DROWNING
My whole world is just a mess
Out in the rain.
Only half dressed.
I look at the sky
You wont see me cry.
Because you will think its just the rain.
There is something about this pain.
It hurts, It screams.
But it wont change.
I hope your happier than you were with me
Someone should be happy,
Because it isnt me.
I cant see my life without you
It doesnt matter what i do
My life is gone. Within a shadow
I dont mean to shake and quiver.
I dont mean to give in to my fear
But you made my world just dissappear.
How could a single guy hurt me so bad?
See everyday it makes me sad.
But I will try and get over you.
I dont know how but its something I must do.
Its so hard to be strong.
To hold in the pain, Like nothing is wrong.
I dont want the pity people will give.
So i act like nothing has changed
But instead I've been hanged.
Your cutting off my airway.
Just by what you said.
It kills like a bullet to my head.
I always asked you to be open up.
You chose the moment when my spirits began to rise.
I would have rather heard a bunch of lies.
Im at rockbottom and i cant stand up
I try so hard but in truth I've givin up.
You might see me crawl and stand
But im really suffocating, searching for land.


I love this poem so much. It tis the best I have ever created. I write so much better when my life is fucking hell

        Empty
resting in a sweet coma
Close my eyes and release the pain
Let go of life for all the strain

Empty as a winters cold
my thougths will freeze as you hold
Empty as a darkened soul
I have thoughts you'll never know
I feel like im dying in your grasp
The flames inside are smoldering at last
I dont have the will to survive
Give me a reason to be revived

     Games
Sometimes I just start shaking
in and out, you see
Or is it really true?
That you dont see me?
I feel so alone.
No one to call
Just pick up the phone
Tell me that you wont go away
I need you.
Just tell me you'll stay.
But I can read your mind.
Your thoughts are frozen
No longer aligned.
You cant see me at all
You have withdrew me from your thrall.
Why can I see you,
But you cant see me?
What have I done?
Why is this a game?
A game where I lose and you have Won?

I am Getting so SICK and TIred of guys telling me they love me when they dont. I know that they dont loove me. They hardly know me. Eric tells me that He loves me. That he would Die for me. He's so full of it. I have known him for what? 3 years? The entire time of knowing him, He has never gotten to know me. Never! I used to kinda like him. But Now, I just think of him as a joke. When I liked him, i was invisable. Now that i look a bit better and everything, Now I am "beatuful..So sexy, I love you!" Ha!
Just because I have changed a bit he's all trying to get with me. no matter how sweet he is, He must know that i will never do what he wants. And believe me, I know what he wants. He wants Sex. And he's just not going to get that from me.
And lets see here, ANother guy who told me he loved me. John. John cant love me. I think he likes to argue so much that he has convinced himself he loves me. See, When i went to school with him, All me and Him would do is argue. He would insult me, I would insult him. But I meant what I said to him because I really dont like him. he gets on my nerves talking like he knows everyting and anyone who comes up to him with a different opinon just has to be wrong. Then We talk later and he tells me he loves me and everthing. Its not possible. I was a bitch to him! Literally! There is no way that he love me for me. If he loved me then we wouldnt argue and fight when ever we talk. Grr..
Guys are so fucking fake. For the last 2 weeks, Almost everyguy that i m either friends with or i know has been telling me Im either "sexy" , "Beautiful", or "hott"
And everytime they say it i think "LIAR!"
A part of me wants to hear it and believe it, But i think they just want to get laid. I mean. THats fun but i dont want to hear promises of things like that. I dont want to hear " Oh jessica! I will never leave you. I love you so much. You are so hott"
Guys who think that will work on me have another thing coming. All I think Is they are so full of shit and it goes in one ear and out the other.
Dont guys know that? How can they possibley think that will work? Do they really think we are all ignorant bimbos who think they actually love us?
Boy, Do they have another thing coming..

DOWN FALL
I dont wanna be who i am
I dont want to wait around for someone to love me.
You find the guy, you wanna spend the rest of your life with.
All is clear.
All your doubts and fears just disappear.
And when the one you love leaves,
You'll cry on the floor cause it just hurts to breathe.
When time flies by, you wont know why.
Everyday is pain, Nothing will be the same.
Because you left me alone.
(For another girl)
I know you can hear my song
(deep down)
Because all I see is you.
(I remember you and the things you did)
I know what i have to do, but my heart wont let me.
Dont tell me crying wont solve anything.
Because its things I already know.
But you walked away
Please Dont go.
I dont want to be in this world without you by my side.
But all day I Keep it inside.
No one knows of my pain.
How I lock the door And the world around me rains.
To you, I can say goodbye.
But in my heart Its a lie.