God, I'm terrible. I get offa one high only to be stuck on another. I mean I go from Greg Ayres, to Malice Mizer, to Scott McNeil(teh smezzy), to moonchild, to Gak-kun(teh uber smezzy, I WANT TO BE THE MIC STAND!), to Hyde...yeah, the list goes on...
On an unhappy not...my OS on teh Desktop of Doomzors, crashzored...a
Oh and...the cake mix I was using today looked like coke...0.0
HOW TO GIVE A CAT ITS PILLS
1. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.
3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.
4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Gently force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.
5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.
6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.
7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.
8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.
9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans; drink 1 beer to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and mild soap.
10. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard, and close door on neck, to leave head showing. Gently force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with an elastic band.
11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw Tee shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.
12. Call fire department to retrieve the **** cat from across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.
13. Tie the little monster's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table. Find heavy-duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of filet steak. Be rough about it if necessary. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.
14. Consume remainder of scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.
15. Arrange for SPCA to collect the "mutant cat from hell" and call local pet shop to see if they have any really small hamsters.
HOW TO GIVE A DOG A PILL
1. Wrap pill in bacon.
2. Toss in the air.
from: [silent_voice]
4 High School friends meet at their High School Reunion. The fourth Highschool dude goes to bathroom and the others start to talk about their sons...
Highschool Dude 1: You know my son? I'm so proud of him 'cause he was so successful. He became so rich that he gave one of his best friends a 2-million dollar Mansion for free!
Highschool Dude 2: Really? My son has made me proud too. He has become so rich from acting and gave his closest friend 2 free Hummer H2's.
Highschool Dude 3: Even my son got rich. He won the 8 million-dollar Lotto and he bought his friend a private yacht and plane.
The fourth Highschool Dude comes back from the bathroom and overhears them talking about their sons. So he began to tell them about his son.
Highschool Dude 4: Yeah, well, my son hasn't been as successful like your sons have. He's gay and works at a gay stripping joint for a living.
Highschool Dude 1: What a shame.
Highschool Dude 4: No, not really. He lives in a 2-million dollar mansion, owns his own jet and yacht, and owns 2 Hummer H2's which were all given to him by 3 of his Ex-boyfriends
ROFLMFAO! from : [sweety_pie]
ALL RIGHT FFVII fans(if you Advent Children fans haven't played the game you probably won't get this, unless you're SUPER good with context clues)
Cloud is:
a. An ex-SOLDIER
b. a dreamer who wishes he was an ex-SOLDIER
Send me a message in my guestbook or inbox with your answer, don't feel bad if you get it wrong, most people seem not to know. (Hey, we can forgive you! The fastest time the game was played in was 72 hours)
BTW, check out my FFVII/AC poll!
from [ox 2008]
[{{{THE TRUTH BEHIND THE PENIS}}}]
several years ago the united states funded a studie to dertermine the head of a mans penis is larger than the shaft.
the study took two years and costs over $180.000 the result of the study concluded that the reason the head of a mans penis is larger than the shaft was to provide the *MAN* with more pleasure in sex.
after the results were published germany decided to conduct their own study on the same subject.convin
After three years of research and a cost in excess of $250,000 they concluded that the reason the ehad of a mans penis is larger than the shaft was to provide the woman with more pleasure during sex.
when the results of the german study were released polland decided to conduct their own study.the polland didnt really trust the U.S. or german studies.
so after nearly three weeks of invasive research and a cost of $75, the pollish study was compleat:
[The pollish study came to the conclusion that the reason the head of a mans penis is larger than the shaft is to prevent your hand for flying off and hitting you in the forehead!]
(EVERY TIME A FLY DROPS SIX INCHES)
there is a fly hovering a foot over a river and a frog is looking at the fly.
he says if that fly drops six inches i can get that fly
there is a fish looking at the fly
if that fly drops six inches the frog will get the fly and i can get the frog
there is a bear that sees whats going on and he says if that fly drops six inches the frog will get the fly the fish will get the frog and i can get that fish
there is a hunter that sees the bear and says if that fly drops six inches the frog will get the fly the fish will get the frog the bear will get the fish and i can get that bear.
there is a mouse looking at a piece of cheese in the hunters pocket and if that fly drops six inches the frog will get the fly the fish will get the frog the bear will get the fish the hunter will get the bear and i can get the piece of cheese.
there is a cat that sees a mouse and says if all that happens i can get the mouse.
well sure enough the fly drops six inches.
the frog got the fly, the fish got the frog, and the bear got the fish.
the hunter shot to early and missed the bear
the mouse got the cheese the cat jumped to far and landed in the river.
[whats the moral of the story]
every time a fly drops six inches a pussy gets wet.
THIS IS A POEM FROM THE BOOK THE PERKS OF BEING A WALLFLOWER CALLED THE POEM BY NO ONE
Once on a yellow piece of paper with green lines
he wrote a poem
And he called it "Chops"
because that was the name of his dog
And that's what it was all about
And his teacher gave him an A
and a gold star
And his mother hung it on the kitchen door
and read it to his aunts
That was the year that Father Tracy
took all the kids to the zoo
And he let them sing on the bus
And his little sister was born
with tiny toenails and no hair
And his mother and father kissed a lot
And the girl around the corner sent him a
Valentine signed with a row of X's
and he had to ask his father what the X's meant
And his father always tucked him in bed at night
And was always there to do it
Once on a piece of white paper with blue lines
he wrote a poem
And he called it "Autumn"
because that was the name of the season
And that's what it was all about
And his teacher gave him an A
and asked him to write more clearly
And his mother never hung it on the kitchen door
because of its new paint
And the kids told him
that Father Tracy smoked cigars
And left butts on the pews
And sometimes they would burn holes
That was the year his sister got glasses
with thick lenses and black frames
And the girl around the corner laughed
when he asked her to go see Santa Claus
And the kids told him why
his mother and father kissed a lot
And his father never tucked him in bed at night
And his father got mad
when he cried for him to do it
On a paper torn from his notebook
he wrote a poem
And he called it "Innocence: "A Question"
because that was the question about his girl
And that's what it was all about
And his professor gave him an A
and a strange steady look
And his mother never hung it on the kitchen door
because he never showed her
That was the year that Father Tracy died
And he forgot how the end
of the Apostle's Creed went
And he caught his sister
making out on the front porch
And his mother and father never kissed
or even talked
And the girl around the corner
wore too much makeup
That made him cough when he kissed her
but he kissed her anyway
because that was the thing to do
And at three A.M. he tucked himself into bed
his father snoring soundly
That's why on the back of a brown paper bag
he tried another poem
And he called it "Absolutely Nothing"
Because that's what it was really all about
And he gave himself an A
and a slash on each damned wrist
And he hung it on the bathroom door
because this time he didn't think
he could reach the kitchen.
[p7]
"I am the girl
kicked out of her home because
I confided in my mother that
I am a lesbian.
I am the prostitute
working the streets
because nobody will hire
a transsexual woman.
I am the sister who
holds her gay brother
tight through the painful,
tear-filled nights.
We are the parents who
buried our daughter long
before her time.
I am the man who
died alone in the
hospital because they
would not let my partner
of twenty-seven years into the room.
I am the foster child
who wakes up with nightmares
of being taken away from the
two fathers who are the only
loving family I have ever had.
I wish they could adopt me.
I am one of the lucky
ones, I guess. I survived
the attack that left me in
a coma for three weeks, and
in another year I will probably
be able to walk again.
I am not one of
the lucky ones. I killed
myself just weeks before
graduating high school. It
was simply too much to bear.
We are the couple
who had the realtor
hang up on us when she
found out we wanted to
rent a one-bedroom for two men.
I am the person
who never knows
which bathroom I
should use if I want
to avoid getting the
management called on me.
I am the mother who is not
allowed to even visit the children
I bore, nursed, and raised. The
court says I am an unfit mother
because I now live with another woman.
I am the domestic-viole
who found the support system grow
suddenly cold and distant when they
found out my abusive partner is also
a woman.
I am the domestic-viole
survivor who has no support
system to turn to because I am male.
I am the father who
has never hugged his son
because I grew up afraid to
show affection to other men.
I am the home-economics
teacher who always wanted
to teach gym until someone
told me that only lesbians do that.
I am the man who
died when the paramedics
stopped treating me as soon
as they realized I was transsexual.
I am the person who feels
guilty because I think I
could be a much better
person if I didn’t have
to always deal with society
hating me.
I am the man who
stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but
because they closed their
doors to my kind.
I am the person who has
to hide what this world
needs most, love.
repost this if you belive
homophobia is wrong"
Malice Mizer in 30 years.
I predict that in 30 years from now...
...Klaha will still be an idol...for 40 year old caucasion and chinese women. He will give a tour every decade, make lots of money, and live happily with his cat. They will enjoy great peace and prosperity.
...Kozi will become a crazy old cat lady. He will move to the United States so he can steal children's halloween candy every halloween. Eventually someone will write a newspaper article about it.
...Yuuki will be...normal. He will find something he likes to do, like make bookshelves, and continue to do that until a happy old age. He will get married and be a nice father.
... ... Mana will ... um...get kinda funky...and wear his humongo boots on his head.yeah. Why the heck doesn't he have a future?!? Perhaps he will go drag.
...Gackt will marry somebody, drive her crazy poor soul, and then go insane himself and end up in the hospital again. Honestly, it's sad, but I think he's that way.
...Tetsu will eat a frog and I don't know why.
Fun!
http://www.ler
Learn for your trip to L'arc~en~ciel'
Okay...so I see everbody with the ask any four question things and I figure I'd try it.
So ask me four questions, any four, and I have to answer them no matter how personal.-.0
http://www.xbo
To Halo 3 or not to Halo 3? That's what's running through my mind right now. I mean I like FPSs as much as the next RPG fan, but really, the storyline has been getting kinda weak. I mean following from the last Game. MC is going to go out and find the remote detinaters for all the rings, and probably find Cortana in the process. Yay.
In the end the detinater probably won't work, which leaves room for about 5 more Halos. Why? Because things seem to work in sevens in the Bungie Haloverse...we
Eh, I guess it's debatable. Here's to another round of Steve Downes voice over goodness! And more of that wonderful alien the Arbiter.
Today's rant is about you losers who thing that Halloween and Friday the 13th are evil. I don't know where you get these ideas, but it's my job to set you straight!
First let's take Halloween. Let's take the word and remove the 'en', replace it with 'd'. Done? Good, let's look at our new word: Hallowed. I hope you people reading this know what this means, but since I love you I'll tell you, it means holy. Halloween is also known as All Hallow's eve. Basically this means that it's the night before All Saint's Day. Believe it or not Halloween is actually a Holy holiday. It's the media and the economy that demonized it. It's kinda of like fire and ice, for those of you who've read Dante's Inferno. In religion(especially catholocism) fire is udes to represent love and compassion, ice is used to represent being cold and unfeeling. Of course most people go an relate fire ENTIRELY to hell. Sure there might eb some fire in hell, but it can't all be fire and brimstone. So all you parents reading this, listen up, Halloween is not eveil, let your kids go tricj-or-treat
As for Friday the 13th I don't believe that it's evil. Nothing bad has happened to me on that day. It's people who are supserstitous who believe that it's evil. In fact, something wonderful happend on Firday October 13th, my best firend was born. She's a great girl and she doesn't believe in the occult, she doesn't worship Satan, and she totally isn't sucidal.
And while we're on the subject of judging a book by it's cover I really don't like it when people believe that Wiccans worship satan and are evil. They aren't! They're religion is centralized around peace. They believe in an Earth goddess, the mother, and a god of the Heavens, the father. Any of this sounding evil to you? Didn't think so.Next, sure they cast spells, but that doesn't make them evil, they cast spelling in the name of good. Think of them as the good witch, instead of the wicked witch of the west and east. In fact, and this is something that I really like, you don't have to choose to become Wiccan when you grow up, they give you until twelve to decide. This gives you time to think about it. I mean look at catholics, baptizing childrean at birth. And when I decided I was and agnostic Catholics decided to shove their faith down my through. And then my mom started threatening me to keep with the faith. Last I checked thiat's not very Catholic. From my experience Catholics must make everyone else Catholic, but Wiccans are kind, and don't want to force you into anything.
I see y'al lare falling asleep so:
~DMK signing off
[The views expressed by DMK are hers alo0ne. Respond with your own opinion, but be warned, falmes will be used to roast your delicious corpse and hard drive]
BTW, I won't be here monday, I'll post on Tuesday!
In English and Literature class (if you’re like me they’re combined) there’s only one thing I detest beyond all possible measure…well, actually there are two, but they relate.
First, I hate it when all we read is classic literature. Very few people really like classic literature, yet we tend to use it to teach a theme. Why bother? Especially when the same thing can be taught by using a more modern day book. I hate being told that I HAVE to read a book. See when I started reading the Odyssey, I liked it, there was no set time limit, so I could take my time reading and understand it. And what does the school system do? I’ll tell you what they do, they tell me read the Odyssey, and PUT A FREAKING TIME LIMIT on it. Do you THINK I want to read it now? Way to go school system, you just ruined my appetite for reading.
The other thing I hate is when they try to control what I write. If I want to write a macabre/horror story where people die bloody deaths THEN LET THEN DIE EFFIN’ BLOODY DEATHS! Don’t go telling me what to write. I understand when they’re trying to teach us something specific, but beyond that it’s not creative writing if they don’t let you be creative. If everyone told H.P Lovecraft to write only about happy things then we wouldn’t have the genius stories he’s written today. If everyone told Orson Scott Card to only write epic poems that we wouldn’t have that wonderful science fiction novel known as Ender’s Game. So why must adults cramp my style by telling me what to write and when to write it? That’s like telling an artist to draw something when they’re not inspired, or telling a rock star to suddenly start only writing operas (and no, not rock operas).
Then they go and make it worse. They try to-breath DMK- ANALYZE stories and poems. Suddenly everything means something. Like a floating paper bag means that the writer is lost and is on a journey to find a point to their life. Ye gods, mortals, it’s a freaking floating paper bag! Nothing more and nothing freakin’ less! Not every author spends time putting meaning behind every single word! They’re writing to make money. I mean teachers are about as bad as the people who analyze every aspect of the Halo storyline.
I give up on you people. Now if you’ll excuse me I’m going to go play a pointless video game…I DARE you to analyze it. You’ll find nothing. NOTHING, I say, NOTHING!
Pointlessly
~DMK
[The views expressed by DMK are hers alone. Respond with your opinions, but be warned, flames will be used to roast your delicious corpse and hard drive.]
I was cruising the net looking for the music from Halo and Halo 2. Well after I found the music and the cutscenes (ask for links and ye shall receive, loves. ^^) I discovered something else. Obsession beyond all obsessions. I found a website that analyzed the Halo games and books. For example, Master Chief’s name and designation, John SPARTAN-117, means John 1:1-7, John 1:17, John 11:7 etc (for you nonreligious people it means that if you open up the bible turn to John in the New testament go to chapter 1 and read verses 1-7). It amazes me how much free time people have. Now don’t get me wrong, I love the Halo storyline, ask any of my friends. But really, loves, get off your arses, stop thinking about Halo, and maybe pick up a sport that isn’t video gaming.
_____________
That wasn’t exactly a rant so I’d like to elaborate on a previous rant I posted on deviantart. This is one about cyber sex, or cybering to you l33t g33ks. ^^ I’m sure most of you have heard of this before, if you haven’t please use that lovely back button, or read at your own risk.
For those of you who don’t know what cybering is and ignored my warning here’s the low down. Cybering is the act of writing out sexual acts and sending them to other people who then reply with another act. Think phone sex, but on the Internet instead of over phone lines…at least for those of you who do not use *shiver* dial-up.
On my lovely planet this kind of thing is disgusting. It desecrates an act that in my most humble opinion is sacred, or should at least be treated with respect. Even though I’m an agnostic I do not believe, nor do I approve of sex before marriage. Cybering is often done with children. I’ve seen ten year olds ask to have cyber sex with me. Come on, people, think about this, TEN-YEAR OLDS. These are people who haven’t even hit puberty yet.
Cybering teaches kids that sex is ALWAYS okay. It teaches kids that nothing bad can come from having sex. Not to say that babies are bad, but they can make certain situations terrible. They are NOT good things when a sixteen year old gets pregnant. Cybering is not productive; you get nothing out of it. Nothing except the wonder of what the real thing is which leads to…well you can guess (if you can’t then please hit the back button and know that your stupidity astounds me).
It’s bad enough that we live in a society where objectificatio
Losers,
~ DMK
[The views expressed by DMK are hers alone. Respond with your opinions, flame at your own risk, but be warned they will be used to roast your delicious corpse and hard drive.]
(view in Original format at www.gpilot06.b