I STAYED HOME FROM SCHOOOOOOL!!!! good gravey i am feeling refreshed and blah blah blah! my brother thought his hermit crab died (wouldnt you know it'd be the one i named...tommy boy) but he is alive...just tired or something, like me!
my brother is getting teased at school by a few boys in particular who are heading for a serious thrashing by a bunch of girls....one of which wears highheeled platform boots...that would hurt!
but i am watching velvet goldmine and i have realized...seeing ewan mcgregor kissing another guy makes him even hotter!!! and graham chapman is also hot, he's off of monty python stuff...i have introduced mr. toney to his new favorite band....flogging molly!! yay! i'm proud, and he only listen to one of their songs! but i'm gonna go, i have pretzels and pepsi to eat while watching sexy men!!

ps. my brother would be the prettiest drag queen ever, i dressed him up in make up and spiked his hair out...he is pretty. i told him when i moved to new york i was gonna dress him up and he could be the only straight guy in a drag queen competition!

good grief...i am tired...my left eye is blood shot and i almost went to school with my pj pants on...in gifted i learned more about hitler!!!
when the nazis first gained control of schools, in one in particular a jewish teacher was grabbed by the beard (which was shaved off) and thrown out of the school. then the class children had to pledge allegience to hitler...a few jewish students would do it so the Gestapo (german police) went up the jewish children and said to the other children in the class, "this is what we do to jews", and stabbed the children in the ears with pencils....killing them!! then kids HAD to join the hitler youth army and in the first meeting they got puppies! yay! they were made to love and respect them and take care of them,the puppies went to every meeting with the children...at one hitler was at, he made the children STRANGLE THEIR PUPPIES! WITH THEIR BARE HANDS!!!!! the girls had to join the german maidens or some such crap at ten, when they learned their jobs were to bear children, they were taught marriage was not important...so they began having kids....AT TEN YEARS OLD!!! Hitler's book Mein Kampf or something like that, was supposed to replace the bible in churches, but the churches wouldnt do it. Mein Kampf was the second highest selling book in German history however, the first being the bible.

does this not thoroughly depress you??? and as for a certain someone i know, Hitler should not be your idol, you FREAK OF NATURE!!!!!

"The time has come," the walrus said. "To talk of many things. Of shoes and ships and ceiling wax, of cabbages and kings. And why the sea is boiling hot and whether pigs have wings."
"Will you walk a little faster?" said a whiting to a snail. "There's a porpoise close behind us and he's treading on my tail. See how eagerly the lobster and the turtle all advance? We are waiting on the shingle, will you come and join the dance?"
"Why is a raven like a writing desk?"
"Time marches on it's stomach!!" "It's an army that marches on it's stomach." "Dreadful idea, all that mud. Ghastly, yuck."
"I speak roughly to my boy. I beat him when he sneezes. He only does it to annoy because he knows it teases!"
"I was in the middle of 'Twinkling Cups' when the queen screeches, "He's murdering the tune...off with his head!"
"I did say what i meant, or at least i meant what i said, it is the same thing." "No, it isn't. You may as well say i see what i eat and i eat what i see!" "Or i like what i get and i get what i like." "Or you may say i sleep when i breathe and i breathe when i sleep." "...well it is the same with you..."
"You cant draw treacle..." "sure you can...you can draw water from a well, can't you?"
these are loverly quotes from alice in wonderland (fabadabadoo, doncha know *wink* ) which i love as it has martin short in it (he's hot for being, like, 50) and the book is awesome too.
"Yesterday on the stair
I saw a man who wasnt there,
I saw him again today,
how i wish he'd go away!"
  from Velvet Goldmine which i must return to abby only after watching the rest of the meaning of life...
toodle pip.....uh....ya'll

hello you sexy beings, that is those of you that chose to read this, therefore entitling you to be among the Sexii. The super-secret organization of sexy people who frequently fail tests while supposedly being rather intelligant, yet failing in fabulous style and grace such as Pat..."See, Danielle? You studied to much, I didnt study at all and I got 3 points better than you? How did that happen, well you did quiz me at 30 seconds till the test...well..."
recently i have had my brain taken over by a girl. Yes, a girl, a frickin girl, or a Firl, if i may. I wore a skirt to school, which is a big deal, as i am not only fat, but stubborn when it comes to skirts;it means shaving legs. i have shamelessly flirted with many guys, who were my friends, and for some reason have begun to enjoy the morning rounds of puttputt golf between nate and pat. kyle helps them both cheat and the only way nate wins is by default. 
my magazine has come to a standstill as the computer is not in my main state of mind. i have my stories and now need pictures and such...but anyway
school is okay, i have had several tests and such and have doodled on them pictures of my brain frying...uh-for extra credit, doncha know?
friends are cool, chris is an idiot, what's new? i've begun reading Eerie Queerie thanx to Abby and seem to like it, or something. i already like cowboy bebop and inuyasha, soon i'll just read original manga in japanese...speaking of languages...i wanna teach meself how to speak gaelic! it's like old irish, and i'm irish, and i wanna show mr. toney so he wouldnt make fun of my british accent! geez, the british killed my people too!
speaking of which, i have a major crush on mr. toney as he is intelligent, makes fun of whiney mumblers (ashely brown) and likes to joke around and have a good time. but he needs to learn, when he loads the homework on, he needs to not tease me...short fuse, wot?
well i'm gonna go change me information as much of it is not in effect!
have a scrumdidlyumptious day! toodle pip!

okay, i've come to grips with the fact that i was a beachball to people last year, and i've decided to be nicer this year...i've severed ties with a few people and reconnected with others...this doesnt mean i got rid of BAD people, just lost contact. school has come, my brain is gone (actually i sold it on ebay, six bucks man, that like 6 sodas!) and i am learning to dislike journalism...i love to write, but my ideas are always turned down and i want to make people think about controversial ideas, but apparently my job is 'not to make people think, it's to effect change'. well pardon me ms. insult my favorite gifted teacher, but you cant change without thinking, it's like leaping without looking...grrrr.....big fight happened about plays...journalism teacher said my gifted teacher was a bad teacher, gifted kids walk out on journalim teacher, journalism teacher say bye-bye to play...anyway.
geometry sucks, but then again if i was good at math i might say 'i love geometry', but i'm not so i dont. gifted is fun, always is. we're learning about the holocaust, tons of fun. did you know the jews invented the ghettos? well they didnt persay, german government did. then english is easy and boring, French is entertaining as always with the bubbly Mrs. Uzzel, biology is boring, world history....mr. toney is like andy dick, willy wonka, and...i dunno a scary sarcastic guy all in one. secrets for you, i love him, i think he's hotter than mr. nix, well, in mind anyway. those are all my classes. matt just turned 16 the 26th, rachel on the 23rd...i'm still 15 till March. crap. but I GOT A TATTOO!!! HAHAHAHAHAAAAAA! it's a four leaf clover, it's green and yellowish and it's on my ankel and i didnt cry when i got it, but the guy was mean and told me not to be a smart ass. he was cool. home's okay. i've been having symptoms of schitzophrenia, such as hearing my wall tell me to shut up, i screamed at my sister outside (she wasnt outside, though i swear i saw her) i am seeing imaginary bugs on my books and papers (no i'm not on drugs) and i'm overly paranoid all of a sudden. but then again i dont sleep, so that could take a big part in it. but i have a few new crushes, whether boy or girl, big or small, intelligant or intelligant, you must take guesses. well, i'll give you a clue (geez, beat it out of me) they have hair. well i'm going to go start on my ghetto collage and listen to avril levigne because i'm a hippokrit (yes i know i spelled it wrong) and have decided i like her songs about self respect!! toodles to you.

i cant wait for jour de fete, i have to find morgan and rachel there, but yeah. i want to go to the Orris because Rescue is playing and i love that band, plus the keyboard/guitar player is hot. but i wont ask for his autograph like some girls. the garage sale is still going on and all together our money equals about $200. the rest is going to good will and we're closing up at 11 am.
but, these creepy mexican guys (not that i have problems with mexicans) keep driving by, and staring. they've been by about 4 times now, and they went by yesterday too. the next door neighbor here is nice though. he blares his radio for us. at least it's good music. well, who here watched the opening of the olympics last night? anyone? well it was awesome. these people looked like statues portraying the greek myths and the story of the olympic's origin. it was awesome!! and then after i went outside and slept in a tent. and watched what a girl wants. but i'm gonna go and make sure my brother isnt hurting anyone (he hasnt had his pills yet). toodles

oooh....garage sales, or yard sales whatever, anyway! i am at on at the moment and some lady bought all of my old clothes...i've made aboot 50-60 dollars so far...and I'M GOIN TO RAGARAMA!! WOO! but newayz...i'm feeling kinda bad cuz i missed my Rachani's sweet 16 to be here...but i needed to help...and i get moola moola, but I LOVE RACHEL!!!! KISSIE KISSIE! and i am also very caffiene defitiant and i was woken up at 5 am just to set up tables and it was very cold outside.but i can hear people outside getting ravaged by the little ones and my mom is watching karate kid...wee! 
but i havent learned anything new, except as soon as i step into the highschool i cant remember what the class with the writing is called (ie creative writing, thanks morgan!) and i am rather depressed at the prospect of child development classes. i dont want babies...i dont want to learn about them, i know to make sure they're fed and still breathing. i am an excellent babysitter! but i'd rather have french or creative writing. but i have gifted (yay!) and journalism ie newspaper and yearbook (yay times 2!) but i hope this year is better than last year...

okay, i feel embarrassed over some of my poems...the mooshy gooshy 'oh i'm a depressed lover' ones....
i didnt think when i wrote them. i was saying in them i was through and over it, but by writing them i officially countered that and i realized i was being moon sick...so i quit. sorry i took them off. i kept some, the ones i just wrote because i was bored. but nothin much is goin on, i'm eating again...and i'm doing pilates and yoga, and that stuff hurts my butt....i still cant play guitar very well and i know 3 chords officially, woohoo! but i am positively terrified of going back to hiskool...i hate it times a million. i'm looking forward to football games because i can meet up with friends...wait! all my friends are in band! except the other non-extra curricular activity buddy who is going to Hope Academy (where science vocab is "faith" and "mercy") so i'm all alone....*sniff* oh well, i'm doin my best to be happy, and guess what? i havent seen my counselor yet because she keeps rescheduling...but i'm happier than ever, and i'll see most of you that'll read this at skool. :'(

hello to all, i am feeling okay, except i have this nervous feeling in my stomach and i dont know why...could it be it's almost school time? maybe. could it be i'm waiting for mom to blow up and get mad? possibly. could it be that i havent eaten anything today but fruit because i'm afraid of the calories? AHA! i got up, went jogging (in 101 degree weather) then i drank whole bunches of water and threw up (shhhh, dont tell my mom!*nervous giggle) and now i am at the community center, i was working out and i worked of 500 calories according to my machiny thingy...i wonder if that canceled out any of my fruit, an apple, an orange, and half a banana...now i'm going to go eat a subway sandwich and possibly throw it up.
to those who know me and are asking "How did this start?"
i'll tell you exactly how it started. 
i was getting ready to go to st. louis and i put on some of my sister's shorts and they fit! yay! usually they dont, i mean if you've seen my sister that's pathetic, i didnt think i was as big if not bigger than her, but aparently i am...so i was happy, turns out the shorts were too big on her, by a lot, but hey they were cute, so i thought nothing of it.
then i went to forest park and played frisbee and stuff, then to union station because it was too hot to be outside. well at union station there was this bungee thingy where you jump on a trampoline with bungee cords and go really high, well when i went to be weighed, it turned out i weighed too much to get on it...then i was walking around, surrounded by skinny girls in skanky shirts, with boyfriends all over them like their skin tight pants...and i was there in baggy shorts, an oversized tee shirt and the sign "single and fat" blinking over my head like a damn beacon honing in on all the single fat dorky boys who's hobbies are video games, because of their asthma. i dont mean to sound superficial but i want to have a cute boyfriend, one all the girls like, or i want to be the girlfriend all the boys look at. but i'm not, i couldnt even keep a GIRLFRIEND! i'm just fat, and i'll forever be this way until the day i die.

i see it

i see it!
it's there
so unusual
and yet so ordinary
sor weird
and yet so beautiful
it's there
and time slows
and just as quickly
its gone
there, there,
nowhere
up, down,
all around
keep looking
you'll find another
all glitters and rainbow
lipgloss kisses spent
seek and you shall find
but dont look hard
or you'll missit
it's right in front of you
i see it
look close
yet far
and relax.
...
there it is.

MY SUICIDE

ah, my suicide
my music
i love it
no death of blood
no starving skeleton
no 18th hole to the head
i choose to drown
not in water
no liquid is sufficient enough
to kill my pain
no pill toxic enough
i choose to drown
in my music
"i love you, i hate you"
"i've become so numb"
"should i stay or should i go"
over my feet
over it flows
so comforting my old friends
covering my head
i dont flounder or panic
i embrace and inhale
the crash of guitars
the bass
the words of my gods
speak to me
and all pain is forgotten!
all the stress
all the hurt
is lost in the love
the love of unexplainable joy
the joy of words

  Hey Ho, Let's Go! Mkay, it's getting dark outside, not because it's night or anything...because it's getting ready to storm. I'm not going to be one of those blonde, petite, pink, highheeled girls and cry or run in my basement and huddle in a dark corner...No! I shall stand and face the storm! I shall watch it come in, take out the neighbors house....and then i shall run into the basement, yet still watch from the windows...at least until mom yells at me and grabs the back of my pants and hauls me off of whatever i was standing on to see...
neway...i think kyla is mad at me, she barely talks to me and we're not as close as we used to be...despite all we've gone through...oh well, hi to all who read this! and vist gypsy rose, arsenic cherry, and polaroid of purity!