Hey Everybody...

I'm Going To Follow Through With What One Of The Things I Wanted Last Night...

I Hope No One Misses Me ToO Much...

There In My Room (Under My Bed,) And Stored On My Xanga If Anyone Is So Desperate To Know. Michelle Knows The Password If You Want To Get Into My Xanga...

And She Has The Password To Everything Else Too, So She Might Come On Here From Time To Time.

I </3 You.. [You Know Who You Are]
And Good-Bye To Everyone Else

Shelby told me to post that. I am just hitting copy and paste from her list of instructions but I realized I didn't add my own two sense (and if you know me,) then you know I have to always have the last word.

Well, I found everything out...I found out the truth about it all.

Not that it really helps now.

I have the conversations SITTING HERE

Proving the information that I've been simply worrying about all along.

[I Knew That Wasn't All Simply Nothing At All]

And the one thing that I thought was a gift from God, ended up being the devil in disquise.

I want to thank you for ending my life in pain...

Okay that it!

Who the FUCK is scamming the shit out of me? I have the same fucking four people saying the same things and just...along with the fact what they say is parallel to what's really going on.. BUT, it's not something I am believing or would like to believe at ANY point in time.

I'm sick of everyone getting pist at me for things they don't even know about and don't try to take time to find out... I'm so sick of being blammed and punished because my mind is CONSTANTLY being picked at by EVERYONE because I'm upset over things they again, DON'T KNOW ABOUT.

It's taking everything I have not to just rip into every mother fucker I see right now. I've had one person who enlightened me but cannot provide me with what I need (not that I believe that at this point...), one person hounding me the ENTIRE NIGHT, and now Stacie is just poofing away because I got upset over what the other two were saying for the past weeks....

I'm trying to be fucking nice here and I'm just getting my head ripped off for it.

***All you see are my upset outbursts, you don't live my life and know what happens for me to even become upset in the first place...***

~~EDIT~~

I feel like a fucking drunk-ass IDIOT! JESUS CHRIST... Why do I have to be like this? Why can't I just erase all the things I've been told by everyone and just care about what's real. Why can't I just have a red flag telling me: "This person is lying to you about this... and this person is telling the truth BECAUSE"

Stacie wants to leave and I don't want her too... I care about her and I just wish she would just hear me out. I started to tell her about what I've been told and exactly the REAL REASONS why I have my little outbursts (which is more than what it appears...) and she completely tripped out on me.

I was just trying to let her know the holes that had been going on so we could actually talk about it and I was being completely serious (even though she thought I had utter sarcasm...)

I need to hear Cody's voice right at this instant. It calms me down and I can sit there and just talk to him and tell him what is really going on. I was going to do that tonight but I didn't have the chance to and I just... it upset me because I need to talk to him about everything. He told me we were going to talk about it and we didn't.

I need to tell him why I was upset... and it's just one thing coming off another which started with one thing and if I just sat there and explained everything that happened, maybe he would understand and could help me out a bit.

I don't want to ruin things.... and I know I just did tonight by making joking comments (sometimes not joking) and getting hounded then get pissy because I'm getting hounded.

You just have no idea...

Hey Everybody...

I'm On My Knees
.x. Begging .x.
PleasE
JusT
KILL Me..

Hey Everybody...

I'm On My KneeS .x. BegginG .x. Please JusT KILL Me..

Jesus....

Just go to my Xanga

www.xanga.com/crazyangel0689

Hey Everybody~

I was "layout - ing" on Xanga and the site went down LOL. I think that's a sign for me to go to bed. You won't believe how freakin' excited I am about this layout.

It's my best creation by far lol! I have some phrasing at the top and then below that I have a custom module with 25 icons marcee-ing :-D then it goes down to my journal. On the left, there's four custom module boxes and on the right there's four. The first three on the left are my user information and the one on the bottoms is an unknown... probably pictures of my friends and what-not. On the right, the first one is information about me and a photo ;-) then it's my music video I have on there. The third one down is prolley gonna be shout outs or something and the last one... well, I'm not sure about that one yet LoL. Prolley random facts or something.

Then the background is really fucking awesome. You just have to see to believe. I admit I took some of the stuff from another site... like the basic stuff and added my own little "pizazz" to it because I HATE Brittany Spears photos and shit all over my layouts. I like actual meaning to them. OH YEAH, I forgot, I have a little phrase in the top bar thing (where it says ET: Your house...) on this site. I also want one on the bottom that kinda goes to different phrases and what not. It's gonna be AWESOME.

I think God is giving me a sign to go to bed by shutting down xanga lol!

Can't you tell that she's not breathing?

[What Does It All Mean Now...?]

Hey Everybody...

Have I been lied to [again..?]
Has the same thing happened, [again...?]
Is The same thing going to happen, [again...?]
Maybe it's just my paranoia
And Maybe Everyone Else Was Right...
And tat would be the worst thing of all.
Or Maybe It's My Own Destruction,
But Then Again...

GOD I can't even fucking talk about this anymore!

I decided I'm gonna keep my diary on www.xanga.com/crazyangel0689 so if your at all interested as to why I have moods or something on ET, just go there to find out lol.

I apologize for my mood but I'm more than slightly pissed off right now [(not to anyone who views this page or anything...)] but I can tell you someone is fucking [Dead] and I will personally go and kick their mother fucking ass because they need it! And I don't care if I'm small and their bigger than me because size doesn't matter, if someone is fucking pissed off enough, they can kick their ass... trust me~

And I doubt if I won't have a group following me because no one should do that fucking shit to another human being... he could have fucking killed someone because of his retardedness~ And yes, I'm the person I'm talking about. He could have fucking killed me and I swear to God he will regret doing that Mother fucking shit and there's NO WAY IN HOLY HELL I'm gonna allow the world to NOT Know about it when I'm holding that piece of paper.

That's all I can say for now... there's someone in particular (that's not the person I'm talking about right now) that's more important as in knowing what's going on and I need to tell him first before anyone else because of certain reasons I have...

NOTE: Cody did NOT ask me back out.... I was talking about another "Impossible decision" that I have

By the way, I think I just made a new friend ;-) More to come later.

Hey Everyone...

Haven't really made an entry lately.. I've been making them in like the twelve thousand other diaries I have lolz. I want to apologize because I haven't called a "special someone" yet but my Mom's phone isn't working because it doesn't have minutes (Gee, imagine that) and she should in the next few days when we get paid.

Lots has been going on lately and I want to let everyone know [I'm back...] and I've completely made "the impossible decision" about what Cody asked me so yeah... I love you Cody <3 [Hugs 'n Kisses.] It seems like I have like a million things to say to him [when I call] and there won't be enough time in the day to say everything lolz.

I want to say I'm sorry to all my friends on here that I just left suddenly without explaining why I was leaving... and was gone for months or so. I suppose now that [I'm back...] it's time for me to explain what happened in the months I was gone...

Basically what happened was COdy and I were talking about getting back together and all right after him and Sandra broke up (not actually but possibly...) and I said MAYBE it wasn't a good idea RIGHT NOW but I'll talk to my Mom again and see what happens. [The Next Night...] He's right back with Sandra again and we get into a HUGE FUCKING ARGUEMENT LIKE THERE'S NO TOMORROW... Then, I break contact with him saying I'll never speak to him again and this was WAY THE HELL BACK in September or something.

Anywayz, my heart was broken and the last time I went to this website (Cody was on there while we were arguing) he talked about how much he ["loved"] Sandra and all this other stuff so I left because:
1) I didn't wanna have it shoved into my face that he ran off with her the night after we were talking about the POSSIBILITY of us getting back together and me saying that I'm gonna continue to try etc. and that obviously wasn't good enough for him to wait for a few more days *which was NOT the impression he had... we've talked about it and all*
2) I figured the past would only repeat itself once again and he'd end up right where he started in the first place
3) I couldn't handle it at the time because there was just too much going on and I felt like my head was going to explode...

But things are going extremely well now and I don't see an end to that... I'm prolley gonna go to bed now lolz :-)

If you [anybody] wants to e-mail me... my address is CrazyAngel1793@yahoo.com and I usually check that every day in Computer Literacy lolz.

This describes EXACTLY how I am feeling right now about Cody [Except for the whole last part with the other person because he's NOT with Sandra now...]

Please don't forget about us...
My baby boy we just let it die with no good-byes.
Details don't matter because we both paid the price.
Every time I see you I pretend I'm fine when I wanna reach out to you but I turn and I walk and I let it ride...Tears fill my eyes.
Baby, I must confess we are bigger than anything.
Remember us at our best and don't forget about us.
Those late nights, playin' in the dark and walkin' up inside my arms.
Boy, you'll always be in my heart and I can see it in your eyes...
You still want it so don't forget about us.
I'm just speaking from experience...
Nothing can compare to your first true love.
So I hope this will remind you... when it's for real it's forever.
So don't forget about us oh they can say that you're in a new relationship but we both know nothing comes close to what we had.
It preserves... that we both can't forget how good we used to get it.
There's only one me and you and how it used to shine no matter what you we went through.
We are one, that's a fact that you can't deny.
So baby we just can't let this fire pass by because forever we'd both regret it.
So please don't foget about us and if she's got your head all messed up now that's the trickery.
She'll wanna have like you know how this lovin' between us used to be.
I bet she'll never be able to do like me... so baby don't let it go when it's real... it's forever so don't forget about us.

["Dont Forget About Us", Carrey]

This is where the deductive reasoning starts. Yeah, I did combine messages and I also omitted one of the messages in my diary entry. The coloring is because of the monitor and the blue line in the bottom right-hand corner is the bottom of the computer screen. I would have shown more but my camera doesn't fit that much.

More to come later, its too late and I have World History in the morning *bluh*

Wow... I read that last entry and realize how much has changed in my life and the lives of others. I don't really feel like updating right now but all I know is some people are being idiots and what-not so I don't know.

Toodles for now :)
~Angel

Ohh look who's reading my diary now... seems weird that Cody would read my diary entries considering he said himself he never read them unless I asked him to when we were going out. Anywayz, defense to exerts of his message:

[HIS MESSAGE:]
[I never did fucking promise you that I wouldn't touch another girl except you.. And no I didn't break my end by going out with someone else.. ]

MY DEFENSE:
CrazYAngeL0689: You know.. you were never gonna work things out with me in the first place
CrazYAngeL0689: So really, nothing has changed
CrazYAngeL0689: You'll never understand why I did it
skyline2340: um actually I was going to
CrazYAngeL0689: I wish you would, but your not going to
CrazYAngeL0689: Oh really when? After I die?
skyline2340: I don't want to the fact that you fucked him when you told me you weren't going to
CrazYAngeL0689: You know what
CrazYAngeL0689: You never promised yourself you weren't gonna do anything
skyline2340: yeah I have
CrAzYAnGeL0689: Cody, you never told me that...

That not only proves that he was going to work things out with me, but it proves that he did promise he wasn't gonna touch anyone else (including his girlfriend) but me. Who's twisting shit now?

[HIS MESSAGE:]
[I didn't only call you for sex.. get that through your head.. ]

MY DEFENSE:
Just because words come out of your mouth, doesn't mean they are reliable or truth. Your not a fucking Saint, no one else is either. Seriously Cody, what other times did you call me? NEVER! You only called me up on nights you wanted to have sex with me. What does that prove? Do you want me to get the fucking phone bill and calenders out to show you those too?

[HIS MESSAGE:]
[And I didn't sit there and say oh yeah you are everything to me and then go fuck another girl like you fucked your best friends boyfriend.. Damn you are so fucking stupid and so are your friends.. ]

MY DEFENSE:
I admit, you were everything to me and what I did was terrible. But when you ONLY CALL on nights you wanna have sex, say your gonna work things out with me and go out with Sandra, say your in love with me then leave when things go wrong, call me a retarded bitch (combination of things you've called me,) and so much more, then seriously how am I supposed to feel? After we broke up, you were never there, what does that prove? People that love each other don't do things like that. I admit, people who love each other don't do things like I did either but ever since the day I said I love you... I have tried to do nothing but to prove to you that I was telling the truth. I admit, I probably did a piss-poor job at it, but I tried my hardest. Plus, if you really did love me, you did shit to me to and you still "love(d)" me... I'm just SOOO SORRY that when we go down the drain because of you leaving, I found somebody else that was actually there for me and gave a shit. Plus, they weren't going out when things happened between us... so the whole boyfriend thing is bullshit, like I've said numerous times before... And, Just like you said... the world isn't fair.

[HIS MESSAGE:]
[I went out with someone else when I was single.. ]

MY DEFENSE:
Okay.. you went out with someone when you were single? Let's evaluate this. Something happened between me and someone else when we were both single. So why are you sending me messages pissing and moaning about it? Obviously you have some type of reason Cody, so bring it on.

[HIS MESSAGE:]
[Grow up and quit talking to Sandra]
[I don't give a fuck just leave me alone and leave sandra alone and all your little friends too because they aren't shit and they can't do shit to me.. So for now on fuck off]

MY DEFENSE: Okay, since when have I talked to Sandra... And GROW UP? What the hell is that? I'm more grown up than both of you. At least I don't go around calling people hoes and bitches that I don't even know. You at least somewhat know me (as far as I know,) but obviously your mad for some fucked up reason because why would you even care what I do if you don't care about me and you have no emotional obligation to me, like you've said SO MANY TIMES BEFORE! If you don't give a fuck, then why the hell you sending me messages? If you want me to leave you alone so bad, why are you sending me something in which you KNOW I'm gonna say something about? Excuse me Cody, your not God and your not Jesus, something or someone that lives on this Earth CAN HURT YOU lol.

P.S. I'm sure everyone who has heard the COMPLETE story (all that I know plus my point of view,) will be happy to know they are shit and you don't give a fuck... not that they think too highly of you in the first place. Believe me, I know exactly how much you remember of things, why would I purposely leave things that may make me appear bad if I know they're going to be included later on anyway by your half of the story... which isn't even complete.

[Cody, I know your smart enough to know that our points of view are completely different on this matter because you don't see my point of view through my eyes and I don't see yours. In laymen terms, neither of us have the story from the other's point of view. Of course, who's omniscient in the decision varies depending on what your talking about because I can't see through your point of view either. So, there's really no way anyone can "win" anything completely. So don't call my truth shit unless you can see from my point of view in which you don't fucking know.]

[HIS MESSAGE:]
[so get the fuck over it *Later on*....stop talking to me and about me...]

MY DEFENSE:
Well, obviously you guys haven't stopped talking about me or neither of you have "gotten over it." After all, Sandra is talking shit about me and your sending me messages calling me psycho. And yes Cody, learn how to spell psycho. Why would you expect me to do something you guys can't even do yourselves?

[HIS MESSAGE:}
[*Insert Person's Name Here That I Was With* keeps talking shit he will die and you know I am not affraid to put a bullet through his head..]

MY DEFENSE:
Hun, psycho people are the one's that threaten to kill or have someone else killed and so much more. As far as I know, I've never said that about anyone in a serious fashion just like you did. So before you call me a psycho bitch, look in the mirror and see who's threatening to kill people over absolutely nothing.



Do You Want Me To Go On

OMG SETH I LOVE YOU (Not like that though...)

Okay, so Seth and I were talking in the car about Cody and some very powerful and correct words came out of his mouth. Of course, this isn't an exact quote because it was longer than this, so paraphrasing is imperative lol.

"Okay, so he says he loves you then after you guys break up he calls you for sex.. still saying that he loves you? And he throws a fit because you decide to go off with someone else when he's been with someone else for a while (sexual or non-sexual for either of you...) Even if you had a bargain and broke it, he broke his end when he went out with that girl... even if he didn't tell you till that night that he had promised himself that he wouldn't touch anyone else. He obviously is going to touch her eventually...it's his GIRLFRIEND, the one above it ALL! Then, he comments about how you guys have no emotional obligation to each other and he promised never to touch another girl or make love to someone else but you? Well, that's contridtory right there. **Someone doesn't know what they're talking about** [Plus, Why throw a fit if you have no emotional obligation?] Why even be mad at all... about anything?"

"I know you were mad because you still felt like he had an emotional obligation to you.. with the whole virginity thing and all. But, if he said those words... he has no right to be mad about anything, unless he was lying. In which case, he shouldn't be going out with someone else because if he's emotionally obligated to you... he should be secluded to you."

In summary, that's the extreme summarized and collective opinion among everyone who's read my journal and e-mailed me about it, talked to me at school or work, etc. Thank you people! [Maybe I'm not the only person on the planet that believes this way...]