Okay.. So here I fucking sit, barely able to see the fucking screen..Feelin
So I'm sitting here.. Thinking.. Memories bugging me.. I keep imagining him in my arms, dying.. Again. Why do I have to face this torture countless times? Why won't it just leave me alone..... FUCK MY MIND! FUCK THESE TEARS! FUCK MY PAST! And fuck all these fuckers.. Who don't give a shit about me.. So I'm sitting here next.. to my best friend.. Who probably doesn't even realize I'm crying.. While she tries to fucking go to sleep...
And me?
I can't sleep.. I just lay there and fucking cry.. Like I've been doing for nights.. for weeks.. maybe months.. Very rarely do I ever fucking sleep anymore..
Why can't I cheer up.. I want to.. Deep down.. Maybe I am really happy sometimes now.. And it isn't just a mask anymore.. It's fucking sad when I can't tel the difference between what I really feel.. And what's just a mask.. What's fake..........
What is real now....?
Makes me wonder.. If this love now is real.. Does he really care? Does he really love me? Would he really bother........
No.. I can't blame anyone else for what I fucking do..
I do it to everyone.. And it's my fucking fault.. It's my fucking fault I'm so alone.. So empty.. So cold.. And always so fucking sad..
Is the smile he puts on my face real... Or is it just a temporary fix.. Like a high..
I don't want to push him away.. I don't want him to leave.. In all reality, I want him to come here and be with me forever.. So I can hold him, he can hold me.. And I can be happy forever.. If it's not true happiness.. Even though.. I think it is.. What I feel.. When he does things for me.. Goes out of his way for me.. I don't think it's a mask.. I think he really does make me happy.. But.. how long will he stick around..
I'm afraid he's going to leave like everyone else.. Or maybe that's just me pushing him away..
Now look at what I've fucking done to her...... I wish she wouldn't..
It's always my fucking fault..
Fuck this, I don't know why I bother.. Even if anyone does read it.. Which they won't.. I don't know what I expect from it.. I don't know what I want from it..
Just fuck it
I hope my blood keeps on flowing until I fucking die..
New username, fuckers. That's right. This one is bitchin'. Ha.
As the lights flickered from the passing storm, she searched for a match. With a quick strike of lightning and a loud crash of thunder, the lights quickly cut out. She passed the display case, a katana within. She felt along the walls for a source of light. She turned, her eyes adjusting slightly to her dark surroundings. She shuttered as his words echoed within her mind from previous conversations. She passed the display case once more, a flash of lightning revealed the missing blade. She searched the room frantically with her eyes, trying to seek out the intruder. She heard a noise and headed to the next floor. Quickly she found her way to the stairs, climbing them swiftly to meet her enemy, but as she turned the corner, the lightning revealed the opposite. There he stood, blade out with hatred in his eyes. She quickly ran into her room and slammed the door. He began to pound on the door, screaming madly as she searched for matches. Each pound of his fist upon the door was just as surprising and terrifying as the thunder outside. She struck a match, quickly lighting as many candles as she could. Suddenly he came bursting through the door. The surprise hit her hard, knocking her to the ground as she faced him, trembling in fear. He laughed, hatred dripping from every aspect of his features. The shadows from the flames danced upon his face, he had become a quick passing shadow. He began screaming at her as he struck her once with the blade. She stood, her arm bleeding, she cringed from his harsh words. She choked back her tears, attempting to hide her weakness. He struck her again, sending her to her knees. He danced upon her life and upon her soul. She bowed her head, barely able to speak, she begged him to stop but he heard nothing. He began screaming again as she held her hands to her face, hiding her emotions with the smear of blood on her face. He struck her again, what most would consider a fatal blow. She stood once again. He dropped the blade and pushed her down. She began screaming, not at him, not at herself, but screaming every last word and emotion on her mind. He dropped to his knees, hearing none of her words as she screamed them through her own blood and tears. Her chest bled violently from his last blow, with every breath she took and every word she spoke. He narrowed his eyes and dug his hand into the wound. She gripped his wrist and began screaming madly. Still he felt around as if searched desperately to end her life. Finally she felt her heart clench, tighten. Her eyes studied his face closely, she wouldn’t believe it was truly him, but it was. She felt him yank at her heart as she watched him. She let her hands drop from his arm. He screamed at her one last time and with a final tug, she saw her heart in his hands. She slowly relaxed, her breaths ending, her blood running cold. Her eyes were empty, glazed, but they sat upon him. He clenched her heart, watching madly as the last bit of blood fell. He dropped it to the ground; her blood covered his hands and his clothes. He simply turned and walked away without even looking back.
Uh.. Yeah. Have some lyrics? See how I currently feel, if you care.
IT HIDES INSIDE MEEEEE!!!!!!!!
why am i condemned to this hell?! why am i haunted by these images that arent even from my own life? how did i get them!? what did i do?! why does he want me dead?! *collapses to the floor* hes eating my soul........de
if anybody wants to kill me, please go ahead...