The first time i saw you i thought that i would just make another,and then i realized that in life you were just another mirror.

[The first words you spoke were the ones that I vaguely remember]

But tied in a knot all the times that we haven't spent together

And is it your face that's got you down?

Or is it your mind when no one's around?

So you sailed away
Into a grey sky morning
Now I'm here to stay
Love can be so boring
Nothing's quite the same now
I just say your name now

But it's not so bad
You're only the best I ever had
You don't want me back
You're just the best I ever had

So you stole my world
Now I'm just a phony
Remembering the *guy*
Leaves me down and lonely
Send it in a letter
Make yourself feel better

But it's not so bad
You're only the best I ever had
You don't need me back
You're just the best I ever had

And it may take some time to
Patch me up inside
But I can't take it so I
Run away and hide
And I may find in time that
You were always right
You're always right

So you sailed away
Into a grey sky morning
Now I'm here to stay
Love can be so boring
What was it you wanted
Could it be I'm haunted

But it's not so bad
You're only the best I ever had
I don't want you back
You're just the best I ever had
The best I ever had
[The best I ever had..]

Leave a message on your phone Just to find out your not home
Keeping up with you is something I could never do
And I know somethings wrong cause you've been gone to long
a fucking waste of my time is all that you've become
If I can't be the *girl* That you always wanted me to be
If I can't say the words That you always wanted me to say
If I fall in the end Will you be holding onto to me?
Cause you said you'd [never leave me]
The choice is up to you To find out what to do
[To let it go] or to keep *kicking me to the side*
Getting tired of your shit and I can't deal with it..
I gave up giving in and now its time to say ["goodbye"]..


</3

I am utterly miserable.. The doctor visit was more than I was ready to handle.. I don't know what to do except wait for the lab results, which by the way I had to take today.. I got blood drawn from me 5 times within 2 hours, had to drink gluclose (whatever) and sit around watching some queer movie.. My arms are so sore, and bruised, and I am in so much pain.. And you arent even here to help me..

I am so not trying to sound all like boohoo woe is me, have sympathy on me cuz im sick as fuck.. But dude.. Goddamn.. When is it gonna be my break? How much can one person handle?..

Anyway, if anyone wonders why I am suddenly different, or not online much anymore, is because I have just experienced a giant slap in the face reality check, and if the only person I need to be here for me right now, doesnt have the time to be here, then I guess I'm on my own..

Its 3 o'clock in the fucking morning, and I can't sleep.. Wow. This is totally fucking gay. I miss Kurt♥..I wish we talked more... We talk like..Well recently more often, but like once a week.. It sucks so bad.. There is so much I want to say to him when hes not here, but once he comes online, I'm like at a loss for words.. [It sucks dick.]

Today I went to the doctor, and I was scared out of my mind.. Wow it blew.. Now I have to go to a different doctor on the 10th (which is the day my sister was going to be enduced but I told her she couldn't because I had a doctors appt. so she agreed :D) Blah blah.. Yea so I cant believe my sister is going to have another baby next week sometime.. That is so cool! [♥!] Grace Marie Fendrich (i have no idea if i spelt that right haha)

My back kind of hurts.. Yup that sucks.. I got muscle relaxers but they arent that cool.. No fun side effects.. Bummer Oh well.. Whatever works I suppose..

oOoOo I had subway today, that made me happy.. And I also fell in love with this lotion called Love Spell.. I dunno it smells awesome and it has [sparklies!] woot! I just watched Dodge Ball.. That movie has like 2 funny parts.. Lol..

Yea well I need a cigarette... Sooo Im gonna go smoke one, and hopefully get some sleep.

Love ya [♥]
Molly






I fucking love you Kurtiss.

http://www.quizyourfriends.com/yourquiz_IM.php?quizname=051003020132-410838
Go take my quiz dammit! ♥

BLAH! IIIIII totally friggin give up... BLAH!BLAH!.. Woo.. FUcking gay.

W
H
A
T

T
H
E

F
U
C
K
!

People are fucking retarded.. yesss they are.. Wont mention any names, but YOU SUCK!.. Woo..




I am Molly=Big pile of shit. YAY!

HAH you wonder why I call myself a pile of shit? Because that is how a person feels after a long period of shittyness. Yay...


  [You only think about yourself]

..Want to know the sloppy details of me and kurts break up?.. Go here! -dies-

http://kevan.org/brain.cgi?xMookiex

Anyone interested in knowing how I feel about God?.. Well here is a convorsation I had with the *oh so* wonderful Amber.. <3 By the way, we were not arguing, just simply having a discussion. Read if you want..

GodslilAngel2911=Amber
xMookMastahx=Me



godslilangel2911: first do you read the bible or even belive in God
xMookMastahx: I dont know..
xMookMastahx: If God does exist, then I believe he hates me..
godslilangel2911: no read Job that will change ur mind
godslilangel2911: no offence but we all have it better than we think
xMookMastahx: Yea i know..
godslilangel2911: first im going to tell you the story of job and then ill type the thing about love out
xMookMastahx: Which is why I feel so selfish most of the time..
xMookMastahx: okay..-sighs-
godslilangel2911: dont sound too happy there dont want you all excited or anything
xMookMastahx: Lol.
godslilangel2911: but job is one who followed God completely...but God wanted to test him..he took away everything job had...his family...his cattle (money at that time) and his health
xMookMastahx: -listens-
godslilangel2911: now job had two choices..he could say forget you God because he was on the brink of death or he could still follow God
xMookMastahx: uh huh..
godslilangel2911: he knew that if he followed God in the end he would be happy and he knew that if he didnt then he would be sent to hell when he died..now me personally i would have been pissed at God by now...but Job knew that even though everything he ever loved was ripped away from him he still had to trust God
godslilangel2911: so he kept seeking after God til he died...
godslilangel2911: and thats the story of job
godslilangel2911: you can read it in a bible in more detail
xMookMastahx: Okay..Did job go to heaven?
godslilangel2911: yep
godslilangel2911: because he trusted God even til the end
godslilangel2911: even when everything..his wife..children money...friends everything
godslilangel2911: was gone...he still held on to God
godslilangel2911: but just to make sure ill find out for you
xMookMastahx: okay..
xMookMastahx: You know.. I think part of the reason I dont pray or anything is because Ive never had full faith in God..And I think that if I just start praying all the sudden because I'm having a tough time, I would be selfish..
godslilangel2911: dude there is no right or wrong time to pray to God
xMookMastahx: If I were to actually believe in God, and start praying and shit, it would because *I* would see myself fit enough to be accepted by God..
godslilangel2911: he wants you to come to him even if the first time is because your having trouble
godslilangel2911: no
godslilangel2911: dont be like that
godslilangel2911: u are fit for God
godslilangel2911: just a few things so you know...
xMookMastahx: i just dont understand how someone so *loving* could allow so much HATE to happen in the world because of someones mistakes (adam and eve) He created man.. Correct?
godslilangel2911: yes
xMookMastahx: Then shouldn't he have known the complexity of man?
godslilangel2911: he did
xMookMastahx: If he created man, then he should know about temptation
godslilangel2911: he did
godslilangel2911: its like this
xMookMastahx: he should have KNOWN what was going to happen if he *see's* everything..
godslilangel2911: and he did
xMookMastahx: Then why did he let it happen?
godslilangel2911: let me explain this to you..
xMookMastahx: Okay..
godslilangel2911: when you are little your parents tell you not to touch something hot because it will burn you right
xMookMastahx: Right.
godslilangel2911: well more than likely your not going to listen until you know for sure if they are lying or not
godslilangel2911: so most people touch it anyways
godslilangel2911: then they realize hmm my parents were right
godslilangel2911: you see he made adam and eve
xMookMastahx: Okay i understand that.. But am I wrong when I say GOD was the first thing to ever exsist?
godslilangel2911: he has not beginning and no end
godslilangel2911: so yes
godslilangel2911: he was the first
xMookMastahx: Okay, so who created evil? Where did "Satan" come from?
xMookMastahx: If God created everything.
godslilangel2911: hold on let me find that out for you
xMookMastahx: okay.
xMookMastahx: And where did GOD come from?
godslilangel2911: hes always existed
xMookMastahx: Yes but how?
godslilangel2911: he doesnt have a beginning
godslilangel2911: i know its hard for you or i to understand but its true
xMookMastahx: Well, that is one of the things I cannot believe.
xMookMastahx: There is no solid truth.
godslilangel2911: dont worry about the things you dont understand
godslilangel2911: they worry enought about themselves
godslilangel2911: are you a person of logic
xMookMastahx: Yes but im dumb, I strive to understand, and I wont believe in something if there is no proof.
xMookMastahx: I try to be.
godslilangel2911: do me a favor..dont be
xMookMastahx: Not all of the time because I live in my own fantasy world.
xMookMastahx: Yes but we as humans are forced to believe fantasy is not real.
godslilangel2911: logic has no bases when it comes to God
xMookMastahx: Then why does everything else?
xMookMastahx: I'm sorry if I seem to be arguing with you, Im really not.
godslilangel2911: no its ok
godslilangel2911: i like this
godslilangel2911: i like to help ppl understand things they dont
xMookMastahx: yea..
godslilangel2911: and if you dont accept it..its cool too
xMookMastahx: I really dont think I will ever understand..
godslilangel2911: i know ill never understand all of it
godslilangel2911: there are things that i dont understand either
godslilangel2911: but God is in control and knows what hes doing
xMookMastahx: I'm not going to say I don't completely NOT believe in God, though.
xMookMastahx: that didnt make sence..anyway.
godslilangel2911: with time he will reveal himself to you
xMookMastahx: I hope so..
xMookMastahx: I would love something to believe in.
godslilangel2911: i grew up around it and didnt accept it til i was 15
xMookMastahx: I used to love to go to church
xMookMastahx: LOVED it.
godslilangel2911: i mean i went to church every sunday every time the doors were open
xMookMastahx: But I've run into alot of strict religions..
godslilangel2911: dude i was luthan
godslilangel2911: luthran*
xMookMastahx: I strongly believe that you dont have to go to church, or follow strict religions just to believe.
xMookMastahx: Pft.. I was Seventh Day Adventist.
godslilangel2911: hehe
godslilangel2911: i know that one
xMookMastahx: It sucks.
godslilangel2911: just to clear something up with you
godslilangel2911: ur right you dont have to go to church to belive
xMookMastahx: Thank you.
godslilangel2911: God is not about religion
godslilangel2911: God is about a personal relationship with you
xMookMastahx: If I were to pray right now
xMookMastahx: The only thing I could say is thank you for all the times you kept my ass from dying.
godslilangel2911: then do it
xMookMastahx: and the *Good* things hes given me.
godslilangel2911: just say God i need you and thanks..forgive me of my sins...
xMookMastahx: -Shrugs-.
xMookMastahx: Like I said, I feel selfish when I pray..
godslilangel2911: whats the worst that could happen
godslilangel2911: dont feel selfish...he wants you to come to him molly
xMookMastahx: Yes but sometimes.. I will PRAY for a sign that he is there
godslilangel2911: hes saying "molly come to me and just fall into my arms"
xMookMastahx: Pray HARD that he will make things better.
xMookMastahx: It never fuckin works.
godslilangel2911: dude
godslilangel2911: things are going to just go poof all better now
godslilangel2911: arent*
xMookMastahx: Yea I've realized this.
godslilangel2911: just dont lose faith
xMookMastahx: I really dont have any faith to lose..

..Why am I so selfish?... Nerrr and Why cant I figure out how to put my emotions right now into words?... -Dies-

Would you like to be the one who sees me fall?...

"Btw ur wondering why I love you...?


Wow this is gonna be hard there are like 1000 reasons, but hmm lemme try.. You always make me fuckin smile, you're the only one who I can smile for and actauly mean it, you Love me even though I'm like the dumbest loser in the world, you look over my faults and look at whats good in me(good? lol) you're the only person I can truly trust when you say "I love you", When we met it was akward yes yes, but when we hugged it was like the best fucking thing ever, nothing metted, like all my problems went away and all that mattered was you and I,You're Funny, you make me laugh, you're serious when you need to be, You're a beautiful person (though u dun see it) inside and out, (yes yes you have ur smart ass remarks but soo do I!! lol).. and yah I wanna say more but I really dunno how to put it in words :\ waoh loooong message lol (yeah yeah I know its all fucking mushy and shit, but every word in there is true and I hope it counts as something Oo;)



Anyways, I love you!!


I wonder how dumb that sounded :\"

^*And that my friends, is why I [love.] Kurtiss so fucking much.*^

Mother fuck.. I havent written in this son of a bitch in a while.. WoOOo updating. I love Kurt, I always have and I always will.. <3

SoOo me and Kurt are back together despite some asslickers.. Uhmmmm My mom is a psycho BITCH I hope she fucking dies.. I used to have this friend Kaite but shes a fucking whore and I hope she joins my mother in death..

Lol so alot of bad ass shit has happened these past months.. I'm okay though.

Yea so I lost my 2 bedroom duplex cuz dipshit Jesseca couldnt afford to pay the rent cuz her loser ass boyfriend Anthony.. Lets see what all happened over the past few months.. I went to Slipknot in April, that was fucking amazing. I was single so I went to alot of parties and did ALOT of stupid ass shit I shouldnt have done.. One of them including sleeping with one of my best friends.. Whats with me and doing that?.. Psh. Anyway, he just used me for sex obviously and that was gay. I used him as rebound though cuz me and Kurt had just broke up and I didnt really want Jordan but he was actually there and I was really drunk and it was fun... Then he stole 80 dollars while he was on parole and ran away and lived with us for a week.. now that was a crazy fucking week. I had a goddamned mental break down. wOOt. Seriously though, it was horrible. I was on like 100 or so millagrams of Adderal (legal meth) and Oxycotton, and other pain pills. I was fucking out of my mind fuckered up... I cried for like 5 days straight about everything that happened.. About Kurt, about hurting kurt, about jordan, about the drama that happened at my house, about some dude that wouldnt leave me alone that came over with jordan.. So yea I flipped the fuck out.. At one point I was curled up in the kitchen with like a roll of toilet paper hiding behind the counters... Lol then Jordan finally left and that was the point of retardation right there. I couldn't even move i was SO fucked up so i just laid my head on the wall and sobbed.. I like fucking convulsed my ex friend Katie was like trying to hug me while crying cuz she didnt know what to do and i just like layed on the wall bawling for like 5 hours.. Curled up into a pethetic little ball, so weak I couldnt even breathe. Normally when something like that happens I atleast have my thoughts gathered so I can move on after I stop freaking out.. But it was like a weeklong mental break down.. I tried to kill myself again.. Woot i know im retarded. I dont think I was meant to die at that time though because when I went into the bathroom to do it while my SLUTASS friend KATIE (fucking WHORE!) was laying on my bedroom floor with jordan and i was curled up in my bed being touched and freaked out by some dude named Shawn. Anyway I went into the bathroom to go slit my fucking wrists open but all of the 5 actual razor blades, nor the knife would fucking work! I pushed so fucking hard i broke out into a sweat and it was like I had a goddamn barrier over my wrist.. and Then i just like.. realized that i had more to live for..And i shouldnt do it.. It was the hardest reality i have ever been faced with and it fucking SUCKED. I have never wanted to die so bad in my life.. I had withered away to nothingness with my new found addiction to meth and my constant drinking..Which was another blow out i had to deal with because I mixed half a bottle of Bacardi and Half a bottle of Southern Comfort... I was so drunk I couldnt dress myself, pee normally, I puked down my shirt, nose dived in it, and woke up next to a goddamned trashcan DRUNK OFF MY ASS!. I was drunk the whole next day and I had a hangover for 2days after that.. I was ruddy miserable.

I also dislocated my knee cap, bruising my knee all the way down to the bone after I danced with the lead singer of Dielated and chilled with the lead singer of Venaculas. That was kew. I missed my best friends wedding, AND! My great grandmother died.

So yea, these past few months have been really fucking retarded but Im okay now I promise, besides the sudden outbursts and alot of crying, Im doin OKAY! woOt.


Enough of my ramblings even though no one will read this anyway. peace out.

<3 Molly

• Kurt is the one that you love.

• Albert is one you like but can't work out.

• You care most about Elly.

• Kate is the one who knows you very well.

• Olivia is your lucky star.

• Stitches is the song that matches with Kurt.

• I can tell you wanna fuck is the song for Albert.

• Waiting for my ruca is the song that tells you most about YOUR mind.

• and Lets go get stoned is the song telling you how you feel about life

Haha mother fuck thats so true <3

People probably wonder why i never write in this.. Probably because I have nothing to say.. Im quite a boring person, who finds it unnessesary to write down all of my problems.. But whatever I guess.. I dont even think people read this anyway so whats the point of writing? It sure as hell doesnt make me feel better because everytime i write down what i feel people either get worried about me or think im psycho.. Hah.. :p fuck you all..

Yea so I got a job as a fucking telemarketer.. Im so not excited.. I dont want to fucking work there but i guess i have no other choice.. I need the money and its over $200 dollars every week.. -shrugs- I guess there are worse things in the world i have to deal with.. Like this girl I know Jesseca.. We used to be friends for like 5 years.. But suddenly shes decided that its okay to talk shit about me, not realizing that people will tell me everything she says about me.. Yea so i fucking flipped out on her.. And her boyfriend.. lol i almost gouged his eyeball out with my thumb.. God im fucked up.. Anyway this bitch is probably pregnant and I told her i was going to fucking kill her.. You should have heard me I was screaming like bloody fucking murder I was so fucking pissed off..God... Shes such a fucking dirty bitch.. It took all of my pysical strength to keep me from grabbing the back of her head and slamming it into the metal on her door.. I want to see her fucking die.. I really do.. I want to tear her skull open and pick apart her brain slowly and then gut the dumb bitch and hang her by her intestines.. But I could never do that to a person who used to be my best friend.. So i guess Ill just have to have morbid dreams about it and keep my mouth shut.. Ive realized that I dont need fake friends in my life.. I really dont.. So now im going to focus on my job and the things that surround me and are in my face that are actually worth my fucking time.. (yes kurt that does mean you)..

Its time to fucking fess up to my mistakes, get over them, and move the fuck on.. Im tired of worrying about who im gonna hurt or who gives a fuck.. I dont care anymore I need to do something for ME.. So anyone that has a problem with that, or wants to say something to me like im selfish, can FUCK OFF!

Oh and by the way, I want everyone to stay the fuck out of Kurt and my relationship. If it had anything to fucking do with any of you people we would be dating all of you. I know its hard for kurt when im not fucking around, but does anyone bother to think how i fucking feel? I have to live with the fact that theres someone I fucking love hurting because i cant fucking be there.. That doesnt fucking make me feel really good! Do you think I like crying myself to fucking sleep at night, worrying, waiting, wishing hoping things will change and get better? NO! I have other shit in my life that are HERE IN MY FACE that I have to fucking deal with which prevent me from fucking comming online! Im working on eliminating all of those things, but until then I cant fucking be here! Kurt fucking understands this, but since all of you FUCKERS cant seem to understand, now you know and if you have a problem with it you can fucking talk directly to ME. Thank you have a nice FUCKING day..


...Now im done being a bitch.. Peace out.