well.. elftown up again.. im home early from a christian music festival.. broke up with [Rockin' Ronja].. or we broke up together. feeling free.. but. well.. i want to be apreciated, and liked. i'm going to a concert tomorrow. my good friend Andrea is going to play.. later on i'll meet up with Hannah.. it's nice talking to her..

"Little Wing"

Well she's walking through the clouds
With a circus mind that's running round
Butterflies and zebras
And moonbeams and fairy tales
That's all she ever thinks about
Riding with the wind.

When I'm sad, she comes to me
With a thousand smiles, she gives to me free
It's alright she says it's alright
Take anything you want from me, anything
Anything.

Fly on little wing,
Yeah yeah, yeah, little wing

- Jimi Hendrix -

My [Rockin' Ronja] is coming soon! looking forward to seing her again. i miss her like crazy!

I Want to make something.. but I don't have the energy.

drink up, baby, stay up all night
the things you could do, you won't but you might
the potential you'll be, that you'll never see
the promises you'll only make

drink up with me now and forget all about the pressure of days
do what I say and I'll make you okay and drive them away
the images stuck in your head

people you've been before that you don't want around anymore
that push and shove and won't bend to your will
I'll keep them still

drink up, baby, look at the stars
I'll kiss you again between the bars where I'm seeing you
there with your hands in the air, waiting to finally be caught

drink up one more time and I'll make you mine
keep you apart deep in my heart separate from the rest
where I like you the best and keep the things you forgot

the people you've been before that you don't want around anymore
that push and shove and won't bend to your will
I'll keep them still

i don't know... i feel shit. dont know why. the last days have been great. [Rockin' Ronja] was here :) yesterday, Emilio and Marius where here. We played together and talked. we slept in my new room in the barn, and Watched a Opeth dvd(I love that band!) today i went to a second hand market with my dad, it was an organ there, and i wanted to buy it. my dad is stupid..

right now i feel cold, sad and empty for no reason.. i miss.

Today I was in Oslo, at a cinema with my class, and watched a swedish Movie called Tur & Retur, which was great! I stayed in oslo for a while afterwards with jonas. his girlfriend came too, and we just walked around in the sunny wheather. I miss(ed) [Rockin' Ronja] though. and I look forward to seeing her again tomorrow. all the same, i love the urban life! Must sleep now..

Oh and i brought the film "Being John Malkovich" haven't watched it yet..

Hmm, the weekend..i didn't break a promise.. well after my last diary posting, i packed all my things and gear(took 1 1/2 hour just to pack) worth 50-60000 Kr. and drove off to Lørenskog. i rigged it up there with the band and we tested the sound. as mentiond in the earlier post, i didn't really look forward to doing this job, but as i startet to rig, i found that i was acctually enjoying it. this was supposed to change though, because, when we had played/recorded for like 3-4 hours, i went tired of it all.. i hated all the guys, i hated the place, and i was so damn hungry, so i demanded pizza! and after just one slice, they asked me quite rude when we would begin again.. that pissed me off, because, for example the the drummer... after he has recorded the drumtrack in the song, he can wait and slack until next song, but i must sit there and mix and listen to fucking loud noises ALL THE TIME! later it got better again, they was happy with the things i did, and that made me stand the noises.. but i had HUGE moodswings. in one song i played synth too. it sounded very cool and the guys honored me for that.. when all the tracks where recorded i was so happy and satysfied! we started friday and finished synday at 2-3 in the morning.. the other guys was really tired, but i was so happy to be finished with that shit, that i couldn't sleep..

on sunday, we rigged down and left.. i went home and was SO happy! i was going to meet [Rockin' Ronja] again!, we was suposed to go to a christan thingy called Sub Church, but instead, we went to her place. it was very nice and i was very happy, never felt so happy in a long time! my selfconfindence was sky high(and still is), and thats just great! i picked some nice flowers for her mom, but i dont think she liked them, but thats reasonable, because [Rockin' Ronja]s, flowers was much more pretty :) i love myself.

today was a boring but nice day.. nothing to do, great weather and a boy peeing in our pond... should have whritten [Rockin' Ronja] a letter though, but the day went by so fast.. now im supposed to go to my bed, but i think i'll rather sleep under it, if i manage to put some books under it without waking up my dad.. i have my doubts..

tomorrow is a new great day, and i'm glad and gay! :P

yesterday was a day of sun, and relief. at school i practised with a band.. later we sat in the sun. but [Rockin' Ronja], poor little one, had a stomachache.

Later on i took the bus to my good friend Martin. we walked around in a small nice forest and talked about many things.. it was so beautiful there! we talked and reflected upon filosophical questions, but we also talked about [Rockin' Ronja] and his girlfriend. it was good to share my questions and opinions with him, and to discuss his thoughts as well. all this talking was a product of the fact that yesterday was a special day for me and martin, because we have actually "invented" a day called sayoutloudwhatyoureallythinkaboutthesituatinorthefeelingsyourinevenifyouwouldentsaythemifitwasn'tthisday-day, and this day was yesterday. so i called [Rockin' Ronja] and talked about some issues and thoughts i had. not really issues, but i don't have a word for the therm..(or a therm for the word? :S)

i think it was good for the both of us, even though im not really finished yet. it sounds very dramatic but it really isn't.

well today i woke up at martins place, not so quite refreshed in my body, but a little more structurated(is this a word) in my mind. we took the bus to lillestrøm.. nothing special there, and i took the train home. then i came home, played some Korg, and left for the doctor's. there, i was told that my liver was okay again, but that she didnt know what to do with my constant tiredness.

now i'm sitting here, infront of my computer, with a glass of pepsi and a wierd looking french crepe. and i miss [Rockin' Ronja]

im supused to be the "producer" for a band the whole weekend, but i dont want to.. i get nothing out of it, not even experience.. fuck it i say.. i much rather want to go tho my grandmothers birthday today, and meet up with [Rockin' Ronja] one of the next days.. but.. i'm tied up. i think its time to break a promise..

I have a great girfriend! i've been with her today, we watched Sleepy Hollow. and had fun on the trampoline( Not that kinda fun! ;P you kinky-thinking-fuck! )

i like her..i'm very lucky to "Have" her.

Schmunch!

i want a professional camera.. i see motives everywhere.
i want to be artistic.
i want to write a new letter to my [Rockin' Ronja]

I have written very much music these two days. just small parts, but still..

i have slept alot today.. and i have been sucked blood out of at the medical center here, to check my liver satus.and i have been to the dentist today too. oh my english suck right now, sorry.

i've sent [Rockin' Ronja] the letter i wrote yesterday.I'm gonna visit her tomorrow. I miss her alot.. She's real special.

now i feel rather artistic, or just selfdestructive. feeling kinda good actually. i want to make something.. i need a companion in/with my artwork. I'll ask [Rockin' Ronja].

Oh god i love The Blue lotus.

Smile could kill...

Home today too. my liver stats are high. mabye i get blood poisoning. :P

i'm boring the living crap out of me, which ironicly is good, couse iv'e got that crap in my liver.. but it's just an
expression.

since i have nothing to do, i will write [Rockin' Ronja] a letter. :)

I Like the fish, it raises my selfconfidence, and i can almost feel her, when i touch it. :) Nam

Yesterday , my father cut himself with a chainsaw, in his face.. ouch! but he is ok now, i think.

im not good at writing a diary. i write so little, even though it's plenty on my mind. i'm the kind of person who has problems expressing my self, my feelings and thoughts. i think thats because i think in a very diverse way than others do. 

Today "Marius & Linn (C)" was here. we watched a sick movie, i don't remember its name, but it was really sick.
and i Got a new pair of real cool socks! :P
we've worked in the studio room today, making a plateau for my piano. it's going to be great!

well I want to call My dearest little beauty ([Rockin' Ronja]) now, to say good night.

She's coming here tomorrow.. looking forward to that! :)

Yesterday was a good day. [Rockin' Ronja] was here! :)

it's boring today..

looking down at my past diary postings, I see that I have huge mood swings.

well I'm fine now :)

better? i don't know.

okay, today... i have lots of bad feelings. and regret. i was stupid yesterday. i hope i didn't ruin it all... damn my melancholic nature.. i want to hug.

Piano helps but only in present time, when i play. 22:42

what a crappy day! I just want to be in a dark chamber.. alone. 19:07

what a great day! i like a girl :)

feeble but satisfied. the Formloff gig last night went great, although both me and marius was sick. lots of people there, including [Rockin' Ronja], which i miss right now..

well, I must make use of the day.