I'm changing again...
Remember when I pissed about people being surprised at my art? About me being more me? Well...here it goes...
I've been shopping at American Eagle.
*awaits howls of anger*
I've been going through my closet and everytime I find a black shirt, I sigh.
I need color! I like being a colorful person. Everyone was surprised when I would protest their inclinations that my favorite color was black and I loved only metal or punk music (the real kind). No...I listen to classical music all the time, I do ballet (on my own time mainly), I do pilates, I listen to rap, a little pop, and even less country. Country has to be forced onto me. My favorite color is orange! And if I could find shirts from Hot Topic that were colorful, mom-appropriat
A.) Faded jeans
B.) Polos
C.) Thermal shirts
D.) And pink shirts
And it smells good there. And I like my brother smelling like it. So there.
And call me a prep-wannabe or whatever, but I honestly do not label anymore. I'll say things that actually describe the person, but if it's just the clothes that I'm using to classify someone...it's impossible, I never see anyone outside of school uniforms and work uniforms. I don't really have time for anything else.
By the way...a few of my friends from Notre Dame went to the March for Life in Washington DC and they saw a bunch of monks eating at a pizza parlor. Amanda Dubbs (DUBBS!!) said "Aww...You guys look! I've never seen a monk before!" She was unaware of why Brother David wore a dress to school I guess.
Did you ever realize how stupid porn plot lines are? No one cares. I once saw one where these chicks were supposed to be cops and busted some guy's video scandal...well two chicks had guns and one didn't, she just held her hand like a gun...I thought it was just because she's stupid, but no, she had "bullets" coming out of her hand. How stupid is that? Jeez...I should be a porn critic...cours
It's amazing what some calming piano music can do to you. I have a lot of homework, the world's biggest headache, I stopped telling mom when I throw up because I can't stop, I hurt myself doing pilates, I don't know what to do. But I listen to the song "The Shattering" by [To the Welkin]...it's beautiful...I suggest you go to her page, then to myspace (she has a link) and download it or listen. I love it. I just get carried away. I wish I had honest talent. People tell me I'm talented, but I don't have instant gratification talent. The ability to sit down with an instrument and hear music. I wish I could do that, to the bottom of my heart.
It's sad...what makes me happiest, I don't believe I'm truly good at. Painting, dancing, and music.
On anyone else's stuff on here...are certain words green and underlined and when you click on them they take you to online stores? Or is that just mine....Or is Elftown selling out???? *Gasp!*
So...I have the flu or something. Throwing up twice an hour makes your tummy sore..ya know? Urgh......
So last night I felt really crappy. And my sister kept digging her sharpest body parts (elbows, knees) into my pelvic region and she didn't seem to understand that it hurt...genius. But I woke up this morning and I think mom could tell I didn't feel good and I thank her greatly for finally allowing me to stay home. I came home yesterday, fell asleep at 4, slept until 9 at which I called Alex. Then I went back to sleep and slept until 10am. That's...15 hours of sleep I got. Maybe I'm getting mono again. But I knew I was tired. Yesterday in chemistry I kept falling asleep and leaning over...I eventually fell out of my desk and I was too sleepy to be embarrassed. But I heard about it for the rest of the day. But this morning I woke up and discovered we have a new music TV channel...it's called TubeMusic...an
But then I fell back asleep. I woke up and called the Salvation Army to see when I could work for them. I really don't want to do outside work anymore. I really don't. It hurts. And the next day I have to go to Union Station and I don't want to be all broken and sore at Union Station.
I need to get film developed tomorrow...I took pictures at the park. They're neat. I hope. And I got pictures of the 4 year old ballet girls at the dance school. Cute. So I get paid tomorrow...I'm all excited...I'm getting my hair cut...and I've been thinking....I think I want to spend a month at dad's. They've moved to a new house (much bigger) and Suzy's a little older, not so crybabyish...a
So...I've decided that I love to dance (ya! ^_^) and this summer I think I really want to start at ballet, tap, and jazz 1...not join the dance team, but do these things. I was told I should send in to that MTV show made, but I won't because that'd be embarrassing..
So today I danced. It was amazing. While we were in the gym...and the guys were there, I barely noticed. We're learning ballet. Today there was no music, no mirrors, no one to laugh with when I went the wrong way. Instead when I went the wrong way, I simply corrected myself. There were no mirrors for me to compare myself to the other girls with, no music so I could hear the commands and I could hear my breath as I moved. We stretched out and I could feel every muscle straining...I could feel my heart...it felt so good. Better than a back rub (sort of *grin*) better than a hot bath, better than refusing fast food (hey, that feels good). I know some of you would kill me, but sometimes I wished I had never quit cheerleading..
i had community service today...so my arms super hurt. and my hands are bruised...so i'm going to volunteer at the salvation army instead.
So I woke up this morning and I felt like crap. I am grounded and I was supposed to be able to interview Johnny Knoxville...an
I can't help but feel like I'm being used. And I don't know why...no one's using me. It was funny. I called Matt last night and he was really happy to hear from me. I got him in one try. I called Alex in 4 or 5 and then he kept suggesting I go to sleep. I don't want to frickin' sleep I want to talk to you. But I eventually got off the phone claiming I was going to sleep, but actually I was embarrassed because mom was coming upstairs to yell at me. I hate it when people on the phone have to hear that...it's embarrassing. I took photos of myself...I might post one on here...but I'm too embarrassed to really have anyone else take one of me...and I'm too embarrassed to show my body...so all I have are face shots. Sorry. I told Mrs. Seabaugh that I dont even want to be considered for editor because I "don't have fun in her class". Actually I hate it. I'd drop it if it wasn't what I wanted to do for a living. I found out that Johnny Depp is also in town. If I knew that I wouldn't have gotten myself grounded. I can't talk on the phone, we lost our car keys (meaning no going anywhere), and I yelled at mom because I've gone several nights without sleeping...oh, sorry...I've gotten sleep. I sleep about 1/2 to 1 hour a night. Frickin awesome. I'm really pale, my hair looks like shit (who knew no sleep would affect dead skin cells) my eyes have dark shadows around them and kids keep asking me if I'm on drugs. I laugh and say "yeah..I've had about 3 red bulls". Those things will mess you up. I have community service on Saturday 9-5, then work 5:30 to 9. so I go for 12 hours working. But I get paid. And I will find a way to come visit all of you in Ste. Gen. If I can't than I'll cry and take pictures of random things here. And in a few days I'll be heading to St. Louis to see Columbia University. And I'm psyched. I have to stop using the words psyched and totally. Because today I said "i'm totally psyched" and rhonda smacked me. than i said "foshizzle" and she bit me. so I said it again just because I like it when people bite me. I've been sleeping with Kevin. That's right everyone. I've been sleeping with Kevin. He's really cute. and he's black. and white. oooooh. sorry alex. *starts laughing at how weird this sounds* If you want to know just ask me. i think only Alex will get it because he has also slept with kevin. but now I'm being kicked off the computer after being on for only about half an hour by my sister because she's a bitch and on the scale of 1-10 my number excedes Alex's. and Nicoles. I hope Emma reads this. HI EMMA!!! *waves* by the way!! if i finally fall asleep tonight and you wake me up again by throwing crap and turning on the big lights i might strangle to with an electrical cord.
night everyone!! ^_^
Years in review: *ahem*
1999 9/11 hasn't happened yet, Columbine did and Bruce Willis was dead the whole time.
-As New Year's approached computer dorks were assembled to stop the apocolypse that was somehow supposed to occur from computers. So America patched together a team of poorly shaven white men with virginal hands that play too much Tekken. Of course when the year turned and there was no catastrophe the world decided that we'd been conned. Mass execution of computer programmers was ordered and programmers were sent into hiding. Despite promises of Amnesty, many are still in hiding. If you asked people today when the world was going to end they'd reply "Any fucking minute now" and it will result form bombs full of MurderPowder being detonated inside every single home, school, office, treehouse, toilet stall, and underwear drawer on the planet. Al Qaeda is just that fucking good.
Before the fake end of the world, America's teenagers were under scrutiny after two of these so called "teens" shot the shit out of Columbine High School. American parents sat at the edge of their teens' beds to ask "Just what the hell are you on, anyway?"
In the end it was concluded that teenagers shoot eachother either because the Matrix is so frickin awesome or because Eminem told them. But the one true reason...the terrifying truth is....Kids shoot kids because they're all on pot. Every last one of them.
It took 2 hours to figure out that Bruce Willis was dead on The Sixth Sense, a movie about a kid that can see dead people, which is why he can see Bruce Willis, because Bruce Willis was dead the whole time.
2000-9/11 still hasn't happened...in the meantime we all went to see Coyote Ugly.
In 2000 the Baha Men tapped into the cultural zeitgeist of their demographic (white people between the ages of 5 and 8) recorded the megahit "Who Let the Dogs Out".
Once the calender turned to 2000 and we were living in the thick of 2000, it became clear that in the realms of music, movies, and little Cuban boys who wash ashore on inner tubes...the future is really gonna suck.
"But what about Coyote Ugly?" you may ask. To which I say "Touche."
In 1999 a little Cuban boy named Elian Gonzales washed ashore on an innertube. He chilled in Miami for a while. Then on April 22, 2000, Janet Reno ordered a SWAT team to shove a machine gun in his face. Elain's back in Cuba now, having learned the lesson that if you're a little kid and you even dream about washing up on the shores of America in an inner tube, you'd better wake up and apologize. To Janet Reno. Bitch.
The movies Coyote Ugly Battlefield Earth, and Charlie's Angels made me want to hurt myself...whle Crouching Tiger; Hidden dragon reaffirmed the popular belief that Asian people know how to fly.
But all in all it was a disppointment.
2001-9/11 happens.
2001 was the year everyonoe got away with everything. George Bush got away with that whole "I'm the president now" thing he was trying to get everyone to believe for so long. The anthrax jerk got away with everyone being scared of mail again (you suck!) and Enron got away with being the devil incarnate. They pretended to be a billion dollar co. but were really broke ass liars. They stole electricity from California. They stole light!!
2001 was a miserable year when many many many people died...but on the bright side the iPod launched and the first of the Lord of the Rings movies came out!
2002-America takes comfort in the emo music.
You kept thinking about all that happened last September...he
Meanwhile snipers began shooting whoever the hell they wanted for a few weeks in October. They were pissed at something. Though no one really remembers what. All we remember is that they were black.
In politics, Bush who spent the entire year begging anyone who would listen to let him invade Iraq, took a brief break early in the year to choke on a pretzel and fall down.
2003...sodomy is finally legal in Texas
The case of Lawrence v. Texas began in 1998 when 2 guys in Texas were arrested for "doing it" they were charged with violating the Texas law against homosexual sodomy. The sodomy law was granted unconstitution
2004-9/11 was 2 years ago...the latest casualties...R
I sobbed into my pillow...Frien
Then the Abu Ghraib scandal revealed that G.W. Bush was an absolutely unstoppable force no matter what happens ever. Bush thanked his voters for his re-election by stealing social security paychecks from little old ladies.
2005-When did 9/11 happen again. And wasn't Dukes of Hazzard awesome???
Kate Moss learns to live life without coke.
I hate Notre Dame. It gets fun and then I want to kill people. At most public schools a 70% is a C and it is passing. If I had a C in chemistry I'd be so happy. If I went to Ste. Gen, I'd have an A in everything and a C in Chemistry. But no...here a 70% is failing...so I have a D- in chemistry and a B or C in everything else. And my mom seems disappointed and I'm sure she is. She talks about the grades...becau
For one brief shining moment I thought things were getting better...I've paid off all of my outstanding debts to court, all I have left is community service starting this Saturday, and I just got paid three times! Go me! And then....I frickin' backed up into Doyle's enormous Escalade. I think I'll kill him for parking behind me. Asshole. And so at first I was going to pass it off as a hit and run...but I got scared because cops were involved and I've had enough to do with them for at least another month or two. *cries* And I have enormous dark circles under my eyes...I'm pale and sleep a few minutes every night...oh my goodness...I'm getting sick and can't miss any more days...poopy. So I think I'll just sit here. And cry. No, I won't. I'll just go upstairs and think about sleeping. And listen to the new cd I made of songs that make me cry. Okay? ^_^
I got on my email and I saw her name...my heart skipped a beat, but I forced myself to ignore her name until the very last moment. When I opened the email I melted. I thought those feelings were gone, but obviously I was wrong. She knew the answers to my personal questions...bu
so i really want a pretty picture of me, so i'm going to enlist the help of my sister. she got a new camera for christmas (digital, no film required unlike mine so i can't use mine) and i'm hoping that maybe i'll find one i like. one good enough to put up on here...to send to my friends so they can look at my danilicious face...unless you don't want to look at it. I was just hoping someone thought i was beautiful.
A boy sat in the tree. His father had beat him up a bit and he usually stayed at a friends house, but this time he didn't want to worry anyone. His blue eyes were red rimmed and one had a cut below it. His arms had fingerprint bruises all over and he had a bruise on his ribs from a flashlight that had been thrown. He had run out of his house as his father screamed and threw more of his possesions and with a sound of dischord, he knew his guitar was being smashed. He'd run to the willow by the park and sat in the lower stronger branches. He'd been sitting there since the sun went down. He had a coffee clutched in his frozen hands that he bought from a vendor, but it had long since turned cold. But his eyes were not on the coffee. He was watching the lake. It was now dark out and there was a girl. A beautiful girl. He fingered the edge of his ear and bit his lip watching her. He'd be embarrassed for her, but she seemed to be so free. She was dancing. Dancing in the cold. She had a small radio beside her feet and she was dancing, spinning close to the waters edge, only to dance back. She'd hop up onto a bench for a moment and then leap off. He made a whistle noise to see if she could hear him. And she kept dancing. He jumped from his branch to the ground and set his cup in a branch. He sat at the base of the tree and watched her twirl around. She'd wave her body around and twist her hips. She'd roll her hips like one of the girls in a hip hop video. She'd jump up and down, thrashing around, looking like she'd fit in at a rock concert. Then she'd begin to tango, mambo, waltz, or swing with her invisible partner. She then lifted her arms gracefully above her head and did pirouets and arabesques to her heart's content. And she giggled. He melted. She had a lovely little girl's giggle, she sounded as though she was thoroughly enjoying herself. He wanted to go over, but was afraid he'd ruin it. So he sat still. Eventually the girl slowed and he felt his heart go faster, she couldn't stop! Please keep dancing. And she turned and looked straight at him and spun around, looking back to him, giving a cheshire cat grin. He'd said it aloud. He couldn't help but smile back. She made chasez steps and piroueting turns to him and held out a hand. He took her hand and felt warmth go through his whole body. She led him over to the edge of the lake and she took his hand and placed it on her hips.
"I'm not so good-" He began but she placed a soft finger against his lips and began to dance.
At first he was afraid he'd mess up and they'd fall into the water. But everytime he'd put his foot down and was certain he was going to crush her toes, her laced up tennis shoe would appear somewhere else and she'd smile her grin at him. And he smiled back. They did all kinds of dancing, hip hop, waltz, tango, swing, a little ballet, and they even did the Lyndie. Then she looked up at him and stopped dancing. Then sun was rising and the golden light was pouring over the top of the willow. She turned to the boy, her dark hair tangling around her face, her eyes golden, and she smiled. She touched the cut beneath his eye, ran her hands down the bruises on his arms and ribs. They stopped aching. He felt on fire. She put her arms around his neck and he settled his around her waist. They fit as one. They were like a puzzle, fitting together at last, so tightly the sun could not shine through.
She lifted her face to look at him and then she pressed her mouth against his ear and whispered "Have you ever felt that something was too good to be true?"
He looked down and saw her smile trailing at one corner. She let go and bent to pick up her radio. The boy felt stunned and felt a tear trickle down his cheek. He didn't know what he expected to happen. Perhaps a kiss, a promise to meet again, a simple introduction. The girl saw his tear and kissed it and smiled.
"Now I'm gonna live forever."
She carried her radio as it played a goodbye song and she twirled one last time and he sat beside the water. Pieces of colored chalk colored the grass beside the sidewalk and a beautiful picture was colored on the concrete. It was of a boy sitting in a weeping willow, crying softly.
He turned to the girl to find her at the top of the hill. She gave a little wave and disappeared into a beam of sunlight.
Does anyone else think this is weird:
Catholics believe that during consecration the host becomes the body of Jesus...the actual body. So Jesus told us to eat his body...so we do. And drink his blood. So...Catholics are promoting cannibalism. That's gross. I'm eating the body of a 2,000 year old Holy Man. Gross. Catholics are cannibals!
And don't you think it's weird that boss rhymes with Ross, cross, and loss...but gross doesn't? Everyone should say gross so that it rhymes with all the other -oss words!!
Sometimes I hate her so much. Like when she read Her diary when I was worried and then she proceeded to say "sounds like She's pretty happy with Her little situation to me". That's because She writes in beautiful poetry and you are too literal to understand. She's hurting...not enjoying...rea