Does anyone bother to read these things? Ah well... for the time being it's one of the few safe places I can put my thoughts.

It's been an up-and-down kind of month. One day, I'm on top of the world, everybody loves me, I do everything right, and I go to a TSO (Trans Siberian Orchestra) concert besides. The next day, I'm breaking down on the edge of the highway because my radiator has a puncture wound that's bleeding like a goddamn jugular vein.

And anymore, I feel like ending myself whenever I start to get introspective. Seriously, I'll be fine until I sit down and do this, sum up my thoughts & my life, and scratch 'em down. So bear with me, I'm not permanently depressive.

I'm a creative person. Maybe TOO creative. I'm BUILDING a christmas present for my girlfriend (and her brother). I used to be an uber-addicted Morrowind modder, and my goals there were "DO EVERYTHING!" - 3D modeling, texturing, quests, scripting, if it was possible in the game engine, I learned how to do it (if not always effectively). I draw. I write- not short poetry (gag, gack) but short stories, novellas, and even novels. I've given up a lot of it, lately, due to the holiday season. And with my spare time, I'm learning C++, with the intent of writing my own game. From the ground up. If I can get a "proof of concept" working, I'll be happy... I won't post details here, since I don't want them stolen, but it's complex, with a kickass story and elements that everyone from RPG freaks to RTS gurus to FPS fans will enjoy...

I want to talk about it. U.u; I just can't.

I can't STOP creating things... at least in my head. But getting them from mental to physical or digital (or both) is so hard...

And checking back five months later we find...

Nothing much has changed. How very sad.

Still, it's good to have friends, and I seem to have found some. Yay! Now to seal them in a jar of ether for all time. Don't worry, you'll all get separate jars.

Back to drawing & writing again... the age-old habit of Morrowind modding seems to be fading away. Guess my digital reality isn't quite as addicting as it used to be. Won't my family be pleased?

-.-; Wow. Everything seems more or less fine for the time being. So why do I feel like driving head-on into a Semi at 80+ mph?

(*Technical note: In the spring, I struck a black bear on the highway, setting off my airbag. Said unit has yet to be replaced. Head-on collision with an 18-wheeler guarenteed to be 100% fatal.)

Hoo boy...
So I've blundered my way around here for a couple days, and I like to think I'm starting to get the hang of this. Not sure what my specialty is around here, other than random nothingness, but I'm quite used to being a "face in the crowd" by now.

Also, I started up a contest of sorts... probably won't get many hits, but hey, if I finally do figure out where that old Tigre picture came from? Ah, such joy! Most people can't point to one specific thing as their personal revolution or epiphany or whatever. And maybe I should post the image, except it doesn't belong to me and it would have to be erased anyway. Ah well. Here, if you haven't noticed it on my home's doorstep already. ;) Tigre-Search.

Wiki, while extremely weird to my tongue, does seem to be one of the easier concepts I've learned. I guess that was the idea. Who knows, if I poke my head into enough places, eventually people will start to recognize me. Probably as that random weirdo they'd all like to dispose of. :D

I have low self-esteem. Does it show?

What do you write on the first day? I guess a summation of my life up to this point would be appropriate, but far too long. Twenty years is a lot to recap. Ergo, anyone interested in my past should probably look to my journals over at Writing.com, in my portofolio there.

http://www.writing.com/authors/phedreus
Current journal: "Dredging Styx"
Past journal: "Views from the Chaos Realm"

Good, now that we've got that out of the way, what else? Well, reading my journals tends to be akin to entering my brain. And the first entry is usually a welcome mat of sorts. I think it's especially true here, where a user's personal page is their "home."

*lays down the welcome mat: It reads "1500 PSI spring concealed beneath. Don't you DARE tread on me with those muddy shoes, bucko."*

Ah, I think that should do it. So, welcome one and all to my tiny corner of the realm. Lord Chaos have mercy on your soul...

-Kieve