15:26 — I figured I'd write this thing here for the sake of writing it and remembering a realization, among other things that will be revealed.
For some reason a person referred to me with a gender-specific pronoun, even though these people know I say I'm genderless. Well, of course I was a little confused, and who wouldn't? The offender gave a reason that I understood as not being specific or not caring about my wishes. The first one was it conflict with my understanding of specific/unspecific and the other I would have had difficulty to digest when coming from a friend-like person.
Well, being confused, I had to go over it and ask more, and it collided with the issue about which we had been talking about. Along the lines the others started saying that I should get over it. Over what? I was still trying to understand what was going on, and then it I started feeling that the others didn't want to talk about it at all. This is one reason why I'm writing here and not trying to explain this to the others. They made it pretty clear to me that they don't want to hear my side of the issue. Of course my side of the issue seems to drastically differ from theirs and I'm not the best explainer.
Once again I'm not sure whether I should feel bitter, angry, insulted, happy that they didn't offend me worsely, indifferent or stupid for not getting it all at the same time as the others.
The issue we were discussing went completely unsolved, but I guess that's better.

21:11 — More psychoanalysis. For a long time I've been in positions where I constantly slightly disagree with people, but not so much that it would be the end of all. Now, I've noticed that if I express it so, very few ever even notice I said anything. If I try to completely explain everything about how I see things and so on, every single piece of text I'd write would be a page long. If I shortly and bluntly say I disagree, I'm quite often either forced to accept things or asked why and interrogated about it. I tend to give reasons for my choices (which I've noticed very few people doing otherwise), yet I seem to be the only one who's forced to explain them completely and have to be perfect. Now, it's bad enough that I'm a perfectionist in my eyes, but now others expect me to be perfect, too. Maybe I should just always keep my mouth shut.
It doesn't help the issues that I always think that what if I really am wrong or not explaining things understandably enough. Then, when I'm forced to give out a usually rather extremist view, I tend to give in because I have much difficulty accepting only one way for things. Sigh, I never knew flexibility was such a flaw...

22:14 — So I did take two hours to read these and other pages...
Intersex horror (more or less) stories in English: http://www.usc.edu/isd/archives/queerfrontiers/queer/papers/holmes.long.html
http://www.healthyplace.com/communities/gender/intersexuals/about_me.htm
It's a FAQ, read it: http://www.healthyplace.com/communities/gender/intersexuals/intersexuality_faq.htm
http://www.healthyplace.com/communities/gender/intersexuals/article_mmic.htm This stuff would make a horrible horror story...

http://www.livejournal.com/community/androgynes/ Yeah, I just joined that.

16:25 — It's a windy day today. In case anyone wanted to know. In other news, I went to the RPG club again, played a nice game (very nice especially because I won both of the instances we played it, damn I rule) and signed up for a fuksi D&D thing. (Fuksi is a "first-year" university student, and apparently people stay that way until they've taken part in the "joke" thing that's arranged in vappu (first of May). Yes.)

23:02 — I was busy today, even if I felt sick in the nauseated fashion for the whole day up until just now. Krhm. I crept up on a fly today. It totally didn't see my finger coming until I touched it. I found doing that oddly satisfying.

15:48 — I have made progress today! I finally asked the janitor or whatever of one of the university buildings where its basement was. Well, being me, I had known where the entrances where. I'm just that good. The stairway from indoors was well hidden by clothes racks and a room and non-staircase-like structures, but it was there where I'd thought it to be. I had walked past several times, looking for a stairway and hadn't seen it. Oh well. The other entrance was the one from outside and it too was the door I had been eyeing suspiciously. Yeah, only I can accomplish something like this. :P

22:03 — Krhm. Cloak and Dagger. I've been reading comics again. I've seen them before somewhere else, probably in some X-Men story, but I remembered they were special somehow. Special, yeah. As if everybody else wasn't.
Well, it made me think about what they say: Without light there is no shadow and without shadowthere is no light (or it's useless). Something along those lines. Nevertheless, what is light and darkness without the things in between that reflect, refract, scatter and block that light?
Then I thought about electromagnetic waves and the whole thing lost its purpose and mysticism. Except not, but it's still a metaphor or analogy, I suppose. I never really liked metaphors. I like physics and that brings a whole new mysticity to it.

13:59 — Holy crap. The RPG club of my university is in the basement of Sähkötalo (Electricity house) and its address is SA016. Yet again I looked through the A hall and saw no staircase whatsoever leading downstairs. I know there is some way to the basement because I've been there. I think I went there from the outside, though, but I still can't figure out where the damn basement is. I think I'll blame it on waking up at 6 after bad nights, having to study physics and math right after each other for 4 hours and being unbelievably hungry because I'd get sick if I ate any more food in the morning. I should bring a snack and juice from home or something.
I was very hungry today and gave up as stated, drove home and forgot I was hungry. Damnit, I started doing the math exercises, thinking that I had forgotten something and didn't remember what it was. Geez. It's food time!

22:23 — Yes. http://geebasonparade.keenspot.com/d/20050817.html

19:01 — Right. First day of school has been dealt with. I chickened on the advanced physics course because it seemed like there were too many people in there and it really isn't meant for anyone except those who study technical sciences (whatever it is in English... it sounds ridiculous translated). I canceled that course, then did some more thinking and enrolled again. I've been unstable today.
I even went to the health center office thing of the university, talked to a nurse and dumped all my problems on her. I don't think she even flinched, though she did say something vague after I was done with the biggest issue. I can't help imagining that she's probably telling people that she met a total nutcase today. X) Heh, well, that's not so funny.

15:07 — Gah! I have to wake up at 6 tomorrow. What a tragedy!

21:43 — University starts tomorrow. However, I don't have any lectures on Monday during the first period (except two math PC exercises), so it'll start on Tuesday. How interesting. In any case, I'll have lectures from 8 to 12 every Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday for the whole year. The whole thought of that makes me tired already.
In other news, I've been slightly annoyed by some idiots in IRC. Oh well, I suppose I'd gotten too deep into a paradise-like state. The world is full of idiots, blah blah...

12:05 — Last night I read Finnish horror stories about IGM (intersexual genital mutilation) after looking at this thing: http://www.trasek.net/deegeet.htm
http://www.trasek.net/tiedotteet/02_2/kuinkas.htm
http://www.trasek.net/tiedotteet/02_3/hannele.htm
Huh.

14:56 — Oh well... here you go: RPG Realm (planning to create a new community mainly aimed for role-playing and stuff).

00:20 — I killed my hands today (yesterday) with a face grinding machine (tasohiomakone, Flächenschleifmaschine). That bloody table is evil, I say. Also, my mom could try polishing it herself to see that it's damn hard. X)

12:57 — Right when I was climbing to bed at 5 last night (this morning), I heard the mail car delivering the morning paper. There's just something sad about it when you go to sleep after the morning mail arrives. XD

12:14 — Well... http://www.livejournal.com/users/gomichan/157057.html

23:55 — So, yeah. Quote time. Let's see how much I remember by mind.
"I'd like to live just long enough to see your face when they cut off your head and stick on a pike as a warning to the next ten generations that some favors come with too high a price. I want to look up to your lifeless eyes and wave, like this:" ... "Could you and your associates arrange that for me, Mr. Morden?" as said by Vir to Morden in Babylon 5.
...Seemed to be pretty accurate. http://www.chronology.org/noframes/b-five/monologues.html

20:24 — I'm up to my neck with study stuff and I have no idea what to do. I guess the best thing I could do now is study independently some stuff and just try to pass the damned exams. Crap, my mix or realism, skepticism and no absolute truths is really stressing, but apparently I can't convince myself of any other way. ...Which would totally violate my current mix way too much anyway. I'm strange, yeah. Sigh. And that bloody extended math!
Tired.
Today, I helped my dad to cut down a tree in our yard, just outside my window. Its leaves kept dropping into the rain drain on the roof and blocking the water's way. I wouldn't have wanted to cut it, but well. I had fun climbing up the tree, tying the string, sawing off branches and pulling the tree into the wanted direction.

00:22 — I saw "The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy" today. I liked it.
I have also been very depressed today, or yesterday. Yet it doesn't make me think anything differently or anything. I guess I've also been tired. This is strange, yet ordinary.

10:58 — So I noticed a weird pattern in my dreams. I had a dream last night. I can't believe it was about merfolk and their breeding habits. Well, that's not the point. When I ended up in water (for some reason I didn't seem to be with the merfolk, I was more like a cameraperson), I was there for a while and then started falling. Now that is the point. I've had dreams where I'm in water and start getting pulled down at great speed. And that's yet not the most important thing. Every time, I never even fight because I like the feeling of getting my lungs decompressed! XD Then I wake up. I guess in real life I stop breathing or something. But damn that decompressing feeling is awesome. So much for regular dreams where you fall.

12:13 — I saw Fantastic Four yesterday. It was good :D