...Boredom awaits if I lower myself to thinking thoughts of the mindless lost souls that plague the earth like a disease..
No Matter what happens the fear of my mind haunts forever in the useless pool of memory. The cravings for support and freedom eat through me and swallows me whole. Theres no use trying to escape it. Time carries through like it will never end. For every person who dies, another person will live. And for every person who lives, another wishes not to. And While another wishes not to, Another Dies. THe Never Ending cycle of time. And all throughout the cycle, Time spreads. But never ends, For every Minute, a second passes by.
No One will ever wait, learn or understand why. It just is. We All who walk the earth must learn to deal with it. If not to deal, Then to forget it ever existed.
--Moon*Break, AKA- Jessica
Look in the fire
Tell me what you see
because I see the dark
and I feel the cold
No longer will do as told
I'll freeze the flame
with just one breath
I'll break your heart
with just one glance
Cause thats all you'll get from me
Doesnt matter what you feel
Nor what you see.
Because all of you
means nothing to me
Lost in the Darkness
Cant see a thing
Blinded by its Night
Grope for the Light
Stumble, Crawl and Stand
Desperate to feel the land
All Hope escapes me as you turn and walk away
Knowing, understanding That you'll no longer stay.
Fantasy land
Understand
This is me
Dont Bother
to even see
Because I drift into another zone
Release my senses
No energy to hone
I will fall from the sky
I wont try to spot your lies
Because I have No worries or doubts
Nothing to care about
Not what you say
Not what you Do
Not even a memory.
Who Are you?
Sitting Here
Im my Chair
Mind Wandering everywhere
Dont know whats on your mind
Lost translation is all I find
Your Words haunt my Dreams
Im Stuck
Destined to Freeze.
I stare out the window
All there is is cold
The snow
The tears
Broken down
Held by Fears
Frozen
Indepth
My Heart
Un-met
Melt Like Fire..
Laced With Hidden Desire.
Beating Like The Sun
Showing what's Begun
JimmyFetus: Hi
Eclipsely Pixie: Hi
Eclipsely Pixie: what up?
JimmyFetus: Pretty damn good.
JimmyFetus: How's by you?
Eclipsely Pixie: pretty damn crappy
JimmyFetus: Awe. How's that?
Eclipsely Pixie: I have been dizy all day. and everyone is either pissing me off or making me feel like crap
JimmyFetus: Eh... I've done either of those this quickly?
JimmyFetus: I'm sorry...
Eclipsely Pixie: no not you
JimmyFetus: Well, I'm part of everyone. Sorry... x_x
Eclipsely Pixie: You havent made me pissed or upset
JimmyFetus: I'm lethargic.
JimmyFetus: I hope I don't.
Eclipsely Pixie: I was meaning everyone around me like in person
JimmyFetus: Oh. Well why are they pissing ou off?
JimmyFetus: *you
Eclipsely Pixie: I dont know
Eclipsely Pixie: cause they can
Eclipsely Pixie: dunno if they are emaning to
Eclipsely Pixie: *meaning
JimmyFetus: Awe, well..
JimmyFetus: .Maybe tomorrow will be a better day.
Eclipsely Pixie: Hope so
Eclipsely Pixie: I thinkI have a date but I really dont want to go on it
JimmyFetus: Then don't.
JimmyFetus: Stay home and relax.
Eclipsely Pixie: I already said I would
JimmyFetus: You still can not go.
JimmyFetus: Just explain it to them. If they really like you enough to go on a date, they should understand.
Eclipsely Pixie: Yea I guess
Eclipsely Pixie: Maybe Tommorrow I will decide I want to...but tonight, I just want to sleep mylife away
JimmyFetus: I mean, why make yourself be in a situation that you don't want to be in?
JimmyFetus: Yeah...
JimmyFetus: I've been there.
Eclipsely Pixie: so U know how I feel'
JimmyFetus: Yeah.
JimmyFetus: Wanting to sleep away life.
Eclipsely Pixie: yea
JimmyFetus: Instead of deailng with idiots and jerks.
Eclipsely Pixie: Blah..THats my life right now
Eclipsely Pixie: yea. I have 10 guys wanting to get with me
JimmyFetus: Woah...
JimmyFetus: 'Cause your'e such a sexy beast.
Eclipsely Pixie: and Most of them are telling me Im Beautiful
Eclipsely Pixie: and All THe while I m thinking"damn your such a fucking liar"
JimmyFetus: That's never good to think...
JimmyFetus: You're beautiful.
JimmyFetus: Eh.
Eclipsely Pixie: Eh?
JimmyFetus: Of course, being an artist, I see beauty in most things.
JimmyFetus: So my opinion is clouded.
JimmyFetus: What really matters, though, is what you think of yourself.
Eclipsely Pixie: Well, I dont thinkIm beautiful at all. I dont thinkIm incredibly ugly but I dont thinkIm Beautiful
JimmyFetus: That's good.
JimmyFetus: Humble but not self-degrading
Eclipsely Pixie: all the while all the guys are teling me I am
JimmyFetus: Well, just accept what they think and not worry about it.
Eclipsely Pixie: its so frusterating
JimmyFetus: People are entitled to their opinions without being considered liars.
Eclipsely Pixie: I knwo
JimmyFetus: Maybe they are lying just to get somewhere with you, maybe not.
Eclipsely Pixie: But I jsut dont really know what to say
JimmyFetus: But it's kind of wrong to think they are right off.
JimmyFetus: Thank them.
Eclipsely Pixie: and i dont thinkI can handle being with someone
Eclipsely Pixie: Im still broken
Eclipsely Pixie: and it hurts
JimmyFetus: Then let them know.
JimmyFetus: Ask them to step off for a bit.
JimmyFetus: You'll still be there.
JimmyFetus: They will too.
JimmyFetus: Not like you'll all die before they can date with you.
Eclipsely Pixie: Yea..
Eclipsely Pixie: thanks for listening to me jabber
JimmyFetus: No problem.
JimmyFetus: I like listening to friends.
JimmyFetus: I put people through having to listen to me, why not return the favor?
Eclipsely Pixie: so you consider me your friend?
JimmyFetus: Oh yeah.
Eclipsely Pixie: thank you
JimmyFetus: You're more of a friend than I have in physical form.
Eclipsely Pixie: I am?
JimmyFetus: Bah. Sadly yes.
Eclipsely Pixie: Hoaw so?
JimmyFetus: My life is breaking down.
Eclipsely Pixie: I mean...Why? Why am im more than a friend than the ones in real life. ANd why is your like Breaking DOwn?
JimmyFetus: You're more of a friend because I actually talk to you. You're nice to me, you don't hate me, and I think you're a good person.
JimmyFetus: My life is breaking down..
JimmyFetus: I do'nt know why.
JimmyFetus: It just is.
JimmyFetus: Everything's..
JimmyFetus: Like I'm in quicksand.
JimmyFetus: It's just...sort of slow quicksand.
Eclipsely Pixie: I Feel You
Eclipsely Pixie: I understand
JimmyFetus: Thanks.
Eclipsely Pixie: Technically i feel like giving up. Going to bed and pulling up the covers
Eclipsely Pixie: and never returning to the workd
JimmyFetus: Yeah. I felt like that all summer.
Eclipsely Pixie: *world
JimmyFetus: I'm just starting to figure out that...I have too much life left.
JimmyFetus: I'll live what I can of it.
JimmyFetus: So I've been working on improving my philosophy and psychological understanding.
JimmyFetus: Yeah, big words, eh?
Eclipsely Pixie: MmmmmI guess
Eclipsely Pixie: Im sorry
Eclipsely Pixie: about your life breaking down
Eclipsely Pixie: Today, Everyone was asking me what awas wrong.
Eclipsely Pixie: and do you know what?
JimmyFetus: What'd you say?
Eclipsely Pixie: My ex FIance Changed me. I Open my mouth but no words come out
Eclipsely Pixie: I told them nothing was wrong
Eclipsely Pixie: I just feel like pushing everyone away
Eclipsely Pixie: But I want them to listen to me. I want to tell them I need to tell them somaybe I will feel better. but I cant
JimmyFetus: Well..
JimmyFetus: If you ever want to talk..
JimmyFetus: I'm here.
Eclipsely Pixie: Its like tears are welling up in my heart and mind
Eclipsely Pixie: but not in my eyes
Eclipsely Pixie: I know
Eclipsely Pixie: thank you
JimmyFetus: I know. Like your heart's being torn apart.
Eclipsely Pixie: Yes
Eclipsely Pixie: Completly
Eclipsely Pixie: and Part of me doesnt even know why
JimmyFetus: Yeah.
JimmyFetus: Same here.
JimmyFetus: I kept wondering why... I mean, part of me thinks that it's my fault I got that way, the other blames everyone else.
JimmyFetus: It's hard to figure out what's right.
Eclipsely Pixie: Iknwo
Eclipsely Pixie: *know
Eclipsely Pixie: I blame KRis
Eclipsely Pixie: I was very outspoken
Eclipsely Pixie: he wasnt and I think he rubbed off on me
Eclipsely Pixie: He changed me
Eclipsely Pixie: and not for the better
JimmyFetus: Awe... But...everyone changes you.
JimmyFetus: Everything does.
Eclipsely Pixie: I know
JimmyFetus: Experience.
JimmyFetus: If you didn't change, don't you think you'd only be run into the ground?
Eclipsely Pixie: just talking about him makes my stomach flutter and tear apeart
JimmyFetus: Mhhm.
JimmyFetus: It'll work in the end, though.
Eclipsely Pixie: I gues
Eclipsely Pixie: I hope
JimmyFetus: It's good to hope.
JimmyFetus: Just don't put too much hope into it. Unless you're really patient.
JimmyFetus: It may take time. In fact, it probably will.
Eclipsely Pixie: Im not patient at all
Eclipsely Pixie: Patience is a Virtue.. That I dont Possess
DONT Judge me by the way I dress.
Cause Im really Not A bitch.
Just because I try to be Well Groom is not a SIn
Try it. Lets Begin
I cant Believe she thinks im a bitch by how i dress! How fucking Lame is that!?!
My friendss think that she;s just jealous cause everytime she see's me I jsut got off of work at the revenue office and I have to look spiffy. I admit. I dont try/want to look grungy. and even if she didnt see me jsut getting off of work that doesnt mean that Im going to look nasty. Being Well groomed is a goo thing. Maybe she should tryi ti some time.ok. yes, Im skinniwer than her. From what I know more Guys like me. But maybe if she tried a lil bit harder in self appearence guys would be drooling over her!
DONT JUDGE ME UNLESS YOU KNOW ME!
Once you get know know me,. You can judge me as much as you want. But until that time, lay off of me and treat me like you do everyone else you dont know!
she treats everyone else that she just met all nice and decent but toward me? Damn. I get a hateful look and a smart ass voice. I try to be Nice to every one I dont know! But she is making it a lil bit hard for me. She jumped down my throat for something. Do you know how hard it was to bit my tongue and just look away? Pretty damn hard considering I have been known as a smart ass for a couple years. and I speak what I think. Grrr....
Me'sa so Damn Pissed
Im All Alone on a Saturday
Waiting for you to come my way
But I wait for you most of the Day
I Give Up Now
No longer will I hear your lame damn excuse
And I need to be cut loose.
See ya later
I wont look for you
See ya Later
I wont Wait for you
Im doing this from memory so it doesnt make sense
just this yet....I wrote it!!!!!!!
Summers Kite.
Im night
that unleashes a wolfs feverish bite
You see Im different
Im Not like you
I can never be completly untrue
Im lured to the moon that rests apon the lake
Though it shimmers and shines it will never truely take to the finest light
for upon it, it might break*
7,6,5,4,
3
This is what you do
To Me
Never at a lost for time
always circiling in my mind
Never have time to myself
because your always near
In my mind and in my soul
I stand apart\
through young and old
thoughts and words
dont make sense
It may seem as if im dense
Of course to some degree
But guess what?
That isnt me
No.. I like it
Im just surprised
REALLY surprised
Being the fact that Luv isnt the same as LOVE
and you said that you LOVE me. Not LUV
so..Yea... I have strong feelings for you
But I havent been able to straighten much out..One of the reasons I got pissed at work is that everyone kept peeps coming to me so I can help them and my mind was occupied with you and what you told me. I mean, I know that waiting on peeps is my job but there was a line of peeps waiting for me to help them. i can only help one person at a time and my mind jkept wondering back to you..
It was stressful
Plus Whenever I was thinking about you i still cant sort anything else. I know that i dont love you as much as Kris
I just want myself to forget about him! Because he is such an asshole!!!!!!
But Either way, he makes me cry. Inside and out. He makes me cry because i hate him and love him at the same time and its so fucking stressful and then theres my feelings for you. I Really, really like you. So much that im wearing an aries around my neck..
So, give me a comment about that. and I will finish my conclusion, ok?
Wish
go away and leave me on my own
so you can feel better
and I will feel lost and alone
Its just what you want
so you got your wish
dont waste your last two
Because its all about you
You lost me in your mind
forget it
Im out of time
I will never understand
so just tell me
Dont waste your last two
Do what you want to Do
Suffer in confusion?
Already Done
Look at me.
Are you Having Fun?
Only One more wish
Please make it good
PLease set me free
I wish that you would
What do you wish of me?
What can i do?
Is it all the pain you've caused
Undo?
Im afraid I was wrong
I cant be strong
so you tear down my walls
watch me, lurking in the halls..
Your WIsh!!! is My Command!!!
Your Want!!!! it Demands!!!
Your third and final
Finishes me
Turns me
Senial
You Leave me here
always to remember
Never to forget
A part of my that you Kept!
Dont Tell Me you Love Me
Cause Lieing Wont get you Anywhere
Not With Me
so forget it
And Leave Me Be
I wont Listen to what you say
Not Now
Not ever
Just go Away Forever!
Okay, i have been working on this for a while. I keep getting distracted... One day I shall finish it
.... I hope ..
At MoonBreak,
I'll Make Your Heart Ache
okay. Im going to tell you. What Happened. EWveryone seems towant to know. and Its starting to become a hassle writing it down so much. Plus it makes me relive it someho. It brings me down a couple notches because i still love him. I feel that me and him are still meant to be. Its fading...Slowl
But ya wanna know who fucked me up? You wanna Know who waas the one guy I loved/Love? The One guy that can rip my life apart like no other guy has done? Oh. And the Guy who all those poems/songs are about..HIM..Hi
He changed. When he propsed to me he asked me to wait for him because he was leaving to North dakota for a while. But Iwas going to come up there or he was going to come back. I waited for 3-4 months and then he told me he was coming back down and he couldnt wait to see me. that he had a surprise for me and it turned out he was the surprise. Then a week after he told me that I told him the truth. That I was afraid to love him to his face. I told him everythng that i hafd been hiding. That Night was the first time i went on webcam with him since he was outh there. and then next night.. He broke up with me. He told me that he met someone else...and that she told him to tell me that night. so he did. The relationship obviously didnt work out but ...yea..I still love him. I asked him why did I go on webcam if he was going to break up with me. ADn he told me" a last time thing"
ok. Last night I was told "you however...draw the line between hot and...seraphic
Do you know how much that made me smile?!?!?!
Even if he was making it up(not sure if he was) but dang!!!!!!!! I could used to talking to him!!!!!
He's so sweet.. And have NO Idea why!
Last night if you looked in on me, you would see my face red as an apple! or a cherry!
But Iw as smiling and laughing so beasically last night was definatly great. I got new shoes(pink and black sketchers), saw the movie I, Robot-Kickin Tush movie!) got chinese_Yummzz
Feel the water
Wash over me
Sinkin in the bliss
Forget everything
i wont be that missed
So as I sink
I slowly think
Goodbye to life
Goodbye to strife
Dancing On the Edge
of a cliff
Saying goodbye to all
I've wished
This Is Goodbye
Please Dont Cry
Because You shouldnt care anymore
Because I dont care anymore..
No One Cares Anymore
You wont miss me!
So I wont say bye
And You wont cry
This has never happened
Life is .......
Over!
IM MAKING A DREAM DIARY ON THE INTERNET..
I HAVE ONE IN MY ROOM AND SINCE IM NOT IN MY ROOM AND I WONT BE THERE UNTIL THE 26TH..AT NIGHT, IM MAKING ONE NOW..
(I HAVE BEEN KEEPING ONE SINCE I WAS LIL, I KN OW IM A DORK, SHUT UP!
jULY 19tH---
lAST nIGHT i HAD A DREAM THAT i WAS bIT bY A vAMPIRE AND i WAS FOREVER sEARCHING FOR THE LEAD SINGER FROM oRgY TO TURN HIM INTO A VAMPIRE AND FUCK HIM..
wEIRD ASS DREAM OR WHAT??
jULY 20tH--
soMEtHING TO DO WITH aNGEL..aND aLSO MY PROM.. nICK WAS THE bUS dRIVER(i TOOK a sCHOOL bUS TO mY pROM! AND i WAS DRESSED IN NORMAL CLOTHES! nOT a dRESS!) i MADE nICK cRASH thE bUS BECAUSE MY pURSE WAS oN A sUITCASE ROlLING UP TO MY hIGHSCHOOL. tHEN i dITCHED niCK. nICK WASNT My DATE.. i dONT THINK i HAD a DATE... pLUS i NEEDED MY pURSE tO gET IN THE pROM BECAUSE iT HAD MY dRIVERS LISCESCE nUMBER IN IT..(fOR SOME REASON i NeEDED MY DRIVERS LISCENSE NUMBER TO GET INTO PROm, dONT ASK, i dONT kNOW)
jULY 21sT
mY DREAM LAST nIGHT WAS sOOOoo WEIRD!
vERY mUCh!! i HAD thAT tHE mUSIC vIDEO "SATISFACTION" hAD a bUNCH oF gUYS mAKING eRMM...fUCK THIS.. iM nOT sAYNG THAT SHIT hERE! iWILL sAYI IT IN MY dREAM dIARY aT mY HOUSE.. iT WAS A bIT tOO fUnKY fOR mE tO sTATE iT oN hERE...
i wILL SAY tHAT tHERE wERE lOTS OF gUYS iN IT anD thEY ALL WAnTED mE to DO something.. if yA CATCH ME dRIFT.. it wAS THe wEIDEST dREAMi hAVE hAD iN a lONG tiME..oH! anD tHEY WANTED ME TO LOOK AT tHEIR dICKS!
bTU i DONT tHINKi DID...wELL, i sAWaN x-rAY oF oNE.. oR tWO..BUT THATS aLL iM sAYING..
i thINK iTS SAFE TO sAY tHAT i MISS sEX..OOPS! i WAS wRONG...iTS thE tIME Of THE mONTH! tHAT tiS wHY!
july23-\I dreamed the cloudmonkey, aka-storm was hugely pissed at me for suggesting he go to the mall and smell curve or coolwater so he wrote me this hateful letter explaining to me how he was only allowed one trip to anywhere and he was using it on me and i had to he happy. and all the while i was reading the letter, I could see his face twisting with anger...
It was odd to say the least. Oh and he was scary when angry-at least in my dream)