[6-9-06] -- Woke up at twenty to ten. Ate cereal for breakfast, showered with Garbage's "Bleed Like Me" album playing as loudly as I could make it play. Then I did some cleaning, some baking, listening to Pippin, and buying ice cream/bringing ice cream to Adam. Poor dear got his wisdom teeth out and can barely talk; this is a major factor for him. So his mum and Alexa and I ended up making most of the conversation, and eventually we ended up discussing assorted feminine, er, issues... poor thing looked a little mortified, but that's what he gets for having discussions about the intricacies of male anatomy in precalc where I can hear. Later Danielle's coming over for movies.. the poor dearling has never seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show. Tsk, tsk, tut, etc. So I've got brownies cooling, cookie bars in the oven... AND I'M GOING TO ALI'S IN LIKE A DAY! ...pack?

Day 3 of summer. Day 3 of consecutive suckiness of life. Oh well. Today I had my first summer dance class, which was really fun, because we're focusing on modern dance and acting with dance, facial expression and such. Plus, our class consists of Denise and Miranda teaching Cassi and myself... it was odd, because I was walking up to the Rec Centre when Cassi's van pulled up beside me. (Now, she wasn't driving, her mum was... she's my brother's age. Cassi, not Tina.) Anyway, I'd just been listening to Rocky Horror Picture Show... and when I entered the van, what were THEY listening to?! You guessed! Rocky! 'Twas bizarre... then Cassi and I were discussing how Aladdin is definitely the sexiest animated character ever... Miranda found that so funny she almost had to sit down. Anyhow, I borrowed the Pippin soundtrack from Denise... Ooh, I love Pippin, love Pippin so much! That's what the description under the strange orange-yellow picture is from... "Corner of the Sky". Yurm.

Handing in concert band music. My being section leader officially announced... and Dan consequently trying to kill me because he wanted the post. Not having all my precalc done... guess what I did after school? First meeting of the new program called Advisor/Advisee with the unfortunate abbreviateton of AA. My advisor is someone I met for the first time today, and his purpose is to basically perform all the functions the guidance office would perform if they were doing their jobs. Hence, we had shortened periods and shortened passing time... and, naturally, it was downpouring when I had to walk outside through the gravel parking lot across campus to the portable classrooms. Upon entering second period rather damp, I heard the announcement: due to people claiming dizziness blamed on heat at the middle school, classes would finish at 12:30, after third block... ergo, no fourth-block classes would be held. Craziness. So tonight I'm going to Adam's to experience DDR for the first time. Wish me luck!

["And as our lives change..."]
I look at so many of the people I used to be close to, and I don't know them anymore. I start to wonder if I ever did. I mean, it's pretty obvious they don't know me.

[*NEW*] Memorial day service was good today. Hot, but good, because we had spray bottles for coolness ^_^. It was kind of freaky, though... I mean, the General or Commander or whoever the smeg he was... all, "The terrorists are here among us..." I turned to Tyler and said, "Red Scare?" Then he laughed and sprayed me in the face, and I sprayed him in the ear... but it's true.

[Here, have this... it's my old MySpace profile.]

Well, what is there to say about me? I love life... most days. I hate life... some days. Some days are better than others, as you can tell. I have a link to tell you more if you're interested... I'm the same age as the Evil Dead! YES! I'm a vegetarian... Um...I'm very open-minded. 

Yes, I'm a bisexual. And that's not because I haven't made up my mind or I can't decide or anything. That's who I am. And it's harder than you'd think, because gay people don't get you and straight people don't get you.. well, that's a generalization. But seriously - please be nice about this, especially since I've never done anything to you. 

I love very freely and I'm very emotional. Just so you know.
www.freewebs.com/sebhar/aboutme.htm

SUMMARY OF THE REST OF THIS PARAGRAPH: I'll be nice to you if you're nice to me, and if you're not nice to me I'll ignore you. Simple enough.
I like nice people. If you're pleasant and polite, or even if you're not and just act like it, that's great. If you're rude, conceited, a complete bitch or a general jackass, privately or publicly... then, well, don't talk to me. I most enjoy people who share at least some interests with me, though I don't know why you'd contact me if you didn't... if you're a band, well, I love rock'n'roll. Browse through the band list or whatever...and if you're a phony, all I can reccommend is that you don't let on, because otherwise I will most likely hate you. I know a couple of "cases-in-points", but... I don't like to think about them. And a little bit more.. yes, I'm bi. But no, I won't do a three-way with you. No. I blatantly refuse. And it may say that I'm single, but I'm commited to someone even if he's not really commited to me. I love him, you see. Life is dreadful, sometimes.

Interests:
Music
Movies
Music
Literature
Music
Buddhism
Music
Strudel
Music
Photography
Music
Poetry
Music
Water
Music
Canada
Music
Biking
Music
Swimming
Music
Europe
Music
Freeing Tibet
Music
Rocking out in the car to good music with good friends while stopped at a stoplight
...music?

Aah... Guerolito.

Aah... Foiled.

Aah... Whatever They Say I Am, That's What I'm Not.

Aah... wait, have you caught onto the pattern yet?

[4-24-06]
[*] New diary!
[*] Happy birthday to Aaron, Wm. Shakespeare, etc. tomorrow....

[4-17-06]
[*] Happy birthday to ME! Er.... tomorrow.
[*] New blog entries, complete with updated list!
[*] Ew, school tomorrow.
[*] RENT!
[*] Second draft of memoir due Wednesday. Thou shouldst poke www.freewebs.com/sebharscreativewriting/memoir.htm if you're interested.
[*] New diary.
[*] New song of the week, eh wot?

[4-12-06]
[*] Happy birthday to Dan Petersen's father.
[*] New blog entries, complete with updated list!
[*] No school tomorrow. Five-day weekends rock.
[*] I got second chair. Go me.
[*] Fuck-a-monk, I'm supposed to be typing my rough draft of my memoir. www.freewebs.com/sebharscreativewriting/memoir.htm should get you there if you're interested.
[*] New diary.
[*] New song of the week, eh wot?

[3-26-06]
[*] Sitting in the Schindler Education Center on the campus of the University of Northern Iowa in a room known as 145a. Alone.
[*] New song of the week.
[*] New diary.

[3-24-06]
[*] Fights and friends who have to work. Desiring one of your closest yet not-single friends. Being asked to prom as a back-up date. Finding true meaning only in music and writing. Welcome to my high-intensity life.
[*] There is no way that my solo will sound good tomorrow. Physically un-possible, and then I'm going to have to email Darrin and tell him that I got a V for sounding like a toad.
[*] Last day of third term. No more astronomy... don't know whether to be sad or happy as I have creative writing come Monday and Sir Seffers remains in my class for amusement. Also he's going to be in my first-hour precalc as well.

"That's about the most freaking awesome email I've ever gotten! I love you!" She drew back, not allowing herself the sheer unparalleled joy of Gareth's embrace. She knew he meant it in a friendly manner, nothing more, but she denied herself full enjoyment of his presence as long as there was no "them" in the forseeable future. 

[1] I'm writing a new song. We'll see how it goes "...going mobile, keep me moving..." Sorry that's a Who song, but still, I'm working on a new one.
[2] The Story Changes. Go. Find them. Now.
[3] "...I'm in love, but I'm lazy, so won't you please come home?"


[Such a lonely day
And its mine
The most loneliest day of my life

Such a lonely day
Should be banned
It's a day that I can't stand

The most loneliest day of my life
The most loneliest day of my life

Such a lonely day
Shouldn't exist
It's a day that I'll never miss
Such a lonely day
And its mine
The most loneliest day of my life

And if you go, I wanna go with you
And if you die, I wanna die with you

Take your hand and walk away

The most loneliest day of my life
The most loneliest day of my life
The most loneliest day of my life
Life

Such a lonely day
And its mine
It's a day that I'm glad I survived]

[2-14-06]
[*]Valentine's Day. I'm the Valentine's Day Scrooge.
[*] Okay, I know my poll is confusing, but if you'll just pretend it makes sense and answer it, I'll give you a clam. I promise.
[1-21-06] HUZZAH! Our Reader's Theatre production of Ray Bradbury's "The Veldt" recieved a division I, we're going to state!

Okay, so, Wartburg Meistersinger honour band was pretty awesome. I got there late because of state Speech - our Readers' Theater group got straight I's, we were pretty happy. That also means we're being considered for AllState. But anyway, honour band. I met a bunch of freaking awesome people, Jacob and Henkel (that's his last name), and Dan was there, and I got to know Lalaina, and I met Mike (or it might have been Mark)and Nate. I think I've finally figured out the game of poker, or at least most of it. Also, I "played" a game of NCAA football on PS2 that resulted in me getting so many delay-of-game penalties that before I figured out how to hike the ball, they'd driven me into the endzone and gotten a safety. Go figure. I stayed up until quarter to three with "the guys" - Dan Peterson, Tyler Rasmussen, Verdeen, Adam Limke...er...Limkemann?, Adam's host Mike, John Robbins, John's roommate Nate, and Phil Wulfekhule or however you spell that, along with Holly Evarts. There is now a picture out there somewhere of me standing in front of a fountain with my back to the camera... it kind of looks like I'm taking a leak in the fountain. Dan Lamp was there, and he burned me Closer to God by NIN - that's the one with the nine different versions of Closer on it, because he found out that I didn't even have one anywhere in any form of recording. So I was sitting in the rec room today while it was Phil and Adam vs. Dan and Nate playing cutthroat pool, and Adam asked me what I was listening to. I told him, and immediately all the college guys in the room broke into the chorus and Tyler's ears turned red. Life was good. As far as food went, we ordered pizza Saturday night and ate breakfast/lunch at Subway, at least, Phil and I did. The guy behind the counter asked if our orders were together. Phil thought this meant that he thought we were going out. I pointed out that he probably thought I might be buying for my little brother, especially considering that the giant sandwich on the counter was bigger than Phil. Can't Hardly Wait was on TV, and I love that movie... especially all the geeky guys :D And Tyler and I did the puzzles in the Sunday paper, and so on and suchlike. Also, the Wartburg jazz band, the Knightlighters, completely rocked my face off. The drummer was amazing, and the bass player... Adam made fun of me all night because I had my hands over my mouth and my eyes wide and a flush on my face. I may have fallen in love with him... wink wink. Adam is now one of my favourite people to hang out with.... we took "jaw" pictures, where you let your jaw go loose and shake your head and take a still digital picture. Hours of entertainment. 

Nevertheless, despite the wonderful time I had, I left feeling a little heartsick. There was a guy I saw there that I fell drastically in love with all over again, and I'm bitterly reminded every time I hear a certain song now that we will likely never be. Especially since I tell him that I love him all the time, and he never seems to take me seriously. But I do. Oh by the gods, I do. 

Br, I'm really confused. Because I really like him. BUT if I go to his house and watch movies sometime like he invited me to do, I have to wonder if me getting to spend some time with a guy who really isn't interested in me THAT WAY (I don't think...), a guy I'm just friends with... is that worth his reputation? I mean, it's not like I have to worry about mine anymore, but will it hurt him if I go over there and eat popcorn and watch Rocky Horror Picture Show? (He's never seen it - crime!)

I hate life's little dilemmas. 

[1-5] Okay, Elfpack has a Pizza! button, why doesn't Elftown?

"I want so badly to believe that there is truth, and love is real. And I want life in every word to the extent that it's absurd."
 - the Postal Service

1. What is your full name: Hannah Marcella Kane
2 Nicknames? Er...Sebhar, mostly.
3. Birthday: April 18th, 1990
4 Sex: Female
5. Where do you live? Man's Chest Hair...
6. What school do you attend? West Delaware High school!!!
7. Siblings? Sean, Neil, Ellen
8. Zodiac~ ARIES!
*********YOUR LOOKS*********

9. Hair color: Weird... kinda blondish brownish, sometimes red depending.
10. Eye color: brown!
11. Height: 5'8"ish
12. Do u wear contacts or glasses? no
13. Do you have any piercings? yep
14. Do you wear any rings? not really
15. Do you have a certain fashion you follow? Jeans+t-shirt...

*********JUST LATELY***************

16. How are you today? Okay, thanks
17. What pants are you wearing right now? Jeans...
18. What shirt are you wearing right now? Grey Iowa Cross-country hoodie over black Jimi Hendrix tee over longsleeve black UnderArmour
19 What does your hair look like at the moment? Same as always.
20. What song are u listening to right now? the Postal Service - Recycled Air
21. How is the weather right now?...er, dark?
22. Last person you talked to on the phone? The lady from the Iowa Alumni Association, for me dad.
23. Last dream you had? I was driving a bus... and killing people accidentally... I shouldn'tve watched that movie...
24. Who are you talking to right now? You!
25. What time is it? 6:21 p.m.
**********More about YOU!**************

26. What are the last four digits of your phone number? 9292
27. If u were a crayon, what color would you be? RED! cos it's pretty
28. Have you ever almost died? Not that I'm aware of
29. Do u like the person that sent u this? MOLLY! Yeh, she's silly but she still rocks.

69 things you may have never known about me.
1. Initials: HMK
2. Name someone with the same birthday as you: Dear God, I haven't the foggiest. 
3. Favorite fruit? starfruit... and as yet, no male has earned that name...
4. For or against same sex marriage? Very, very for. (Note the sexuality.)
5. Are you homophobic? Again, see the sexuality.
6. Are you bisexual? Honestly, all this reiteration!
7. Favorite thing to do on weekends? Oh gods... sleep, watch movies, play the bass, go to shows
8. How many U.S states have you been to? 9
9. How many of the U.S states have you lived in? 2
10. Have you ever lived outside the U.S? for a week, kind of
11. Name something you like physically about yourself? My nose, most days.
12. Something non-physical you like about yourself? I have excellent taste in music ;D
13. do you have any pets? Neh, got a bass and a bottlecap collection, though
14. What is your dream car? A midnight-blue Calloway Twin-Turbo Corvette, and I'd run it on 100% Biodiesel. Muha.
15. If you could go anywhere in the world where would you go? Probably the British Isles...
16. Have you ever had someone of the opposite sex sleep over? hell yes, I've slept over at theirs also.
(Where is question 17?)
18. what dream car do you want your husband/wife want to drive? God, they can drive a pickup for all I care.
19. How many illegal things have you done? A few...
20. Where would you want to go on a first date? Concert!
21. Would you date the person who posted this before you? Er, no... sorry Cassie, love you to death, but...
22. Has anyone ever sang or played for you personally? Alas, yes, and he has my heart. How mean of him, to discover my weakness... muha.
23. Ever been kissed under fireworks? *looks around very innocently* Shut UP! It was romantic! >.>
24. Do you like president Bush? A el le gusta viajar durante los disastres... no, actually he's an ass. Sorry if you like him.
25. Have you ever bungee jumped? Neh. Like to, though.
26. Have you ever white water rafted? Neh. Like to, though.
27. Has anyone ten years older than you ever hit on you? I don't know if you'd exactly call it hitting on...
29. Have you met a real redneck? This is Iowa... what do you think? (good answer Cass)
30. Are you racist? No sir!
31. What song are you listening to right now? the Postal Service - The District Sleeps Alone Tonight
32. What's your favorite song at the moment? the Postal Service - Nothing Better
33. Last movie watched? Vanity Fair... yay!
34. Are you the type that believes in anything can happen anytime? Ayuh. Ut-oh, Maineism...
35. Where was the last place you went besides your house? School...
36. Have you ever seriously vandalized someone else's property? Neh. Considered it, but neh, I'm a pacifist.
37. Have you ever hit someone of the opposite sex? Men deserve to be slapped so often that it's pathetic.
39. What's the first thing you notice about the opposite sex? Eyes...Saturday night... even though he was onstage and I was on the floor... ooh my *hides*
40. What really turns you on? I like guys with personalities, good taste in music, and pretty eyes... *has found such a man and feels like hiding under the couch*
41. What do you usually order from Starbucks? Nothing...I like organic, fair-trade tea with organic honey, thanks...
44. Say something totally random about yourself: I have a paranoia that my toenails will catch on the rivets of my jeans and rip off...
45. Do you have an iPod? iPods will be the death of the art involved in music. Records have album art. CDs and tapes don't... and now with iPods, there's nothing. Nada. Zilch. So no, and I don't want one.
46. Has anyone ever said you looked like a celebrity? My step-cousin Sarah for some reason sees Drew Barrymore... I don't...
47. Whats your favorite color? Red!
48. Do you have braces? Oh aye.
49. Are you comfortable with your height? Um, yes, actually.
50. Do you like someone right now? Like might be an understatement...
51. How tall are you? A little shy of 5'8"
52. Do you speak any other language other than english? yeah, I hablo espanol!
55. Have you ever ridden in a limo? I refuse to tithe to the Saudi royal family... so no.
56. Has anyone you were really close to passed away? Oh aye.
57. Do you watch MTV? I prefer music TV with music, thanks.
58. What's something that really annoys you? MTV, the government, poseurs... I could go on. (Those little kick-me dogs...)
59. What are some things you really like? Music... and that one guy...and also music.
60. Do you like Michael Jackson? His music wasn't all bad.
61. Can you dance? Aye
62. Have you ever surfed? Aye
63. Do you know how to pump gas? In a car? Aye
64. Do you drive? Meh, Saudis again...
65. What's the latest you have ever stayed out? Oh gods...
66. Have you ever thought that you were honestly going to die? Not at that precise moment, but I'm well acquainted with the fact that I will die.
67. Were you ever rushed by an ambulance into the emergency room? Nup.
68. Have you ever been dared to do something you didn't want to do? ...we won't go there.
69. What's your favorite state to live in? WISCONSIN! cos it's better than Iowa. Barely.

1. What is the first person you ever slept with's middle name? Elliot. I may have slept with him, but we didn't have sex... we're just friends.
2. What kind of underwear are you wearing and what color? Low-rise Victoria's Secret bikinis... they're yellow with a green band and have a lemon on them and say "Pucker Up!"
3. What is the song you want played at your funeral? Thank You by Descendents.
4. What is the phone number of your sluttiest friend so some of the single people can get some action? I'm not giving you my number... *wink*
5. What would your last meal be before getting executed? I like lasagna.
6. Beatles or Stones? Beatles. All the fucking way. Because the Stones were all arse-ugly...
7. If you had to pick one person on earth who should die, who would it be? I'm not really sure I'd wish death on anyone.
8. Last person you want to hear their problems? Ooh, Courtney Love. Or Ashlee Simpson. I just want to cram their "problems" down their throats! 
9. What is the thing most important to you about the opposite sex? I like eyes. And backs. And collar bones. 
10. Do you secretly hate some of your friends but are too nice to reject them? If I secretly hated them, they wouldn't be a friend.
11.If you could have any super power what would it be? Um... artistic talent?
12. Favorite hangover cure? Peh, who gets hangovers?
13. How many drinks does it take to get you drunk? Rather a bit. I seem to have been born with some sort of natural tolerance.
14. Favorite lyric? "We're just two lost souls swimming in a fishbowl year after year. Running over the same old ground, what have we found? The same old fears. I wish you were here."
15. Hair color you most like someone you're dating to have? Dark brown - black.
16. If you had to be blind or deaf? Then I might be a little sad.
17. Do you have any psychiatric problems? Are you taking any prescription? No sir.
18. Siblings that should go to rehab? Both of them, for general loserosity.
19. Least favorite month? July. It's hot, it's humid, and I'm stuck at home with my siblings. Plus it's not my birthday.
20. Favorite hateful thing to do to someone? Prove them wrong.
21. First movie you can remember seeing as a kid? the Wizard of Oz
(Where's question 22?)
23. When's the last time you went on a date? I don't think I've ever actually been on a date, unless you count Jim buying me breakfast that one time.
24. Do you like violent movies or dirty movies? Yes
25. Fall or spring? Fall
26. Person you most wish you hadn't made out with? Uh... I can't think of one I regret.
27. If you are straight, what person of the same sex would you do it with (if you are gay, pick someone of the opposite sex.)? How would a bi person answer this question..?
28. Where do you want to live when you are old and brittle? California! Actually not, Ireland.
29. Who is the person you can count on most? Agent Mulder.
30. If you could date any celebrity past or present, time and age are not factors? John Lennon!
31. What books have you pretended you've read? Um... not any. I've read like all of them.
32. What's a word you would use to describe your life? Rock
33. Favorite drinking game? The one where me and a bunch of friends just sit there and have a good time.

First car: 95 Plymouth Grand Voyager, grey.
First REAL break-up: Jim
First job: Babysitting
First screen name: Sebhar
First self-purchased album: Green Day - Nimrod
First funeral: My brother
First pet: Kirby, a chunk of the curb.
First credit card: Not yet
First true love: Oh dear god, I don't even want to think of it.
First enemy: His name was Ben, he was in my kindergarten class and he pushed me off the playground because I wouldn't be his girlfriend (I was with Steven...)
First big trip: I flew to San Diego when I was 1
First music you remember hearing in your house: Peter Gabriel's Mercy Street
First broken bone: Never
First serious illness: Uh.. chicken pox?

Last's...

Last cigarette: Never
Last car ride: Today coming home from lunch with Deb and Kari.
Last kiss: Er, yesterday
Last good cry: I imagine sometime last week
Last book read: Home of the Braves by David Class, though I'm currently reading the Road to Mars by Eric Idle
Last movie seen: Rock and Roll High School
Last restaurant visited: Betty's Bread Basket for lunch
Last dream: Being a Tenacious D groupie... it was weird...
Last beverage drank: Some kind of holiday August Schell.
Last food consumed: Pizza
Last tv show watched: I've been watching That '70s Show for like the last two and a half hours.
Last shoes worn: Black comfy heels
Last outfit worn: T-shirt and pajama pants...it's vacation
Last cd played: Queen's Greatest Hits, disc One
Last wish: To have fun tomorrow night.
Last item bought: soup in a bread bowl at Betty's
Last annoyance: My sister!
Last disappointment: Society. Jim. Lots of things.
Last ice cream eaten: Raspberry!
Last alcohol drink: Uh... couple minutes ago?
Last webpage visited: Elftown

[12-28] I'm thinking. No, not about the times we knew it all or how we used to feel invincible. None of you know that song, because very few of you listen to Autopilot Off. Anyway, I'm thinking that I would very much like to "hook up" with him, and I'm a bit miffed that I have not the courage to ask him.


Seeing Narnia again tonight. Anyone want to tag along?