I HATE FINALS!!!!!!! we have them twice a year and now im going insane. .........damnit.....and the teacher is giving me more and more greif.........fuck......i woke up with jack this morning!!!!yayness!!!!! i love him so fucking much.....i love that word...fuck...its great....its a verb its a adjative its everyting good and bad.....now how do i start that book?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? FUCK!!!!!

crap....i need to learn more about psychosis....amongst other things....shit fuck it all i have no clue how to start this damned book!!!!! ok.....enough "sailor talk* .......*evil fucked up stare* *&^%&_(+(*_)**&%%$*&)&(*%^&)+||)*&^#$@!#$%&^*++|_)^$$@!!#$#





so much better.....but it doesnt solve anything....

wow. Its snowing like a bitch outside now and there is talk buzzing around my class that we will be let out early. Its only supposed to be about 1-3 inches all day but I know that its going to be more. Sitting near to the window as I am, you can see the area where the busses wait to pick kids up.....an empty parking lot as of now though. its covered in white and I feel as though I need to throw on the trenchcoat and go for a walk. There is no color in the world that I can see anymore. Even during the spring. Here in school there are pastel colored clothes of preps and those who just think they look nice. Nothing of any vibrance.....nothing of real beauty. So I just wear black....I mimick what I see in hopes that others will notice what is missing. But of course no one even looks at the backgrounds of pictures so why would they exercise vigulance? I try too hard.......anyway, I would be a dark spot on the white of everyone's beautiful unbroken world if I were to dance in the snow like I wish to now. And I doubt that we would get out any earlier than 40 minutes or so earlier than when we normally would.

I'm starting to think that insanity is a clear lquid running through my veins....making me feel less as it kills my blood....

My teacher told us all to question authority, any and all of it, and then was mad when I asked her "why?"

well, i cried all christmas, new years, and my birthday. fuck i hated it all. i loved being around people for once. thats a bad sign. dad left for iraq on my birthday. i saw him for about a half an hour. then my mom and brother left and took him to the base and i was home alone for almost hours.....then my darling jack came over for a while but he was sick...(so cute when hes sleeping =P ) but i did nothing on my birthday. i had at least hoped to go out for a while. but i didnt set foot outside my door. oh well, ive been saying that theres always next year. i dont think so now....

u know....i have a terrible need to hurt people....to just fuck them over mentally....loosen the screws a little....its really fun when u know what im talking about