My brother and I always have fun when we're home alone. We staged a "samurai" fight outside our house after watching Kill Bill. We are currently watching volume 2...after which we will watch Fight Club. Then for our birthdays I'm taking him somewhere to eat and we're gonna get comics, he was talking to me about how he wants some. I'll turn my bruvver into a nerd yet!! ^_^ But the fight was pretty cool. We had people slowing down and staring at us. Then we leapt between couches while screaming like banshees. My stomach really hurts though, because I couldn't stop laughing. He couldn't either. I still have a shit load of homework to do, but this is way funner. I should probably do it. But I'm not gonna. Not yet. I didn't go to track. I should just quit and get more hours at work. But not yet!!! I have a chemistry test, an algebra test, and a French test....all on my birfday *pouts* Poop heads. But I think that my brother and I are about to stage another fight...he just ran in here screaming and karate chopped my arm and then ran into the door. Excuse me...

If I were a villan, I'd kick ass.

I could kill those I hate and still attend school and pretend to be horrified when people turned up dead. I could use my abilities to manipulate people into giving me pretty things. I'd want to be like Catwoman...whips rock my world. Mon oeil!!!

Now all I need is a super cool villan name....hmm....

oooooh, dear......

I took waaay too much Bendadryl before school and I couldn't stay awake. But I didn't want to be itchy all day, so I took some. And then I couldn't stay awake. and while I was awake I was acting really weird...kinda woozy like. And I laughed like I was on major drugs...but I wasn't. Everyone was kinda outa focus, too. I hope I can just go to the doctor, get a shot, and go back to normal. Or as normal as I ever was, scha right.

Mon Oeil!

I'm all itchy...like all over!! :(

And it's not appropriate to itch one's chest area in public.

I had to work until closing tonight...it was kinda fun. I got pie and I stayed with all the old people!!! The kept telling me it was past my bed time and telling me I was too young to have hot flashes....it's really really HOT!!! EVERYWHERE!!!! But it was fun. Me and Brooke sang rap songs into the mic and Jason kept chasing me with cajun barbeque wings (he bought us all buffalo wings tonight!!) and i finished a drawing with my new calligraphy pens!! woot!

my birfday is on wednesday...and i'm buyin me a movie! :) *R rated, ha!*

By the way...I'm not actually Jill's nipples. Though if she'd give me a chance I'm sure I could be.

Real to do list Take 2:

Apologize for spilling salsa on Becky.
         -as a side note....don't laugh

Bring back the ADD rings
         -another side note....i forgot.

Challenge Winston to a weightlifting thingy....
         -no side note

Send really late birthday present to Abby...because I can...
         -side note: make sure it's legal to send that...

Wash work apron....it looks gross with a capital OSS

Pick out birthday movies...sha!!! Turning 17, that means I'll buy all the $1 rated R movies at Hastings I want! Because they actually check to be sure...now I can laugh at the stupid workers!! STOP ME FROM BUYING DAZED AND CONFUSED??? WELL I'M BACK AND GETTING MORE.....MUCH MUCH MORE!!!

Real to do list:

DAMMIT!!!!!! I STILL DON'T HAVE ONE!!!

wait...wait...no....DAMMIT!!!

TO DO LIST:

make a real to do list

It's building up. I put so much into a story for journalism...a feature story. I put a little extra in there for reading, to interest the reader, and they eliminated half of it. Now I admit a good writer would admit when they got carried away and correct the problem, but I don't see it. It was fine. It was a feature. A news story I'd understand. But I know creativity gets you nill in this business...but it's being sucked out of me!! No one wants creativity! If I get too creative in anything, they'll actually pull it out of the pile and hand it back, telling me to take out the fluff and make it basic. It's like they're slowly damming my mind and soon the flood waters will break and my thoughts will splash all over the pages. A story is building. I can feel it. Something with a part for everyone, everyone's life experiences, yes and no, good and bad, truth and lies. It's not a good thing to admit, but I can be a good liar. I used to be a pathological one. I've gotten over this (and I admit when I lie if I do) but I know I can think of some good ones. I think that every writer out there, preferably fiction writers, has the potential to be a great liar. In otherwards every writer could be a politician. Sorry...little joke. Oh, dear...I still have algebra left to do. It's late. Because I am a procrastinator. Hoo-rah. I'm also a bit of a hypocrite...I used to claim to hate rap...but I love it. I'm listening to Kanye West right now...next up is Da Back Wudz....meeeehhhhh.......So tired......2 miles a day for track. I thought Ste. Gen was hard...nahnahnah....I hurt in places I didn't know I had. I discovered really hard muscles in my inner thighs...I was thoroughly convinced they were my bones...but they aren't...*sigh* I think I'll nap before doing algebra....yeah...

"So many wishes. I didn't have a cent on me and wasn't sure it counted if I wished on someone else's but it still felt like a powerful place to be, a mall fountain blinking with so many underwater, copper eyes, with so much wanting."

"I turned back and watched New York City recede behind us, as if the whole island were floating away in the summer wind, this island like a birthday cake for an ancient giant with a mammoth appetitie, a cake on fire with its blazing windows and broken promises, and kept ones, too, everyone's fifteen minutes and everyone's could-have-been, everyone's one-that-got-away and no one, lost children and grown-ups trying to get lost in its neck-cricking height, its rushing streets, its tunnel-deep icy-officed smoke of a thousand cigarettes clouding your eyes. All the light floating away from us as we headed into the night-cloak coast of the other side. Just the other end of the water, but another world and so far away."
              -Dimple Lala
                 born confused

http://www.che-lives.com/home/modules.php?name=idiotson

I wonder if much like the song, I too have kaleidescope eyes. While I realize that song was written while on highly halucinogenic drugs, I think I may. Not in appearance (though that'd be flippin awesome!!) but in my vision. I see so much...That's actually different than what someone else sees. I told Teresa today that she was really pretty and she didn't get it. You know those Russian models with the steely blue eyes, bump nose, high cheek bones, blonde hair, and thin hairless bodies? That's Teresa. Braces off and you got yourself a model. I see it. I'm the only person that can see how scared Brenna Ferguson is. I watch her in class every time her ex boyfriend gets near her and I see her eyes widen and fists tighten. He raises his voice, whether joking or not, in class and she closes her eyes as though she can block it out. I know. It's obvious. But I ask someone and they look away and deny it. I fell in track and I had blood down my leg...it covered my shamrock and I stared at it. If I believed in that sort of stuff or if my life was being analyzed like a book you might call it foreshadowing. It looked so foreboding. No one else saw that. Jay said I was strange and helped me up. On Wednesday I woke up to take my mom to the Osage Center to meet her car pool. I got dressed quickly, put on sneakers and a hoodie. I got out my cd of memory music (ie. Coldplay, Oasis, Frou Frou, The Shins) and listened to it. Windows down, birds chirping, sky pink, and I felt myself wanting to cry. It was so beautiful. Just the feel of the breeze, the promise of spring, the music's promise of a better tomorrow, the car's reminder of my privelidge. I loved it.

I see weird things and get weird emotions. It's like my brain completely interprets things weird. Like an old man alone at Bob Evan's makes me want to cry. So I go and talk to him. A couple holding hands or wheeling a baby through the mall makes me laugh. Rhonda acting all white makes me mad...if I can't act black then why can she act white?? I just find things weird. Different. Not weird, excuse me. But I'm going to stop rambling. To all the chillins in Ste. Gen...here's my number...you know the area code (hint: same as your's) 561-6168 or 561-6166

      Love yous guys

Believe It or Not (2007) (announced)


Corpse Bride (2005)
... aka Tim Burton's Corpse Bride (USA: complete title)
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (2005)
... aka Charlie and the Chocolate Factory: The IMAX Experience (USA: IMAX version)
Big Fish (2003)
Planet of the Apes (2001)
The World of Stainboy (2000)
... aka Stainboy (USA)


Sleepy Hollow (1999)
Mars Attacks! (1996)
Ed Wood (1994)
Batman Returns (1992)
Edward Scissorhands (1990)


Batman (1989)
Beetle Juice (1988)
"Alfred Hitchcock Presents"
  - The Jar (1986) TV Episode
Pee-wee's Big Adventure (1985)
Frankenweenie (1984)
Luau (1982)
Vincent (1982)
Hansel and Gretel (1982/II) (TV)


Stalk of the Celery (1979)
... aka Stalk of the Celery Monster (USA)
The Island of Doctor Agor (1971)

Hey...I just realized that Pee Wee's Big Adventure was directed by Tim Burton....I just realized that a lot of movies I've always like are directed by Tim Burton...when I was like 10 I was madly in love with Beetle Juice and Pee Wee...then I liked Edward Scissorhands, Nightmare Before Christmas.....Big Fish....Willy Wonka.....Corpse Bride....plus I think Tim Burton is hot. Which is weird...it's the spazzy hair. Mmmm...spaz hair....crazy!! *giggle*

So....I've always wondered why no one understands me. Of course it could be because I proclaim that no one understands me and it's not like that's gonna make people coming a-runnin to solve the puzzle. Besides, I've also realized that when I think, I don't think in order. Things come randomly to me. And I talk the way I think. My thoughts are not in cronilogical order. I don't even think I spelled that right. But yeah. So Emma and I went to Grace Cafe in sub-zero whether. We got coffees and played scrabble. There was a huge sign that said "Unattended children will be given an espresso and free puppy". Where's my puppy? And then I got straight up espresso...damn that stuff is nasty...but it made me really hyper. Seriously. We went to the river front afterwards and ran around. It was super cold. Then we came home and moved our beds together and watched American Beauty. I made a list of movies I want...hey, I'm gonna put that on here...that way it'll make my entry longer:

Day before Valentine's day and all I can do is think of the love that used to exist. All I hear anymore is the distrust and hatred of those we used to love most. I'm not just talking about boyfriends and girlfriends, I'm talking about best friends. We're falling apart and going in different directions. We're getting sick, we're falling apart, we're changing, we're never around. I feel like nothing will ever be the same. Because it never will. I feel so disconnected. The wind blows and I wonder if you can feel it, the moon is full and I wonder if you see it, too. It feels like across the world...across the galaxy. Not just sixty miles. I wish that I could be there. To at least be around to be involved. Maybe try and help. But I know many think I can't. So, I won't. I don't know. I just hate this. We're turning into the people we've hated. We're forming cliques within our clique, even though we don't like to think of ourselves as a clique. We are. Or were. Now we're nothing. And you can deny it all you want, but you know it's true. Think of your best friends last year. Do you all still hang out? Are you excluding one? Why?  I think it's funny. I'm not there, but I still worry about it. I think my anxiety is from you all. I just want you all to be happy. But no one ever is. Whether it's my fault, my boyfriends, or just a friend...I hear about it and I feel helpless. I can't even see you. How am I supposed to make it better?

The dreaded day of hearts is upon us and I have decided to hand out condoms because that seems to be what people think love is. People see me and Alex together and probably think we make out all the time. Hey, I love that kid, dammit! But I only get to see him 1-2 times a month. So yeah...I'm clingly. But that is not love to me. I knew I was in love when I had butterflies in my stomach at night and I couldn't eat. I would find myself counting down to lunch just to see him. When he would touch me I'd hope for a shock of love, just so that it would make him realize we were meant to be. I imagined us holding hands, reading together. Being able to sit across from one another in a crowded room of people on...on like crack or something, being all loud and freaky...and be able to have a conversation with our eyes. And when a spazzing rail thin body blocked our sight we'd continue it on brain waves. Someone who when I'd get sick would kiss my forehead and call me icky. Or just hug me or something. When we'd wake up and our breath was stinky, hair messy and sleep in our eyes, we'd feel the most in love. Cuz that kind of love rocks!!! When I thought of all this I knew....HOLY SHIT! I AM IN LOVE!!! FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER!!! AND IT'S WITH A BOY!! So maybe God will let me into heaven after all. Then as I walk in, I'll give St. Peter a little nudge and nod to Alex..."Hey, he's with me...it's cool." And St. Peter (I always imagine him as a big black bouncer with headphones, walkie talkie, and shades) would cross his arms and just nod. And Alex would kinda run past. Cuz bouncer St. Peter could kick some serious ass. You know it. But hearty day is my official holiday of safely fuck tonight children. Hey, Alex...call me. Or something. SHIT! I work on Valentine's day. Well...don't that suck. So I get to go to work and stare at nothing...because how romantic is it to go to Bob Evan's on Valentine's day? "Oh, darling I love yo-" "Hey, want any more rolls? Refills?" and loud twangy music plays in the back. I'd rather have a picnic in my living room and watch a movie. Or something. PLAY CHUTES AND LADDERS! AND I GET TO BE THE BLACK BOY THIS TIME, KAY??? 


Have you ever noticed that I'm really random?

I'm changing again...

Remember when I pissed about people being surprised at my art? About me being more me? Well...here it goes...


I've been shopping at American Eagle.

*awaits howls of anger*

I've been going through my closet and everytime I find a black shirt, I sigh.

I need color! I like being a colorful person. Everyone was surprised when I would protest their inclinations that my favorite color was black and I loved only metal or punk music (the real kind). No...I listen to classical music all the time, I do ballet (on my own time mainly), I do pilates, I listen to rap, a little pop, and even less country. Country has to be forced onto me. My favorite color is orange! And if I could find shirts from Hot Topic that were colorful, mom-appropriate, and weren't rainbow and about heating up straight things, then I'd always be there. And it's just American Eagle. I don't need to defend myself this much do I? But I want to take my brother out to eat, to a movie, and shopping for his birthday. Shopping at Hollister. Because he looks good in:
 
    A.) Faded jeans
    B.) Polos
    C.) Thermal shirts
    D.) And pink shirts
And it smells good there. And I like my brother smelling like it. So there.
  And call me a prep-wannabe or whatever, but I honestly do not label anymore. I'll say things that actually describe the person, but if it's just the clothes that I'm using to classify someone...it's impossible, I never see anyone outside of school uniforms and work uniforms. I don't really have time for anything else.



By the way...a few of my friends from Notre Dame went to the March for Life in Washington DC and they saw a bunch of monks eating at a pizza parlor. Amanda Dubbs (DUBBS!!) said "Aww...You guys look! I've never seen a monk before!" She was unaware of why Brother David wore a dress to school I guess.

Did you ever realize how stupid porn plot lines are? No one cares. I once saw one where these chicks were supposed to be cops and busted some guy's video scandal...well two chicks had guns and one didn't, she just held her hand like a gun...I thought it was just because she's stupid, but no, she had "bullets" coming out of her hand. How stupid is that? Jeez...I should be a porn critic...course I'd be really horny. Hey! Shut up!!

It's amazing what some calming piano music can do to you. I have a lot of homework, the world's biggest headache, I stopped telling mom when I throw up because I can't stop, I hurt myself doing pilates, I don't know what to do. But I listen to the song "The Shattering" by [To the Welkin]...it's beautiful...I suggest you go to her page, then to myspace (she has a link) and download it or listen. I love it. I just get carried away. I wish I had honest talent. People tell me I'm talented, but I don't have instant gratification talent. The ability to sit down with an instrument and hear music. I wish I could do that, to the bottom of my heart.
It's sad...what makes me happiest, I don't believe I'm truly good at. Painting, dancing, and music.

On anyone else's stuff on here...are certain words green and underlined and when you click on them they take you to online stores? Or is that just mine....Or is Elftown selling out???? *Gasp!*