Dear [Moonlit Serenade]:
I don't really know how to tell you this, but I'll join the monastery. I think I realized it When I saw the shrunken head With Paris Hilton, and I saw you Drive out My John F. Kennedy-statue
Go and drown yourself,
Rachel
Dear (the last person who left a comment on your journal):
I don't really know how to tell you this, but ___1___ I think I realized it ___2___ ___3___ and I saw you ___4___ ___5___. I'm sure you're ___6___ enough to understand ___7___. I'm returning ___8___ to you, but I'll keep ___9___ as a memory. You should also know that I ___10___ ___11___ .
___12___,
-Your name-
1. What's the color of your shirt?
Blue - Our romance is over
Red - Our affair is over
White - I'll join the monastery
Black - I dislike you
Green - Our horoscope doesn't match
Grey - You're a pervert
Yellow - I'm selling myself
Pink - Your nostrils are insulting
Brown - The mafia wants you
No shirt - You're a loser
Other - I'm in love with your sister
2. Which is your birth month?
January - That night
February - Last year
March - When your dwarf bit me
April - When I tripped on sesame seeds
May - First of May
June - When you put cuffs on me
July - When I threw up
August - When I saw the shrunken head
September - When we skinny dipped
October - When I quoted Santa
November - When your dog ran amok
December - When I changed tennis shoes
3. Which food do you prefer?
Tacos - In your apartment
Pizza - In your camping car
Pasta - Outside of Chicago
Hamburgers - Under the bus
Salad - As you ate enchilada
Chicken - In your closet
Kabob - With Paris Hilton
Fish - In women's clothing
Sandwiches - At the Hare Krishna graduation
Lasagna - At the mental hospital
Hot dog - Under a state of trance
None of the above - With George Bush and his wife
4. What's the color of your socks?
Yellow - Hit on
Red - Insult
Black - Ignore
Blue - Knock out
Purple - Pour syrup on
White - Carve your initials into
Grey - Pull the clothes off
Brown - Put leeches on
Orange - Castrate
Pink - Pull the toupee off
Barefoot - Sit on
Other - Drive out
5. What's the color of your underwear?
Black - My best friend
White - My father
Grey - Bill Clinton
Brown - My fart balloon
Purple - My mustard soufflé
Red - Donald Duck
Blue - My avocado plant
Yellow - My penpal in Ghana
Orange - My Kid Rock-collectio
Pink - Manchester United's goalkeeper
None - My John F. Kennedy-statue
Other - The crazy monk
6. What do you prefer to watch on TV?
Scrubs - Man
O.C. - Emotional
One Tree Hill - Open
Heroes - Frostbitten
Lost - High
House - Scarred
Simpsons - Cowardly
The news - Mongolic
Idol - Masochistic
Family Guy - Senile
Top Model - Middle-class
None of the above - Ashamed
7. Your mood right now?
Happy - How awful I've felt
Sad - How boring you are
Bored - That Santa doesn't exist
Angry - That your pimples are at the last stage
Depressed - That we're cousins
Excited - That there is no solution to this.
Nervous - The middle-east
Worried - That your Honda sucks
Apathetic - That I did a sex-change
Ashamed - That I'm allergic to your hamster
Cuddly - That I get turned on by garbage men
Overjoyous - That I'm open
Other - That Extreme Home Makeover sucks
8. What's the color of your walls in your bedroom?
White - Your ring
Yellow - Your love letters
Red - Your Darth Vader-poster
Black - Your tame stone
Blue - The couch cushions
Green - The pictures from LA
Orange - Your false teeth
Brown - Your contact book
Grey - Our matching snoopy-bibs
Purple - Your old lottery coupons
Pink - The cut toenails
Other - Your memories from the military service
9. The first letter of your first name?
A/B - Your photo
C/D - The oil stocks
E/F - Your neighbour Martin
G/H - My virginity
I/J - The results of your blood-sample
K/L - Your left ear
M/N - Your suicide note
O/P - My common sense
Q/R - Your mom
S/T - Your collection of butterflies
U/V - Your criminal record
W/X - David's tricot outfits
Y/Z - Your grades from college
10. The last letter in your last name?
A/B - Always will remember
C/D - Never will forget
E/F - Always wanted to break
G/H - Never openly mocked
I/J - Always have felt dirty before
K/L - Will tell the authorities about
M/N - Told in my confession today about
O/P - Was interviewed by the Times about
Q/R - Told my psychiatrist about
S/T - Get sick when I think of
U/V - Always will try to forget
W/X - Am better off without
Y/Z - Never liked
11. What do you prefer to drink?
Water- Our friendship
Beer - Senility
Soft drink - A new life as a clone
Soda - The incarnation as an eskimo
Milk - The apartment building
Wine - Cocaine abuse
Cider - A passionate interest for mice
Juice - Oprah Winfrey imitations
Mineral water - Embarrassing rash
Hot chocolate - Eggplant-fetis
Whisky - To ruin the second world war
Other - To hate the Boston Celtics
12. To which country would you prefer to go on a vacation?
Thailand - Warm regards
USA - Best regards
England - Good luck on your short-term leave from jail
Spain - Go and drown yourself
China - Disgusting regards
Germany - With ease
Japan - Go burn
Greece - Your everlasting enemy
Australia - Greetings to your frog Leonard
Egypt - Fuck off now
France - In pain
Other - Greetings to your freaky family
"Laundry day, crotch-crusher pants. I feel like I'm being jerked off by an old, arthrytic lady whenever I climb stairs."
A girl and her sister...
If I ever see him touch you like that, I'll break his balls.
Sometimes, I try and help complete strangers... and I am so gratified. Thank you, person I will never know.
"You have no idea how much you have just re-assured me, and made me feel strong, and made feel like I'm not alone."
He is so, so serious as he watches her. She can't see it on his face, he looks relaxed if you weren't used to the tension, but in his eyes. Focused as he says, "I should have been your brother."
She stares up at him. "Then you wouldn't be able to kiss me." It's a statement, but it's actually a question. You wouldn't, right?
"I know," he answers. "In fact, I'd probably find you kind of icky. But I'd take care of you, because you'd be my baby sister."
And she covers her face and cries so hard that he becomes frantic, thinking he's said something wrong - when really it's just that she wants it so badly.
I wish that I were somehow strong enough to look you in the eyes and tell you everything he did to me. I want to be that girl. My life has been a ruin built on secrecy. I was the girl who would have sat on trial, if ever it had gotton so far, and lied. All I ever did was lie to protect people who won't even tell the truth to protect me. I wish I were strong enough to say the words. I wish I could convey the horror. I wish I could pretend that I felt like it was okay to feel this way, four and a half years later. I wish that there was an adult in my life, a family member, someone, who I would not feel guilty for telling. I feel absurd that the need to protect my family is so deeply ingrained in my mind that I try to justify him, vauge, offhand. "My brother and I fell out years ago. He started it, but I guess I never forgave him."
And they talk about forgiveness and sin and God and Christ, and I want to ask them, when is the last time they were ever sinned agianst like this? Had they ever been ruined? Where is the fairness that I am here, watching the sun rise through the window of my boyfriend's grandparents house, and I have not slept all night. Instead, I've been crying, because I am ashamed, because I feel ruined, because I feel like they are real people, normal people, untouched people like I never will be and will never have the right to me. Because of him. Because of him, and then, because of him, because of me. Who are all of them, to preach to me forgiveness. "What about Rape?" I ask, innocently. "Or murder. Is all that forgivable." And they say yes, and I want to laugh. Instead I smile politely. Either you have no idea what it's like, or you are a better person than I.
I want to validate myself. I just don't know if I'll ever be able to. If I'll ever feel like I belong...
Twisted Ballerina
by Jayne Sachs)
Little girl
Little twisted ballerina
Little steps
Little twisted ballerina pirouettes
across the floor
to the window where her
daddy watches from the corner of his eye
and her uncle watches her thighs
Little girl
Little twisted ballerina
Dance
Well her mom's at work down at the hospital today
and her daddy decides to cash his paycheck today
and her uncle says "Sure, I'll watch your ballerina... dance."
Well she's heard those words before
She's seen that look before
She's smelled his breath before
She's felt his weight on her before
This ballerina
And when her daddy leaves
and when they're alone he's says
"I just bought a ticket to your show."
Little girl
Little twisted ballerina
Dance
dance
Got to dance got to dance got to dance got to dance got to dance got to dance
Dance
And she dances out the bedroom
And she dances down the hall
And she dances down the steps
And out the front door
And she goes up to the clouds
that's where she find her stage
And she does the dance that's twice her age
How did he get here?
Who let him in up here?
Who let him in down there?
I was dancing here
I was dancing here
Little girl
Little twisted ballerina
Little steps
Little twisted ballerina pirouettes
Little twisted ballerina pirouettes
She feels the lapse in favor acutely, left alone in her bedroom as her father and her brother ride the two motorcycles next to eachother...
In a complete and shocking lapse of judgement on my part, I reached for a soda, and ended up spraying myself in the face with shaving cream...
Hah.....
Ten Top Trivia Tips about Rachel!
Over 46,000 pieces of Rachel float on every square mile of ocean!
There are roughly 10,000 man-made objects the size of Rachel orbiting the Earth.
There are more than two hundred different kinds of Rachel!
The word 'samba' means 'to rub Rachel'.
The only Englishman to become Rachel was Nicholas Breakspear, who was Rachel from 1154 to 1159.
Peanuts and Rachel are beans.
Native Americans never actually ate Rachel; killing such a timid prey was thought to indicate laziness!
There are 336 dimples on Rachel.
While performing her duties as queen, Cleopatra sometimes dressed up as Rachel.
Women shoplift four times more frequently than Rachel.
Dear Jerk-off who stole my purse,
I understand that you may be a meth addict, or someone with some other fixation which requires hefty sums to keep you feeling alive. This is the only reason I can see that you would steal my purse while I was still in the same room, and people were probably looking right at you. And for this, I hope my ninty dollars serve you well. I'm sure you'll use it for better things than I would have, like, for instance, my phone bill. And thank you for leaving my purse in a trash can somewhere for a janitor to find so he could return it to me - it would have been a shame to lose a beat up purse like that once you ravaged it of most of it's worth. I see that you did not take the grape flavored condom. I'm sorry if grape is not your flavor. Try next week, it'll be banana.
Oh, yeah. And fuck you.
Sincerely yours,
Rachel