[Veltzeh]'s diary

668542  Link to this entry 
Written about Tuesday 2005-09-20
Written: (6987 days ago)

14:27 — In Monday morning I was driving to school and kept glancing at the mirror because if there was an ambulance coming, I'd want to be out of the way. This has never happened to me and the three times an ambulance has went past was when I already was on the other lane. Even more frequently I've seen ambulances coming toward and driving past. Now, I didn't have any reason to keep glancing at the mirror so often. Yet I did, just up until the center of Tampere. Right there, I heard the sirens of an ambulance behind me, looked in the mirror and oh stars, there was an ambulance right behind me! The irony is ridiculous.
I blew my body fluids out through my nose today. I bet the people next to and in front of me had fun in lectures. I didn't bother to stay and infect the math exercise group, so I gave my papers to the assistent and left.

667873  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2005-09-19
Written: (6988 days ago)
Next in thread: 667916

08:00 — Well, I slept very bad because of this damned cold again and my nose is being overly productive. I'm rather tired, but I think the pain pill is making me feel a bit better.
Here's a new link to my collection, too: http://www.rotten.com/library/sex/hermaphrodite/

20:41 — I was rather dead today, then slept over an hour at about 16 and now I feel like I won't sleep in the night at all. Sigh. Besides that, I wrote up my character description and background for my D&D campaign in university. Over 2000 words worth of babble in Finnish, probably to be illustrated by a drawing of the character. Please shoot me.

667401  Link to this entry 
Written about Sunday 2005-09-18
Written: (6989 days ago)

16:12 — Sigh, this illness kicked into high gear. First my throat just hurt, the nose started dripping and now my nostrils are conspiring against my brain which is confounded by the amount of snot. I couldn't sleep well so I'm tired too, yay. And what the heck is it with being cold in the night, except right when you get up, at which point you're sweating so much you'd need a shower? >_> Of course this only happens if I stay in bed longer than optimal, I suppose. Maybe it's just that I start rolling about so frequently that it's a form of exercise.

666332  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2005-09-16
Written: (6991 days ago)

15:26 — I figured I'd write this thing here for the sake of writing it and remembering a realization, among other things that will be revealed.
For some reason a person referred to me with a gender-specific pronoun, even though these people know I say I'm genderless. Well, of course I was a little confused, and who wouldn't? The offender gave a reason that I understood as not being specific or not caring about my wishes. The first one was it conflict with my understanding of specific/unspecific and the other I would have had difficulty to digest when coming from a friend-like person.
Well, being confused, I had to go over it and ask more, and it collided with the issue about which we had been talking about. Along the lines the others started saying that I should get over it. Over what? I was still trying to understand what was going on, and then it I started feeling that the others didn't want to talk about it at all. This is one reason why I'm writing here and not trying to explain this to the others. They made it pretty clear to me that they don't want to hear my side of the issue. Of course my side of the issue seems to drastically differ from theirs and I'm not the best explainer.
Once again I'm not sure whether I should feel bitter, angry, insulted, happy that they didn't offend me worsely, indifferent or stupid for not getting it all at the same time as the others.
The issue we were discussing went completely unsolved, but I guess that's better.

21:11 — More psychoanalysis. For a long time I've been in positions where I constantly slightly disagree with people, but not so much that it would be the end of all. Now, I've noticed that if I express it so, very few ever even notice I said anything. If I try to completely explain everything about how I see things and so on, every single piece of text I'd write would be a page long. If I shortly and bluntly say I disagree, I'm quite often either forced to accept things or asked why and interrogated about it. I tend to give reasons for my choices (which I've noticed very few people doing otherwise), yet I seem to be the only one who's forced to explain them completely and have to be perfect. Now, it's bad enough that I'm a perfectionist in my eyes, but now others expect me to be perfect, too. Maybe I should just always keep my mouth shut.
It doesn't help the issues that I always think that what if I really am wrong or not explaining things understandably enough. Then, when I'm forced to give out a usually rather extremist view, I tend to give in because I have much difficulty accepting only one way for things. Sigh, I never knew flexibility was such a flaw...

666033  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2005-09-15
Written: (6992 days ago)
662127  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2005-09-09
Written: (6998 days ago)
Next in thread: 673779

16:25 — It's a windy day today. In case anyone wanted to know. In other news, I went to the RPG club again, played a nice game (very nice especially because I won both of the instances we played it, damn I rule) and signed up for a fuksi D&D thing. (Fuksi is a "first-year" university student, and apparently people stay that way until they've taken part in the "joke" thing that's arranged in vappu (first of May). Yes.)

661806  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2005-09-08
Written: (6999 days ago)

23:02 — I was busy today, even if I felt sick in the nauseated fashion for the whole day up until just now. Krhm. I crept up on a fly today. It totally didn't see my finger coming until I touched it. I found doing that oddly satisfying.

661117  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2005-09-07
Written: (7000 days ago)

15:48 — I have made progress today! I finally asked the janitor or whatever of one of the university buildings where its basement was. Well, being me, I had known where the entrances where. I'm just that good. The stairway from indoors was well hidden by clothes racks and a room and non-staircase-like structures, but it was there where I'd thought it to be. I had walked past several times, looking for a stairway and hadn't seen it. Oh well. The other entrance was the one from outside and it too was the door I had been eyeing suspiciously. Yeah, only I can accomplish something like this. :P

658353  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2005-09-02
Written: (7005 days ago)

22:03 — Krhm. Cloak and Dagger. I've been reading comics again. I've seen them before somewhere else, probably in some X-Men story, but I remembered they were special somehow. Special, yeah. As if everybody else wasn't.
Well, it made me think about what they say: Without light there is no shadow and without shadowthere is no light (or it's useless). Something along those lines. Nevertheless, what is light and darkness without the things in between that reflect, refract, scatter and block that light?
Then I thought about electromagnetic waves and the whole thing lost its purpose and mysticism. Except not, but it's still a metaphor or analogy, I suppose. I never really liked metaphors. I like physics and that brings a whole new mysticity to it.

657629  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2005-09-01
Written: (7006 days ago)

13:59 — Holy crap. The RPG club of my university is in the basement of Sähkötalo (Electricity house) and its address is SA016. Yet again I looked through the A hall and saw no staircase whatsoever leading downstairs. I know there is some way to the basement because I've been there. I think I went there from the outside, though, but I still can't figure out where the damn basement is. I think I'll blame it on waking up at 6 after bad nights, having to study physics and math right after each other for 4 hours and being unbelievably hungry because I'd get sick if I ate any more food in the morning. I should bring a snack and juice from home or something.
I was very hungry today and gave up as stated, drove home and forgot I was hungry. Damnit, I started doing the math exercises, thinking that I had forgotten something and didn't remember what it was. Geez. It's food time!

657263  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2005-08-31
Written: (7007 days ago)
656569  Link to this entry 
Written about Tuesday 2005-08-30
Written: (7008 days ago)

19:01 — Right. First day of school has been dealt with. I chickened on the advanced physics course because it seemed like there were too many people in there and it really isn't meant for anyone except those who study technical sciences (whatever it is in English... it sounds ridiculous translated). I canceled that course, then did some more thinking and enrolled again. I've been unstable today.
I even went to the health center office thing of the university, talked to a nurse and dumped all my problems on her. I don't think she even flinched, though she did say something vague after I was done with the biggest issue. I can't help imagining that she's probably telling people that she met a total nutcase today. X) Heh, well, that's not so funny.

655782  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2005-08-29
Written: (7009 days ago)
Next in thread: 655849

15:07 — Gah! I have to wake up at 6 tomorrow. What a tragedy!

655292  Link to this entry 
Written about Sunday 2005-08-28
Written: (7010 days ago)

21:43 — University starts tomorrow. However, I don't have any lectures on Monday during the first period (except two math PC exercises), so it'll start on Tuesday. How interesting. In any case, I'll have lectures from 8 to 12 every Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday for the whole year. The whole thought of that makes me tired already.
In other news, I've been slightly annoyed by some idiots in IRC. Oh well, I suppose I'd gotten too deep into a paradise-like state. The world is full of idiots, blah blah...

652459  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2005-08-24
Written: (7014 days ago)
Next in thread: 652460

12:05 — Last night I read Finnish horror stories about IGM (intersexual genital mutilation) after looking at this thing: http://www.trasek.net/deegeet.htm
http://www.trasek.net/tiedotteet/02_2/kuinkas.htm
http://www.trasek.net/tiedotteet/02_3/hannele.htm
Huh.

648545  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2005-08-18
Written: (7020 days ago)

14:56 — Oh well... here you go: RPG Realm (planning to create a new community mainly aimed for role-playing and stuff).

646044  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2005-08-15
Written: (7024 days ago)

00:20 — I killed my hands today (yesterday) with a face grinding machine (tasohiomakone, Flächenschleifmaschine). That bloody table is evil, I say. Also, my mom could try polishing it herself to see that it's damn hard. X)

644301  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2005-08-12
Written: (7026 days ago)
Next in thread: 644322

12:57 — Right when I was climbing to bed at 5 last night (this morning), I heard the mail car delivering the morning paper. There's just something sad about it when you go to sleep after the morning mail arrives. XD

643252  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2005-08-11
Written: (7027 days ago)
642232  Link to this entry 
Written about Tuesday 2005-08-09
Written: (7029 days ago)

23:55 — So, yeah. Quote time. Let's see how much I remember by mind.
"I'd like to live just long enough to see your face when they cut off your head and stick on a pike as a warning to the next ten generations that some favors come with too high a price. I want to look up to your lifeless eyes and wave, like this:" ... "Could you and your associates arrange that for me, Mr. Morden?" as said by Vir to Morden in Babylon 5.
...Seemed to be pretty accurate. http://www.chronology.org/noframes/b-five/monologues.html

641655  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2005-08-08
Written: (7030 days ago)

20:24 — I'm up to my neck with study stuff and I have no idea what to do. I guess the best thing I could do now is study independently some stuff and just try to pass the damned exams. Crap, my mix or realism, skepticism and no absolute truths is really stressing, but apparently I can't convince myself of any other way. ...Which would totally violate my current mix way too much anyway. I'm strange, yeah. Sigh. And that bloody extended math!
Tired.
Today, I helped my dad to cut down a tree in our yard, just outside my window. Its leaves kept dropping into the rain drain on the roof and blocking the water's way. I wouldn't have wanted to cut it, but well. I had fun climbing up the tree, tying the string, sawing off branches and pulling the tree into the wanted direction.

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