8/9/04 is the day me and ashley fell in love

i just found out that -b- is alive hehehehehehehehehe i'm soooooo happy you can't even amagin, and what makes things even better it's me and ashley's 2 month aniversory in 6 days*jumps up and down* i'm soooo exited because no one but us thought it would last this long and we showd them alright, haha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!*twirls around in cerkals*

now i'm not only scaird depresed and sad i'm also mad as hell at my mum and at evryone els in the world who thinks i'm a nobody wen i pull the triger and end it all they'll remember me fore shure as the one who never would be a somebody at least they will remember that it was them who ended it all

(THE FOLLOING IS A MESSAGE I SENT TO ONE OF MY FRIENDS IN THE MIDST OF AN INCREDIBLY LONG CONVORSATION WITH MY FRIEND WHO WAS ON THE PHONE WITH MY OTHER FRIEND)


sorry but if you have the time i reely need to tell someone and seing as youre like the onlyone who i have any chance of geting to lisin i figured i might tell you...



my friend brittany(but evryone calls her -b-) looks like she is about to comit suiside, actuly fore all i know she could be des now as i'm telling you this. i was talking to her yesterday and she seemed to be alright but then tonight i got an IM from my friend tabbi that she was gona comit suiside and as i was trying to help keep my -b- alive my mom comes over and tells me i hafto say goodbye and go to bed and evryone knows that a parent is the last person you want to involve if youre friend is about to kill herself, so i just say no but evenchualy i get off because tabbi (who i was talking to) had to hang up so i got off right and me being of the vampire religon was gon'a cast a spell of protection fore her =, and to do that i needed salt but my bitchin' mom(who if i havn't alrady told you is not my reel mom infact my friends are all the family i have so if one of them dies it's harder then if one of the people i live with dies) wouldn't let me have any because she hates my guts all the way to hell and thinks i need salt to put out a fire that i might start because i usto start small controled fires in tin coffe cans in my room and now i have absolutly no way of knoing if my friend (who as i said meens alot to me because my friends are the only reel family i have) is alive or not or even if she will make it thru the night and i'm so scaird and sad and distrowt and i reely needed to tell someone so thank you fore lisning thats all

heres a reely bad poim by me...


y must i be the one,
the one who stands alone,
the one who crys alone,
the onw who lives alone,
the one who dies alone,
y must i be the one,
the one without love,
the one without life,
the one without happynes,
the one without sleep,
y must i be the one who lives but is not happy,
y must i ve the one who crys but may not die,
y must i be the one who can't sleep nor can be awakend,
y y must i be me

i love you ash i don't know what i would do without you. youre the moste inportint thing in my life and if i didn't have you i would probibly kill myself. and as my last wish it would be fore you to se me and one hug is all that i would need... i love you and nothing can ever change that, nothing. i hope you reed this i don''t even know y i'm typing this, it's probly because i'm reely sad right now i think i will go to my room and not come out intell the day i die and just play the guitar to pass the time. oh i don't know i'm sad, bord, distrot, tired, scaird, evrything


i love you

to each his own life

those are all i can think of

life is water in the oshen, if even one drop is removed the oshen shrinks

death comes in time don't dwell in it when youre alive

life is short live it when you can

susisde is a perinant solution fore a teporairy proble

i swear if char dies i will not sleep fore the rest of my misrible life! if she thinks her life is that bad she better reed at least one artical that i will poste up here in about a week or so i hope she will be alright

Fallen

Im beging to fall, deeper and deeper in this pain, the hurt and suffer, Im feeling

Nothing will help, im so lost

My world is a mess, everything is lost and upside down

im falling more and more everday

trying to make it day by day

Could i ever be the same? I dont think

Draw

you wanna go, you dont wanna hold on

you wanna let go, you feel like nothing matters

you feel like you dont matter

no one listens, no one cares, why hold on, why let everyone win

you take th object, place it over the skin and you draw'you keep on drawing untill you see red, the drips fall on the floor just like your tears

A shock of pain run threw your body, you feel it only for a min, then its gone, You want to keep drawing, The pain is too much, but you draw anyways

you see a line of red, it spills from your body, it runs onto the floor, soon there is so much red on that

floor but you are to lifeless, your drawings have stopped forever

i'm bord

i have nothing 2 say sept....

RUBBER CHIKAN YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

you know i'm so fuckin' sick of hot people saying that they are ugly! i meen do you have any idea how anoying the fucking negitive people are i mean holey hell these people need more help than a humin can give them!!!