Lately I've been a little worried that I'm a hipster; when people say the word, they rarely define it, but it is often used to describe a person or group which I have something in common with [read: cinema major]. So, just to be sure, I consulted the Most Accurate Source Evar, urbandictionar
Listens to bands that you have never heard of. [Yes.]
Has hairstyle that can only be described as "complicated." (Most likely achieved by a minimum of one week not washing it.) [Ew, no. My boyfriend has a more complicated hair style than I do, and if you've seen my boyfriend, you know his hair style is not complicated AT ALL.]
Probably tattooed. [Not.]
Maybe gay. [Not.]
Definitely cooler than you. [Clearly.]
Reads Black Book, Nylon, and the Styles section of the New York Times. [Not even sure what those are.]
Drinks Pabst Blue Ribbon. Often. [...ew. If anyone ever sees me drinking Pabst, sedate me and get me into a mental hospital.]
Complains. [Hellz yeah.]
Always denies being a hipster. Hates the word. [Yes to both.]
Probably living off parents money - and spends a great deal of it to look like they don't have any. [Partly. It's about even actually, my money and theirs. And I really don't spend much at all; what I do spend is mine.]
Has friends and/or self cut hair. [no.longer.here]
Dyes it frequently (black, white-blonde, etc. and until scalp bleeds). [Ouch no.]
Has a closet full of clothing but usually wears same three things OVER AND OVER (most likely very tight black pants, scarf, and ironic tee-shirt). [Yes, but not the very tight black pants. Occasionally the scarf, and my t-shirts are only occasionally ironic.]
Chips off nail polish artfully after $50 manicure. [Do chip nail polish. Do not pay to have them painted.]
Sleeps with everyone and talks about it at great volume in crowded coffee shops. [Too poor for coffee shops. Am not slut.]
Addicted to coffee, cigarettes (Parliaments, Kamel Reds, Lucky Strikes, etc.), and possibly cocaine. [No, sweetie. No coffee, no cigarettes, no coke. ...unless you count Diet.]
Claims to be in a band. [Not currently.]
Rehearsals consist of choosing outfits for next show and drinking PBR. [Ew PBR.]
Always on the list. [Uncertain what this means.]
Majors or majored in art, writing, or queer studies. [...cinema.]
Name-drops. [Not guilty.]
May go by "Penny Lane," "Eleanor Rigby," etc. when drunk. On PBR. Which is usually. [Ew ew. No.]
Final score:
Pro-hipster: 7
Non-hipster: 14
So I'm 1/3 hipster, but I think most people do at least ONE of these things, and probably more.
Official conclusion: I am not a hipster.
I watch myself through external eyes, watch the shots get easier and easier to take, watch the hurt buried deeper and deeper. Take a hit. Take another. Get drunk, get high. Fuck. Rinse. Repeat. And the pain. The pain remains.
I hate that he still hurts me. He cut me out of his life - he's selfish, and I know I know I know I don't want to be there - but he left a scar. Walking a certain block, hearing his name, trying to make small talk with the girl he was fucking before me. Fuck. Fuck. It hurts.
Being with his friend, my boyfriend... that can hurt sometimes. The reminders are constantly there. They shouldn't hurt, but that insecure asshole, he made them hurt. Fuck him, you know?
But it still hurts. Oh god it hurts.
Hallo, lads and lasses.
Spanish quiz in two hours!
I'll be home tonight... well, maybe I'll be in Dubuque. Unexciting, except I'll get to see my uncle who lives in California, so that could be cool.
But, um, yes. Probably no updates until tomorrow afternoon or evening. So there.
Life: nuts, stressful, should hopefully be fun.
I got pretend glasses and I hate midterms.
Ack, meeting with adviser.
All my thoughts and prayers go out to [dreamseeker's child] and her family. I love them all and will miss her father dearly.
Tonight I'm recording sound for my film class. Wish me luck. :/
If you haven't read my blog lately... or at all... you should... self-spam self-spam self-spam!
http://talking
Sorted out my relationship issues, I think. I rate a 9.5 on a scale I don't understand. We'll disregard that Man #2 looked absolutely adorable Saturday night, and is always there for me when Man #1 is being ridiculous.
...
Yeah. We'll just disregard that.
OH! And new blog. http://talking
kthx
Thinking of a big-ass house makeover.
Thinking said makeover might just be a subconscious procrastinatio
Beware, beware.
Be a very wary bear.
Alright... so...
+ New House layout! I think it flows better this way... comments and suggestions welcome.
+ New Seb's Song of the Week! I worked a little bit this morning on making an archive. I'm gonna update this weekly. Call it a new school year resolution. :P
+ Sebhar's Forum needs some pretty serious updating. I'll probably be on that later this week.
+ In nine days, I'll be back in IC where I oughtta be! I prefer to think of it as eight nights, because that seems like a smaller chunk of time, somehow. ...that's why my mood is the way it is.
Hm, haven't said anything in awhile, have I? Been busy with work. Came home Sunday afternoon, and today is... Tuesday? Can it really be Tuesday?
Yesterday was a lazy day. Last night was Kam's 14th birthday party... I felt old being there, but Kam is awesome, and Cassi and Keaton were there so I wasn't the only old/oldish person.
Today, doctor's appt in the AM...then Party Monster at Cassi's, trip to the can and bottle redemption center, then off to the pharmacy to nab yet another prescription for my eczema. Damn stuff. Fortunately the pharmacy also contains the ice cream parlor, so I walked out a few bucks lighter and one delicious rhubarb shake heavier. Om nom nom.
Wednesday: Allergy shot. Joy/rapture.
Thursday: cleaning...
Friday: MASSAGE!
Weekend: Dubuque with family.
Monday-Wednesd
Next weekend: Jeff's wedding. It's always fun when my family gathers - not to mention rather dangerous.
August 20: Move back in to the City! School starts shortly thereafter. I am teh pumped.
On DevArt, two new deviations, three new scraps. The scraps are variations on one of the deviations. The other deviation is love. You should check them all out.
Five new vids on my YouTube channel... http://www.you
Fri/Satur/Sund
Monday: Playing fall marching music with the high school band (aka good friends, mostly), Rocky Horror, dinner with the family in early celebration of Mom's birthday. Rural midwest + lactose intolerant vegetarian = squash and carrots sauteed in olive oil. Boo eating establishments in this town!
Tuesday: Lazed during the day, went to Alexa's going away party all night. Watched several movies, played Catchphrase with fun people, had fondue... good times.
Wednesday: Visited with friends over their lunch break at the school. Chatted about music and saxophones and bass guitars; yet another good time. Home, packed, watched Frasier until youth group at 6:30. Potluck dinner, prayer, balloon volleyball, good friends, pictures, conversation, great people, super time.
The rest of the week: Plans -
Thursday: Attend sister and brother's dance recital, then go see Prince Caspian with fabulous people and a free pass. Also uploading pictures and videos from phone to Facebook/YouTu
Friday: Attend one or both of two bonfires thrown by friends. Probably just one, but we'll have to see.
Saturday: Mom's birthday, Mom's birthday dinner (traveling to the CITY omgzorz), Ethan's grad party (woo free food and fun people!)... packing. Bonfire at Berry's?
Sunday: Heading back to the IC to WORK! Exciting, exciting stuff.
"She said, 'You don't understand what I said.' I said, 'No, no, no, you're wrong.'"
I'm figuring out, bit by bit, the rumours that were and are being spread about me. The people who matter either a) don't listen to gossip or b) kept faith in me. I thank all those people. What great friends I have.
In the meantime I have to be at rehearsal in... yikes.... 35 minutes. That time needs to include a shower and some food consumption. So I'm-a go.
<3
Interesting dialog between my friend Tyler and me.
You should hook up with my roommate.
Why?
Because she likes tall guys.
Also I ran the idea by her, and you are apparently ‘cute’.
Isn’t she really short?
Isn’t everyone compared to you? She’s like 5’6”
Ok… well I don’t really know what I want right now, if anything.
You are a wise man, my friend.
Why is that?
Because girls have cooties.
What do you mean by cooties? lol
Um, not STDs, at least not in her case (or mine). So… maybe I mean that girls are crazy.
Lol… I’m just messin’ with ya. All girls are crazy.
So are boys though so it balances out. Take my boyfriend for example. He does an impression of the Queen.
Oh really? That’s… cool… =P
Also he has two days left of high school and plays the trumpet so he skipped his last band concert tonight.
Wow… just wow.
And he likes me so he must be pretty freaking weird. :P
Lol, I wouldn’t say that much.
Aww. Thanks man, I needed that.
No problem.
Well anyway, yeah, my roomie has been in this relationship for almost a month and they just don’t talk. So she asked me if I had any tall friends who talked.
I honestly don’t talk that much unless I know the person pretty well. I’m shy, you know that. =P
True. But you are also frickin’ awesome which makes up for it.
Yeah… I guess so =P but yeah if they don’t talk at all, that’s just not right.
Yeah, and he lives directly above us.
Ok now that is just dumb if he’s that close and they don’t talk…
I agree. I probably talk to you more than he talks to her. :P
Ok now that’s just really sad.
Pretty pathetic. But yeah, felt like telling you that was why I asked, not just out of the blue.
Okay… well I don’t know.
You have barely met her. Not knowing is understandable
Yeah. I’m bored right now.
I should go to sleep. I still have four finals this week.
"It's time to prove that you've come back here to rebuild"
back together, working it out...? And for now... it's good.
building a mystery ...new Seb's Song of the Week
Four finals.
Wednesday: Human Origins, Intro to Film Analysis.
Thursday: Interpretation of Literature.
Friday: Classical Mythology.
I am a studybug.
Diet Coke.
Vodka, blueberry pomegranate juice.
The Nineties - Paula Cole, Sarah McLachlan, Jewel, Shawn Colvin, Natalie Imbruglia, several others. Old No Doubt.
"don't let me fall out of love"
Ramen noodles. Too many pennies. See-through shirts with Snoopy on them. Paying five dollars for a sandwich and a loaf of bread while slightly tipsy. Eating on the steps of the Capital at one o'clock in the morning. Singing with drunks. Finding more pennies. Taking sips from cans, sips from bottles, sips from cups. Finding out true love is blind (Louis XIV).
Gay threesomes, two girls and a boy... all of them men in some sense of that arbitrary word.
Study, dusty, tydus.
realism mise-en-scene direction quality diegesis montage plot boom
Agamemnon Medea Jocasta Hylas Polyphemus Laocoon Scylla Ariadne
Sedaris Ginsberg Foer Saunders Chekhov Calvino... Denis Johnson, Baldwin
Paranthropus boisei gracility insular nanism Taung supraorbital torus postcanine megadontia
Pizza parties, ordering out, bottled water, packing up, "for the last time freshman year"
Hobbling through it on crutches.
I think the difference before was that I still loved him. Now that I don't, why stay together?
Also I haven't really cried. I thought I was going to, but I didn't. I got some frustrated tears thinking about the past, but none about the present.
Now I'm just lonely. Crying, not over him, but for myself.
"I need some sleep..." -- eels
"...momentaril
They say that nobody's perfect until you love them.
I take issue with that.
What if you love them and they're still not perfect?
Some will argue that you don't really love them.
I prefer to think I'm just not oblivious.
But still it aches.
My computer is in Texas again, being fixed... for the same problem. Good job, repair guys.
Losing sleep.
Distraught.
He loves me,
He loves me not?
Hm.
So I bought my first package of Lactaid (actually it's the store brand, Dairy Relief. There's something amusing about that... or there was, until I realised that I actually did need relief from dairy). That was exciting. Several people have mentioned that at this point I might as well become a vegan. I said no way. I would die (as if I'm not dying already).
Talked about the Iliad in my mythology discussion today. Pretty sweet. My TA, you can tell, really loves mythology: Helen of Troy was "smokin' hot" and Ares "stabbed him in the guts". Man oh man. Also, apparently Homer "busted rhymes"... oh my. He cracks me up.
My essay is done for my next class! woo.
I refuse to do any homework (or get drunk) this weekend. Most likely this means I will be doing a lot of playing the Sims. ...so... texting is probably the optimal way to get ahold of me.
Mucho luvz.
If you like good music made by friendly, attractive boys, you should click on this: http://profile
People from my town keep dying, or being in serious car accidents and airlifted to the hospital.
I have an outline and a huge research paper due next week, neither of which I have started.
I was going to go to Wisconsin and see some old friends this weekend, but my trip got cancelled due to weather. I'm amassing student loans, but to what end?
And now, suddenly, my future looks blacker than ever before.
It occurred to me over lunch today that if I don't find someone to settle down with by the time I graduate, I won't find one at all. See, it's not necessary to date in college, but it is afterward. And I can't date. I won't.
But I don't want to settle, either. ...and yet I can't bear to be alone.
He doesn't love me. He thinks he does, but he doesn't. And so I'm stuck.
I'm three stories off the ground. There's a really, really obvious solution to all this, one that hasn't occurred to me since high school but looks better and better all the time.