Want to know a secret?

I'M NOT OKAY.












i'm quite okay now...

Have you ever wanted to wake up by someone ever single morning?
Or just be with them every single day alone and together?
That's me and my feelings right now. I want to be with him forever. I want to wake up by his side in his arms every morning. Or afternoon. Whenever we wake up.
He ate my nose!

seriously people if you hate a picture of yourself don't put it on the internet.. the only reason you're like I'M SO UGLY OMFG is because you want attention i know you i know what you're thinking. you're all pretty shut the fuck up homes. haha homes.

MY NANI IS COMIN ON THE 23rd CAN'T FREAKIN WAIT I LOVE MY NANI!! haha i'm callin you that when you get her nani

looking at my other diaries i realize how much i've changed.. i couldn't spell celebrities 2 years ago i used to like to shop i used to be worried about everything.. i've changed a lot and i'm not sure how i feel about it

Today this kid from my old school told me i was pretty and totally doable... yea sure w/e but I wonder if sterling feels lucky that I'm with him because.. idk is it bad for me to feel like I think he should feel lucky? idk I'm just happy to be with him and that he loves me he's awesome I wouldn't trade for anyone. Even though the guy who told me i was pretty was totally hot! lol that's really uhhhh what's the word.. can't think of it i'm gonna go to bed

Men are assholes.

Don't deny it guys, you're all assholes. You've done something asshole like to women. All of you.

But, there's 2.. (sort of 3, but we're not going to talk about him) particular asshole men I hate for ruining my mom's life. They're driving her into a pit of depression right now. In her head. She's thinking about it. Even though she's 20 miles away from me, I can tell. She's thinking what the hell she did to them.
First asshole: Mr. John Boyd (don't clap)
He ruined it. Mom's first job. She was amazing, she did everything he ever wanted and more. She brought science to life at that middle school. I bet no one cared before she came. But, my mom made the science fair way more exciting, and she made science club. Although science club was not a big success some kids enjoyed the shit out of it. And I know my mom did too. She also put a lot of money into science club. But, that was okay. She knew the kids liked it. And that's what/who she was always thinking about, her students. Mr. Boyd ripped my family apart and he doesn't even know it.

Asshole 2: Brother David
In January my mom stopped receiving child support because my dad got laid off. He gets laid off from January to May or something. So we didn't get child support. That came as the biggest shock ever to my mom. She had no clue how she was going to do anything. I needed a tenor saxophone, Danielle needed a car, and we still didn't have our tuition paid. Thus, my mom went to our principals asking them what she could do. Mrs. Strattman said we'll take care of it, and she did. We got a letter that said that St. Mary's had covered our tuition. Aw, that's nice. Brother David said, oh don't worry about it! So, what did mom do, she didn't worry about it. Saying don't worry about it implies that she doesn't have to pay? Don't you think? Everytime I went for an orientation at Notre Dame (because I was supposed to go there) Brother David said, Don't let financial troubles keep you from getting a Catholic Education at Notre Dame. Aw, how sweet. Right? YEA RIGHT! In June when Danielle moved to Minnesota Brother David refused to send her transcripts, now isn't that christian like? He refused to send them because her tuition wasn't paid off. So mom wrote him a letter reminding him about what he had said. No, he still wanted her to pay. So Mom was freakin out, how is she supposed to pay. So she wrote him another letter and she received no answer. I guess she forgot about the whole ordeal until yesterday. Brother David has a lawyer. I guess he's going to make her cry some more and not let my sister go to college. Asshole.

There's this kid, Sterling, my boyfriend. and I love him.. just tons of junk about him.. he's awesome.. but i'm gonna list the ways until i get bored with it
1. I freakin love the way he plays guitar
2. I love the way he plays percussion lol
3. I love how he'll sing a song.. even if he doesn't know the words.
4. I love love love his hands and arms.. I don't know why. I love the hair on his hands too
5. I love when he calls me cute it's .. idk fun?
6. I love it when he touches my lips
7. I love his handwriting.. idk it's all boylike
8. I love the way he smells.
9. I love the way he tells me everything.
10. I love his clothes.. it's like laid back and stuff.. skater like
11. I love the way he ties my shoe.
12. I love the way he holds my hand. I barely hold on and he always does.
13. I love when in the movies today he .. idk just the way he was sitting.. ^.^ lol
14. I love his eyes..
15. I love when he calls me back
16. I love how I know when he wants to say I love you and he's like I want to say something but I can't ya know what it is? and i'm just like yes.. lol.
17. I love the way today he was like so are you going to kiss me or not? lol
18. I love the way he stares at my lips or nose ^.^
19. I love his pants! woo!
20. I love the way everytime we go somewhere we constantly hold hands or touch.
21. I love, but sometimes it's scary, just the way he looks at me.
22. I love how he just is him.
23. I love how he talks about anything on the phone.. then he plays me a song
24. I love how he just let's me sing my song away.. without stopping me
25. I love how he really isn't afraid to do stuff in front of my mom, even though she hated it !
26. I love when I lay my head on his shoulder..
27. I love holding his hand. yea
28. I love when he puts his hand on my leg! haha! kinky!
29. I love his whole personality. just what he is like and what he does there's barely anything i don't like about him.. maybe like one thing i can think of right now.

yea... i'm done FOR NOW!

<3 lovlies emma

Warrenton.. is boring......

I know what i want to be but then last night my mom told me if i don't do something with computers then i'm wasting god given talent well you know what? i'm not as good with computers as she pretends i am i gave up on freakin flash! i want to be a listener like a psycologist.. but i don't want to have to like fix people i want them to fix themselves in front of me.. all's i want to do is listen to them tell me how they feel what they're like what they do.. i think teenagers just need someone to listen to them rather than trying to fix them and "help" them all the time.. i would also like to help them with like homework if they didn't want to talk one day or play games or just anything anything to help them

Okay people don't think I am prejudice after reading this.. I have nothing against black people.. definantly not mexicans or anything one of my best friends is mexican puerto rican lol... but we were at the pool yesterday and the pool was filled with black people it's not like I cared it's just a fact! But, we were over in one corner and these black kids were running and jumping in the pool.. two seperate lifeguards told them to stop running! They had to tell them like 9 times probably.. Then you look around and there is like 4 black couples making out! It's a family pool people! There's little children absolutely everywhere! It's rude NO PDA!!! haha Well, my mom taught in Charleston (like black people central) and all the black kids there were the ones that caused the most trouble.. They got into fights and all kinds of stuff.. They'd be singing in the middle of class and when they fight it's not like slow talking the go a mile a minute .. that's fine but not when my mom is teaching!! I'm glad Mom got away from there... But anyways how can some people not help but to be prejudice when this is the way they act?! If you don't want to be prejudiced then don't make yourself available for it.. Don't do totally uncalled for things when you aren't supposed to.. Oh yea and what happened to being called Caucasian on the state tests! I'm offended!

[If you REALLY LIKE SOMEONE right now AND MISS THEM and can't get them out of your head then re-post this within 1 mintute and whoever you are missing will surprise you..]

wooo doggies.. it's been like half a century since i've written in this thing.. well heres how my life goes

i am a stinkin failure.. no im jokin i just typed the first thing that came into my throbbing brain..

well im still in band i play tenor now and on february like 2nd mom bought me my own!! it's a conn and plays very nicely.. well mmm my grades are doin dandy friday was the last day of 3rd quarter dang time flies! well like sometime in may.. like the 24th is our graduation .. it's a big deal at this school i have to wear a dress and stuff and i'll kill myself before that day comes i promise.. not really.. im not too worried.. but i'm having a floor length dress and i WILL wear black and white converse under it i don't care what mom wants me to wear.. well the dress is black and white.. everyone is going tanning and getting manicures and their makeup and hair done and stuff and im like screw it who cares?? ill have danielle do my makeup and mom do my hair and i might go tanning considering im as white as white out.. so yea..

well let's seeee i might be moving next year again.. it'll suck so bad.. mom says she can't handle teaching at charleston anymore and stuff like that.. there's this job in warrenton (where all of my mom's relatives live) and it's teaching she says if she doesn't get that job then she's not teaching there's 3 jobs at SEMO.. i hope she gets those sooo bad.. i don't want to move.. i can't take that.. i (believe it or not) want to go to notre dame.. i want that freakin education.. it's like top notch and i have always dreamed of going there..

well like last tuesday the 14th we had semo science fair and i was the only one to go from my school.. which was okay since i got to go with the charleston kids.. well i met james naile.. i had graded his papers before and stuff, he has NICE handwriting.. but he's so nice and funny.. ethan browning.. or e bo..is so obnoxious and funny. hunter dugan.. or david dugan (his real name).. is really really nice and says some funny things.. ben rockett.. is just ben he's pretty nice and funny but is a little conceeded.. his mom died a year ago from breast cancer.. i feel bad for him.. i've known him a while though.. and there's madeline i can't remember her last name.. she's nice.. i hung out with her a lot.. there were like 17 of them or so but those are the ones i liked lol!! i'll put a picture of them on here.. well



top row goes:
nick, hunter, ben, james, ethan, and 4 other kids.. whatever there names are, lol
bottom row goes:
my mom, 2 black girls, some stuck up girl emily hill i think, madeline, lenzi oconnor, brandi ketchum, some weird girl, and sylvia roach..

that's the ctown kids!! lol


that's pretty much how my life is going. im pretty happy i have some good friends.. well im gonna get out of here

OMG.. (oh my goodness)(i go to catholic school now!)

My grades are failing me.. not really.. well i have a D in social studies.. i've never really been to dandy at social studies but never a D... I keep telling mom that this school is harder and she says "HA! you're an a-b student blah blah blah..." I keep telling her it's harder and she just says that I need to study now and i didn't need to at ste. gen. I said "Sounds like it's harder then isn't it if I now need to study and I didn't before??" I think she got it after that...

I really hate being rude to my mom.. It makes me feel hurt on the inside.. I know she hurts more than I do when I am rude though.. but I feel like sometimes it's the only way to get stuff through to her.. I wish there were other ways.. I wish her job wasn't so rough on her.. I wish her college stuff wasn't so hard on her.. I wish everything was different.. I wish we had more money sometimes.. so we could buy a house.. and a new car.. It's not like we have absolutely nothing like some families but life is tough sometimes.. it's hard to get out of bed a lot..

i was bored and i found this weird ass little question thingy...yeah fill it out if you wanna


What Would You Do If:



I said I liked u



I lived next door to u



I started smoking/ drinking



I stole something



I was hospitalized



I ran away from home



I got into a fight and u weren’t there





What Do You Think About My:



Personality



Eyes



Hair



Body (lets not answer this one PLEASE)





Would You:



Be my friend



Keep a secret if I told u one



Hold my hand



Take a bullet for me



Keep in touch



Try and solve my problems



Love me



Go out with me





Have You Ever:



Lied to make me feel better



Wanted to kiss me



Wanted to have sex with me (dont answer that!)



Kept something important from me



Thought I was unbearably annoying





And more:



Are we friends



When and how did we meet



Describe me in one word



What was your first impression



Do u still think that way about me now



What reminds you of me



If u could give me anything what would it be



How well do u know me



When is the last time u seen me



Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn’t



R u gonna put this on urs to see what I say about u



Have you ever liked me and do u still

There is this kid in my class that I like. He is so funny and nice to me. He isn't hot or anything weird. But, I like him so much and I don't know why. I'm afraid to ask him out because I like him so much I'm afraid he would say no and we wouldn't talk anymore.

What should I stinking do?!

I'm smart...sounds stuck up but I am... I'm on the math team, I got second in the school spelling bee, and I got 1st in the Science Fair... I just am... But recently I have been having trouble with all my classes, I just forget about the assignments and end doing a half ass job on them in band... I think well it's one assignment, I can bring it up with another one... but here I am with a D+ in language since midterm... I cried the whole hour.. I have never had a D I couldn't bring up to a B+ by the end of the quarter...... I can't go to my sister's 16 birthday party on friday and I am so depressed........ I hate not having good grades, it used to come so easy to me like last semester.... my teacher started grading me different all of a sudden.. I do the same thing on all his essays and he just now started giving me 10/20 on them.. I used to have a B in his class now i have a D this sucks

I love to shop, I could go shopping for toilet paper and have a ton of fun. I went to the mall yesterday and I got shoes(Adio), a hoodie, pants, and a new purse. I got smaller items as in like a book and junk but they don't matter. This is actually a pointless diary entry but I am bored so. yea.

 Beginning of the school year was fun until you get the swing of things and realize that it's for the next 175 days.
My classes are soooooo boring except Band (I play sax). My lip is the slightest bit swollen from biting my mouth piece to hard. Oopsies!Oh well. I guess.

 I hate having my mom as a teacher. Everyone expects you to either get answers on homework or get out of trouble. And it's nothing like that. ALL my teachers go hard on me, expecting me to do the best because who knows why. I hate teachers who pressure you into getting your homework done and getting A's. We want that just as much as you.

 I wish there was no such thing as celebritys. Everyone is always striving to be just like them, why not be yourself? That's the best thing to be in life.

Have you ever thought that you plainly just think way to much? I am constantly worrying about my future, I don't want to be anything less than my best. Everything that I used to be I hate. My life is constantly getting better but, what if it all stops and I go back to being like I was when I was little living in an apartment and Mom having 2 jobs? Mom won't do anything like get a cell phone or anything nowadays and she's constantly making me clean things that I didn't mess up. I'm always doing something and I don't have time to do anything like play games or anything I stay up alll night and read, it bores me to death the way she talks on and on to peolple and doesn't even give them a chance to talk! I wish I could go forward in time and see what I'm going to be. So I can stop worrying or try harder.