My newest alter egos:

-Betsy-
 Betsy is a bitch. She has red hair and green eyes. She hates reading and watching movies, she is a soap opera freak, and because she watches soap operas, she is rather dramatic. She loves to be mean and critical. If you talk with Betsy, she will offend you.

-Karma-
 Karma is a "hippie". I say "hippie" because while enjoying the traditional mind altering substances of the hippie culture, the vegan dishes, and the no bra-prairie skirt fashion, Karma loves punk music and shoes.

-Billy-
 Billy is the animal inside. Billy is a kittie. With sharp claws and she likes to bite. Why she's a girl and named Billy...my secret.

-Dave-
 Dave is my male counterpart. Dave is just like me, with a smaller chest, shorter hair, and well...he's a guy, but he acts like me. He still likes shoes. And punk music. And Alex.

hey, mom if you're reading this, you're in a place you shouldn't be. you tell me i talk too much about things that don't matter, well on here are some things that are either so personal i don't want you to know them (plus my friends read them and help, and they don't mind the cursing or drug references) or they're really random and don't super matter! please, leave me and my last personal space alone!! you've invaded my room, my other diaries, my desk, pictures, everything, please, just leave this one alone.
             love, danielle

okay, so i have a friend whose sister is the editor of a magazine called 'gaytway', by the mispelling you may have guessed that it's about people that are gay or supporters of gay pride. well last summer i wrote an essay, i mean some of it still, i dont mean some of it anymore. i was angry and trying to be all rebellious, but now i've changed. i believe for the better. i dropped some baggage and am happier for doing so. but in this essay i never say that i'm bisexual, i sound like i'm a lesbian (and there's nothing wrong with it, i'm just not one) and i bash a few people and talk about my relationship with my mother as having been physical. 
well, that issue of gaytway i guess was confiscated by a teacher, who read it. nothing wrong. they read my aritcle. nothing wrong there, either. what was wrong was that because i was their student, they proceeded to show the entire ste. genevieve high school staff my article. it made it all the way up to the assistant superintendant. a friend of my mother's. she informed my mom, who in turn informed me. she was disappointed, and said that "some teachers were willing to overlook this". they shouldnt overlook it!!! i cant help who i am, just like they cant help who they are!! but they all think i am now a lesbian, which is not what i was wanting people to think at all. i'm dating a guy! oh, yeah, he's a cover up mom, dont banish your daughter...*sarcasm* 
this seriously pisses me off, and if i would've stayed at that school and been treated differently in reference to that article, i would've sued ste. gen for discrimination so fast it isnt even funny.



excuse me, i'm going to the mall of america now (hurrah ^_^)

okay, so i'm super duper bored. i like to say super duper, especially now that i say it as in i'm canadianese. OMG!! i went to see Batman Begins, that was the best movie ever except for the batman that tim burton directed, because tim burton is awesome!! holiday movie is nightmare before christmas, screw the grinch...and scrooge! screw em all! i wish i had anover doggie i could name Zero....or cheddar...or cracker, i'd have fun. fun, omigod, i played poker and stuff (blackjack and texas hold 'em) and i lost a lot, and my brother sucks and kept bluffing, emma won the most, and then we played egyptian and i won that, because i have reflexes lika cat *meow* i like to claw things, like the kittie, the kittie mutilated my hand!! it's all scratched!! so i threw the damn cat!!!!!!! ^_^ i win. so i lika have fun...like when you're driving around the walmart parking lot in a super crappy car pretending to be a nascar driver....i wanted to see how fast i could go around corners without braking...i went aboot 30 or 40...speed demon!!! in my plymouth!!! wootwoot! i like talking...like all of this has been very random. rachel, pat, and i used to have random talking contests in language, pat won, because rachel and i would generally start laughing...because pat likes to pet dogs...and he also had a way with cat *meowmeowscratch*whatever....i'm gonna "go to bed" (call alex secretly and doodle) bye ya'll!

aboot....8 days, eh? SO HAPPY!!!! but the house is all packed and that's gonna be super depressing...i may hafta leave almost as soon as i get home because mom put a contract on a house in cape....THIS SUCKS!!! I'M GONNA MISS YOU ALEX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

sad...:'( plus i wanna help rachel in journalism (watch her do the walk) bother morgan lots....poke aubrey...i'm gonna stop now before i get too sad.

YOU POOPHEADS WILL VISIT ME!!

The Republican National Committee announced today that the Republican Party is changing its emblem from an elephant to a condom. The committee chairman explained that the condom more clearly reflects the party's stance today, because a condom accepts inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of dicks, and gives you a sense of security while you're actually getting fucked.

today i slept until 6 pm...because i stay up late a lot...talkin to my bitch. ( i meant the bitch part in a nice way ^_^) i'm getting extremely bored here and smoking like a chimney!! woo! but i'm starting to get quiet here, i don't know why. i just don't feel super appreciated i guess. i hate this!!!! i just want to go home, see alex mostly, see my mommy, morgan, rachel, sarah, aubrey, annie, all of them. i miss everyone more than i thought possible. i'm never going to survive in cape. 

this has been the worst year ever!
and the best year ever, i'm so confused!

reasons for worst:
-one of my best friends passed away
-my mom was basically fired
-i have to move
-i have to go to a catholic school
-i would be editor, but i'm moving
-i turned 16, but get no car
-my dad lied about getting me car
-it's really cold
-i have a canadian accent

reasons for best year:
-i'm finally getting to date alex
-i was asked to be editor, which means i'm a pretty good writer
-i was finally in a gifted play
-i got to spend pat's last weekend with him at camp (get in the love boat!)
-i have a canadian accent

i've been drawing a lot lately. (boobie) and i've noticed that my pictures arent of happy things...they're all of dark things...sad things. i dont want to be like this, but i cant change it. i still get really hyper and giddy, but then i go immediately back to quiet and solitude. i dont even like to be around people. but i love ya'll. lots. dammit!! I'M FUCKING CONFUSED!

so once upon a time a girl was born. born looking normal, acting normal. she would run around the house in her cute little pink dresses her parents made her wear, her blonde hair in little pig tails, her brown eyes always happy. everyone loved the little girl. then she began to grow up. everyone still loved her. she played sports, went to dance classes. paraded around in cute little skirts and watched cute things like winnie the pooh. when she declared she wanted a pony her parents tried their best because she was like a model daughter. all little cute girls want ponies. so they built a stable for their american dream and put a beautiful horse in it. then the girl grew up again. she grew further from her father, but was still the apple of his eye. at company picnics she would join him, her blonde hair back in a headband, cute little outfit, running the 3 legged race with her daddy, who would then go brag to his co-workers. the girl grew closer to her mother. they would go shopping and the little girl finally got to buy her first bra, she felt like an adult. she told her mother about how she liked boys, which ones, and why. her mother gave her a sex talk, complete with brochures. the little girl gave her mother a honey smile, replying she was going to wait until she was married. the mother smiled and said "good." the perfect little family would go out for dinner and people would look at them eating, their daughter so polite and pretty. replying to her parents questions like a real little adult. the little girl's teachers saw big things for her. they told her and her parents so. "your daughter is going to go far, she's so bright and well-mannered." the parents tried to be modest. after all, they were the reasons for it. they raised her. the little girl grew again, and was soon a teenager. in highschool. daddy bought his 'big girl' her first car...a sophomore girl car. she would ride in it, pick up friends and go shopping, then stop back by the house where her mother would be waiting with smoothies and to chat about motherly things. the girl had long blonde hair, big brown eyes, the beautiful body; the american dream. then things began to turn. the father grew distant, his company had him travel often. the mother and daughter didnt mind much, he was normally working anyway. the mother began to get on the little girl, "why aren't you eating? have you eaten today? you need to get your hair cut. no you can't have your ears pierced again, you'll look like one of those "punks" i see hanging around in dark corners. where's the girls, i haven't seem them in a while. you need to get new clothes, those ones are looking too masculine. all girls like pink." the little girl didn't like this. she was getting tired of being the perfect little girl. she wanted to do something wild, different. unexpected. she would go to parties, seeing the way some kids acted, so wild, drinking, going to upstairs rooms, smoking potent substances. she wanted to do that. her mother began to use her as a barbie doll. dressing her up, doing her hair. taking pictures of her because "she looked so grown up". the little girl wasn't so little anymore. she wanted to get out from under her mother's wing. she wanted to be on her own. her graduation was nearing. then, then she would be free. close to her graduation the little girl went out with some friends. they all discussed what they wanted to do after highschool. when they got to the little girl they all laughed and teased "she's going to be the next president of the united states. she's going to be a politician. or real estate agent. she's going to have the perfect laugh." the little girl tried to break in "no, i want to do something rebellious, you know, unexpected." her friends just laughed and rolled their eyes. on the day of the little girl's graduation her name was called and no one came up to the podium. her mother was searching for her, the video camera in hand. friends were looking down the line, in the seats in front of them, where was the little girl. the little girl's name was passed. the little girl's mother cried and her friends were worried. where would she go on her graduation? the friends hugged the mother, saying they were going to be out celebrating and to tell the little girl and she should join them later. the mother agreed. indeed she ran into her little american dream and hugged her while berating her, then allowed her to go to her friends, for the mother needed to think. the little girl showed up to the restaraunt all her friends were seated outside, showing off the fact that they were the A crowd, just newly graduated. the little girl had a special glow about her as she sat down and ordered a water with lemon. "where were you?" was chorused around the table. " i did it." the little girl smiled as the friends exchanged looks. "i did something rebellious and unexpected....i got a job." her friends tittered and looked at her skeptically. "that's all, a job?" they rolled their eyes. "not just any job, one of the most famous jobs in the entertainment world." the little girl boasted. "you've got an acting job?? that's amazing!" the friends congratulated her. "i guess you could say that." very mysterious was the all american beauty. "i have to go get blue contacts-easy and lose 10 lbs. but then i'll be ready. i'll get my clothes paid for, free trips, and an awesome house." her friends' eyes were large, "what job? come on tell us, enough with the secrecy!" the little american dream, the daddy's girl, the mama's helper, the future president of the united states, had become a playboy bunny. the other american dream.

i got an idea from [pear bear] and also decided to search for mitch hedberg quotes...i found some ^_^ hurrah!

Mitch Hedberg Quotes

I want to be a rebellious McDonald's owner. Cheeseburgers... NOPE... we got spaghetti!


I want to get a job as someone who names kitchen appliances. Toaster, refridgerator, blender....all you do is say what the shiit does, and add "er". I wanna work for the Kitchen Appliance Naming Institute. Hey, what does that do? It keeps shiit fresh. Well that's a fresher....I'm going on break.


I got to write these jokes. So, I sit at the hotel at night and I think of something that's funny. Or, If the pen is too far away, I have to convince myself that what I thought of wasn't funny.


You know that Pepperidge Farm bread, that stuff is fancy. That stuff is wrapped twice. You open it, and then still ain't open. That's why I don't buy it, I don't need another step between me and toast.


This product that was on TV was available for four easy payments of $19.95. I would like a product that was available for three easy payments and one complicated payment. We can't tell you which payment it is, but one of these payments is going to hard.


You know when they have a fishing show on TV? They catch the fish and then let it go. They don't want to eat the fish, they just want to make it late for something.


I would imagine if you could understand Morse Code, a tap dancer would drive you crazy.


I don't wear a watch because I want my arms to weigh the same. So if somebody asks me what time it is, I have to tell them something that is going on. "What time is it, Mitch?" "Uh, that guy is eating a hamburger." "Shit, I had to be somewhere..."


I went to the park and saw this kid flying a kite. The kid was really excited. I don't know why, that's what they're supposed to do. Now if he had had a chair on the other end of that string, I would have been impressed.


At my hotel room, my friend came over and asked to use the phone. I said "Certainly." He said "Do I need to dial 9?" I say "Yeah. Especially if it's in the number. You can try four and five back to back real quick."


I played golf... I did not get a hole in one, but I did hit a guy. That's way more satisfying...


I saw a human pyramid once. It was totally unnecessary.


This shirt is dry clean only. Which means... It's dirty.


I bought a doughnut and they gave me a receipt for the doughtnut... I don't need a receipt for the doughnut. I give you money and you give me the doughnut, end of transaction. We don't need to bring ink and paper into this. I can't imagine a scenario that I would have to prove that I bought a doughnut. To some skeptical friend, Don't even act like I didn't buy a doughnut, I've got the documentation right here... It's in my file at home. ...Under "D".


My friend was walking down the street and he said, "I hear music." As if there is any other way of taking it in. I tried to taste it, but it did not work.


I snake bite emergency kit is a body bag.


Sometimes I wake up and I think I should start wearing a beret, but I don't do it though. One day I'm gonna though. You bet your ass, I will have a beret on. That's ridiculous, but it's true. I always fight with wearing a beret.


A minibar is a machine that makes everything expensive. When I take something out of the minibar, I always fathom that I'll go and replace it before they check it off, but they make that stuff impossible to replace. I go to the store and ask, "Do you have coke in a glass harmonica? ...Do you have individually wrapped cashews?"


I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it.


It's hard to dance if you just your lost wallet. "Whoa! Where's my wallet? But, hey this song is funky..."


It's very dangerous to wave to people you don't know because what if they don't have hands? They'll think you're cocky.


Someone handed me a picture and said, "This is a picture of me when I was younger." Every picture of you is when you were younger. "...Here's a picture of me when I'm older." Where'd you get that camera man?


If I was a locksmith, I'd be pimping that out man. I'll trade you a free key duplication for... That joke made me laugh before I could finish it, which is good, because it had no ending.


I want to be a race car passenger: just a guy who bugs the driver. "Say man, can I turn on the radio? You should slow down. Why do we gotta keep going in circles? Can I put my feet out the window? Man, you really like Tide..."


I wrote a letter to my dad - I wrote, "I really enjoy being here," but I accidentally wrote rarely instead of really. But I still wanted to use it so i crossed it out and wrote, "I rarely drive steamboats, dad - there's a lot of shit you don't know about me. Quit trying to act like I'm a steamboat operator." This letter took a harsh turn right away...


I don't own a cell phone or a pager. I just hang around everyone I know, all the time. If someone needs to get ahold of me they just say, "Mitch," and I say, "what" and turn my head slightly...


Alcoholism is a disease, but it's the only one you can get yelled at for having. Goddamn it Otto, you are an alcoholic. Goddamn it Otto, you have Lupis... one of those two doesn't sound right.


I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, "You're gonna have to move, you're blocking a fire exit." As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammible and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.


I like cinnimon rolls, but I don't always have time to make a pan. That's why I wish they would sell cinnimon roll incense. After all I'd rather light a stick and have my roommate wake up with false hopes.


People teach their dogs to sit, it's a trick. I've been sitting my whole life, and a dog has never looked at me as though he thought I was tricky.


My friend said to me, "You know what I like? Mashed potatoes." I was like, "Dude, you have to give me time to guess. If you're going to quiz me you have to insert a pause."


I used to do drugs. I still do, but I used to, too.


An escalator can never break. It can only become stairs. You would never see an "Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order" sign, just "Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience."


I used to be a hot-tar roofer. Yeah, I remember that day...


A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.


I think foosball is a combination of soccer and shishkabobs.


That would be cool if you could eat a good food with a bad food and the good food would cover for the bad food when it got to your stomach. Like you could eat a carrot with an onion ring and they would travel down to your stomach, then they would get there, and the carrot would say, "It's cool, he's with me."


If you had a friend who was a tightrope walker, and you were walking down a sidewalk, and he fell, that would be completely unacceptible...


I know a lot about cars. I can look at a car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.


I have a cheese-shredder at home, which is its positive name. They don't call it by its negative name, which is sponge-ruiner. Because I wanted to clean it, and now I have little bits of sponge that would melt easily over tortilla chips...


If carrots got you drunk, rabbits would be messed-up.


I bought a seven dollar pen because I always lose pens and I got sick of not caring.


My sister wanted to be an actress, but she never made it. She does live in a trailer. She got half way. She's an actress, she just never gets called to the set.


Every time I go and shave, I assume there is somebody else on the planet shaving as well, so I say, "I'm gonna go shave too."


Why are there no during pictures.


I have an underwater camera just in case I crash my car into a river, and at the last minute I see a photo opportunity of a fish that I have never seen.


I had a velco wallet in a casino. That sound annoyed the hell out of me. Whenever I lost money, and I opened the wallet, it was like the sound of my addiction.


Sometimes I fall asleep at night with my clothes on. I'm going to have all my clothes made out of blankets.


I type a 101 words a minute. But it's in my own language.


My apartment is infested with koala bears. It's the cutest infestation ever. Way better than cockroaches. When I turn on the light, a bunch of koala bears scatter, but I don't want them too. I'm like, "Hey... Hold on fellows... Let me hold one of you, and feed you a leaf." Koala bears are so cute, why do they have to be so far away from me. We need to ship a few over, so I can hold one, and pat it on its head.


I wish I could play little league now. I'd be way better than before.


I never joined the army because at ease was never that easy to me. Seemed rather uptight still. I don't relax by parting my legs slightly and putting my hands behind my back. That does not equal ease. At ease was not being in the military. I am at ease, bro, because I am not in the military.


I had a bag of fritos, they were texas grilled fritos. These fritos had grill marks on them. They remind me of something, when we used to fire up the barbeque and throw down some fritos. I can still see my dad with the apron on, better flip that frito, dad, you know how I like mine.


I opened-up a yogurt, underneath the lid it said, "Please try again." because they were having a contest that I was unaware of. I thought maybe I opened the yogurt wrong. ...Or maybe Yoplait was trying to inspire me... "Come on Mitchell, don't give up!" An inspirational message from your friends at Yoplait, fruit on the bottom, hope on top.


I hate flossing, I wish I just had one long curvy tooth.


The next time I move I hope I get a real easy phone number, something like 2222222. People will ask, "Mitch, how do I get a hold of you?" I'll say, "Just press two for a while, when I answer, you'll know that you've pressed two enough."


My lucky number is 4 billion, that doesn't come in real handy when your gambling. I'm gonna need some more dice, 4 billion divided by 6, at least.


A waffle is like a pancake with a syrup trap.


You know they call corn-on-the-cob, "corn-on-the-cob", but that's how it comes out of the ground. They should just call it corn, and every other type of corn, corn-off-the-cob. It's not like if someone cut off my arm they would call it "Mitch", and then re-attached it, and call it "Mitch-all-together".


I like buying snacks from a vending machine because food is better when it falls. Sometimes at the grocery, I'll drop a candy bar so that it will achieve its maximum flavor potential.


On a traffic light yellow means yield, and green means go. On a banana, it's just the opposite, yellow means go ahead, green means stop, and red means, where'd you get that banana?


My roommate says, "I'm going to take a shower and shave, does anyone need to use the bathroom?" It's like some weird quiz where he reveals the answer first.


I think Bigfoot is blurry, that's the problem. There's a large out-of-focus monster roaming the countryside.


I wrote my friend a letter with a highlighting pen, but he could not read it, he thought I was trying to show him certain parts of a piece of paper.


I use the word totally too much. I need to change it up and use a word that is different but has the same meaning. Mitch do you like submarine sandwhiches? All-encompassingly...


I think pickles are cucumbers that sold out. They sold their soul to the devil, and the devil is dill...


...and then at the end of the letter I like to write "P.S. - this is what part of the alphabet would look like if Q and R were eliminated.


I got my hair highlighted, because I felt some strands were more important than others.


I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.


The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall.


My friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana, I said "No, but I want a regular banana later, so, Yeah."

this is so sad. 

one week. i cannot spend one week with this small branch of my family. i feel so unloved here. like no one wants me to really be here. well, i don't want to be here either.

i'm not a 'poor' child, by any means. i'm like everyone else. i have times where my family just doesn't have the money to do anything and things get tight. just like this part of the family does, but they're so odd. 
they live in an apartment complex. they have a car that is completely paid for. they both have jobs. dad alone makes more than my mother. they only have two children. yet they're amazingly broke. that is not possible. mom makes less than dad, that's our only income, but we live in a (i think so anyway) large, nice house, we all have what we need, we're not starving, and we make carpayments monthly on the van. and we still aren't as tight on money as they are. where does it go? they're deodorant is called 'dollar fresh' and the detergent for clothes is $1.50. so obviously not towards great lengths of hygene. 
probably to the hefty amounts of cigarettes and beer that always seems to be in stock around here. 

i want to go home.

it's so pathetic. only 7 days...one week! and i'm begging to go home. i do however want to stay to make my first few paychecks, to buy my kittie presents, to save for my car. that i'll never have. though dad promised to get me one this summer. 
this whole place is built on lies and procrastination. they seem to think that we come from great wealth or something. i've never seen a one hundred dollar bill before in reality. on TV yes, in my hand, no. so they whine their money troubles into my ear. i don't want to hear it, buddy. Daddy-dearest, you owe my mother $78,000 in chid support. that's your own dumbass fault. if you would have been a responsible adult, maybe you wouldn't now be wanted in missouri...maybe you'd live in a nicer place...maybe i'd love you

maybe i'd want to stay. i don't want to stay where i feel like a burden and unloved.

stop blaming me and my family. just because my mother lost her job and now i have to leave the first person i have ever loved and my favorite place i've lived....

i never knew reading a guestbook could make me so jealous and sad. i'm way too overprotecting and jealous. i guess it's just because i'm insecure...people are so much prettier than i am...especially her. i'm always jealous of her...drawing her....looking at my letters and pictures from her. i'm pathetic....but i just want to be her.

is it bad if i'm crying for no real reason? it is 3am...i am in minnesota, WHERE IT SUCKS! it's cold and rainy, everyone talks funny and i'm beginning to...i just want to go home and see alex. i still feel bad about miranda's party, but she's too grown up. is it bad that i want to be 10 years old again? a 10 year old that smokes...i'm craving a smoke so bad!! dad and rachel keep their crap hidden well. or i just need to find 'an awesome reefer connection'. i met some guy that might smoke...or i could just sneak over the border to canada...it's legal there.

WRONG!!! Emma did not read this and tell mom; mom read it herself. She asked me why I put all of this stuff on here, I don't know you people. I say it's because I don't know you. Most people on here don't know me well, can't say whether or not I'm just being a baby, they don't know, so I guess I tell you all because all you do is console, and I like being consoled. The few that do read these are generally being mentioned and comment on it, but we all remain friends. I love Elftown. I walk into the school library one morning to find a bunch of kids on it on the computers. I took the name into memory and one day got on. I can rant, I can rave, I can say stupid things about stupid subjects...I can also be kind, but that doesn't always happen. I got on here and write everything because the people on here from Russia, the UK, Australia, or even here in the US are better counselors than anyone at school or at the "Community Counseling Center". Mom just needs to realize these. Mom if you read this, please just stay away...or just let me express myself......and I'm sorry for the cursing.^_^

okay, so who else thinks it is really annoying when you have these little kids who are all "punk" or "goth"? the goth kids think that they're goth because they wear black and cry a lot. Then at the same time they're all "check out my new green day hoodie!" STOP LYING TO YOURSELF KIDS! YOU ARE NOT GOTH!
hey you punk kids! green day?? corporate rock. my chemical romance? emo. etc. etc.
punk bands are bands such as sex pistols, the ramones, the clash, flogging molly...probably bands you have never heard of!! 
i dont even know why i'm saying this...no one cares...
but honestly...the same chord being played over and over is also not a very good song. like the songs almost all of these bands today play. seriously, check out hendrix, angus young, van halen, these are some of the most awesome guitarists of all times, and they do not play the same chord over and over. sorry, buddy. :)

I'm getting pretty depressed. Great way to start this out, huh? I notice I only write during extreme periods of emotion. The closer the year gets to summer, the more sad I become. I'll probably be moving...after 5 years of becoming accustomed to Ste. Gen and I have an awesome boyfriend (who I like a lot, but makes me nervous cause he's so touchy feely!!) and I finally am getting rewards of being an upper classmen....and I get to miss it. My mom is so stressed because she doesn't have a job yet, and she takes it out on us here at home. I'm constantly yelled at and not trusted. I feel so bad, like I'm one of the worst people in the world. To top it off one of my best friends is still not over the fact that I'm dating her ex....she dated one of my exes before and I had no problem with it!!! then one of my best friends, Pat, died on May 2nd. It just really brought me down. I got to spend his last weekend with him at camp with all the gifted kids and so now we have tons of memories of him, but I just feel this void. I didn't think that Pat took up that much of me, but he did. Now everytime I find one of his stupid comments or drawings in my notebook I almost cry. I just wish I could see him again. I did something in my desperation and depression that I haven't done in years....I cut myself...not enough to bleed, but enough to know that I could make myself if I wanted to. And I feel better. Is that sad? I just feel like my world is shutting down and that nothing is possible any longer. I hide it at school because I always look happy and pretend to be, but my stress is just taking over. Rachel and I, both. We bitch together, though, but I hope she never hurts herself...she has too much going for her. Oh well, I really just need to go. My sister will read this and tell mom...I shouldn't put all of this stuff in here anyway. I don't even know you people.

My dog is half parrot. He cant walk down stairs yet, so i have to carry him and he leapt off my shoulder (where he was sitting) then went and attacked the neighbor lady's dog. Fez kicks bum!! yay for my poopy!! I'm watching Dead Poet's Society....i want to start something like that at my school...i don't think it would work out, but hey, there's always hope.

for all you people that know what i mean and are so close to graduation, isn't it weird? i have just about one and a half years left until i graduate...i'll be gone in the real world, where they pay bills and have to know directions. i'm terrified. i dont want to leave, i want to stay a kid forever! *tantrum* i dont want to leave my home, my familiarity, the friends i've known forever (it seems) i dont want to have to face the responsibility, the possiblity of rejection from my dream college and my dream job, i don't like facing very real possibilities. it makes me nervous. also, what if morgan makes it into our dream college and i dont, or i do and she doesnt, what if i am forced to go alone? i don't want to be alone in NYU!!! there's no krispy kremes or ted drewes or Imo's...no free zoos, science centers, skate rinks, ferris wheels...its too far, everything costs money there...St Louis/Ste. Genevieve has been great. i dont want to have to leave and go to a new place and start all over again.

im sunburnt and not happy....:(
i need a hug :'( 

i feel happy today. i just got into my moommy's classroom where all her little science club nerds are...i like em...they're hilarious and fight over the table saws. we had a 'mock assembly' today. our secretary in the office is a little screwed up...so instead of say 'mock accident' she said 'mock assembly'. the accident was stupid. it looked like the cars had been in minor fender benders but all the windows in the cars were busted out and the students in both cars were 'dead'. they were supposed to be pretending to be dead, but were instead sharing lipgloss and talking to one another. and in thanks for their great acting, they get to go to the community center and miss lots of school. then a helicopter came in, landed on the football field and was asked to get off of it. our school is very protective of its football field. coach stolzer almost cried i do believe ;) then an ambulance came and a fire truck. for no reason. i think they were talking about death and drinking and driving but they honestly sounded like the adults from those charlie brown movies (wah wah wah wawawah) because they were on a megaphone. and we could hear nothing. so basically i was bored for an hour and a half after being made to get out of the nice shade on the hill and stand in the sun where my friends played team go fish (we invented it in biology) and i stood with alex ^_^ he makes my day happy...oh! and poked katie jo's boob! double happiness! :)
but now i guess i'm getting ready to go home, science thingy is done...oh! and i may be moving to a new city...dunno where yet, but if i dont then i get to be editor in chief of the school newspaper *happy dance* okay....i'll leave now! ^_^

im in a crabby mood.....dunno why. play practice was crap, it was hot, the seniors are never going to leave me alone...it's funny sometimes, but others i'd like to be left alone....and MAP *shudder*

xavier is a bastard and he stole my computer