Call you up in the middle of the night,
like a fire flower miles away,
you were there like a blow torch burnin',
I was a key that could use a little turnin'

So tired that I couldn't even sleep,
so many secrets I couldn't keep,
promised myself I wouldn't weep,
one more promise I couldn't keep

It seems no one can help me now,
I'm in too deep theres no way out,
this time I have really let myself pull stray

Runaway train never goin' back,
wrong way on a one way track
seems like I should be getting somewhere,
somehow I'm neither here nor there

Can you help me remember how to smile,
make it somehow seem all worth while,
how on earth did I get so jaded,
last mystery seemed so naked

I can go where no one else can go,
I know what no one else has known,
here I am just a drowning in the brain,
with a ticket for a runaway train

Everything seems judded inside,
day and night earth and sky,
somehow I just don't believe it

Runaway train never goin' back,
wrong way on a one way track
seems like I should be getting somewhere,
somehow I'm neither here nor there

Want a ticket for a runaway train?,
like a madman laughin' at the rain,
a little out of touch little in the brain,
its just easier to deal with the pain

Runaway train never goin' back,
wrong way on a one way track
seems like I should be getting somewhere,
somehow I'm neither here nor there

Runaway train never comin' back,
runaway train tearin' up the track,
runaway train burnin' in my veins,
run away but it always seems the same

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-v28fFvyThQ

On october 13 i will be 1 year clean.

What though the radiance which was once so bright
Be now for ever taken from my sight,
Though nothing can bring back the hour
Of splendour in the grass, of glory in the flower;
We will grieve not, rather find
Strength in what remains behind...
**William Wordsworth's poem "Ode on Intimations of Immortality from Recollections of Early Childhood":**

Almost 1 year clean...amazing to me.
Life feels and looks so very much different.I really feel like i'm living honestly.
The pain sucks...especially since jack and i both have chronic pain.
But yanno,i think that a lot of people just believe that they should not have any pain.The thing is,if you look at life honestly,everybody experiences pain in one way or another.It's the way life is.
The happy thing is that there is so much joy...sooo much beauty.
As i go day by day,trusting life,i'm able to notice that.I'm just soaking it in.

Jack has a robin...he says it is his "higher power".
Since jack came here in the Spring;the porch is his most comfortable place to be.He plays his electric guitar there...rocks the neighborhood :)
So this particular robin loves the music...he flys to a low perch on the pine tree and sings his heart out.


For the last week or so the robin wasn't around much...he had other stuff to do,like feeding his fledglings.
But he's back now and jack is happy.I'm glad he has something magical in his life.He says his robin keeps him on the right path...i'm really happy for that.

It's a lonely sort of day here in the frozen north,
we just heard about 50 gunshots outside,and my mom called up the stairs "Maybe someone is shooting rats".Heh,yeah,maybe.

  ....And how will it be then?
  Shall i set you into your boat with liquer
  and a bob marly pipe; and send you into that good night?

           Please Stay.

Oh No! no no no no

 
      My heart hurts today
   
     It has been the most awful summer...
     tied and tethered; no freedom.

Oh her words... Jay bird:

I would love to sit and collect dust with you, dear prince.
And carve our happily ever after into these ivory paged story books.
If such an existence ever took a breath in time.


I am pulsating with trees.
Anger,
A longing.
A helpless want to clutch you tight against me.


Footsteps leading away.
From havens beneath and between strong arms.
A place of old declarations, a map of hearts
Dreams.
These escapes in bright light, heat, sweet sips of summer.
And your smell.
Branding my senses, all you. All you and your epic fire.

Our flame…
Dying out.

To hang in confusion
Between hate
And adoration
Worship
And infidelity.
An asylum of thoughts with legs and spurs
A tangle of many bonds.
One could never sort out.

It is this wheel I glue myself to
Mulling and blocking out
A past i do not want to accept has past me by.

It is with this redundancy I die,
With no patience.