This is for all the rebels like me who just want to do whatever the fuck they want too and just want to do it without anyone's concern. Dude, can't they get it through their heads that WE DON'T CARE?? Well anywayz, here's "One Good Reason" by Blink 182(THEE best song ever!!!/or than "Welcome to my Life"/):

Mom and Dad they quite don't
understand it
All the kids they laugh as if they planned it
Why do girls want to pierce their nose
And walk around in torn pantyhose,
oh yeah

I like the ones who say they listen
to the punk rock
I like the kids who fight against how
they were brought up
They hate the trends and think it's
fucked to care.
Its cool when they piss people off with
what they wear, oh yeah

So give me one good reason
Why we need to be like them
Kids will have fun and offend
They don't want to and don't fit in

Hate the jocks, the preps, the
hippie-fuckin' scumbags
Heavy-metalers with their awful,
pussy hair bands
Counting seconds until we can get away
Ditchin' school almost every single day,
oh yeah

So give me one good reason
Why we need to be like them
Kids will have fun and offend
They don't want to and don't fit in

Give me one good reason
Why we need to be like them
Kids will have fun and offend
They don't want to and don't fit in

Random shit I wrote while I was bored/depressed:

Razors are awesome...
and IRISH GUYS R HOTT!!!
^.~
//keep playing love like it was just a game, pretending to feel the same, then turn around and leave again.//
Guys are jerks. At least the guys that I live with are-._-.
I miss being in love
Pie!
Cherries
brown is yucky
Like Nick's face
Joey
idiot
doggie^^
Pheonix:'(
depression
cutting
razors
blood
[blade3575]
He's funny!
like... Isono!
Isono is your mother!
Seto: Mokuba, midgets are babies...
Mokuba: 0.o
stupid
Like me
bad grades
school suckx!
like my friends living far away from me
pain
joy
opposite of what I really am
fake
I'm a fake
Everyone's fake
Your fake
Let's eat chocolate!
laugh at loud
happy
I don't remember that feeling
//beauty queen of only 18, she had some trouble with herself//
I'm the girl with a broken smile
In fact, it's not even a smile
Cause I'm fake
Like everyone else
Like my Mom and her lies
like my promises
and the ones that people made to me
like my life
lies
fake
pretend
who are you?
//why do you look so familiar? I could swear that I have seen your face before//
Avril Lavigne is annoying
Hilary Duff is a fag face
like Jesse McCartney
He shaves his eyebrows
*laughter*
Claire
She's awesome
//Can I get another AMEN??(AMEN!)//
I love the song "Holiday"
And Green Day
Billie Joe is hott
Tre cool is a good drummer
I wanna learn to play guiatr
guiatrs are awesome
Aaron is cool
Simple plan
God MUST hate me
Anarchy
Screw the government
They are fakes!
Like the rest of the world
who am I again?
right, fake
no one
not even there
Why do I bother?
//I dare you to move, I dare you to life yourself up of the floor//
I don't have enough strength
I'm weak
I lost
Again
R U happy now?
I lost like you wanted me too
Like the rest of the world did
The rest of the fake world
Cause fake people suck
So I suck
Yes
where's self-esteem when you need it?
It's never there
Cause it's fake
//Summer has come and passed, the innocent can never last...//
Why do people die?
sorrow
goodbye forever
goodbye for now
You said you would be there for me
//I beg to dream and differ from the hollow lies//
tears
crying
depression
me
dead inside
where are you?
lost forever
//I walk this empty street, on the blvd. of broken dreams//
and I'll walk forever.

"Wake Me Up When September Ends" by Green Day:

Summer has come and passed
The innocent can never last
wake me up when september ends

like my fathers come to pass
seven years has gone so fast
wake me up when september ends

here comes the rain again
falling from the stars
drenched in my pain again
becoming who we are

as my memory rests
but never forgets what I lost
wake me up when september ends

summer has come and passed
the innocent can never last
wake me up when september ends

ring out the bells again
like we did when spring began
wake me up when september ends

here comes the rain again
falling from the stars
drenched in my pain again
becoming who we are

as my memory rests
but never forgets what I lost
wake me up when september ends

Summer has come and passed
The innocent can never last
wake me up when september ends

like my father's come to pass
twenty years has gone so fast
wake me up when september ends
wake me up when september ends
wake me up when september ends...

Dear Diary,
      I'm really tired and wiped out. I have no reason why what so ever. I could seriously fall asleep right where I'm sitting. *sigh* I miss my cousins a lot. I didn't have to be anything for them, they had loved me before they even met me, and it seemed almost too hard to believe that there could be so many people that loved me. Just think what they would've thought, to hear their cousin commited suicide, and they haven't even talked to me before and never knew what I was like. I guess you could say they would've been sad, they said I was sort of famous since my real name was Alana, which is an old family name, I guess. I remember everyone was real sad when it came time for me to leave. Aunt Mary(the coolest aunt EVER!) even looked like she was about to cry, and she has more backbone then anyone I ever met in my life. I guess that's where I get my toughness cause my Dad isn't really tough and isn't into fighting, and my mom is real gentle... sort of0.o But it sure would've been fun to live with my cousins. Like, brother and sister or something^^(since most of my cousins are guys except for Shannon) Who's really cool actually, but she's only 10 and she thinks I'm goth>.< Couldn't blame her though, most people get that impression, it's, like, the first thing they think of me. But I don't really care, I am who I am, and I will be that for the rest of my life.

I've been reading this really negative fic, all about cutting, blood, death, depression, alchol, and anger. It just makes me more and more depressed and I know I shouldn't be reading it. But I can;t help it, I remember so clearly the last time I cut, and it makes me want to cut more and more. I know Camille and Kura will freak if they found out I cut, or if I started cutting again, but what else am I gona do? It's not like they can do anything about it anyway, I'm all alone here... this is another thing I don't get, why do all the people I care about most live so far away? I wanna runaway again, maybe just to say hi to Brian or something. I have actually been trying to say thanks ever since I ranaway last, but I haven't had the chance, kinda pathetic, huh? I remember I tried to laugh it off when my Mom was so pissed that I had ranaway. She started yelling at me saying if I had just gone down one ally to the other I would probably raped and killed, or just raped and scared for life. Yeah, it really sucks to be a girl. We gotta go through all the pain, periods, ear piercing, weight lose and all that other shit... yeah, I'm pretty much just talking on and on huh? Yeah, well, it's my dairy, and I can talk about whatever the hell I want to, and ya'll can't do anything about it!

Geez... I can't believe I'm getting all worked up over a diary entry, it isn't like anyone's reading anyway. Why do I bother? Man... I really need a role model. I mean, look at me, I'm everything my mother never thought In would become, and just setting a horrible example for my brothers since *I* have to be THIER role model. I don't want to be a role model, I just wanna find my own. I really just want someone older to look up to. Someone who's nice and cool, and who will know right from wrong. Who won't judge me by what I wear or what I talk like, but will like me because of who I am. But I guess that's asking for too much, huh?

Mom says it's hard being the oldest cause I have to make all the mistakes, and then my brothers get to learn from them and avoid them. See? Why do I have to suffer everything for them? It's not like they care about me anyway? They're all just a bunch of selfish brats!!! So why do I bother? My Mom forced me to take care of them at 4 for what? A bunch of jerks?? Ug, I can;t believe I even wasted my childhood on them. 
And I just keep going and going... well, I'm bored, what else am I suppose to do? Well, gtg.
Bye.
Kari

Dear Diary,
     Yo, what up ya'll??? Got back from my trip last night(yeah, I had to ride 3 planes to get here, and 1 plane ride was 6 and a half hours!!>< Trying dealing with that sitting next to Patrick-._-.) Yep, so basically I hate planes now, I seriously starting getting real sick at the end of the last plane ride and almost threw up my chocolate milk(and it was goo chocolate milk*cries*) So anyway, I guess you guys will wanna know how it went, huh?

Well, I guess we can say Ireland was nice, and pretty and all, and it wasn't like ANYTHING in America(did you know that Ireland has the title of "yougest country" because there is no abortion. And boy, when they say youngest country, I'm talking about people having, like, 8 kids!!) But hey, if it means no abortion, than sure, it's fine.

So anyway, I met, like, a half of my family in Ireland and believe me, the past 10 days it had been cousins, cousins, and more cousins!(besides my 10 year old cousin Shannon, I was the only girl... well, I was use to it^^) But, oh my gosh, I had this one cousin, his name was Patrick(a lot of Patricks and Seans in my family) and he was, like, 6'7!!! He was so flippin' tall, it was cool! And then he went on the tranpaline, and jumped and he sent you FLYING!!! It was so fun, he was like a big bro to me.
But anyway, I'll stop now, I'm sure you ppl really don't care.
So see ya!
Kari

Dear Diary,
     Lol! I love my last entry=^^= La la la... what should I write about? Um... I dunno. Lately I have been doing ok, having more confidence in myself ever since I finally got over my writers block(which I;ve had sincre, like, May 3rd>.<) Not to mention I've been drawing a lot more. And they actually come out good!! I think I'm actually starting to have mopre self-esteem(wonder how long that'll last, lol) So, uh, what else? Oh yeah, I'm leavin' on Friday to go to Ireland to go see my 55 zillion cousins(which I hear are very excited to see me^^) Not to meantion I GOT MY BRACES OFF!!! YES!!!!(and just to let ya'll know, I've had 'em since 3rd grade, so I think it's about time it came!)
   What else? Um... I'm starting to be nicer to my brothers... isn't it scary? And my Mom says I'm trying to be "bad" or something, and that by wearing black and wearing my studded belts, she says I'm trying to be something I'm not. Ug, she'll never understand. This IS who I am, she doesn't like me the way I am. Oh well, I don't care. As Green Day said in their song "I don't care if you don't, I don't care if you don't, I don't care if you don't care" Yep, cause I don't care. Hmmm... I wonder if there's a "I Don't Care@wiki" lol, that would be wicked sweet.
   Anywayz, um... I think that's pretty much it. Love ya'll so much!!!!
Kari

*10 Commandments of a Teenager*
1-- thou shall not sneak out when parents
are sleeping. (why wait?)




2--thou shall not do drugz (alcohol last longer)




3--thou shall not steel from k-mart.
(Wal*Mart has a bigger selection)




4--thou shall not get arrested for
vandalism. (destruction has a bigger effect)




5--thou shall not steel from thy parents.
(every-1 knows grandma has more money)




6--thou shall not get in fights. (just start them)




7--thou shall not skip class. (just take the whole day off)




8--thou shall not strip in class. (hooters pays more)




9--thou shall not think about having sex.
(as Jazzy says just do it)




10--thou shall not help old ladies cross
the street. (just leave them in the middle)

Here's something funny:
Questions that are left unawnsered

How do "do not walk on grass" signs get there?


When a store has double doors why do they only let you use one of them?


If there was a crumb on the table and you cut it in half, would you have two crumbs or two halves of a crumb?


"What was Captian Hook's name before he had a hook for a hand?"


Do bald people get dandruff?


Why doesn't baking soda freeze?


What if you were to ask a genie to grant you more than three wishes for one of you wishes?


If you made biscuits with chocolate milk instead of regular milk, would they taste chocolaty?


If you rented a movie and were late returning it and then you died would someone you knew or a family member have to pay the late fee?


Can a person with no ears wear glasses?


Do the actors in the re-enactments on Americas most wanted, ever get arrested (because they were seen on TV portraying the criminal)?


Are people who are allergic to nuts allergic to coconuts too?


If someone's peeing and halfway through they die, would they keep peeing or stop?


How come French fries are not considered vegetables, since they are just deep fried potatoes?


Can you still say "Put it where the sun don't shine " on a nude beach?



Why is it that when adults have multiple personalities it's schizophrenia, but when a child has imaginary friends it's cute?


Can you put a gay man in a straight jacket?



Why do bullies always ask "what’s your problem" when they're obviously not going to solve it?


Do stairs go up or down?


When people say, "I’m so tired it's not even funny" or "my head hurts so much it's not even funny", why would it even be funny in the first place?


Why is there a top line on lined paper if we never use it?



Why do the numbers on phones go down while the numbers on calculators go up?



If the sky is the limit, then what is space, over the limit?


Are children who act in rated 'R' movies allowed to see them?


Can you make a candle out of your earwax?


When French people swear do they say pardon my English?


Aren't the 'good things that come to those who wait' just the leftovers from the people that got there first?


If the swat team breaks down your door do they have to replace it later?


Can a fire truck park in the fire lane?


Can it be cloudy and foggy at the same time?


"Cute as a button" Is that supposed to be a compliment? Since when are buttons cute?



Can you breathe out of your nose and mouth at the same time? (lol i no your trying to do it because i am too)


Are marbles made of marble?


Why does the last piece of ice always stick to the bottom of the cup?


If you pay for a vacation and your plane crashes on the way there, do you get you money back? (Granted you lived)



Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink what comes out"?


Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken over there ... I'm gonna eat the first thing that comes out if its butt"?


Isn't Disney World just a people trap operated by a mouse?


If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?


Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet soup?


Why do we wash behind our ears? Who really looks there?


Why don't the hairs on your arms get split ends?



Why is it illegal to park in a handicapped parking space but its ok to use a handicapped toilet?


In that song, she'll be coming around the mountain, who is she lol?


How come we say 'It's colder than hell outside' when isn't it realistically always colder than hell since hell is supposed to be firey?


Why is it that if something says, "do not eat" on the packaging it becomes extra tempting to eat?


Why are people so scared of mice, yet we all love Mickey Mouse?


Wouldn't it be smart to make the sticky stuff on envelopes taste like chocolate?


Why are the commercials for cable companies on cable but not on regular television? Don't they want the people without cable to buy the cable?


"Have you ever noticed that if you rearranged the letters in mother in law, they come out to Woman Hitler?"


Isn't it funny how the word 'politics' is made up of the words 'poli' meaning 'many' in Latin, and 'tics' as in 'bloodsucking creatures’?


Why is it that when things get wet they get darker, even though water is clear??


Why is it that when you get out of a swimming pool, your urine is hotter when you use the restroom lol?


Can mute people burp?


What happens if you put this side up face down while popping microwave popcorn?


Why is chopsticks one of the easiest songs to play on the piano, but the hardest thing to eat with lol?


If a fork were made of gold would it still be considered silverware?


If heat rises, then shouldn't hell be cold?



Why is there that little space inside strawberries, as if it was meant for a pit, and then the seeds are on the outside?


Why isn't chocolate considered a vegetable, if chocolate comes from cocoa beans, and all beans are a vegetable?


Why is toilet bowl cleaning liquid only blue?


Why do you go “back and forth” to town if you really must go forth before you go back?


Why doos shaped macaroni taste better than the normal kind?


Why is vanilla ice cream white when vanilla extract is brown?


Why can't you get a tan on your palms?


Why do dogs sniff other dog’s bottoms to say hello, why don’t they just bark in their face or something?


Why do companies offer you "free gifts?" Since when has a gift NOT been free?


If something "goes without saying," why do people still say it?


You know the expression, "Don't quit your day job?" Well what do you say to people that work nights?

[He slowly sneeked down the hall, past the bathroom, and over to Mokuba’s bedroom. He slowly creeked open the door and peeked in. There Mokuba was, fast asleep as he should be. Seto smiled, his eyes glowing with tenderness and love. He slowly opened the door and walked in. He lowered himself on the edge of the bed, stroking Mokuba’s hair as he slept. He could’ve died back there. Back on that battlefield. Back on that cold hard ground, stained with the invisible blood of soldiers who had died before him. He would’ve never gotten to see his brother again. Never gotten to see that beautiful smile, that glow of happiness in his eyes. He could’ve lost the one thing that mattered to him the most.]
Don't you guys think that's good? Sure, it's really corny, but I think it's pretty dang good(since now I can't write for crap>.<) Man, I really miss being able to write like this. I guess you don't know what you really have until you've totally lost it...

Anyway, so I was gonna tell you about camp. Well, I made a ton of friends. Really cool/crazy friends too, people I could actually related to(not that I don't relate to Kura and Camille or anything) But still. Anywayz, so we made a guy gang where we basically all have guy nicknames, so anyway, here's some info:

Kate(a.k.a: Frank): The first friend I made. She's a little more maturer than me, but she always speaks her mind, and she was someone to really look up to. And even though she's done some pretty outrageous stuff, I know deep down she's got a good heart.

Christina(a.k.a Ryan): She's one of the friends I really could connect to and wasn't afraid to talk to. She's one of my Emo allies and tends to know how bitchy popular girls can be, the poor kid goes to an all girls school>.<

Claire(a.k.a Eugene): One of my awesome punk pals. She was into almost everything I was into, and porbably one of the best friends I made there. She was never afraid to be herself and act out, even when it was a little too out of place. I always look up to her as a great example of what I should try and be.

Emily(a.k.a Emeril): One of the girly girls of the group. She's so perfect! But she's so nice, you can't really hate her. She's all into fashion, and, ew, likes Jesse Mcarney(I know I spelt that wrong>.<) Did you know that kid shaves his eyebrows? Well, anyway, she's was one cool chick.

Hana(a.k.a Guy): One of my favs of the group, well, ok, they're all my favorites, but anyway. She was the cool anime person. She had mangas and her name is actually Japanese for flower! Now I think that is pretty cool. What I enjoyed the most though was probably when she stood up for me when the other kids made fun of me for looking "too into" the manga I was reading when it was getting to a serious part. Now, I'll have you know that no one had ever stood up for me in a long time like she did, and it just made me feel really good.
~
Well, anyway. I guess that's my pointless discription of my buds that I made at camp. Of course I have a buttload more I haven't even mention, but these guys are probably the coolest and closest I made.
Well, see ya.
Kari

Dear Diary,
     Might as well write something while I have the time. I really really really *really* wanna see Kura. I NEED to see Kura. Everything just seems, like, ug, bad... I dunno, maybe this is just me, but still. I just need someone. Someone who actually loves me. Been at the beach the past week just to let ya'll know. It's been ok. I kinda feel seperated though, since I've been hangin' out with all the stupid boys in my family. Well, maybe not the boys. But my step family. I always felt they never really liked me. But my friend says that's all in my head, and maybe it is, but it really hurts to see your 2 year old step cousin totally hate you, but not hate Ryan or any of your other brothers. Or anyone else in that matter. I don't know why, but I guess it's been hurting me the most, since she seemed to be the only one who I could talk to, even though she couldn't understand. But whatever.
I'll probably tell you guys how it was in camp later.
But anyway, gtg
Kari

Dear Diary,
     Wow, my last entry was so stupid>.< I hate most of the entries here, but for some reason I feel I should keep them in here. Lately I've been really wanting to write something, anything, a song, a story, a peom, but every time I try too, it just, just, comes out wrong and stupid. I haven't written a decent story in a long while and I'm scared my inspiration to write and my love for it might be gone forever. It was the one thing I truely enjoyed. Right now I'm in Portsmith, just met back up with my cousins and Uncle and Aunt. They have grown up so much>.< And me, I'm just the same old Kari, never changing, just getting more and more depressed, I guess. It's just, to see them grown up, and then me like this, ug, it just feels different. But wow, I never realize how much I really love my cousins and everyone else. When I was hugging them, I just didn't wanna let go. Or, maybe it was just because I always need a hug because I'm stupid like that. Ug, I'm just gonna think this entry is gonna be stupid, like, tomorrow.
Well, gtg.
Kari

Dear Diary,
     I'm writing to you on this joyful, strange, sorrowful day. Well, ok, maybe I'm writing because I'm crying my eyes out at the moment. Yeah, I know your probably wondering why, well, tomorrow I leave for camp in PA for the next 2 weeks, and won't be able to bother you with stupid diary entries, so I decided to write one now. Another reason is that my mom had always told me to write down what I was feeling, at the time I was feeling it, so I could look back and just, well, look into my own soul as it was at the time of sorrow. But one of the main reasons is, this is the final day I see Josh, because he's leaving for Illionois, then the beach with his family and won't be back till summers over. And I guess I'm just really emotional about that because, 1. Well, I'm emotional about most of these seperation things, 2. Because Josh is my best friend. My real good friend. But he's not like Camille or anything, he's a guy, guy's don't get us. He's annoiying at times, but cool at others. He's strange, yet funny, and always makes me laugh. I don't think there's ever been a time where he didn't make me laugh. And I guess another reason is, I have known Josh since he was 5 years old, we practically grew up together. And no matter how many times he annoys me, or how many times he weirdes me out, he will always be my best friend. My... really strange, best friend...
Kari

Dear Diary,
        Finally home, but have nothing to say. I look at my other entries, and just feel stupid and get embarrassed about even writing them(yeah, I have a embarrassment problem) So, once again, since I didn't have anything to say, I'm gonna put another song. It's my favorite song(at the moment) and it's really good, you should maybe read the lyrics.
"The Best Of You" by Foo Fighters
I’ve got another confession to make
I’m your fool
Everyone’s got their chains to break
Holdin’ you

Were you born to resist or be abused?
Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?
Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?

Are you gone and onto someone new?
I needed somewhere to hang my head
Without your noose
You gave me something that I didn’t have
But had no use
I was too weak to give in
Too strong to lose
My heart is under arrest again
But I break loose
My head is giving me life or death
But I can’t choose
I swear I’ll never give in
I refuse

Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?
Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?
Has someone taken your faith?
Its real, the pain you feel
Your trust, you must
Confess
Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?
Oh...

Oh...Oh...Oh...Oh...

Has someone taken your faith?
Its real, the pain you feel
The life, the love
You die to heal
The hope that starts
The broken hearts
Your trust, you must
Confess

Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?
Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?

I’ve got another confession my friend
I’m no fool
I’m getting tired of starting again
Somewhere new

Were you born to resist or be abused?
I swear I’ll never give in
I refuse

Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?
Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?
Has someone taken your faith?
Its real, the pain you feel
Your trust, you must
Confess
Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?
Oh...
**********************************************
Flippin' love that song!!!(and the music video is really good too)
Anywayz, peace
Kari

Dear Diary,
        The days just seem to drag on and onnnnn I don't know what to do anymore. Me and my Mom keep fighting, I think my step dad's just annoyed with me, and I'm so homesick I just wanna die sometimes. I don't even wanna eat anymore(yeah, this homesickness is THAT bad) Talk about a vacation turned upside down. I just feel trapped, and just lock myself inside all day... but things are getting a lil better. Today's my last day down here and I didn't go out to the beach once. As cool, and fun as this place might be, it would be cooler and much funner with the people I truely love to enjoy it with(I miss Camille and Kura the most *sniffle*) Well, I'll stop complaining *yawn*
Talk to ya'll laterz~
Kari

Dear Diary,
        You won't believe where I am right now. Miami, Florida!!! I know what your thinking, "Wha?" Well, I didn't know it ether. My Mom just went out and told me that I was going with her to Miami tomorrow the day before yesterday after coming back from [xx____Guns Go Bang]'s house(she's my bestest buddy:p) And let me tell you, it's beautiful, the ocean, the old fashioned city, and the beach^_^ It's as much as dangerous as it is pretty though, I was almost hit by a car twice yesterday>.< But Mom says it's just like Europe so I should get use to it. But I just LOVE the ocean, I swear, I just sat in it for a full hour, not even swimming, just sitting there. It's so pretty, no wonder Mom says it's the best place in the world. It kinda reminds me of Cali with all it's palm trees. But as beautiful as it is, I miss my bros a lot. I haven't seen them in forever, and I miss Ryan, Forrest, and my Dad too. Actually, just being in the ocean made me feel homesick, considering my brothers would always do some fun game when we were at the beach. It always seems me and my brothers are slipping away, they think I want to do that. I don't. They're the only reason I have to be a kid. Or else I gotta be the grown-up, I know it sounds dumb, but it's really not. I miss making sand castles in the sand, and pushing my brothers off the rafts, and playing some stupid imgainary games with them. Just cause, well, it was fun. And for once, I could stop pretending I was older, and just be myself.
But anyway, more news later.
<3 you all!!!
Kari

Dear Diary,
        Mannnn, I haven't written anything in like FOREVER! Right now I'm @ my bestest buddy Camille's house just chillin', ok, so it's like the middle of the night and I'm as tired as crap. But I like staying up like that, cause I'm cool like that;) (At least Camille thinks so) I can't believe it, I saw a Hilary Duff movie and liked it!!!! It was that dumb "A Cinderella Story" Yeah, sounds gay right? Well, it was actually pretty good, and actually pretty good. But I am SO not becoming a Hilary lover, I mean, that was like, her only good movie. It actually made me feel a little better about myself for some reason even though I really didn't relate to the movie at all. No really, I didn't>.< LOL! I guess I was a lil homesick for some reason, I mean, I just got here! I guess I'm homesick for another home. God, I know, I complain too much about my class. But I can't help it, they were the family I had loved and, well, I'm too emtional at times I guess. I'm scared about high school now. High school a whole new level, and I just don't know what to expet. What's everyone gonna think of me? Everyone in my other class already knew who I was, who I was like, and what I was going through. This is going to be a whole new bunch of people, and I just can't deal with that many people in one day, can I? Ug, I'm just confused I guess. Summer seems to go on and on with it's extermly hot days and I just sit insdie and daydream. I'll regret this when school fianlly starts again, I guess. Or maybe I'll regret even caring about school, or leaving all my friends, or maybe not savoring the time as I should;ve if I really cared that much for tha, That always seems to be my problem, I never do that with the friends I neve get to see,m or will never see again. Oh please, can someone just slap some sense into me? I'm 14 year old about to go into high school, and I'm acting like a big baby and missing all the friends that, well, really aren't my friends. Wow, this was actually a long diary entry. I must really be wasting everyone's time.
Give ya the 411 soon(I hope)
Truely,
Kari

Dear Diary,
        I haven't written in you in forever.... I guess I just don't have as much time to myself as I use to when I actually had school, lol, now that I'm working for Dad and doing the other toturing stuff for high school. High school, oh my gosh!! How can I even think of high school when I know I'm gonna go there completely alone *sniffle*
I also feel as if there's this big emptiness inside me. Last night I had a dream about graduation... everyone looked so happy together... (except fopr the part where I got run over by a plane and broke my back, but hey, THAT'S another story^.~) and I actually didn't die! I got mayjorly hurt... but I still, I didn't die for once.
Ok, I guess what I'm trying to get by is, I feel empty now that I know I'll never see all the people in my class. Every year it was always "Well, see you next year buddy" and now I'll never see them again... well, at least till 5 years pass and we have a reunion thing. lol. I know I'm too emotional about all of this, and I wasn't much of a important part of our class, but they were an important part to me.
So, yeah, I might be the only one upset about leaving school, but I'm damn right proud of that.
Later
Kari

"My Hometown" by Bowling For Soup

This song goes out to my good friends,
Especially the ones I had before the Grammy nominations in 2003
And all the girls from back in high school,
Who actually spoke to me,
Even though I was a fat kid and a marching band geek.

I hope this song finds you well.
And I hope that you're doin' fuckin' swell.
I hope that you're back up if you've ever been down.
And I hope that you got the fuck out of our hometown.

Here comes a shout out to the professor,
Who said "Son pick a path and stay the same, cause charisma is
the key to opportunity"
And to all the clubs that let us play.
To our family and friends and the music stores,
For giving us gear when we couldn't pay.

I hope this song finds you well.
And I hope that you're doin' fuckin' swell.
I hope that you're back up if you've ever been down.
And I hope you got the fuck out of our hometown.

You know I can't count how many times I've heard people say
(heard people say)
'Be proud of where you're from, you're gonna put us on the map'
But where the hell were you back in the day, (back in the day)
No one came to see us,
So we got the hell out of there.
So there you have it.
t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t

This song goes out to my big brother.
For putting up with me following you around.
And making me smile when things at home weren't great
And not getting pissed when I humped your girlfriend
For letting me take your car to the prom.
For beating up the guys that hung my bike in a tree
For hand-me-down down albums and guitars with no strings
For never beating the shit outta me

I hope this song finds you well.
And I hope that you're doin fuckin swell.
I hope that you're back up cause I know you've been down.
I just wish you'd get the fuck out of our hometown.
I hope you get the fuck out of our hometown.
I'm so glad I got the fuck out of our hometown.

You know what I'm talking about don't ya?
Damn it!
-----------------------------------------------------------
These guys are too funny to hate^-^
Kari

St. Rita's 8th Grade Graduates of 2005:
Emilia
TJ
Michelle
Nicholas
Joseph
James
Sergio
Stephen
Maria
Kylie
Karla Michell
Audrey
Caitlin
Amber
Cohen
Geneva
Alana

Yay! We graduated!!^o^

This is a real cool song, once again, that I can relate too (well, I find myself relating to almost all the songs about heart break and just feeling bummed, it sucks to be depressed:p)

"Scars" by Papa Roach <I know, the name is really weird>.<

I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
And my scars remind me that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel

Drunk and I'm feeling down
And I just wanna be alone
I'm pissed cause you came around
Why don't you just go home
Cause you channel all your pain
And I can't help you fix yourself
You're making me insane
All I can say is

[Chorus:]
I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
And our scars remind us that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel

I tried to help you once
Against my own advice
I saw you going down
But you never realized
That you're drowning in the water
So I offered you my hand
Compassions in my nature
Tonight is our last stand

[Chorus]

I'm drunk and I'm feeling down
And I just wanna be alone
You shouldn't ever came around
Why don't you just go home?
Cause you're drowning in the water
And I tried to grab your hand
And I left my heart open
But you didn't understand
But you didn't understand
Go fix yourself

I can't help you fix yourself
But at least I can say I tried
I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life
I can't help you fix yourself
But at least I can say I tried
I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life

[Chorus x2]

"Empty House of Broken Dreams"

Sitting in this empty house of broken dreams
Where life, as I knew it, wasn't as it seemed
Totally excluded from the other girls
They acted as if I was from another world
But they never even talked to me
And when they did, I screwed up
Then I was forgotten
They didn't even bother to know who I was
And I was a thing in the past
But my pain just seemed to last
Things seemed to stick to me
And I'd make sure I wouldn't forget who I use to be
Use to beat myself up real bad
It was only cause I was mad
Mainly at myself
I couldn't do anything right
Despite the times when I would follow the light
And school wasn't better
People treated me as if I was a beginner
Or just beat me up as if I was a kid
Or treated me as if I was nothing
Cursed at in the face like I was dirt underground
Sometimes people wondered why I took it sitting down
And I'd wonder too
Then I'd get home
Things there were never how they were suppose to be
Fighting and arguing between my mom and step dad
While me and my brothers would peek through the door to see
And we'd just wish our mom would get along with someone
So we wouldn't feel so bad like we had no one
But my brothers never understood it
Instead I took it all in for them so they could never know it
And my mom would explain our family's position
But always told me nothing else was to be said about it
And so at times, I'd think of just running away
So I wouldn't have to go and take all of this every day
But I couldn't have the guts to run
When my heart said I had nothing and no one
But I'd dump everything on Ryan
Sometimes I think, on the inside, he's crying
Cause I go and tell him everything and all my problems
Making everything his problem as well
And then I'd feel bad
Than I'd want to beat myself up again cause I was mad
For telling all that stuff to him
And now, outside, the sun grows dim
As I hope these memories disappear and never come back to me
As I walk away from the empty house of broken dreams
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
*sigh* Stupid peom...