02:31 — I was in my first beer-fest of sorts. Of course I didn't drink, but well. At one point, there was a group of people close to me and they suddenly went about introducing themselves. Finnish names are delighting sometimes. Jouni, Janne, Jenni, Janne, Joni. Seriously. I think there were a Jani and a third Janne, too. It was damn funny.

22:06 — I was sitting there, writing to a person, following several channels, had a bunch of terminals open to do my programming assignment, bunch of other programs for my Shadowrun character, and who knows what else. Then, all of a sudden my dad comes in and yells at me, insisting that I shut down my programs and computer RIGHT NOW. He didn't offer much of an explanation and I was already panicking because I had like 20 or more programs to be closed. He explained something about how mom's computer was locked up, it was an emergency and how he needed to black out the whole house to fix it. Now, this is just plain ridiculous, but I had already started closing programs and was still in panic. By the time I had closed all the stuff down, I had told him that I would come take a look at it first.
Now, blacking out the whole house for this is ridiculous because you can just pull the plug. It's exactly the same effect for the computer, and the cords are ridiculously easy to access and don't affect anything else than the computer itself. However, since this is indeed a laptop, pulling the plug doesn't help, because it's charged. I had realized that by the time I was done.
When I got to the comp, I saw that it was far from urgent. It was just locked up and my dad said nothing worked. So I pressed the fucking power button and the "problem" was solved in four seconds.
I haven't been that angry in a long, long time. At least I could monitor myself while being angry, so now I know more about myself. I can't speak when I'm angry and if others speak, I feel more anger or then it makes me want to cry.
Maybe I should go explain my dad about pressing the power button for four seconds and explain to him that if pulling the plug doesn't help, then neither does blacking out the house. Of course, he should know this because he's graduated from a fucking university of technology.

01:36 — My exams for this period are over. Circuit analysis went okay, I suppose, and I think I wrote a lot of nice things on the Programming 2 exam, but I ran out of time! Three-hour exam, damnit, and about half the people were still writing when the time ended. Fourier methods exam was bad, and I didn't know how to answer to some questions. I wrote stuff that I thought would make sense, though, so I'll hope I'll at least pass.
My little Shadowrunner is coming along quite nice, actually I think it's almost finished. Whee!
Also, NaNoWriMo has ended. I got past my personal goal of 10000 words and instead crossed 25000 words. I feel accomplished. Now please read what I wrote! http://www.writersco.com/39.NaNoWriMo.2006:%20Tales%20from%20Kyerrion

14:45 — Today I finally sold my old TV that had been gathering dust under my lighttable shelf. I took it to Tampere and then thought that while I'm there, I might just as well buy stuff I needed. So I went to buy gloves and a network switch hub. I also was at the dentist today, but nothing happened there. My teeth are almost perfect. I only have that one cavity I got when I was in USA.
I spent about three hours on designing my little Shadowrunner on Monday, and I was kind of hyper after that. I went to sleep and rolled around for at least two hours, coming up with a great background story for my character. I can totally explain why ey's gotten all that nifty equipment and knowledge and stuff and still needs to be a Shadowrunner. It's probably not all that brilliant though, taking into account that I did whip it up while I was trying to sleep. Nevertheless, I got up in the night and WROTE that damn piece of text because I gleed at it about every minute and that was the primary reason I couldn't sleep. I was hungry too, though, since I had forgotten to eat anything. Well, I slept under 4 hours, still got up at 6 and went to lectures. I felt kind of dead in the evening, though.
Excuse me while I bounce.

09:43 — I bet all you stalkers are delighted in the amount of spam I've produced lately. Still, in case you didn't know, it's Transgender day of remembrance today! http://www.gender.org/remember/day/ ...or http://www.rememberingourdead.org/day/index.html

21:53 — Well, I spent the best part of the day reading the Shadowrun 4th edition core book. This thing is addictive. Besides that, I'll be damned if this will be the first human I'll play! Intersexed, of course. GM-approved!

21:44 — Oh gee, I redid the drawing style rant. I felt it was a bit incomplete yesterday too, but well, too late.

Hm. More and more people have told me that my style looks like anime/manga style. At first I refused to show my drawings to anyone, so no one could really tell me what it looked like. Therefore, my skills and style "developed" in peace. I didn't try to imitate any other styles or drawings either, because I thought it was cheating, wrong and bad. At 16, when I first publicly showed off my drawings in Elfwood, almost no one called my style anime-like. And now that's changing...

I first drew rabbits in a realistic/comic style. Then I started reading X-Men and eventually drew my first humans, inspired by superhero comics. Those humans were children. I didn't want to draw men or women at that point. Heck, it took me about a year to draw even a teen. A year was a very long time indeed when I was 12 and very bored. Since then, my style still hasn't really changed as far as I can see; it's essentially the same. Only my skills have become "better". It's weird that I can see approximately the same skill level in my drawings from 2003 as in my current drawings... after that, it seems I just went through phases where I fixed anatomy, got more patient and detailed and so on.
I first saw anime when I joined Elfwood. I felt pretty indifferent to it, I think. I didn't want to draw it, I rather had my own style. I could tell by then that my style didn't really look like comic book style, but I didn't know why. Probably because I didn't ink much. I still say my style isn't even near anime.
So why are people calling my style anime or anime-like? Tell me!

After too many people (yeah, most would say it's just very few people) said that my style looks like anime, I decided to take out some of my X-Men comics and absorb the art.
It feels a bit wrong and like giving up to start changing my style just because other people say it looks like anime. Heck, I'd feel dirty either way. Don't know if that's good or bad.

So, maybe you should expect a bit of a change in my style. But no, I will NOT start drawing huge breasts unless some poor unfortunate character really has some.

22:42 — I started creating a Shadowrun character today. Couldn't get it done, though (huge surprise), but at least I absorbed a lot of info. For the first time in my tiny RPGing history, I'm actually thinking of making a human character! Apocalypse!
And whee, GM doesn't seem to mind my androgynes either.

00:00 — Leeeeeeroooyy! http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:Leeroy_card.jpg

14:05 — Oh gee. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asperger_syndrome#Social_differences
The social differences are pretty much straight out of my life. Plus shyness. Also the language part, except my handwriting is fairly legible. Of course that might be because I was taught how to write well, I write fairly slowly and practice hand coordination skills. Excuses :D Some of the other stuff matches too. Yay, I'm so good at diagnosing myself.

11:24 — I got the damn program to work! Damn I'm good. Still gotta nitpick on it, but hey, I got it working while sitting in the library working on my laptop, and I'm not even out of battery! Granted, it's at 28 % now, but yeah. I used 69 % of the battery to work out what it was! Now I'll eat. I could maybe even do NaNoWriMo, but that's maybe a bit too much to ask.

23:03 — Nine hours of programming HELL! I've been putting my puzzle-assembling program together and it seems I've got everything put up except for the actual assembling. It just generates errors and errors and errors and I have no clue what's wrong with it. It's ridiculous. And the deadline is in less than 49 hours. I feel less pissed than I'd think, though.

23:23 — Yeah, related to that, the thing's deadline is in 48 hours, which is way too little time at this point, and I still haven't done the exercises for Friday's Fourier's methods exercises. I feel fucked up. Sigh. Whine.

00:28 — One of the things that pisses me off ridiculously is when people don't drive in their own lanes. Especially in winter, because it shows. I just don't understand what's so hard to keep your damn car in your own damn lane when you can SEE where the middle line and side lines are! Are they really so bad at handling their car that they just can't drive on any kind of snow or ice? Are they really so fucking useless scared cowards, huh? I stay on my own fucking lane! And I bloody well expect others to do the same!
Also, NaNoWriMo. Therefore: http://veltzeh.livejournal.com/11859.html and http://elftown.lysator.liu.se/_THOH%20Kyerrion%20HTML

12:55 — There was a damn hideous snowstorm yesterday. Morning was clear, but still it took me 50 minutes to drive to school. Well, when I left at around 17, the storm was there. I had to dig out my car and by the time I got one side of the windshield cleaned, the other was covered. So I decided to trust my windshield wipers, which was a bad idea. Well, I did see enough to be able to drive. It wasn't like anyone would be driving anywhere over half the speed limit. The highway of Hervanta was dark, too and there was an ambulance on the other lanes.
Oh well, the driving weather was hideous and it took me over an hour to get home. I took photos of our yard and I'll upload them some time.

18:06 —
Note the layers on top of the car's front.

17:20 — Whoo! My WLAN on my laptop works at the university! Yay! Even mom's stuff at home works now.

18:17 — I've recovered from my little cold, scored the circuit analysis 1 first half exam (only missed 6 points out of 30), don't have info on the electromagnetic fields and waves course and my programming assignments have been going along nice. I bought a new laptop (yeah, whee) that's supposed to understand my university's WLAN so that I can access the damn thing with the laptop. [Levoton] will get my old one. :D My mom's also got a huge pile of new computer stuff since she'll be working from home and some equipment is kind of free now. I stole a USB mouse to replace our first one, the 10-year-old Compaq ball mouse. Damn, I like having new tech in the house. I think I'm still high from my TV and stuff, even.

19:02 — Well, it's a big entry so I decided to make it its own entry instead of putting it with the other one. I also put it in my LJ: http://veltzeh.livejournal.com/11668.html


One of my RPG characters had another one of those mental breakdowns ...sort of. Afterwards I decided to play it in a way that it wasn't that big a deal and blame the sudden fleeing on another character's (misinterpretable) actions.
I talked with the other players about it a bit, and since this isn't exactly a very new issue with the character, it got me thinking about how differently people react to things. Now, there are some things that can almost to be said universal, like the disliking of pain, but even that's not always the case. So, I started thinking about punishments. Granted, I've also been watching Oz (first season, apparently) and I symphatize with Beecher.

I'm one of those people for whom the knowledge of having done something wrong is an incredibly harsh punishment by itself. It does depend a bit on the situation, issue and how other people react to it, but essentially, that's the case. I'll regret my mistakes forever. However, since I know I work like that, I also actively try to forget the unfortunalities, and I'm fairly okay at manipulating myself. There's still a limit somewhere, and the worst cases are most of the stuff that happened in the past when I didn't understand how my mind works.
When I do something wrong, I'll regret it, dwell on it and avoid ever coming into contact with such a thing again. It makes me miserable to know that I failed – of course there needs to be the condition that I was absolutely expecting success or failing made things hideously miserable or complicated or something. I can recalculate results and retake exams, so while failing a university course sucks big time and makes me somewhat depressed because it screws my schedule, it's something that no one else but me really cares about, and it's all about mechanical reorganizing. However, if I did something wrong to someone without really knowing it, it's really bad, because I have no clue how to handle a situation like that. The best solution I've come up with this far is to be oblivious and not care, but that makes it worse for the hurt person, right? It's not a wanted outcome.
Then there's the factor of people scorning my mistakes or punishing me for doing something wrong. That's one of the unthinkable things for me: I can't really handle to hear other people say how wrong I was. They have no reason for it unless they were the target of my wrong-doing and I didn't realize it – all they need to do after that is just inform me that they would have like for things to be done differently. I usually realize that I've done something wrong and have a clue of how wrong it was and I'll dwell on it, regret it and feel miserable. If they come at me accusing and punishing, well, I'll be close to one of these breakdowns.

Therefore, when I know I've done something wrong, that knowledge is by far more than enough punishment for me, and what I want other people to say is instructions on how to not do "wrong", in case I don't already know.

Nothing like that has actually happened to me in a while, but I unknowingly passed this trait onto my character because I didn't know of another way – and my character is the one suffering now. X)


Related to that, I absolutely hate it when people say "you can get over it or you can go cry in a corner" or something equally dumbassed. That's one of the most annoying unfair things I've ever come across. Now, remembering the piece of text I wrote before this one, I'm the kind of person who dwells on things and has a hard time "getting over" things. Well, some things. But usually when this stupid phrase is used, it includes mistakes, misunderstandings and stuff like that.
Now, here comes into play the same phrase as above: people react differently to different things. I try to do my best not insulting other people and I expect them to do the same, or at least learn when I inform them of my being displeased. I most often even try to not insult religious people, no matter how illogical I think blind faith (or pretty much faith of any kind) and anything that might fall under "religion" is.
So yeah, I might get a bit overboard defending transgenderism and yeah, some people might think that no, gender-neutral pronouns just aren't that important. So I say: if they aren't really that important, why are those people refusing to respect me even that little bit to call my character "it"? It shouldn't be that big a deal to them, right? Consequently, if they do think it's a big deal and think I should just use a gendered pronoun, there's the conflict of equality. If their genders have to have their own pronoun, why can't mine?
There are still some issues with the above that are unclear and somewhat illogical unless you happened to be reading my mind there, but I'm too ill to try to put it straight. I require leading questions.

Nevertheless, gender neutrality is a big thing to me and I do not appreciate it if people mock or belittle it. I expect the people I consider some sort of friends to respect it and not consciously make me feel miserable by disrespecting something that's important to me. (Yeah, transgenderism is just one example, I could say approximately the same about my drawings or my spellchecking trait. >_>)

12:16 — I'm still reading the archives of Commissioned, and while there have been awesome strips and stuff, this caught my mind for another reason entirely. http://www.commissionedcomic.com/index.php?date=2006-09-26
It's all about the rant on the bottom, and not even the rant – I don't think there even was one. Nevertheless, the piece of interest says:
This time around, I decided to take mercy upon our more privileged abnormals who own screens that are simply too big for their own good, and thus can afford resolutions up to 1600x1200. If your resolution goes anywhere beyond that, you really don't need a wallpaper - all you need is to look at your screen and say "crap, this is huge".
I couldn't help but marvel how true it is. I have a 1800 by 1440 resolution and I just don't use wallpapers. It's enough for me to look at my screen mosaic of windows and I'm all happy. Of course, I don't use wallpapers even in my laptop, but that's just because I don't like wallpapers. Or maybe because the icons are enough of a wallpaper.
Oh well. My nose is still being very leaky and stuff, but I feel kind of better. Especially because I decided I wouldn't get up at 6 today, but instead slept through circuit analysis 1.

15:56 — Today I feel about two-thirds sick. Heck, my brain (and body) is supposed to be resting in a warm spot, but it's cold and I need to plan my schedule for the next period which starts tomorrow. I thought I could do it earlier, but then the damn sickness came and I haven't really done anything. Bloody courses. I'm just glad I didn't seem to completely botch the exams.
I drove to Helsinki yesterday to meet a channelful of people. That's exactly what happened, though it was sort of funny that when I came there, no one seemed to be up and nothing happened when I rang the doorbell and stuff. So I went to sit in my car and decided to try again. No use, but I noticed the door looked like it was open. So I went in and sneaked around until someone got up. Awkward as heck, but then we had a great time playing and stuff.
I should be doing so many things that I'd just rather sit here and write this stuff. So, I've been reading http://www.commissionedcomic.com/ lately (yes, it's because [Duredhel] gave me the link) and every time I read the archives of some webcomic, I feel a small urge to start drawing one myself. I just don't really know what it could be like. I suppose I could do a mix of anything I come up with, but I don't know if that'd work. I also suck at being regular with updating and all that. Oh well...
I gotta post some RPG stuff... and make that damn schedule... not to mention checking LJ and writing up a piece of text I should've written a while ago.

20:09 — Yesterday I felt only one-thirds sick. Today it backfired a bit again. I went to the university restaurants to figure out what to do with the already paid food portions I had on the card and I was told that they could be transferred to the new card, but of course not... meh, that's the kind of stuff that makes me damn tired. And since I'm ill, I've also been annoyingly cold. Being cold is nice, but not too much when being ill. Hooh. I also tried to go to the city, but couldn't find a parking space and I just didn't bother to go to a parking hall.
I think last week I saw an absolutely awesome rainbow over a lake I drive by. It was big and it ended up in the lake! I don't think I'd ever seen a rainbow that actually ended somewhere, save for the ones I made myself. It was damn awesome. I wish I could've taken a photo.

20:42 — So yeah, I'm finally ill too. My head's felt sort of swollen, I've been cold and my throat has been very annoying. This can only mean one thing... A sure sign of an impending exam week.

00:57 — Ostetaan mopoon mäntä! XD
Eräällä kanavalla oli puhetta Mäntästä. Kenenkään ei tarvitse tietää missä se on, vain se että ei tiedä missä se on ja että ketään ei kiinnosta. (Ihan sattumalta minä nyt kuitenkin tiedän, missä Mänttä on.) Sitä seurasi tämä kommentti: "Olen kerran ostanut sieltä kuorma-autoon tarkoitettavan vilkkuvalon." Miksi ostaa vilkkuvalo kourma-autoon kirpputorilta, vaikka ei tee sillä mitään? Tässä on päivän heräteostos, pitäkää hauskaa.
Tuo ensimmäinen lause on sisäpiirin vitsi. Se oli ihan liian hauska, kun se keksittiin. Ja ihan yhtä seko kuin tämä vilkkuvalotapaus, minkä takia se tuli mieleen.