[the following is a leter i sent to my friend after she told me that i have so much to live for, i don't deny that i have alot to live for, just the part about my parents cair alot about me:]



my parents reely don't take cair of me, i swear they just do what the phsycs tell them to do, no mater what it is, without thinking, they sent me to a hospital 5 times just fore being depressed and going for a walk for 4 houers the comeing home and haveing a smoke, theres no reason in the at send me to a hospital. i ask them fore something as simple as a 3 doler eyeliner pencle wen i have no money, they say "if you can get the money and get to the mall youreself then go ahead and get it, i ask them to sea my friend who only lives 2 miles away, they say it's 2 late, even thow it was only 5pm and i reely neaded to sea her because i was reely depressed. i went fore a walk 2 years ago, i was out in the snow from 11am intell 9pm, i waled from my house 5 miles to my friends house in the snow with thin jeens on, no sox, a pair of allstars, and a swetter with no shirt under it, i had to cross 3 highways, what do you think that did to get me home... nothing at all, wen i got home they just said to go to my room or go back out. wen i smoked infront of them they just walked away, i wanted to go C my friend the otherday because i was reeeely depressed and i neaded to C her again, she lives 10 miles away, not that far, they said no, i asked y they said, "because i don't want to and because it's not that inportent anyway". basicly what they said is that i don't mater. and wen the phsycs say stuf that they want me to do or wen they perscibe pills that they want , me to take, what say in that do i get! huh!!!!! NONE AT ALL!!!!!! my friends are the closest thing to a family that cairs i have and my parents won't let me C any of them, none at all. they  in'  me!!!! that couldn't cair les if i . the other day i was out in the car with the seet-belt wraped around my neck and i was choking myself, my ol' man came out and asked me wen i was gona' be in, and i told him maybe tomorro maybe never, he said,' "well come in wen youre ready" yah i blacked out after he said that, i strangled myself almoste to the point of  and did they cair...nope. so y don't you live my life fore a month or 2 then tell me who cairs!!!

candles yay

bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord as hell bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord bord

So here I am
doing everything I can
holding on to what I am
pretending I'm a superman

I'm trying to keep
the ground on my feet
it seems the world's
falling down around me

The nights are all long
I'm singing this song
to try and make the answers
more than maybe

And I'm so confused
about what to do
sometimes I want
to throw it all away

So here I am
growing older all the time
looking older all the time
feeling younger in my mind

And here I am
doing everything I can
holding on to what I am
pretending I'm a superman

I'm trying to sleep
I lost count of the sheep
my mind is racing faster
every minute

What could I do more
yeah I'm really not sure
I know I'm running circles
but I can't quit

And I'm so confused
about what to do
sometimes I want
to throw it all away

Controlling everything in site
I'm feeling weak
I don't feel right
you're telling me
I have to change
telling me to act my age
but if all that I can do
is just sit and watch time go
then I'll have to say good-bye
life's too short to watch it fly
to watch it fly

So here I am
growing older all the time
looking older all the time
feeling younger in my mind

And here I am
doing everything I can
holding on to what I am
pretending I'm a superman

i is soooo happy, i gotest to meet abbi yesterday, it was soooo fun. we almoste got kicked out lol. it was the moast fun ive had in a long time. *does a cartweel*. i'm tired now, as always lol. i wish i had my copy of "the wall" with me... sry that as randome, i'm bord as hell and i'm on my teachers comp. it's the only fast one in the school, sept for the computer dude (who dun know shit bout technolagy) computor.
   wow, i actuly hae a chance to bring up my math grade this quorter, not that grades meen shit to me, but when i get good grades i get stuf. it's geomitry, EASY CRAP!!! geomitry is the moast interesting thing in math as far as i know (and for all that i cair), if i fail this quorter in math, i'd be surprized, even thow i always fail half my classes lol.
   omg i'm sooooooo bord, tired, and all around blaa.
   i get to go to a speashal screening for a new IMAX movie ("ailens of the deep") because some of the intervyews wer at my dads office. i actuly like the hole idea of the thing, it sounds somewhat interesting.
   anyway... me and my friend holly are trying to wright a book about teen phalosiphy. sofar i've been doing all the wrighting because her comp won't start at home and yah... it's actuly a subject that were verry interested in, even thow it may not seem like it. i'll poast sumit up when i'm done and i'm gona give away a fyew of em' 4 free.
   wow this is like the longest diary entry ive written in a long time, if not ever. it just shows to go ya'
   ooo perfict timing, i got to go on a sec so ttfn, ta ta 4 now

i is soooo happy, i gotest to meet abbi yesterday, it was soooo fun. we almoste got kicked out of the mall lol. it was the moast fun ive had in a long time. *does a cartweel*. i'm tired now, as always lol. i wish i had my copy of "the wall" with me... sry that as randome, i'm bord as hell and i'm on my teachers comp. it's the only fast one in the school, sept for the computer dude (who dun know   bout technolagy) computor.

omg i know this sounds like i'm a obsesive M a N a O n fan but i'm reely not, so think wut ya think...

i'm reely   ed off at my mom because she doesn't even want to give    a chance! i meen once you know wut he reely meens in his lyrics, you'll be able to tell he's just misunderstood. he's...

1. not gay!
2. does not glorify   and violance for the sake of   and violance
3. does not curse because the majority of people who lisn' to his music do
4. does not wear   y cloths because he wants to have   with himself!
5. did not remove a rib because he wanted to suck his own dick
6. he's one of the fyew people out there who actuly meens wut he sings about (even if it's in a sik distorted way)(i say that lightly)
7. he weres funkie contact lenses because thats wut he thinks looks cool, not to inpress people, or even to get attenton
8. he is not self conseeded
9. does not want peoples syimpathy
10. he is who he wants to be
10+. he is not one to idolize people

that beng said, i dun think people should just juge people because of wut the paper, and all the magaziens say about them; all those just give people a bad rep, and you shouldn'e beeleve evrything they here. you cn' think wut you think of him after you lisn' to at least 1 of his CDs all the way thrue and understand the lyrics!
  i think ive given reason enough to at least give    a chance but theres a   in' hell of a lot of people in the world who's reputations ruen there lives, i fore one am one of them, and i'll always stand up fore another one, but however there are people i don't like. but i don't cadigorize them, i dun like the term "sk8erpunk" or the word "wiger" any more then   " or "     punk", people cadigorize me as   " or "punk" i dun like it, i've just goten past the point of arguing the fact. lisn' i may talk like, "hay i dun like sk8er bois" but hay there not all that bad, infact it's just the select fyew that i can't stand, and those are ushaly the people who make fun of the misphits (not the band the actual people) like myself, no-1 deservs that, not even the people who are makeing fun of them, but they do deserve to be yelled at lol.
   ok well i think i've said all that i should before i get complaints from people that i'm a "  ing jack ass that cairs to much about peoples rights", hay it's happend b-4, and i reely could cair less lol

THE RAVEN


by Edgar Allan Poe
(1845)



  Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered, weak and weary,
Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore,
  While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping,
As of some one gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door.
"'Tis some visitor," I muttered, "tapping at my chamber door-
         Only this, and nothing more."

  Ah, distinctly I remember it was in the bleak December,
And each separate dying ember wrought its ghost upon the floor.
  Eagerly I wished the morrow;- vainly I had sought to borrow
  From my books surcease of sorrow- sorrow for the lost Lenore-
For the rare and radiant maiden whom the angels name Lenore-
         Nameless here for evermore.

  And the silken sad uncertain rustling of each purple curtain
Thrilled me- filled me with fantastic terrors never felt before;
  So that now, to still the beating of my heart, I stood repeating,
  "'Tis some visitor entreating entrance at my chamber door-
Some late visitor entreating entrance at my chamber door;-
         This it is, and nothing more."

  Presently my soul grew stronger; hesitating then no longer,
"Sir," said I, "or Madam, truly your forgiveness I implore;
  But the fact is I was napping, and so gently you came rapping,
  And so faintly you came tapping, tapping at my chamber door,
That I scarce was sure I heard you"- here I opened wide the door;-
         Darkness there, and nothing more.

  Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there wondering,
    fearing,
Doubting, dreaming dreams no mortals ever dared to dream before;
  But the silence was unbroken, and the stillness gave no token,
  And the only word there spoken was the whispered word, "Lenore!"
This I whispered, and an echo murmured back the word, "Lenore!"-
         Merely this, and nothing more.

  Back into the chamber turning, all my soul within me burning,
Soon again I heard a tapping somewhat louder than before.
  "Surely," said I, "surely that is something at my window lattice:
  Let me see, then, what thereat is, and this mystery explore-
Let my heart be still a moment and this mystery explore;-
         'Tis the wind and nothing more."

  Open here I flung the shutter, when, with many a flirt and
    flutter,
In there stepped a stately raven of the saintly days of yore;
  Not the least obeisance made he; not a minute stopped or stayed
    he;
  But, with mien of lord or lady, perched above my chamber door-
Perched upon a bust of Pallas just above my chamber door-
         Perched, and sat, and nothing more.

Then this ebony bird beguiling my sad fancy into smiling,
By the grave and stern decorum of the countenance it wore.
"Though thy crest be shorn and shaven, thou," I said, "art sure no
    craven,
Ghastly grim and ancient raven wandering from the Nightly shore-
Tell me what thy lordly name is on the Night's Plutonian shore!"
         Quoth the Raven, "Nevermore."

  Much I marvelled this ungainly fowl to hear discourse so plainly,
Though its answer little meaning- little relevancy bore;
  For we cannot help agreeing that no living human being
  Ever yet was blest with seeing bird above his chamber door-
Bird or beast upon the sculptured bust above his chamber door,
         With such name as "Nevermore."

  But the raven, sitting lonely on the placid bust, spoke only
That one word, as if his soul in that one word he did outpour.
  Nothing further then he uttered- not a feather then he fluttered-
  Till I scarcely more than muttered, "other friends have flown
    before-
On the morrow he will leave me, as my hopes have flown before."
         Then the bird said, "Nevermore."

  Startled at the stillness broken by reply so aptly spoken,
"Doubtless," said I, "what it utters is its only stock and store,
  Caught from some unhappy master whom unmerciful Disaster
  Followed fast and followed faster till his songs one burden bore-
Till the dirges of his Hope that melancholy burden bore
         Of 'Never- nevermore'."

  But the Raven still beguiling all my fancy into smiling,
Straight I wheeled a cushioned seat in front of bird, and bust and
    door;
  Then upon the velvet sinking, I betook myself to linking
  Fancy unto fancy, thinking what this ominous bird of yore-
What this grim, ungainly, ghastly, gaunt and ominous bird of yore
         Meant in croaking "Nevermore."

  This I sat engaged in guessing, but no syllable expressing
To the fowl whose fiery eyes now burned into my bosom's core;
  This and more I sat divining, with my head at ease reclining
  On the cushion's velvet lining that the lamplight gloated o'er,
But whose velvet violet lining with the lamplight gloating o'er,
         She shall press, ah, nevermore!

  Then methought the air grew denser, perfumed from an unseen censer
Swung by Seraphim whose footfalls tinkled on the tufted floor.
  "Wretch," I cried, "thy God hath lent thee- by these angels he
    hath sent thee
  Respite- respite and nepenthe, from thy memories of Lenore!
Quaff, oh quaff this kind nepenthe and forget this lost Lenore!"
         Quoth the Raven, "Nevermore."

  "Prophet!" said I, "thing of evil!- prophet still, if bird or
    devil!-
Whether Tempter sent, or whether tempest tossed thee here ashore,
  Desolate yet all undaunted, on this desert land enchanted-
  On this home by horror haunted- tell me truly, I implore-
Is there- is there balm in Gilead?- tell me- tell me, I implore!"
         Quoth the Raven, "Nevermore."

  "Prophet!" said I, "thing of evil- prophet still, if bird or
    devil!
By that Heaven that bends above us- by that God we both adore-
  Tell this soul with sorrow laden if, within the distant Aidenn,
  It shall clasp a sainted maiden whom the angels name Lenore-
Clasp a rare and radiant maiden whom the angels name Lenore."
         Quoth the Raven, "Nevermore."

  "Be that word our sign in parting, bird or fiend," I shrieked,
    upstarting-
"Get thee back into the tempest and the Night's Plutonian shore!
  Leave no black plume as a token of that lie thy soul hath spoken!
  Leave my loneliness unbroken!- quit the bust above my door!
Take thy beak from out my heart, and take thy form from off my
    door!"
         Quoth the Raven, "Nevermore."

  And the Raven, never flitting, still is sitting, still is sitting
On the pallid bust of Pallas just above my chamber door;
  And his eyes have all the seeming of a demon's that is dreaming,
  And the lamplight o'er him streaming throws his shadow on the
    floor;
And my soul from out that shadow that lies floating on the floor
         Shall be lifted- nevermore!


-- THE END --

my angil is missing, now i'm all alone *teer runs down cheek* well i hope her and her new bf make it work beter then i did

aww man, back in school; oh yah that sux!!!! oh well, i'm soooo bord! i duno wut to say..."she just cuts her wrists like cheep cupons and said that death was on sail today" thats the best line manson ever wrote...ok one of the best lines. doo dee doo dee dooooooo i'm bord *does a cartweel* MONKIE!!!!!!!!!! put the lime in the... *does a flip* i'm gona go now.....

"she cut her wrists like cheep cupons and said thay death was on sail today"

i'm bord so i'm just gona right as much as i can, ad you'll probly get my hole outlook on wut's goin' on and shit, neway here i go,(btw if you dun like it you can suck a big fluffy ducky dick!)

i'm pissed, confused, depressed, w/e haha monkies, haha kill the war, not the people fighting it; those chains suck the ribon one haha wut losers!!!the war shouldn't be going on! it's wrong! not just ethicly, it sux!!!!!!!!!!! ****** dumped meh and now i'm all fuckin' depressed, i thought bout killing ma'self, then i thought, it's the easy way out of nothing, it may seem like the only posble solution, but then i rememberd my old saying, "suiside is the perminent solution fore a temporairy suchuation!" YAH, IT REELY IS, anyway;.... yay kinkie pink monkie *poke*..........wut?
oh btw......w8 wut was i gona say??? oh fuck it skip this part!!!
yay the distillers rock, i just got 3 more copeys of sing sing death house, i got the cd, the record, and the tape, wow they actuly made a tape, that kinda surprized meh, oh well they rock and that proovs it, yay i also got the nirvana box set! it was bout $100 but it's not like it was my money!!! i got a new belt buckle 2, am i typing this, is my teacher waching me?!?!?!? is the hokey pokiey reely wut it's all about??? hmmm..... ok i'm not geting botd but i g2g kuz i'm in school, ttyl....shit

RED SOX ALL THE WAY!!!!!
"Don't blaim us if we eva' doubt ya BOSTON we couldn't live without ya, Boston you are the only only o-nly, don't blaim us if we eva' doubt ya RED SOX! we couldn't live without ya' Red Sox you are the only only o-o-nly"
sry i'll stop now...

kk heres another 1:
[ I'm gonna tell you a story
I'm gonna tell you about my town
I'm gonna tell you a big bad story, baby
Aww, it's all about my town

Yeah, down by the river
Down by the banks of the river Charles (aw, that's what's happenin' baby)
That's where you'll find me
Along with lovers, fuggers, and thieves (aw, but they're cool people)
Well I love that dirty water
Oh, Boston, you're my home (oh, you're the Number One place)
Frustrated women (I mean they're frustrated)
Have to be in by twelve o'clock (oh, that's a shame)
But I'm wishin' and a-hopin, oh
That just once those doors weren't locked (I like to save time for
my baby to walk around)
Well I love that dirty water
Oh, Boston, you're my home (oh, yeah)

Because I love that dirty water
Oh, oh, Boston, you're my home (oh, yeah)

Well, I love that dirty water (I love it, baby)
I love that dirty water (I love Baw-stun)
I love that dirty water (Have you heard about the Strangler?)
I love that dirty water (I'm the man, I'm the man)
I love that dirty water (Owww!)
I love that dirty water (Come on, come on)]

i've lost all will 2 live. ashley left me, and i'm compleetly lost.
i honestly don't know wut 2 do. i think i'll curl up into a ball and go to sleep, never to wake up.

Yeah, down by the river
Down by the banks of the river Charles
That's where you'll find me
Along with lovers, muggers, and thieves
Well I love that dirty water
Ohhh, Boston, you're my home

[the dictonairy deffinition of "punk" is a new and original person]
    ______________________________________

the following is a message my good friend sent meh bout the pole defining "punk"



(for your oh so lovley poll)
Punk is a lifestyle which include that you listen to punk music of any kind (often punk rock or progg)
You often have great political knowleges and know whats happening in the world.
Many punk's are vegetarians and such and plenty fight for human or animal rights..


Punk's are often involved and active in some political group or any group were they can get their voice heard and say exactly whats wrong in this frikkin world.


punks rock!

ok this is something i wrote fore Ashley, but i think i beter give it to all of my friends....(just to cheer em up)

let me live to see the day
that pig eets man, and man eets hay
and cow eets fish with rice and beens, and chille made with loads of greens
(not to menchin cheep sardeens)
oh i reely want to see the day that pig eets man and man eets hay

yo yo yo check out my new pet


his name is jack

8/9/04 is the day me and ashley fell in love