... my confession

because i'm diluted
&
perfectly flawed

i shall
live by passion
&
not by law

and i'm
insecure ...
i need aggression

to
feed the spiders
of perception

and i'm
supposed to be strong
& have
all the answers

a
cannibal
in the
new church of cancer

but i'm
nothing special
i'm not unique

i have
many secrets
& i
eat the weak

and i'm
at an end

i'm at an end .....

and there's ...
NO WAY OUT!!

[chorus]

i need to find my sanctuary
..... someplace safe
gotta get this outta me
..... this is my escape

II.
and i
think about it
all the time

i'm
volatile
&
afraid to cry

but i'm
still not comfortable
in my skin

and the
anesthetics slowly
wearing thin

& i
need to talk to
someone new

i need a different
latitude

& i'm
in this void

all alone!
feeling needy

... hungry to grow

but i'm
suffocating
-- can't come down

and .... no ....
THERE'S NO WAY OUT!!!

[chorus]

i need to find my sanctuary
.... someplace safe
gotta get this outta me!
.... THIS IS MY ESCAPE!!!

--- all i see is sadness
all i see is sadness ....
what's left?

-- this will teach them.
this will teach them,

......you've got to......
push.
Push.
PUSH....
YOUR WAY OUT!!!

FOLLOW ME!
FOLLOW ME!
THIS IS YOUR WAY OUT!!

........you are not alone

- this is where i hide my power
- this is where i become free
- this is where i take control
- and slowly choke your fantasies

- i want to know my day is coming
- see my enemies be punished
- shed my skin again
- this will be my best revenge!!

SHED MY SKIN AGAIN
THIS WILL BE MY BEST REVENGE!

I remember
suffering

I remember
... feeling the sting

of childhood
& injections

holy bruises
sweet infections

soaked
in
a
stew
like drowning
cockroaches

whose only ..
crime

was the
greed of
inherent
hunger

you know where
I'm fragile

you know how
to kill

........kill

all fall away
all fall today

PAIN!!
pain.

i can't keep
this rage in me

can't keep
pretending

can't be
this empty

...anymore

i can
make
it go away

... make it go away

okay a proper entry. Haven't written something here in ages. Okay...well..
I decided to take the SATs. I confirmed my decision yesterday and now i've got a month more to study my ass off. I'm going to study hard, I really want to do well. If i don't do well, then i don't get to go to Dublin and spend three weeks there. So...i think it's time to be nocturnal again, like i ever stopped anyway. Ever since the Junior Cert. (O Levels, like GCSEs) which i finished on the 14th of June 2003, i've been staying up until 3am and waking up at 6am. yes, three hours sleep. I've also got a crap job. I babysit kids, their mother wants me to act like a mother. I'M ONLY 15 GODDAMNIT!!! lol...whoever out there is arsed enough to read this...any advice? :P

"Oh My Golly!" (Surfer Rosa)

Entro las Pinones y la ola es pequena,
Oh my Golly!

Vamos para la luna caribe,
Oh my golly!
Besando chichando con surfer rosa,
Oh my golly!,
Se fue su madera
Oh my golly!

Rosa oh oh oh Rosa,

Yo soy playero pero no hay playa,
Oh my golly!
Bien perdida la surfer rosa,
Oh my golly!

La vida total es un porqueria porqueria,
Oh my golly!
Esto no es mas, que vida!
Oh my golly!
Rosa oh oh oh Rosa

[TRANSLATION]

I enter Pinones and the wave is small,
Oh my golly!

Let's go to the caribbean moon,
Oh my golly!
Kissing and fucking with surfer rosa,
Oh my golly!
His wood is gone,

Oh my golly!
Rosa oh oh oh Rosa
I'm a beach goer but there's no beach,
Oh my golly!
Very lost the surfer rosa,
Oh my golly!

Total life is shitty shitty.
Oh my golly!
This ain't more,what a life!
Oh my golly!
Rosa oh oh oh Rosa

1. When asked, on the Arsenio Hall show, about smoking a pipe in 'Forever Young' (I find this very ironic!) he said:
-"They put this stuff in there [the pipe] and, you know, to be totally honest with you, it really tasted gross. And I don't think I'm ever going to be picking up a habit like that."

2.  When asked about what he didn't like about acting (this is from the time of Flipper) he said:
-"Horrible! In Flipper I like this girl, played by Jessica Wesson. There was a kissing scene in the movie, that didn't make it after all. I hated it. It was really embarassing. I hope they don't have any more scenes like that for me in reserve, because I'm much to shy for that."
 
3. What qualities in a person do you most admire?
-"I like honesty, and people that are real, who don't buy into all the bad stuff [like drugs], but who are really themselves. Its sad because a lot of kids these days feel that they have to be a certain way in order to be popular. I think being different, being against the grain of society, is the greatest thing in the world."

4. Are you an outcast in real life? (this was asked when he was 18)
-After a long Pause "I don't feel at ease when I'm around people my age. Most of the time I can get along with adults a lot better. It figures, because I've been working with adults ever since I was 8 years old. I'm interested in other things than people of my age. If I went to High-School, just like Casey [in 'The Faculty']--I always got tutored on the set--I'd probobly be a loner as well. Or maybe I would have chosen for that. A voluntary outcast."

5. Which character in South Park would you like to be most?
-"Cartmen, Eric Cartmen Rules!"

6. What's the worst movie of all time?
-"Godzilla, Godzilla sucks in every way!"

7. Do you believe in true love?
-"Of course I do! I wouldn't be a hopless romantic if I didn't. I'm a sucker for romantic films. I cry like a child! For people who are hopeless romantics, 'Love Jones' is a wonderful film. Of course, so is 'When Harry met Sally', everyone sheds a tear."

8. What's your worst habit?
-"I bite my fingernails. When you smoke and bite your fingernails at the same time, you know you've got issues."

9. What animal would describe your personality and why?
-"A monkey-I'm pretty active and I like to climb things and I was always called monkey as a kid. I liked to climb in the cupboards. I like hugging.

What's true whats not!

Recently asked Q's
-Elijah is not married
-He does not have any kids
-He did not grab a camera out of a guys hand for taking pictures of him
-He does have a girlfriend (franka Potente)
-He did not ask her to be his wife
-He is thinking about being Peter Pan in an upcoming movie
-Elijah does chat at the Doorstep

Asked in e-mails

Elijah was not taken over by aliens, he is not gay, he did not have relations with Sean Astin, he does love music, his mother never abused him, his mother never disowned him, he is not a drunk, he does smoke, he done not do drungd, he is not deathly afraid of airplane, large monkeys, or the ninja tutles.

He did not get sugery to enhance his butt, he did not read LOTR before he made the movies, he did go to the auditions dressed as a Hobbit, yes he has had sex, he was on The Ozbourne Show(cleaning up dog pee), and he and another cast member did pee on a fountain (landmark) in New Zealand.

Tidbits about Elijah!



Activities:
- Sings
-Fences (as a alternative form of excercise!)
- Rollerblades
-Swims
-Loves to read classics
-Thinks if he didn't become an actor, he would have became a Gourmet Chef 
-Collects 'Star Wars' memorabilia

Nicknames:
- Monkey (for being so active as a child)
- Lij

Tidbits:
-Wears contacts
-Likes to date girls who are "Real and Honest"
-Admires Tom Hanks and George Lucas
-Admits to talking in "A funny voice a lot"
-Fan of Batman
-Favorite Bands-Smashing Pumpkins and the Beatles (I heard he likes the Beatles more!)
-Favorite song 'Never Let me Down'
-Least Favorite Music- Country

And he says its pronounced 'Elidjah' ??? I can't say that without thinking it is wrong!!

REM
Out of Time (1991)
Losing My Religion

Life is bigger
It's bigger than you
And you are not me
The lengths that I will go to
The distance in your eyes
Oh no I've said too much
I set it up

That's me in the corner
That's me in the spotlight
Losing my religion
Trying to keep up with you
And I don't know if I can do it
Oh no I've said too much
I haven't said enough
I thought that I heard you laughing
I thought that I heard you sing
I think I thought I saw you try

Every whisper
Of every waking hour I'm
Choosing my confessions
Trying to keep an eye on you
Like a hurt lost and blinded fool
Oh no I've said too much
I set it up

Consider this
The hint of the century
Consider this
The slip that brought me
To my knees failed
What if all these fantasies
Come flailing around
Now I've said too much
I thought that I heard you laughing
I thought that I heard you sing
I think I thought I saw you try

But that was just a dream
That was just a dream

This lifeless heart --
Your love gave life to this lifeless heart.
Then that very love of yours laid waste to it.


From this battered heart arises a heavy sigh:
I am punished for loving you; what sin did I commit to deserve this?
In my love for you, I was utterly destroyed.

Love is so strange: a few moments of happiness,
then a treasure trove of sorrow and loneliness.
Sometimes tears, sometimes sighs, sometimes reproaches, sometimes moans.
Your face appears before me;
Your face appears in the brightness of day and memories of you torment me.
Memories of you torment me in the darkness of night; your face appears before me.
From this agitated heart arises a heavy sigh:
I am punished for loving you; what sin did I commit to deserve this?
I was utterly destroyed;
I was utterly destroyed by my love for you.
If I meet God, I will ask him: God,
Having given me a body of clay, why did you make my heart with glass?
And on top of that, you put it in my nature to love!
How marvelous, your creation!
How marvelous, God, that above and beyond that, you granted a fate not only of meeting, but also of parting!
Sometimes we meet, sometimes we separate, is this the love you intended?
How marvelous is your handiwork!
A sigh arises from this griefstricken heart;
I am punished for loving you; what sin did I commit to deserve this?
I was utterly destroyed;
I was utterly destroyed by my love for you.

I've already given my heart away.
I have become yours; by you I swear it!


Let the world do its worst;
I am devoted to you; by you I swear it!

All my hopes spring from you, my love.
I have caught you and placed myself in your care.
I will never forget you, beloved.
My own wedding will happen sometime
My life will pass in the shadow of memories of you.
After God, I will worship you alone.
Ask of me what you will; everything I have is yours.

May the impertinence of my eyes be forgiven...
They look at you just a little;
and what my tongue longs to speak, that is what they tell you.
May the bashfulness of my eyes be forgiven.
My eyes fall away from yours;
what my eyes couldn't say while looking into yours, that lowered gaze says for me.
May the impertinence of my eyes be forgiven...
I'll plant a speck of kohl on your lips.
Yes, I'll spare you the invasive inspection of the sun and the moon.
Step behind the fringe of my eyelashes; I'll hide you there.
May these mischievous thoughts be forgiven.
With every breath (my eyes) think of you, and though the whole world is in its senses,
(your eyes) rob me of mine.
May the bashfulness of my eyes be forgiven.
This life (of mine) will always be entrusted to you.
Love for you will always reside in my heart.
Even just to breathe, I will always have need for you.
May the foolishness of my heart be forgiven.
(Your eyes) listen to my words;
(these eyes) which are always restless with desire, they weave new dreams.
May the...
impertinence of my eyes be forgiven.
bashfulness of my eyes be forgiven.

Who am I to you?...
My gaze is restless
What an effect love has on me!
Don't stay quiet; tell me at least this much:
Who am I... who am I to you
So many times I stopped myself, beloved
but at last, I had to speak
Why do you enter my dreams?
Who am I... who am I to you
My gaze is restless
What an effect love has on me!
It is a constant worry; don't ask me
who I am... who I am to you
How shall I tell you of my heart's desire?
Read my face sometime
The blush on my face may tell you
who I am...who I am to you

Since I first saw you,
my heart has been lost (in thoughts of you).
What is that my heart now says, so quietly, with its every beat?
   

I've begun to fall in love;
I've begun to lose my heart.
I've begun to fall in love;
I've begun to lose my heart.
    
What people have started to say...in such talk, my heart grows anxious.
What's really the truth here? Will you tell me?
Who am I, in the end?
How long will I hide it?
Hide a hundred thousand things from me;
I still know everything.
On every tongue tomorrow
will be the tale of our romance.

Without you, what is life? What is there to live for?
Without you, what is life?
How can my life go on without you?
How can I go on living without you?
The nights are longer than centuries;
the days pass more slowly than millenia.
Come back to me! my heart is calling.
In the evenings, loneliness wakes (in me).
I'm missing you;
I feel like I'm dying;
you are tormenting me.
In this heart memories of you clamor.
How lonely I am without you!
Come back to me! my heart is calling.
The things I'd imagined for us!
The dreams I'd embroidered!
The many things my heart hoped for!
The desires that stirred in me...
Storms pass through this heart of mine;
without you, I manage to neither live nor die.
Come back to me! my heart is calling.
How can my life go on without you?
How can I go on living without you?
The nights are longer than centuries;
the days pass more slowly than millenia.
Come back to me! my heart is calling.

This is the agony of love...
   

You've come into my life; don't go!
Don't go off somewhere, don't go!
  

What have I gained?
What have I lost?
Maybe these very thoughts have made my heart weep today.
You were my very own;
so why did this dream shatter?
You who I've loved — if I lose you,
living will become nearly impossible.

This is the agony of love...
These are the paths of love
down which I am walking.
Who knows how long I've been burning in this fire.
I'm mad for you;
you didn't even recognize it.
My love, don't do such a thing,
don't disgrace (yourself) in love.

This is the agony of love...

The short nights grow long...
Sitting like this, sleep escapes you.
In the heart, restlessness, and in the eyes, longing,
when someone falls in love with someone.
The short nights grow long...
I'm in a state akin to insanity.
Don't ask me what my desires are.
I've taken hold of your arms;
in these arms is my heaven.
Like a flower, this heart has bloomed and grown fragrant.
Touching you, this heart has become unsteady.
What is it about a heart that makes it yearn at every moment,
when someone falls in love with someone?
The short nights grow long.
This heart becomes a bird and soars
when I meet the object of my dreams.
Dreams are just dreams;
this is true. When do you become mine?
Even when awake, the eyes continue to behold dreams,
when it seems to a heart that someone is its own.
One has neither control over his heart, nor power over himself,
when he falls in love with someone.
The short nights grow long...
Sitting like this, you lose sleep,
restlessness in your heart, longing in your eyes,
when someone falls in love with someone.

Looking at you, I lost my heart.
   

Looking at you, I lost my heart.
I lost my heart when I fell in love with you.
But how long will I keep this love hidden from you?
  

Looking at you, I lost my heart.
That day you find out,
you'll be so angry with me.
You'll break this heart of mine.
You'll break your own as well.
I didn't have any control over my heart;
conversations with you worked like magic on me,
and this heart became yours.

Looking at you, I lost my heart.
My heartbeat stumbled,
and dreams bloomed in my eyes.
This heart began to fall to you; [lit.: come to you]
the chain of events was set in motion.
Sometimes one returns again,
yes, down the road of love.
This heart, it just went (without my permission).

From you I learned what some love is like.
What are customs, what are relationships.
Love, I even swear by you,
whatever punishment you give me, I'll carry on our love.
You made me realize;
you made me have a realization that changed my life utterly.
You came into my life and changed it utterly.
You changed life utterly.

I can't bear it now; I can't stay apart from you for a day,
without you


This business of love is very strange, my friend; it births a thousand questions.
Sometimes it shows you dreams, and sometimes it stirs pain.
It increases your difficulties, but it also shows you paradise.
Where to go so far from heaven?
Where to go?

Without longing, what's love? Without meeting your beloved, what's life?
Love seduces you, but it also torments you terribly.
Sometimes it brings intimacy; other times, estrangement.
Erase these distances!
These distances...

Love me, consent to me, declare yourself, refuse;
whatever punishment you wish to give me, it's a pleasure to surrender my heart to you.
Love me, consent to me, declare yourself, refuse;
whatever punishment you wish to give me, it's a pleasure to surrender my heart to you.
It's a pleasure to give my heart to you.
Love me, consent to me, declare yourself, refuse;
whatever punishment you wish to give me, it's a pleasure to surrender my heart to you.
It's a pleasure to give my heart to you.
When it seems that some heart is dearer than life,
it's not acceptable for him to spurn you.
Love compels you; this is the heart's trade, my friend...
This game of hearts is strange, friend; sometimes, even in victory there is defeat.
Whether victory or defeat, barrier or breakthrough,
whatever punishment you wish to give me, it's a pleasure to surrender my heart to you.
I've started to believe; I've fallen in love.
It's the first time I've considered someone as my own.
I must have her now, the one my heart has longed for.
Who is won and who is lost? Who can know anyone's fortune?
Whatever destiny may hold, may my love be near me!
Whatever punishment you wish to give me, it's a pleasure to surrender my heart to you.
It's a pleasure to give my heart to you.
Love me, consent to me, declare yourself, refuse;
whatever punishment you wish to give me, it's a pleasure to surrender my heart to you.
It's a pleasure to give my heart to you.

If there's anyone like you in another land, I'll complain to God.
If some stranger turned his face toward yours, it would be a disaster.
You came into my life,
came into my life and changed it utterly.
You kept faith with love so well, you changed life utterly.
Now I can't bear to think there might be someone else who'd devote himself to you like I would.
Forget touching; even the thought of someone mentioning you is unacceptable to me.
You erased the distances;
You erased the distances and changed life utterly.
You came into my life and changed it utterly.
If even a mirror should behold you, my heart will tell me to break it.
You're my obsession; you're my heart's content;
I'm mad for you, no matter what anyone might say.
You heightened my madness;
You heightened my madness and changed life utterly.
You changed life utterly.