
was simply too much to bear.


We are the couple
who had the realtor
hang up on us when she
found out we wanted to
rent a one-bedroom for two men.


I am the person
who never knows
which bathroom I
should use if I want
to avoid getting the
management called on me.


I am the mother who is not
allowed to even visit the children
I bore, nursed, and raised. The
court says I am an unfit mother
because I now live with another woman.


I am the domestic-violence survivor
who found the support system grow
suddenly cold and distant when they
found out my abusive partner is also
a woman.


I am the domestic-violence
survivor who has no support
system to turn to because I am male.


I am the father who
has never hugged his son
because I grew up afraid to
show affection to other men.


I am the home-economics
teacher who always wanted
to teach gym until someone
told me that only lesbians do that.


I am the man who
died when the paramedics
stopped treating me as soon
as they realized I was transsexual.


I am the person who feels
guilty because I think I
could be a much better
person if I didn’t have
to always deal with society
hating me.


I am the man who
stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but
because they closed their
doors to my kind.


I am the person who has
to hide what this world
needs most, love.


repost this if you belive
homophobia is wrong"

Malice Mizer in 30 years.

I predict that in 30 years from now...

 
...Klaha will still be an idol...for 40 year old caucasion and chinese women. He will give a tour every decade, make lots of money, and live happily with his cat. They will enjoy great peace and prosperity.

...Kozi will become a crazy old cat lady. He will move to the United States so he can steal children's halloween candy every halloween. Eventually someone will write a newspaper article about it.

...Yuuki will be...normal. He will find something he likes to do, like make bookshelves, and continue to do that until a happy old age. He will get married and be a nice father.

... ... Mana will ... um...get kinda funky...and wear his humongo boots on his head.yeah. Why the heck doesn't he have a future?!? Perhaps he will go drag.

...Gackt will marry somebody, drive her crazy poor soul, and then go insane himself and end up in the hospital again. Honestly, it's sad, but I think he's that way.

...Tetsu will eat a frog and I don't know why.

Fun!
http://www.lerman.biz/asagao/nihongo.html

Learn for your trip to L'arc~en~ciel's san Fran concert!

Okay...so I see everbody with the ask any four question things and I figure I'd try it.
So ask me four questions, any four, and I have to answer them no matter how personal.-.0

http://www.xboxtoday.ca/02012006/11/halo_3_for_the_xox_360_ready_any_time

To Halo 3 or not to Halo 3? That's what's running through my mind right now. I mean I like FPSs as much as the next RPG fan, but really, the storyline has been getting kinda weak. I mean following from the last Game. MC is going to go out and find the remote detinaters for all the rings, and probably find Cortana in the process. Yay.

In the end the detinater probably won't work, which leaves room for about 5 more Halos. Why? Because things seem to work in sevens in the Bungie Haloverse...we've already destroyed two, so...BUT WAIT! What happened to the covenant? I meantechnically it's really only the brutes that are left...

Eh, I guess it's debatable. Here's to another round of Steve Downes voice over goodness! And more of that wonderful alien the Arbiter.

Today's rant is about you losers who thing that Halloween and Friday the 13th are evil. I don't know where you get these ideas, but it's my job to set you straight!

First let's take Halloween. Let's take the word and remove the 'en', replace it with 'd'. Done? Good, let's look at our new word: Hallowed. I hope you people reading this know what this means, but since I love you I'll tell you, it means holy. Halloween is also known as All Hallow's eve. Basically this means that it's the night before All Saint's Day. Believe it or not Halloween is actually a Holy holiday. It's the media and the economy that demonized it. It's kinda of like fire and ice, for those of you who've read Dante's Inferno. In religion(especially catholocism) fire is udes to represent love and compassion, ice is used to represent being cold and unfeeling. Of course most people go an relate fire ENTIRELY to hell. Sure there might eb some fire in hell, but it can't all be fire and brimstone. So all you parents reading this, listen up, Halloween is not eveil, let your kids go tricj-or-treating and save them from the ridicule at school. And don't deny that it happens because it does. Trust me, at fourteen I'm closer to them in age.

As for Friday the 13th I don't believe that it's evil. Nothing bad has happened to me on that day. It's people who are supserstitous who believe that it's evil. In fact, something wonderful happend on Firday October 13th, my best firend was born. She's a great girl and she doesn't believe in the occult, she doesn't worship Satan, and she totally isn't sucidal.

And while we're on the subject of judging a book by it's cover I really don't like it when people believe that Wiccans worship satan and are evil. They aren't! They're religion is centralized around peace. They believe in an Earth goddess, the mother, and a god of the Heavens, the father. Any of this sounding evil to you? Didn't think so.Next, sure they cast spells, but that doesn't make them evil, they cast spelling in the name of good. Think of them as the good witch, instead of the wicked witch of the west and east. In fact, and this is something that I really like, you don't have to choose to become Wiccan when you grow up, they give you until twelve to decide. This gives you time to think about it. I mean look at catholics, baptizing childrean at birth. And when I decided I was and agnostic Catholics decided to shove their faith down my through. And then my mom started threatening me to keep with the faith. Last I checked thiat's not very Catholic. From my experience Catholics must make everyone else Catholic, but Wiccans are kind, and don't want to force you into anything.

I see y'al lare falling asleep so:
~DMK signing off

[The views expressed by DMK are hers alo0ne. Respond with your own opinion, but be warned, falmes will be used to roast your delicious corpse and hard drive]

BTW, I won't be here monday, I'll post on Tuesday!

In English and Literature class (if you’re like me they’re combined) there’s only one thing I detest beyond all possible measure…well, actually there are two, but they relate.

First, I hate it when all we read is classic literature. Very few people really like classic literature, yet we tend to use it to teach a theme. Why bother? Especially when the same thing can be taught by using a more modern day book. I hate being told that I HAVE to read a book. See when I started reading the Odyssey, I liked it, there was no set time limit, so I could take my time reading and understand it. And what does the school system do? I’ll tell you what they do, they tell me read the Odyssey, and PUT A FREAKING TIME LIMIT on it. Do you THINK I want to read it now? Way to go school system, you just ruined my appetite for reading.

The other thing I hate is when they try to control what I write. If I want to write a macabre/horror story where people die bloody deaths THEN LET THEN DIE EFFIN’ BLOODY DEATHS! Don’t go telling me what to write. I understand when they’re trying to teach us something specific, but beyond that it’s not creative writing if they don’t let you be creative. If everyone told H.P Lovecraft to write only about happy things then we wouldn’t have the genius stories he’s written today. If everyone told Orson Scott Card to only write epic poems that we wouldn’t have that wonderful science fiction novel known as Ender’s Game. So why must adults cramp my style by telling me what to write and when to write it? That’s like telling an artist to draw something when they’re not inspired, or telling a rock star to suddenly start only writing operas (and no, not rock operas).

Then they go and make it worse. They try to-breath DMK- ANALYZE stories and poems. Suddenly everything means something. Like a floating paper bag means that the writer is lost and is on a journey to find a point to their life. Ye gods, mortals, it’s a freaking floating paper bag! Nothing more and nothing freakin’ less! Not every author spends time putting meaning behind every single word! They’re writing to make money. I mean teachers are about as bad as the people who analyze every aspect of the Halo storyline.

I give up on you people. Now if you’ll excuse me I’m going to go play a pointless video game…I DARE you to analyze it. You’ll find nothing. NOTHING, I say, NOTHING!

Pointlessly
~DMK

[The views expressed by DMK are hers alone. Respond with your opinions, but be warned, flames will be used to roast your delicious corpse and hard drive.]

I was cruising the net looking for the music from Halo and Halo 2. Well after I found the music and the cutscenes (ask for links and ye shall receive, loves. ^^) I discovered something else. Obsession beyond all obsessions. I found a website that analyzed the Halo games and books. For example, Master Chief’s name and designation, John SPARTAN-117, means John 1:1-7, John 1:17, John 11:7 etc (for you nonreligious people it means that if you open up the bible turn to John in the New testament go to chapter 1 and read verses 1-7). It amazes me how much free time people have. Now don’t get me wrong, I love the Halo storyline, ask any of my friends. But really, loves, get off your arses, stop thinking about Halo, and maybe pick up a sport that isn’t video gaming.

_____________

That wasn’t exactly a rant so I’d like to elaborate on a previous rant I posted on deviantart. This is one about cyber sex, or cybering to you l33t g33ks. ^^ I’m sure most of you have heard of this before, if you haven’t please use that lovely back button, or read at your own risk.

For those of you who don’t know what cybering is and ignored my warning here’s the low down. Cybering is the act of writing out sexual acts and sending them to other people who then reply with another act. Think phone sex, but on the Internet instead of over phone lines…at least for those of you who do not use *shiver* dial-up.

On my lovely planet this kind of thing is disgusting. It desecrates an act that in my most humble opinion is sacred, or should at least be treated with respect. Even though I’m an agnostic I do not believe, nor do I approve of sex before marriage. Cybering is often done with children. I’ve seen ten year olds ask to have cyber sex with me. Come on, people, think about this, TEN-YEAR OLDS. These are people who haven’t even hit puberty yet.

Cybering teaches kids that sex is ALWAYS okay. It teaches kids that nothing bad can come from having sex. Not to say that babies are bad, but they can make certain situations terrible. They are NOT good things when a sixteen year old gets pregnant. Cybering is not productive; you get nothing out of it. Nothing except the wonder of what the real thing is which leads to…well you can guess (if you can’t then please hit the back button and know that your stupidity astounds me).

It’s bad enough that we live in a society where objectification and pleasure come before common sense and we’re taught that these things are right. People in power are telling CHILDREN that sex is right, in the real world and in the cyber universe! What’s wrong with you people? Is money really that important…wait, what am I saying, of course it is to you, jerks! And the rest of you who agree with me, I love you, but I’m just preaching to the choir aren’t I?

Losers,

~ DMK
[The views expressed by DMK are hers alone. Respond with your opinions, flame at your own risk, but be warned they will be used to roast your delicious corpse and hard drive.]

(view in Original format at www.gpilot06.blogspot.com )

Okay, so I totally understand it when a person doesn’t like a fanfic because it has a pairing or something that they don’t like. I’ve come across those myself. Wanna know what I do when I see them? I keep my big mouth shut and my touch typing hands tied. I also understand when I’m not fond of a story because the grammar or spelling is terrible. You know what I do? I click the link to the review page or the person’s e-mail and tell them nicely that their grammar and spelling is a bit off. Then I –take a breath, this one’s a shocker-ASK them if they would like ME to beta their story. Then, of course, there’s the ever present case of a person not knowing enough about what they’re writing about to write a good comprehensive fanfic. Guess what I do. No really, guess. All right, fine, I’ll tell. I contact the person and offer nicely to help them with their story.

Now I know some of you out there don’t like Mary Sues and Marty Stues -but guess what- an equal number of you do. I for one walk a very fine line of this subject. I do occasionally run across a very well written Mary Sue. Not all Mary Sues are by definition omnipotent. Occasionally if you-dare I suggest this- READ a person’s story you would notice things that make a Mary Sue flawed in drastic proportions. Maybe the Mary Sue has the story coming from her POV, which means that in the big picture, that they are not in, nor do they control the original series story. Other times I’ve run across an omnipotent Mary Sue that manipulates the author(ess)’s love interest. And even more rare, those stories are good.

On the subject of Self Insertion (SI), I don’t have much to say. I generally enjoy these types of fics. Why? Because more often that not these are PWP stories, PURE POINTLESS COMEDY. Most authors (essess) use them to get past writer’s block.

For those of you who want my opinion on OCs they are to be treated like Mary Sues, Marty Stues, and Self Insertions.

Now we come to the Alternate Universe (prepare to enter the twilight zone). First thing I want all of you to do, even fanfic vets, when you come across a fic like this is STOP. Yes, STOP, a lovely little acronym:
S-stay on the page with the description
T- take a look at the type of story
O- observe the type of story (AU in this case)
P- please keep the type in mind when you read and review.
Many misunderstandings and flames can be avoided by employing STOP to all fanfics. I mean really people.

Next order of business: Crossovers. Remember that this means that people will come up with the most bizarre series pairings (or tripling). You will see Gundam Wing and Sailor Moon together, and IT IS OKAY. Why? Because that’s what crossover means.

___PART TWONESS!

Many of you probably review the stories you read. I would like to outline some generally excepted etiquette.
1) If you didn’t like the story you had every right to hit the back button. DO NOT FLAME.
2) When approaching spelling and grammar errors please send a review like: “Excuse me, I noticed a few spelling and grammar errors. I know that spellcheckers are evil and like nobody, would you like me to beta your stories for you?”
Never, under any circumstances send something like: “U suckxors!”
3) Any and all criticism should-no- MUST be constructive. Write: “ I’m sorry, but it doesn’t seem possible that this could have happened because of this event. A plothole maybe? Or maybe I missed something.”
4) When reviewing, make sure to leave an e-mail. Even if you’re not a member of say, fanfiction.net. This allows the writer to explain their story and clear up any misunderstandings.
5) NEVER, EVER FLAME! No matter what! I can’t stress enough how important this is. The writer doesn’t want to be told how much you think they suck. They want to be told how much you liked their story and how they could improve it. Flames are not pleasant, especially because you can (and in most cases will) get bitten back by your own flame.

And to conclude this rant I want to mention, repeat, and stress a few important things in the world of fanfiction reading. If you do not recognize any of the terms used, such as PWP or OC, please google or wiki them. If you do not like a story DO NOT READ IT! Remember the back button; use it as often as you need. Also, be kind to the writer; treat them, as you would like to be treated. And finally don’t knock something until you’ve tried it.

LOVE AND PEACE!
~DMK

[The views expressed by DMK are hers alone. Respond with your own opinions, but be warned, flames will be used to roast the delicious corpse of your pride and your hard drive.]

Useful links:
www.fanfiction.net
www.adultfanfiction.net (18+ only!)

Some basic fanfic terms:
AU- alternate universe
PWP- Plot? What Plot?
R&R- read and review
OC- Own character
OTP- One true pairing
OOC- out of character
IC- in character
FFN/FF.net- fanfiction.net
Lemon- heavy smut (Sex Alert!)
Lime- kissing and cuddling (PG-13 movieness)
Yaoi- boy on boy love (Sex Alert!)
Yuri- girl on girl love (Sex Alert!)
Shonen-ai- boy on boy (kissing and cuddling)
Shoujo-ai- girl on girl (kissing and cuddling)
Mary Sue/Marty Stue- and OC that’s a central figure, often appears as flawless makes characters act OOC
Beta- a person who reads another persons fanfic checking for errors and plotholes BEFORE it goes public.

I think I'm in love with [Child of God]'s Christmas poem.^^

# 53
Do you Remember?
Written by [Child of God]

Do you remember the origin,
Do you remember teh cause,
Do you remember the event
Forwhich all Heaven paused?


Do you remember the purpose,
Do you remember the sign,
Do you remember the star
Which brilliantly shined?


Do you remember the witness
Do you remember the gift,
Do you remember the source
Which repaired the rift?


Do you remember the stable,
Do you remember the manger,
Do you remember the baby
Born into danger?


Do you remember the birth,
Do you remember the death,
Do you remember the man
Set 'part from the rest?


Do you remember the promise,
Do you remember the love,
Do you remember the baby
Sent from above?


Do you remember the gift
Given to all races
Do you remember the gift
Which shines on all faces?


Do you remember the meaning,
Do you remember the reason,
Do remember what began
The whole Christmas season?