[Sebhar]'s diary
"When I was younger, all I wanted to do was smoke cigarettes and wear a white tux." -- Mr. Trilk
First of all, I don't want anyone to be offended by this. It's just my response to something I read today.
Now, onward!
I am not, au contraire to popular belief, feeble-minded. Just because I deny the existence of the great bearded guy in the sky running my life does not make me an idiot. And just because you believe somebody IS sitting up there nudging you this way and that gives me no reason to call you feeble-minded.
The facts are this: some of my best friends are Christians. In fact, one of my favourite people to hang around with is going into theology and will likely become a youth minister so he can try to bring more kids to Christ. That's great. Really, I think that at a basic level Christian beliefs and values are good things - no drugs, no pre-marital sex, no hating - but the fact remains that not every Christian actually follows the essential beleifs and values. If they did, I might see some merit to the God way of thinking. But God hasn't smote (smited? I think smote) anyone for awhile now. And then people say, "Oh, that's because Jesus died to save us!" ...ahem, probably not the most intelligent thing to do.
Now, I've read my Scripture; I know the facts, I'm not just b.s.ing here. Jesus had some pretty good things to say, according to the other guys who wrote it down. But that's another of my points: Jesus said it, some guy wrote down what he thought Jesus meant (probably excluding whatever he didn't want in there)... and then that got put in the Bible... which got translated... and translated... and abriged.. and translated.. and the fact cannot be avoided that whatever "Jesus" is "saying" in the Bible was probably never said by him at all. But then, he went and died/was reborn so that the people who deserved to be punished weren't going to be punished anymore? Question mark?
I could be waaay off-base here, but I doubt it.
Things About Modern Christianity (especially Catholicism) Which I Dislike:
-- Homophobia "Love thy neighbour, as long as he or she is not gay."
-- Anti-choice thought "Love thy neighbour, as long as he or she doesn't make any mistakes."
*these are the two which have been bugging me the most recently...*
As for God... how come I have never felt his touch? If he meant me to, don't you think I would? How have I managed to get this far in life so successfully without his presence or the presence of Satan?
Anyway, to sum up - I think everybody has to believe in something to keep going on. Yours may be God. Mine's music and art and love and the essential goodness of the human race. If God is your pillar, good for you, you're a more faithful person than I could ever be. However, I need something a little more concrete to lean on when I need to.
But if you start calling me feeble-minded and continue after reading this, I'm just going to call you a ninny and ignore you.
Written about Wednesday 2006-11-29
Written: (6422 days ago)
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It's dark and clear, a starry, chilly night. The headlights shine on the black pavement; the engine revs. A beat-up tan pickup goes forty down a quiet residential street. The girl in the back holds on to the roof of the cab and screams wordlessly to the apathetic moon. Her breath is hot on the air; her fingers leave imprints in the frost. Her troubles float away with her echoes, and for that moment, she is infinite.
Written about Tuesday 2006-10-10
Written: (6471 days ago)
Popcorn sucks.
iHeart RHCP. End of story.
So, youth group tonight. I sat in the back of Tyler's pickup. And he backed the entire two-ish blocks to my house. And then into my driveway. It was amazing.
"apologies are worthless if we just repeat the problem." -- the Story Changes
"We don't regret anymore." -- Sugar Ray
guh.
Politics.
...die.
No.
No no no no no.
...Cucumbers we don't have. Zucchini we probably will.
Mushrooms however continue to present problems.
Christopher Robin's dead.
As the world falls down...
Homework up the so-called wazoo. Urk.
Cucumber issues...>.<
Homecoming = crap.
I played my trombone waaaay too much this weekend. Now I'm in constant pain.
Also, dancing the night away hurt my feet.
And crushing my friend's aspirations so she didn't get hurt worse hurt my heart. (But what else was there to do?)
I mopped a lot today.
I have so much physics homework, you could die from it.
"The way the beach gets kissed by the sea..."
Some people are pretty stupid.
I'm talking about gambling.
I look back at the times I've (monetarily) gambled in my life, and it comes down to once a few days ago when Mitch (S-type) bet me that I couldn't write the names of the 50 states in alphabetical order in under five minutes, unaided. Guess what? I did. And I made a dollar. But I knew I could do it, because of a song I learned in elementary school in Wisconsin. I feel a little bad, but since then we've become better friends because he respects me.
Some gambling we can't help but do. Betting on getting a scholarship, for example. Becoming, essentially, a share of a team - be it for sport, Speech, or business - is a gamble.
Gambling with your heart -- that's where I lose most often.
I watched The Wall today, with some candles burning. Now my room's kind of smokey, and I love it.
Got a new computer in my room. The old Toshiba laptop works just fine when plugged into a monitor, apparently. So I watched the Wall in there. Bob Geldof gives a wonderful performance, I must say.
Last night, watched Almost Famous, scanned Can't Hardly Wait, then watched Corpse Bride and part of Wayne's World. Excellentness on all counts ^_^
If I was a profession I'd be: Starving Artist
If I was a country I'd be: Ireland
If I was a ocean or body of water I'd be: The Danube
If I was a famous building or piece of architecture I'd be: Fallingwater
If I was a store I'd be: Moondog Music
If I was a brand of shoe I'd be: Chuckie T's, before they sold out.
If I was a bad habit I'd be: Nail biting
If I was a swear word I'd be: Feck!!!
If I was a ice cream flavour I'd be: Birthday Cake
If I was a disease I'd be: Scurvy ^_^
If I was a board game I'd be: Settlers of Catan
If I was a feeling I'd be: Contentment
If I was a president I'd be: Better than GWB.
If I was a war I'd be: Suicidal
If I was a city I'd be: Vancouver
If I was a colour I'd be: Crimson
If I was a celebrity I'd be: Johnny Depp, and therefore attractive to straight people of both sexes.
If I was a movie I'd be: Moulin Rouge!
If I was a company I'd be: One that didn't telemarket.
If I was a currency I'd be: ...um... YEN!
If I were a month, I'd be: April
If I were a day of the week, I'd be: Saturday
If I were a time of day, I'd be: After midnight!
If I were a planet, I'd be: Mars. Red...
If I were a sea animal, I'd be: a starfish. Please don't exploit me.
If I were a direction, I'd be: North
If I were a piece of furniture, I'd be: A Sofa-sleeper
If I were a sin, I'd be: Jealousy
If I were a liquid, I'd be: Liquid Nitrogen ^_^
If I were a tree, I'd be: Something tropical
If I were a bird, I'd be: Kiwi!
If I were a tool, I'd be: The band...
If I were a flower/plant, I'd be: A dark purple tulip.
If I were a kind of weather, I'd be: Subject to violent and unexpected changes ^_^
If I were a musical instrument, I'd be: Trombone ^_^
If I were a fish, I'd be: Stingray...
If I were an element, I'd be: Mercury
If I were a car, I'd be: Corvette Callaway Twin Turbo in Alligator.
If I were a song, I'd be: Wish You Were Here by Pink Floyd
If I were a book, I'd be: The Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger. Actually, I'd be a character in it who got written in to run away with Holden and live in the woods.
If I were a food, I'd be: Vegetarian sushi.
If I were a material, I'd be: dark red silk, fairly sheer.
If I were a taste, I'd be: Sour
If I were a word, I'd be: Rationale (at the mo')
If I were a facial expression, I'd be: Lunatic grin!
If I were a shape, I'd be: a hexagon.
If I were a number, I'd be: 4
If I were a Kitchen Utensil, I'd be: a spaghetti spoon... thing.
If I were one of the four Hobbits, I'd be: Pippin, cos then I'd be hot.
If I were a decade, I'd be: The eighties. Without a doubt
If I were a weapon, I'd be: Definitely a machete... with a ruby-inlaid handle.
If I were a Beatle, I'd be: George, so I could a) be hot and b) do the least fighting with John.
If I were a style of music, I'd be: Progressive rock
If I were a type of hat, I'd be: One with plastic fruit on it ^_^
If I were a mode of transport, I'd be: Teleportation
If I were a Saint, I'd be: The one who scratched her own eyes out... who was that?
If I were a Book in the Bible, I'd be: That one that contradicts itself all the time... Matthew?
If I were a building material, I'd be: Chocolate *wink*
If I were a hair colour, I'd be: Red. Crimson red. Fwoar.
If I were a Weather Man/ Woman, I'd be: Um... living in California so I never had to do anything.
If I were a type of fish, I'd be: Bioluminescent
If I were a TV channel, I'd be: BBC2
If I were a DIY program, I'd be: Bob Vila
*THE SEVEN HEAVENLY VIRTUES*
FAITH
1. What religion do you follow? None
2. What religion were you raised as? Catholic
3. Do you believe that forgiveness is a religious property, or a human property? Human, certainly
4. Do you believe in magic? Aye
5. What was the last promise you broke? That I'd stop singing in the shower ^_^
6. Have you ever said the words to a prayer and not meant it? Since they taught us the Our Father thing.
7. Do you believe that anyone could be perfect? Nay. Well.... maybe Pete Townshend.
HOPE
1. Did you get everything you wanted over the last holiday season? Nah, and it's probably a good thing.
2. Regarding your future, what is the best thing you could hope for? Happiness. But I'll settle for contentment.
3. Do you let yourself get your hopes up for something even if you know that there is a large chance of failure? My hopes are never horribly high.
5. Have you ever bought a lottery ticket? Nope.
6. Do you gamble? Well, only when I know I'll win.
7. Have you ever had something called off on account of bad weather, but then gone ahead and done it anyway? I doubt it.
CHARITY
1. What causes do you support? Anti-animal cruelty, pro-gay rights, pro-choice, anti-war...
2. What causes have you given money or time to? Time... to Camp HOPE, which reaches out to young children who have lost a loved one.
3. Have you ever worked in a soup kitchen or done another kind of outreach for the homeless? In history class...
4. Would you ever consider joining the Peace Corps, Amnesty International, or another travel? Consider, yes.
5. Do you give money to the homeless on the street? Especially if they're musicians ^_^.
6. Have you ever helped out a friend with basic needs, like rent or food? Oh aye.
7. What's the greatest extent you've gone to help a friend in need? Place to crash when their house wasn't safe.
FORTITUDE
1. What are you most afraid of? Spiders...
2. What did you do today that was really brave? Made peace with my seester.
3. Who is your favorite superhero, and why? WHITE NINJA!
4. Would you put your life in danger to rescue someone? Depends on the somebody.
5. If you were to face the Wizard, would you want more courage, more brains, or more heart? Likely courage. I'm pretty happy with my brains and heart.
6. Have you ever gotten stage fright? Not enough to keep me off my beloved stage ^_^
7. Do you consider yourself to be a leader or a follower? Leader
JUSTICE
1. Have you ever been summoned for jury duty? Nope.
2. If they re-instituted the draft (for both genders), would you go, or would find some way out of it? I've got a way out of it... I'm medically unfit ^_^
3. Do you support capital punishment? Not for the "mentally retarded" *cough* Shrub
4. Which should be guaranteed legal? Which what?
5. Do you believe that Dubya is rightfully President of the USA? Stupid people = stupid president. He pretty much belongs, yeah.
6. What was your favorite media circus trial? I'm all about Watergate.
7. Have you ever written a letter to a politician? For Government class, to Jim Nussle (Iowa Congress) about flag burning.
APPERANCE
1. What do you have the hardest time moderating yourself on? My temper...
2. Do you collect anything? Bottle caps, pins, books, other things.
3. Are you addicted to anything? Mainly the internet. Also writing. And music.
4. Have you ever put anything on layaway or used an installment plan? Nep.
5. What's your preferred method of paying for things? Cashola.
6. Tell us one thing you wish you hadn't let yourself do? Hmm...
7. Do you feel that you obsess over things? Heh... MUSIC.
PRUDENCE
1. Who is the wisest person you know? I know lots of wise people. Mostly Ali.
2. Have you ever participated in a vigil? I kept one on John Lennon's death anniversary last year.
3. Do you take advice when it's given? Depends if it's sound advice, and upon the integrity of the person giving it.
4. What area are you wisest in? Probably moving on.
5. Do you drive defensively? I... think so. :S
6. Have you ever had unprotected sex outside of marriage? No.
7. What did you learn today? I have a pretty hardy emotional system, actually.
I listen to the poetry of drugs and promiscuous sex.
I also love Almost Famous.
"Fever dog... scratching at my back door..."
T. Ram is good at explaining football to Hannah. Yes indeed.
Mitch S. has too broad of shoulders to be that tall. He's impossible to see over.
Then again, so is Alex T. And Matthew. But those are givens.
So.
School... is death.
Cultures today, didn't do a lot, laughed at Mr. Coates some, which is always good, talked to Ashley and Molly and Michelle, figured out that I have the world's most blended personality, or something close to it. Creepy.
English. Listened to more of the Crucible. Tried very hard not to sleep. Didn't quite succeed.
Band, marched and played our first two songs, stood and played (with music) our third and most difficult.
Lunch was the traditional cookout thing they have every year which I hate, because there's really no vegetarian option. I got a bun and put potato chips on it. The carrots were nastily dry, so I avoided them, but the cookies were good and, well, milk is pretty much milk. Potato chips, however, can make you very thirsty. Ergo, I wanted Mindy to get me a water, and she wouldn't because she didn't feel like getting up. So Mitch (Hildebrand) bought one for me and tried to refuse payment (hmf). 'Twas tasty water, though. Maybe there's hope for the freshman class, after all.
Physics... didn't do much except take a strange online test, which confused me because I kept clicking on the wrong things accidentally, then hitting "next" and going, "CRAAAAP!" and frightening Jeff. ^_^
Government... Kendra stole Mitch's seat, so Mitch sat behind me where Anna usually sits (she moved up to the absent Mercedes' spot). Then Alex moved back and sat by Mitch and I, and I started doodling a picture of a distorted face in Mitch's notebook during the dull movie we watched. Eventually Alex stole the picture and wrote on it "To Kendra from Mitch" (I stole the picture back after Kendra got properly upset at Mitch... so I might post it sometime). I also wrote Mitch a limerick. It went like this:
There once was a fellow named Mitch
Who got his foot stuck in some pitch
It burned off his toe,
So he said, "Where'd it go?"
And then he yelled, "SON OF A BITCH!"
^_^
After school, went down to the band room for no apparent reason and played instruments with Alexa and got checked off for music by TylerBerry aka the Nazi Cow.
Also got my forms for National Honor Society and signed up for YADC. Look how involved I am! Couldn't you just puke!?
"Could David Gilmour write a guitar solo so awesome, not even he could play it?"
...heehee, Tor.
I find myself increasingly numb. And my therapist wonders why I have trust issues...
I really talk to two people. Seth thinks I tell him everything, but it's more like 90%. I tell lots to AliBerry, too, I've noticed.
Pineapple: So, Seb, you going to homecoming?
Sebhar: eeeh... probably not. Our dances rather suck.
Pineapple: *long pause* Oh. *averts eyes* Me neither...
...wtf was that, please?
Written about Thursday 2006-09-14
Written: (6498 days ago)
From [Rarely available]
OOOOOOOOO me and my friend started making classic rock jokes that make fun of those Chuck Norris facts. It hink you'll like them.
"There is no thunder, only the echoe of Jimi Hendrix's guitar"
"If Jim Morrison, Jimi Hendrix, and Syd Barret met in the same room...everyon
"Sad as it is that Steve Irwin died, he was not the first one to be stabbed in the heart by a sting ray. It also happened to Roger Waters, and he said "Not bad, but I've had better" (i.e. heroin)
And my peronal favorite
"David Gilmour can add distortions to an accousitic guitar"
wootosity!
I've done this before
But never this bad
At first, bewildered
And then I got mad
Now I'm just sitting,
Waiting for you
And I realise now
They've got you thinking, too.
They say that the losers
Get lucky sometimes
So where is my luck
As the half-past clock chimes?
I've got nothing left
Lost all of it, all
I let them convince me
There'd be no more falls
I thought somehow everything
Could turn out all right
And now, out of nowhere,
A soul-wrenching fight.
I'm so in the dark
And so all alone
And I hear Satan laughing
Satan calling me home.