Alright you know, these past couple days to a week have been hell for me, I mean really really bad. I've been so moody and so bitchy and just depressed out of my mind.....And I've scared a lot of people with things I've said and I've hurt a bunch of them. Everyone I talk to on this page is my friends and I care about you dearly and you should all know that, but a lot of the time I'm not as strong as a lot of you think I am, but I'm human and I can't be strong all the time. I break down as most of youcan tell from earlier entries......But all in all I just want to get across that I'm trying, I'm trying as hard as I can to be the person that you all see me as. The girl that so many of you call beautiful and funny and inteligent, I want to be her again but I don't know if I can or if I could ever be strong enough to be her but what i'm saying is that I'm trying. I'm trying for all of you who care about me, I'm trying for all of my friends who've stood beside me through all the shit I've been through in my life, and, I guess, I'm trying for myself. I really truely love you all and what all of you have done for me means more to me than you'll ever know. I'm here for ya'll in return for all that you've done for me and I hope, will continue to do for me. Thank you so much.

Sincerely,
Alexa Mariel Camp

ok seriously i have no fucking clue what the fuck will go on in the world and personally I DON'T CARE! I'm so fucking scared of everything in this world it's not even funny. There really is only a handful of things to live for and all of them at the moment are my friends and THAT'S IT. I need to get out of this town first off if i can't get off the fucking earth....I want to see all you ppl outside this hell hole.........I especially want to see the 3 guys on my page, they mean so much to me it's crzie but ya know god know i can't see them cause sumthin don't want me too.....fuck it, fuck the world, fuck you all....

I am so fucking stupid. God i wish Jeremy would have never found me, and I would have just died. I feel like hell, and ontop of that is the fact that i have to live without my best friend for like the next two years cause of her dad, and I hate it.........I reallly cannot take this anymore........I feel soooo sooo sooooooooooo horrible it's tearing me up. I want tori to be here from now on, not to be on the other side of the world, and i want for once something to turn out in my favor, i feel like hell and ontop of the Tori thing is my fucking supposed "love life" god, i'm suck a fucking idiot, why do i eve think that I'm anywhere near anybody's standards, nomatter what and however nice and all that shit it alweays turns out wrong, god I just want to DIE! i really don't know anymore.......i really don't

How can I keep living and smiling trying to reassure people........NOTICE TO EVERYONE EVERYTHING IN ME IS EITHER DYING OR DEAD.....my life is hell anymore and I hate it, I want to go back to when i didn't have to worry about all these things.......I don't think the world is out to get me it's just all the people on it.....I can't do anything right anymore it seems, and I'm such an idiot opening myself up to people that I know will hurt me, why am I so blind? I just really don't know why I'm still here there are so many people here who really love me but how can they love a person that doesn't love themself? They deserve better than me and yet they stay with me? Do they see something in me that I can't quite see? I really love them and I guess they're really the only reason I'm still here but I don't know if they'll always be here or not. I love everyone that has stood beside me through all the shit I've gone through in my life and I'm really sorry I'm really sorry I've been the disapointment I am.

Dead and broken,
Dry and caked with mud,
He pushed me under,
And nailed the coffin shut.
Panic stes in,
Screaming his name.
Praying it's some sick twisted game.
But the dirt begins to fall
Around this coffin's walls
I'm trapped inside,
With nowhere to hide
Trapped inside,
This broken mind.

~~*You*~~

Lost in a world full of hatred and fear,
It help to know that you're always near.
If not in body then in soul and heart.
And I'm sure nothing will tear us apart.
I live for you,
Your touch,
Your face.
It helps me to get by in this wretched place.
In this world full of violence and greed,
You and your love is all that I need.

~~*Untitled*~~

Refuse my past,
Move on with life.
Hold me close,
Hold me tight.
Make me forget all the things I hate.
I need to be with you,
Lest I deny my fate.
Oh tell me it's true,
Oh tell me you're mine
cause being with you makes me feel divine.

ok and now on to the new poems

~~No Title~~


Love,
Hate,
It's all the same.
You look right past,
I scream your name.
What will change this?
Not a thing.
You left me once,
It'll happen again.

~~Welcome To The Main Attraction~~


Life in a hole,
Fucking round and round,
They can get in,
But I can't get out.
They love the show,
It never gets old.
It's my own little carnival.

~Perfection~


This perfect life you see before you,
Rots and falls away.
This hollow exhistance,
This battered soul,
Dies so very slowly.
All that's left is dust and pain.
There is no soul,
No heart remains.

~~Anguish~~


I see the world through the eyes of a broken person.
I lost my life the day I turned my back on you.
You left me because I asked you to.
But I never wanted you gone.
Does it make any sense?
I don't know,
All I know is that I miss you.
And most of all, I love you.
I always will,
Even if you resent me for what I did to you,
I knew you cared.
And now I may never know if you still feel the same.
I hope you do,
I pray that you may one day forgive me,
But for now all I can do is tell you,
Tell you how much I wish I could take back what I did.
Something in me died that night,
The only part of me that knew how to love.
This word seems so foreign to me now.
I wish you were here,
And once again I must say,
I miss you and I'm sorry.
Please come back to me!

~~The Remains Of A Soul~~


Go away from my heart
The pain you've caused is so great
The hurt is so unreal
Please make it go away


Why can't you leave me
Haven't you done enough
What's done is done
I've had enough


You said that you loved me
But where is that now
My life was so happy
It felt so right


Caught in my mind is all that we had
Can't we go back
My life was so sad
You seemed to be the only strand I had
Left of my poor dead life


Fate put the scissors in your hand
The thread was cut
The heart I had once known had been washed away
And all that was left was the shattered remains

~~Death, In A Sense~~



The world caves in.
Everything's black and cold.
It drags me down to the deepest core.
And leaves me there to rot.
My world ended and yet, the earth still spins
Ironic, isn't it?

~Immortality~


I feel the death
As life falls away
Taking what's left
Day by day
Though the life I once lived
Has been taken away
The one I live now
Will never go away

ook i'm puting all my old poems back in here since none of you people know how to go to my poetry page....so here we go

~~*Running*~~

And so it ends,
Just like it began.
Running from life,
What a great plan.
The only blockade,
That stands in my way,
Is you and your love,
And I hope it'll stay.
My sanity and soul survive cause of you.
You're the only reason I still see life through.
And now I know your love is real,
I hope you know how that makes me feel.
My sun, my moon, my stars, my life,
I'm with you every day,
And every night.
Running was never an option you see,
Cause I knew that life would bring you to me.