I watched The Wall today, with some candles burning. Now my room's kind of smokey, and I love it.

Got a new computer in my room. The old Toshiba laptop works just fine when plugged into a monitor, apparently. So I watched the Wall in there. Bob Geldof gives a wonderful performance, I must say.

Last night, watched Almost Famous, scanned Can't Hardly Wait, then watched Corpse Bride and part of Wayne's World. Excellentness on all counts ^_^

If I was a profession I'd be: Starving Artist
If I was a country I'd be: Ireland
If I was a ocean or body of water I'd be: The Danube
If I was a famous building or piece of architecture I'd be: Fallingwater
If I was a store I'd be: Moondog Music
If I was a brand of shoe I'd be: Chuckie T's, before they sold out.
If I was a bad habit I'd be: Nail biting
If I was a swear word I'd be: Feck!!!
If I was a ice cream flavour I'd be: Birthday Cake
If I was a disease I'd be: Scurvy ^_^
If I was a board game I'd be: Settlers of Catan
If I was a feeling I'd be: Contentment
If I was a president I'd be: Better than GWB.
If I was a war I'd be: Suicidal 
If I was a city I'd be: Vancouver
If I was a colour I'd be: Crimson
If I was a celebrity I'd be: Johnny Depp, and therefore attractive to straight people of both sexes.
If I was a movie I'd be: Moulin Rouge!
If I was a company I'd be: One that didn't telemarket.
If I was a currency I'd be: ...um... YEN!
If I were a month, I'd be: April
If I were a day of the week, I'd be: Saturday
If I were a time of day, I'd be: After midnight!
If I were a planet, I'd be: Mars. Red...
If I were a sea animal, I'd be: a starfish. Please don't exploit me.
If I were a direction, I'd be: North
If I were a piece of furniture, I'd be: A Sofa-sleeper
If I were a sin, I'd be: Jealousy
If I were a liquid, I'd be: Liquid Nitrogen ^_^
If I were a tree, I'd be: Something tropical
If I were a bird, I'd be: Kiwi!
If I were a tool, I'd be: The band...
If I were a flower/plant, I'd be: A dark purple tulip.
If I were a kind of weather, I'd be: Subject to violent and unexpected changes ^_^
If I were a musical instrument, I'd be: Trombone ^_^
If I were a fish, I'd be: Stingray...
If I were an element, I'd be: Mercury
If I were a car, I'd be: Corvette Callaway Twin Turbo in Alligator.
If I were a song, I'd be: Wish You Were Here by Pink Floyd
If I were a book, I'd be: The Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger. Actually, I'd be a character in it who got written in to run away with Holden and live in the woods.
If I were a food, I'd be: Vegetarian sushi.
If I were a material, I'd be: dark red silk, fairly sheer.
If I were a taste, I'd be: Sour
If I were a word, I'd be: Rationale (at the mo')
If I were a facial expression, I'd be: Lunatic grin!
If I were a shape, I'd be: a hexagon.
If I were a number, I'd be: 4
If I were a Kitchen Utensil, I'd be: a spaghetti spoon... thing.
If I were one of the four Hobbits, I'd be: Pippin, cos then I'd be hot.
If I were a decade, I'd be: The eighties. Without a doubt
If I were a weapon, I'd be: Definitely a machete... with a ruby-inlaid handle.
If I were a Beatle, I'd be: George, so I could a) be hot and b) do the least fighting with John.
If I were a style of music, I'd be: Progressive rock
If I were a type of hat, I'd be: One with plastic fruit on it ^_^
If I were a mode of transport, I'd be: Teleportation
If I were a Saint, I'd be: The one who scratched her own eyes out... who was that?
If I were a Book in the Bible, I'd be: That one that contradicts itself all the time... Matthew?
If I were a building material, I'd be: Chocolate *wink*
If I were a hair colour, I'd be: Red. Crimson red. Fwoar.
If I were a Weather Man/ Woman, I'd be: Um... living in California so I never had to do anything.
If I were a type of fish, I'd be: Bioluminescent, like the anglerfish.
If I were a TV channel, I'd be: BBC2
If I were a DIY program, I'd be: Bob Vila

*THE SEVEN HEAVENLY VIRTUES*
FAITH
1. What religion do you follow? None
2. What religion were you raised as? Catholic
3. Do you believe that forgiveness is a religious property, or a human property? Human, certainly
4. Do you believe in magic? Aye
5. What was the last promise you broke? That I'd stop singing in the shower ^_^
6. Have you ever said the words to a prayer and not meant it? Since they taught us the Our Father thing.
7. Do you believe that anyone could be perfect? Nay. Well.... maybe Pete Townshend.

HOPE
1. Did you get everything you wanted over the last holiday season? Nah, and it's probably a good thing.
2. Regarding your future, what is the best thing you could hope for? Happiness. But I'll settle for contentment.
3. Do you let yourself get your hopes up for something even if you know that there is a large chance of failure? My hopes are never horribly high.
5. Have you ever bought a lottery ticket? Nope.
6. Do you gamble? Well, only when I know I'll win.
7. Have you ever had something called off on account of bad weather, but then gone ahead and done it anyway? I doubt it.

CHARITY
1. What causes do you support? Anti-animal cruelty, pro-gay rights, pro-choice, anti-war...
2. What causes have you given money or time to? Time... to Camp HOPE, which reaches out to young children who have lost a loved one.
3. Have you ever worked in a soup kitchen or done another kind of outreach for the homeless? In history class...
4. Would you ever consider joining the Peace Corps, Amnesty International, or another travel? Consider, yes.
5. Do you give money to the homeless on the street? Especially if they're musicians ^_^.
6. Have you ever helped out a friend with basic needs, like rent or food? Oh aye.
7. What's the greatest extent you've gone to help a friend in need? Place to crash when their house wasn't safe.

FORTITUDE
1. What are you most afraid of? Spiders...
2. What did you do today that was really brave? Made peace with my seester.
3. Who is your favorite superhero, and why? WHITE NINJA!
4. Would you put your life in danger to rescue someone? Depends on the somebody.
5. If you were to face the Wizard, would you want more courage, more brains, or more heart? Likely courage. I'm pretty happy with my brains and heart.
6. Have you ever gotten stage fright? Not enough to keep me off my beloved stage ^_^
7. Do you consider yourself to be a leader or a follower? Leader

JUSTICE
1. Have you ever been summoned for jury duty? Nope.
2. If they re-instituted the draft (for both genders), would you go, or would find some way out of it? I've got a way out of it... I'm medically unfit ^_^
3. Do you support capital punishment? Not for the "mentally retarded" *cough* Shrub
4. Which should be guaranteed legal? Which what?
5. Do you believe that Dubya is rightfully President of the USA? Stupid people = stupid president. He pretty much belongs, yeah.
6. What was your favorite media circus trial? I'm all about Watergate.
7. Have you ever written a letter to a politician? For Government class, to Jim Nussle (Iowa Congress) about flag burning.

APPERANCE
1. What do you have the hardest time moderating yourself on? My temper...
2. Do you collect anything? Bottle caps, pins, books, other things.
3. Are you addicted to anything? Mainly the internet. Also writing. And music.
4. Have you ever put anything on layaway or used an installment plan? Nep.
5. What's your preferred method of paying for things? Cashola.
6. Tell us one thing you wish you hadn't let yourself do? Hmm...
7. Do you feel that you obsess over things? Heh... MUSIC.

PRUDENCE
1. Who is the wisest person you know? I know lots of wise people. Mostly Ali.
2. Have you ever participated in a vigil? I kept one on John Lennon's death anniversary last year.
3. Do you take advice when it's given? Depends if it's sound advice, and upon the integrity of the person giving it.
4. What area are you wisest in? Probably moving on.
5. Do you drive defensively? I... think so. :S
6. Have you ever had unprotected sex outside of marriage? No.
7. What did you learn today? I have a pretty hardy emotional system, actually.

I listen to the poetry of drugs and promiscuous sex.

I also love Almost Famous.

"Fever dog... scratching at my back door..."

T. Ram is good at explaining football to Hannah. Yes indeed.

Mitch S. has too broad of shoulders to be that tall. He's impossible to see over.

Then again, so is Alex T. And Matthew. But those are givens.

So.

School... is death.

Cultures today, didn't do a lot, laughed at Mr. Coates some, which is always good, talked to Ashley and Molly and Michelle, figured out that I have the world's most blended personality, or something close to it. Creepy.

English. Listened to more of the Crucible. Tried very hard not to sleep. Didn't quite succeed.

Band, marched and played our first two songs, stood and played (with music) our third and most difficult.

Lunch was the traditional cookout thing they have every year which I hate, because there's really no vegetarian option. I got a bun and put potato chips on it. The carrots were nastily dry, so I avoided them, but the cookies were good and, well, milk is pretty much milk. Potato chips, however, can make you very thirsty. Ergo, I wanted Mindy to get me a water, and she wouldn't because she didn't feel like getting up. So Mitch (Hildebrand) bought one for me and tried to refuse payment (hmf). 'Twas tasty water, though. Maybe there's hope for the freshman class, after all.

Physics... didn't do much except take a strange online test, which confused me because I kept clicking on the wrong things accidentally, then hitting "next" and going, "CRAAAAP!" and frightening Jeff. ^_^

Government... Kendra stole Mitch's seat, so Mitch sat behind me where Anna usually sits (she moved up to the absent Mercedes' spot). Then Alex moved back and sat by Mitch and I, and I started doodling a picture of a distorted face in Mitch's notebook during the dull movie we watched. Eventually Alex stole the picture and wrote on it "To Kendra from Mitch" (I stole the picture back after Kendra got properly upset at Mitch... so I might post it sometime). I also wrote Mitch a limerick. It went like this:

There once was a fellow named Mitch
Who got his foot stuck in some pitch
It burned off his toe,
So he said, "Where'd it go?"
And then he yelled, "SON OF A BITCH!"

^_^

After school, went down to the band room for no apparent reason and played instruments with Alexa and got checked off for music by TylerBerry aka the Nazi Cow.

Also got my forms for National Honor Society and signed up for YADC. Look how involved I am! Couldn't you just puke!?

"Could David Gilmour write a guitar solo so awesome, not even he could play it?"

...heehee, Tor.

I find myself increasingly numb. And my therapist wonders why I have trust issues...

I really talk to two people. Seth thinks I tell him everything, but it's more like 90%. I tell lots to AliBerry, too, I've noticed.

Pineapple: So, Seb, you going to homecoming?
Sebhar: eeeh... probably not. Our dances rather suck.
Pineapple: *long pause* Oh. *averts eyes* Me neither...

...wtf was that, please?

From [Rarely available]
OOOOOOOOO me and my friend started making classic rock jokes that make fun of those Chuck Norris facts. It hink you'll like them.
"There is no thunder, only the echoe of Jimi Hendrix's guitar"
"If Jim Morrison, Jimi Hendrix, and Syd Barret met in the same room...everyone within a five mile radius would die of an acid over dose."
"Sad as it is that Steve Irwin died, he was not the first one to be stabbed in the heart by a sting ray. It also happened to Roger Waters, and he said "Not bad, but I've had better" (i.e. heroin)
And my peronal favorite
"David Gilmour can add distortions to an accousitic guitar"

wootosity!

I've done this before
But never this bad
At first, bewildered
And then I got mad

Now I'm just sitting,
Waiting for you
And I realise now
They've got you thinking, too.

They say that the losers
Get lucky sometimes
So where is my luck
As the half-past clock chimes?

I've got nothing left
Lost all of it, all
I let them convince me
There'd be no more falls

I thought somehow everything
Could turn out all right
And now, out of nowhere,
A soul-wrenching fight.

I'm so in the dark
And so all alone
And I hear Satan laughing
Satan calling me home.

Past is past. And that is the truth.
My past keeps biting me in the ass, and that is the truth.
Something tells me I won't be able to cope with this, and that is the truth.
I can try, and that is the truth.
But it probably won't help, and that is the truth.
I am afraid, and that is the truth.

For the benefit of Stephen King readers:
Choo-choo.

"Fucked up and spun out in my room. On my own, here we go..."

"urbandictionary.com. It's the best."

"Shake my what now?"

"Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's ass."

"And if you go, I want to go with you..."

So.

Having a munch of dinner.
Tofu-and-tomato-and-cheese burrito.
Kissables.
Left school early.
Went to an ortho appointment.
 Four more weeks? You told me that two months ago.
Drove out to Curves.
 Won a charm bracelet.
Had an allergy shot.
 Now my arms itch.
Got Friday's Government homework done.
 Finally, an editorial which didn't concentrate one narrow-
 minded viewpoint or the backing of a political faction!
Saw Jason at the doctor's office.
 We were both laughing at Dr. Phil.
 "Wow...you got preppy."
Drove to Fareway then.
 Needed chocolate.
 Got some.
 Mmm, Kissables.
 Also got some gum.
 Got some.
 Mmm, Trident Tropical Twist.
  Now that's alliteration.
Drove home.
Made supper.
Took an ibuprofen for tooth pain.
Hip-hop at five-thirty.
 I'll drive there, too.
Band tomorrow morning.
 Got to learn the vast majority of Malaguena drill.
 Also the music.
  All I know is the solo, really.
Mmmmmmmmm, Tropical Twist.. *chews*

So.

I'm breathing normally again.

I've rationalised myself.

Sometimes I'm quite the spaz.

...weird.

Some days... I've found Emo.

Phuck.

"I'm unaware..."

"I don't deserve this..."

"Making up problems that don't exist..."

"So yours..."

"Don't know when I'll be back again."

"I hate the fall."

"Yaweh."

Sooooooooooo...

Maybe I'm overreacting.

I probably am.

After all, I'm sure something else, like parents, was an issue.

But still.

"I can't go. Oh, and, um, I'm going to leave without so much as a hug."

So.

Just got back from Ohio.

Had an okay time.

I hate smoke.

Okay, so about 55% of the time was shitty.

I was gone four days.

Some people didn't even notice.

So I'm a little depressed.

Being tired isn't helping.

Homework isn't helping.

The lack of a specific person showing any affection at all... that was... hm.

"I prefer to keep my sadness bottled up inside in the form of a mental illness." -- Paraphrased from Leela, closely followed by...

"It's your lucky day. I'm a holding, stroking, loving machine!" -- Fry

She's a one-eyed mutant.

And I'm not.

And at least someone appreciates her.

Even if it is Fry.

So.

Today.

Went to Deli One for twist cones with Molly.
Rather fun.

Molly dropped me home, I talked to Mom on the phone, checked my email.

Not a lot.

So.

Then Dad came home.
"You wanna go get your liscence?"
"Are you serious?"
"Apparently."

We got my liscence.

The picture doesn't suck.

That makes me happy.

So I drove to Curves.
And back again.
And then to Nathan's, but no one answered the door.
Then to Seth's, but he's at fifth grade camp.
Then to Matthew's, because I had to talk to him anyway.
So I picked up Matthew.
And we talked.
And it was good.

I think I understand some more about stuff now.

Then Dad called, and I dropped Matthew home.
And I went to dance.
And it was fun
 even though I suck.
I parked about four feet from the curb.
It's okay though, the parking lot's always abandoned that time of night.

Then I drove home
  listening to Bowling for Soup
And Alexa was behind me
  and I saw David
  and Hannahkimmerle
  and other people I didn't know.

That's me, today.

No, shockingly, I don't want to go to Prom.

Reasons:
1. No date.
2. You want me to spend all that money for:
3. Bad DJs
4. Not dancing with anyone
5. Watching the perfect plastic girls dance with footballers
6. A dress I'll never wear again
7. A dress I'll hate wearing regardless.
8. An afterparty the highlight of which MIGHT be a hypnotist

Uhm, methinks not. Unless you can find me someone I can tolerate who will go with me as a friend and not care if I wear pants and pay for dinner and my ticked.

Again, mestillthinks not.

Song: Crash and Burn
Artist: The Story Changes
Album: Last Night A Rock Band Saved My Life
Track: Ten
Label: Future Destinations Records

I don't deserve this. I treated you perfect.
I always absorbed it, always made time.
There's this reflection of all that you've ruined.
I will get through this, I'll be all right,
but don't look back for me.

I don't deserve this. I made you my conquest,
always the purpose, always the light.
There's no real answers to all of these questions
turning and burning right through my mind,
but don't look back for me.

Actions so selfish, you already know this.
We can't quite control it, we're lost in your lies.
I'm burning as witness, no longer the victim.
I'm over and through with, stop wasting my time.
Caught up and clueless, addicted and foolish,
I always looked through it, but now I see
Apologies are worthless if we just repeat the problem.
the promise that you've broken was the only way to start this now,
but don't look back for me.