I <3 deviantart.

Cheers me up every time I realize I suck. ;)


But practice makes perfect!!! And I WILL be at least better tomorrow than I was today.

So bite meh!

I'm in love, no matter how much of a bitch he is!

"Our song" is lame. The first romantic song a couple hears and is lovey to, automatically becomes "their song" and although it was romantic and lovey and lovely and fantastic while we heard that song for the first time, it really is a kinda boring song..

"..I just called (eternity pause) to say (eternity pause) I love you..."  blablabla

Wish I could change it. But naaah! It's the forces of nature, unchangable laws that made it our song. And so it will remain, because a puny mortal can not change the past.

...Fuck.

Aaaaah, nevermind! ^^

*happy go lucky*


Yesterday was depression day :D

Today is love love day :D

I spent all day yesterday trying to control myself, the idea was NOT speaking to boyfriend at all, to avoid being annoying in any way.

The reward?

A personal message on his nick on msn saying: Heidi<3 *cuddling Heidi big time* *rawr*

The theory I had has been confirmed: It's nice for him to miss me a little.


So now I want to not speak with him again today. But it's so hard!! >.< *Gah*

And not speak to him tomorrow either? :O :D

That's gonna be tough.... ^^

What's bothering me?

I worry too much of what other people think of me. Does this sweater make me look like a fish out of water? Do I smell weird today? Is my life okay? The way I'm living, is it all right?
My friends, are they really my friends? Why do they act like that? Why don't I like hanging out with them anymore? Did they change?
Did I change?
When did these changes happen?
Why aren't I talented at what I do? Where did I take that wrong turn? Could it be that I'm so selfish that I pursue what I cannot have, no matter what?
Can I turn back, or is it too late? Where does this road lead me to? Is that the kind of life I want?
Why is it always so confusing?
Does he love me? Or does he not? Are we taking advantage of each other? Are we just together because one of us has something the other part wants and the other way around?
Isn't that the ground basis for all relationships? Or could it be that we want the wrong things of one each other? Maybe, just maybe, we're doing this all wrong.
Is it right of me to be with him when I miss the times without him? Is it right when I have to tip toe around him, worrying that one wrong step will be the end of it?
But when I miss the times without him, I nearly choke with the thought of being without him. That must make it right, mustn't it?
I know he cares about me. I can see it in his eyes, feel it when we touch... Then why am I worried that he'll leave me? Is it because I've been thinking about leaving him?
Everytime I think about leaving him, a memory pops up in my mind, the night he told me I was the best thing that had ever happened to him.
But does he still feel that way?
The world is misery and cruelty.
So in the end, it'll all turn bad.
Like mushed fruit, lying for hours in the sun.
And all I'll have left, is a bitter taste in my mouth.

I see everything I want him to be, yet I see all that he is too. I want him to love me. Care for me. Be afraid of losing me, like I am of losing him.
I want him to miss me when I'm gone. I want me to be the last thing on his mind before he falls asleep. The first thing on his mind when he wakes up.
But I know he will never be like that. He just isn't one of those persons. And it's bugging the hell out of me!
He knows I love him, therefore he isn't scared of losing me. But since he isn't scared of losing me, he isn't putting effort into the relationship.
I don't feel treasured. I do feel loved, but in the end, that isn't enough.
I want him to show it. I want him to spoil me a little.
Downloading a movie, like we do almost every day, as my birthday present? That was my special day.
Didn't he care enough about me to make that day special? In the end I left him that day, because I wanted that day to be special.
And I wanted it to be special with him. But he made that impossible. It was just one day out of a million.
I want to spend the rest of my life with him.
And yet I don't.

I want to be with him right now.
And yet I don't.

I don't want that.
But I do.

Confusing...


But in the end, I think the problem is that he doesn't think this is special, what we have.
And that makes it common.

It seems that I'm falling.
Do you care enough to catch me, my love?

Since I am so sick of him, I just won't be with him.
I'm so sick of trying, so now I won't try anymore.
I'm tired of being the one pushing for change, so now I won't push no more.

Maybe he sees for himself then, the fact that he is slowly losing me.

I don't want him to lose me. I love him. And he looks at me with such love in his eyes.

But I can't stay with someone who just doesn't care...

GOD there are many creeps out there...

Someone you thought liked you might just be perverted maniacs wo will freak out if you don't give them a photo of yourself topless...

*sigh*
Oh well. There are many good people out there as well ;)

Aww... All night I've been coughing and vomiting.
It hurts it hurts it hurts.

I have a steel ball in my throat. And it has lots of tiny and big spikes on it. And everytime I breathe, the little ball turn the little spikes into my flesh. And when I cough, the ball turns on the big spikes and spins as fast as it can!!!
I will not be amazed if I started coughing blood.
grr.

I've forgotten the codes.. The weird codes that makes text fat and italics and stuff. When I first entered ET I had a link in my diary to a wiki or something that explained everything.
But now it's gooone!! *sob*

Wow. Internet explorer 7

It's new and fascinating.
I'm glad I have firefox too.
This stuff is too new for me.

HAHAHAAH just kidding :D
*new stuff, ooooo*
Like these buggers :
I like them

Did you know that in this explorer you can have all the websites you're on, line up in cute thumbnails?

owmahgawd this has been a fun day!!
The really hunkyhunk I once made out with (he's on ET but I'm not telling ;D), recently had a tattoo. It's pretty, it says "Angel" in pretty letters on his lower underarm.
Anyway, I always wanted a tattoo, even more than my random piercings, so I decided to make evil plans to get one.
hmm, yeah. I'm not 18 so I'm not allowed to take one without a parent comming with me, and my parents strongly voice their NO.
So.
I have an older sister.
Are you realizing my evil plan?
And we kinda look alike.
I could easily pass off as her with and ID which has an old picture.
You're realizing my evil plan now, right?
BUT.
My sister hasn't always agreed to me altering my body in forms of piercings and tattoos and haircuts and so forth, so my evil plan had REALLY many if's and but's.
My sister and I don't always get along very well.
ok.
FIRST I made sure there was an 18 limit on the studios nearby. THEN I asked my friends if I could pull the fake ID thing off. There was mixed answers. And that makes for TOO many if's and but's. So, I swallowed my pride and asked my sis.
You think you know my evil plan, don't you?
Anyway, she said I could probably pull it off.
And I'm like, PHEW.
But THEN she said: "wouldn't it be all right if I came with you? Or do you need mom or something?"
She was actually supporting my evil plan and adding ideas of her own! Sistah Powah!
Now, my sister is very wise in these matters. She also has a car and a license (hey hey) and could drive me to studios all around.
So, all happy like, I responded.
And we came up with that neither would probably work.
See, my evil plans were ditched.
And then my genius sister confesses:
She almost had a tattoo done when she was my age, and she knew about a place that didn't care about age.
That means it's a dirty place with tattoo guys who sneeze on the wound while they are tattooing without gloves.
But it worked fine, she said.
And I'm like, awmahgawd, she's being sister like!
I love her when she's like this <3
But then she asked me what I was planning to tattoo. I showed her the pic of a little tribal like butterfly with the initials of my parents on. And she started laughing and told me that THAT TATTOO was the one she was planning on taking that time she wanted one!
And I found that on the net, all randonmly. I put in the initials on my own. Isn't that amazing? We're more sister like than I thought!!
And she told me: "You should definetely take that"
I was so happy ^^
Planning on taking it in the back of the neck or on my ankle or something.
So, now you're getting the true evil plan?
Me and my sis, on a innocent trip to stavanger, parking, running like hell to the dirty studio, get the job done (there will probably be tears involved), then go shopping at Kvadrat then come home ^^ If I decide to take it in the neck no parents will be the wiser, at least for a while. They'll find out, they always do -.-
But their initials should be a shield against any physical attack.

Aww, I love that my sister actually was that positive. I luffle her! I should probably tattoo the initials of my sibings on a later note. But, for my 18 birthday, Carpe Diem (or carpe noctem) shall be marked on my wrists for life.
So more initials will come in a faaaar future. yeyness!!

Hmm, haven't written so much here lately.
A lot has been going on.
But I don't wanna write it 'cuz I'm going to sleep now ^^

Love the world and in return it'll kick you in your butt!

Description:

You can't do what you don't want to, you don't want to do what you cannot,
You want to do what you can and you can do what you want.

Yuhuuu Heidi!

From [Isilando]'s description

I just hugged for an hour! We took the time!! I'm currently in Denmark, because of a course/summerschool thingie for writing. Being taught by authors and stuff..
Well, I met a really nice guy and this is the second day of the school" And we hugged! Very very long
I like him ^^

I have to get up in 5 hours.

I've dyed my hair again!!! NO MORE RED!
*yay!!* But as always, when I'm coloring it brown, it's becomming something else. Now I have black hair!
With some hints of brown.
And I LOVE it!
^^

Bugs are EVIL.

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.



He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:



"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."



To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He wwas whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"

Comment from me: Mwahahahahaha!! I love it when peeople just goes crazy in their description :D <3

Delete yourself from Elftown. It's fun. I've done it several times.
tehehehehe! ...do you dare??


Oh, and to test your smartness, press Alt-F4
:D

Just now I feel like I smelled somone. Someone who hasn't been here for ages. Just a little whiff of him.
Just for the record, I love his smell.
It makes me want to buy the same perfume he does. Or the same aftershave. And steal his pillow so the last thing I'll smell before I go to sleep is him.
awww.....

Heaven won't have me, and hell's afraid I'll take over

Sunny and warm outside.
Should be ...Oh my god, that's the biggest bug I've ever seen!!!! It's buzzing and flying around here. If I get stung, I swear I'll mash that ...thing so hard his mother won't recognise him!

Yeah, summer now. ^^
(God, that bug is huge. I'm going to mash it. One sec!
...Hmm.. Seemed a better sollution to just let it out through the window ^__^)

Sunny and nice and warm!
I really do intensly hate my father.
The sun shines bright and bugs are buzzing. Can't wait 'till the waters get all warm and wet too^^

SUMMER!! *dances*