ok so, im not sure where i am i do kno that im in m house (ya kno this thing really should come w/instruction manuals n i thank Ducky, and anthony, and bean for their help!) but i have a pic of a diary thats neglected n so i will make it happy by filling it w/my whinings! i mean..wat good aspiring writer would i be if i just left a perfectly good diary go 2 waste? so here we go!

well today is acctually the first day ive felt normal in a VERY long time..its weird but im not worried about guys or anything else! maybe most of it has 2 do w/my dad being gone or just the fact that its summer and i dont have skool or plays or anything 2 stress about..i lay around all day fighting w/my sister n being bored...although some stuff from the skool board came today n that means skool will b here b4 i kno it..august 9th is our 1st day..man o man..almost a month away..n ive gotta do the whole registering, book buying, clothes shopping, nike getting, shedual fixing, shot getting deal 2 get back 2 skool..but itll b kool cuz ive missed everyone n i cant wait 2 get back..so excited bout this upcoming year cuz its my 1st time in Ad Drama so its the 1st time ill have a class w/everyone n even tho john n everyone isnt here anymore *tears up thinkin bout it* its still gonna b awesome..im just gonna try not 2 think bout how many ppl r graduating this year..i dont think i could handle it..DUSTIN

so i will leave everything here to not worry about it:
boys-ok its pretty clear theres no guys @ skool that r into me or that i would consider..cuz..well..i kno all the awesome guys @ skool n i dont think theres any awesome ones across town so im gonna wait a LONG time b4 i start searching seriously..ill just hang out n wait n c wat happens n as far as nick goes..ok hes an awesome guy n ill always b able 2 borrow clothes n talk music w/him n if things were different yea id love 2 give it another shot but right now im just tryin 2 get him to stop hating me..and that seems 2 b working..so ill just ride that out n c where it goes kyle, ok kyle is my friend n ill always have love 4 him n ill always feel closer 2 him than most guy friends just for..certain reasons but ive just given up having that stupid idea that something would happen between us n this time im not even blaming myself its not cuz im not good enough or cuz im unattractive its just that he doesnt feel it..n thats ok i dont get weak in the knees around him anymore i think hes all kinds of wonderful n so beautiful both inside and out n i love it when he hugs me n rocks me all softly like..i just..love him theres no way around that i do love him dearly...but im not losing site of reality this time it wont happen..accepted it and moving on..i dont like kyle lik that anymore..although i will admit if he had a gf n they were together that would bother me some..but nothing i can do about it id just b happy 4 him

skool-not worrying about it i got all the stupid courses outta the way so i can start taking some things im a bit eager about Spanish II (yuck!), AP US History (totally did that in 8th grade so easy!), Arts & Humanities (the geeky things demi loves did THAT in 8th grade n its just lik Drama I so easy), ESS (astronomy n acctually stuff i can wrap my head around..none of that biology stuff), English II honors (yea i can basically sleep through any english class n still ace it..plus theres added bonuses when we read shakespeare!), Ad Drama II (me, kyle, dustin, alli, joe, duska, morgan, travis, n stevi..in a class w/a stage and costumes n props n the whole bit..for 90 min a day...enough said..u get creative), geometry (gonna hate it but its got shapes n i can do Pi so..it cant b worse than alg.), theres 1 more course im taking but i cant remember wat it is..anyway ill worry bout all that stuff in a month

thats all thats bothering me n really the 2nd one im not even thinkin bout..im doing ALOT better and i guess it was just a state of my depression or something but im fine now all kinds of contentment n may i just say i have DEFINATLY felt worse..right now im very content just bored n waiting 4 something 2 happen