[Khwaish]'s diary

87126  Link to this entry 
Written about Tuesday 2003-10-21
Written: (7703 days ago)

<img:http://elftown.lysator.liu.se/img/photo/Khwaish1066563732.jpg>

<img:http://elftown.lysator.liu.se/img/drawing/Khwaish1066560938.jpg>

86149  Link to this entry 
Written about Sunday 2003-10-19
Written: (7705 days ago)
Next in thread: 86152, 86333

<img:http://elftown.lysator.liu.se/img/photo/Khwaish1066556041.jpg>
they're making me do it...

77785  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2003-10-01
Written: (7724 days ago)



Disorder | Rating
Paranoid: Low
Schizoid: Low
Schizotypal: Low
Antisocial: Low
Borderline: Moderate
Histrionic: Low
Narcissistic: Low
Avoidant: Low
Dependent: Moderate
Obsessive-Compulsive: Low

URL of the test: http://www.4degreez.com/misc/personality_disorder_test.mv
URL for more info: http://www.4degreez.com/misc/disorder_information2.html
77779  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2003-10-01
Written: (7724 days ago)



<img:http://elftown.lysator.liu.se/img/drawing/Khwaish1059898098.jpg>
I drew this on those notes you pass in class. Note between me and [chowburger]. I was hyper and i drew a (bad) samurai jack...and talking about how he runs around naked in a few episodes. *points* LOOK! A NAKED MAN! ARREST HIM!!! *falls over laughing* i'm easily amused...

<img:http://www.msnusers.com/mypicture?user=4263~5AA7AAAAAE77kSghhn45l*JVpylMj9RAFO6huE0t2tgz5yiA27qmGHiA$$~5AA8AAAAAGHtu00*S27Mc36QrmGpmmFL9w2WCW8f3MVvs$>
Back up again. This is for [WingsOfTheOsiris] because he wants to see me smiling. *sigh* lol. i look drugged. :P

<img:http://elftown.lysator.liu.se/img/photo/Khwaish1060514241.jpg>
another picture! yayy. Me and a few of my friends. Sarah, Jessica, Jade, emily [chowburger], Luke [particle boy], eoin [-Wraith-] and me. hey, i'm not forcing a smile this time! it's natural! woot!

<img:http://elftown.lysator.liu.se/img/photo/Khwaish1060939728.jpg>
[Aeria] is far too attatched to this picture...i feel so guilty putting it baack up again. lol. Me as a kid.

<img:http://elftown.lysator.liu.se/img/photo/binded%252520in%252520darkness1062690407.jpg>
Product of a period of slight Boredom.

<img:http://elftown.lysator.liu.se/img/drawing/Khwaish1063947208.jpg>
I'm ambitious to make this in Craft Metalwork...:)
77516  Link to this entry 
Written about Tuesday 2003-09-30
Written: (7724 days ago)

hehee reeaallly funny. :p

25 REASONS WHY CHOCOLATE
IS BETTER THAN A MAN!

Chocolate is rich, dark and satisfying

You're never disappointed when you open the wrapper

Chocolate doesn't care how many pieces you've eaten before

Chocolate always hits the spot

Chocolate doesn't secretly want to be eaten by your best friend

Chocolate doesn't think the shopping channel is stupid

Chocolate always smells good

Chocolates won't ask "Am I the best?" or "How was it?"

It doesn't sulk if you don't want it first thing in the morning

Chocolates are easy to pick up

Chocolate satisfies even when it has gone soft

You can suck a piece of chocolate even in front of your mother

Chocolate never leaves a bad taste in your mouth

You don't mind the brown stains left by chocolate

With chocolate, size doesn't really matter, it's always good

Chocolates do not wear white socks

Chocolate doesn't mind when you bite it's nuts

With chocolates, you don't have to be a virgin more than once

"If you love me, you'll swallow that" has real meaning with chocolate

You can have more than one chocolate a night without ruining your reputation

Chocolate doesn't just think it's smooth

Chocolates aren't into rape or leather

You can tell just by looking at it, that it hasn't been in anyone else's mouth!

76769  Link to this entry 
Written about Sunday 2003-09-28
Written: (7726 days ago)

<img:http://thumbs.deviantart.com/300W-96A096/i/2003/39/d/8/The_height_of_sophistication.jpg>
This is Derek trying to be sophisticated. Good job. :p
<img:http://thumbs.deviantart.com/300W-96A096/i/2003/39/d/c/Hidden.jpg>
You can't see my face! ahaha!

<img:http://elftown.lysator.liu.se/img/photo/Khwaish1064746771.jpg>
i'm in the middle. then there's [chowburger], [surferpilgrim], [-Wraith-] and [particle boy]. Derek is somewhere i think..or not.

74223  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2003-09-22
Written: (7732 days ago)
Next in thread: 74225

Holocaust

Your eyes are almost dead
Can't get out of bed
And you can't sleep

You're sitting down to dress
And you're a mess
You look in the mirror

You look in your eyes
Then you realize

Everybody goes
Leaving those
Who fall behind

Everybody goes
As far as they can
They don't just care

They stood on the stairs
Laughing at your errors
Your mother's dead
She said, "Don't be afraid."

Your mother's dead
You're on your own
She's in her bed

Everybody goes
Leaving those
Who fall behind

Everybody goes
As far as they can
They don't just care

You're a wasted face
You're a sad-eyed lie
You're a holocaust

74220  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2003-09-22
Written: (7732 days ago)

know

I know, you love the song but not the singer,
I know, you've got me wrapped around your finger,
I know, you want the sin without the sinner,
I know, I know.

I know, the past will catch you up as you run faster,
I know, the last in line is always called a bastard,
I know, the past will catch you up as you run faster,
I know, I know.

I know, you cut me loose from contradiction,
I know, I'm all wrapped up in sweet attrition,
I know, It's asking for your benediction,
I know, I know.

I know, the past will catch you up as you run faster,
I know, the last in line is always called a bastard,
I know, the past will catch you up as you run faster,
I know, I know.

I know, the past will catch you up as you run faster,
I know, the last in line is always called a bastard,
I know, the past will catch you up as you run faster,
I know, I know.

74219  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2003-09-22
Written: (7732 days ago)

Nancy boy

Alcoholic kind of mood,
Lose my clothes,
Lose my lube,
Cruising for a piece of fun,
Looking out for number one,
Different partner every night,
So narcotic outta sight,
What a gas,
What a beautiful ass !

And it all breaks down at the role reversal,
Got the muse in my head she's universal,
Spinnin' me round she's coming over me,
And it all breaks down at the first rehearsal,
Got the muse in my head she's universal,
Spinnin' me round she's coming over me.

Kind of buzz that lasts for days,
Had some help from insect ways,
Comes across all shy and coy,
Just another nancy boy,
Woman man or modern monkey,
Just another happy junkie,
Fifty pounds,
Press my button,
Going down.

And it all breaks down at the role reversal,
Got the muse in my head she's universal,
Spinnin' me round she's coming over me,
And it all breaks down at the first rehearsal,
Got the muse in my head she's universal,
Spinnin' me round she's coming over me.

Does his makeup in his room
Douse himself with cheap perfume
Eyeholes in a paper bag
Greatest lay i ever had
Kind of guy who mates for life
Gotta help him find a wife
We're a couple
When our bodies double

And it all breaks down at the role reversal,
Got the muse in my head she's universal,
Spinnin' me round she's coming over me,
And it all breaks down at the first rehearsal,
Got the muse in my head she's universal,
Spinnin' me round she's coming over me.

And it all breaks down at the role reversal,
Got the muse in my head she's universal,
Spinnin' me round she's coming over me,
And it all breaks down at the first rehearsal,
Got the muse in my head she's universal,
Spinnin' me round she's coming over me.

74217  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2003-09-22
Written: (7732 days ago)

Every me every you

Sucker love is heaven sent
You pucker up, our passion's spent
My hearts a tart, your body's rent
My body's broken, yours is spent

Carve your name into my arm
Instead of stressed, I lie here charmed
'Cause there's nothing else to do
Every me and every you

Sucker love, a box I choose
No other box I choose to use
Another love I would abuse
No circumstances could excuse

In the shape of things to come.
Too much poison come undone
'Cause there's nothing else to do
Every me and every you
Every me and every you
Every me, me

Sucker love is known to swing
Prone to cling and waste these things
Pucker up for heavens sake
There's never been so much at stake

I serve my head up on a plate
It's only comfort, calling late
'Cause there's nothing else to do
Every me and every you
Every me and every you
Every me, me

Every me and every you,
Every me, me

Like the naked leads the blind
I know I'm selfish, I'm unkind
Sucker love I always find
Someone to bruise and leave behind

All alone in space and time
There's nothing here but what here's mine
Something borrowed, something blue

Every me and every you
Every me and every you
Every me, me

Every me and every you
Every me, me
(x4)

74207  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2003-09-22
Written: (7732 days ago)

To Bombay
A travelling circus came
They brought an intelegent elephant
and Nellie was her name

One dark night
she slipt her iron chain, and of she ran
to Hindustan and was never seen again

oooooooooooooooooo...
Nellie the elephant pack her trunk and
said goodbye to the circus
of she road with a trumety trump
trump trump trump

Nellie the elephant packed her trunk
and trumbled of to the jungle
of she road with a thrumety trump
trump trump trump

Night by night she danced to the circus band
When Nellie was leading the big parade she looked
so proud and grand

No more tricks for Nellie to performe
They taught her how to take a bow and she tooked
to crowd by storm

oooooooooooooooooo...
Nellie the elephant pack her trunk and
said goodbye to the circus
of she road with a trumety trump
trump trump trump

Nellie the elephant packed her trunk
and trumbled of to the jungle
of she road with a thrumety trump
trump trump trump

The head of the heard was calling far far away
they meet one night in silver light
on the road to Mandaley

oooooooooooooooooo...
Nellie the elephant pack her trunk and
said goodbye to the circus
of she road with a trumety trump
trump trump trump

Nellie the elephant packed her trunk
and trumbled of to the jungle
of she road with a thrumety trump
trump trump trump

74191  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2003-09-22
Written: (7732 days ago)

Beyond the Veil

1. The Other Side



Strangely enough, the only thing that struck him as odd to start with was that he felt no pain when he hit the ground.

That was after his head had cleared, the world had stopped spinning, and he could hear the sounds around him again. Sirius lay on his back, staring at the blackened ceiling of the Death Chamber, and wondered absently why it hadn't hurt. He'd come down hard.

He couldn't move, of course - a stunner to the chest will do that for you - but since Bellatrix didn't come charging around the archway to finish him off, he had to assume that she had been taken care of. The sounds of battle seemed to have died away, in fact: someone would be over any second to check he was alright. Probably Moony. He'd scold him something awful for letting himself get taken down like that, but damn, it had felt good to taunt Bella. He hadn't felt so alive in months.

He could hear someone yelling. Harry? Then the sound of running footsteps, fading.

It was odd that no-one had come over yet. How much longer did he have to lie here? Maybe Moony was angry with him for risking himself like that, and was going to let the curse wear off on its own. He dismissed the thought immediately. Remus wasn't like that. But still, it was strange.

Sirius tried to move, and found to his surprise that he could. Not only that, but his chest didn't hurt at all. Movement was difficult, though, and not in the way it usually was following a stunning spell or an impediment jinx; it felt like he was trying to move through honey or glue, like the air was a sticky, resistant mass that pushed against him on all sides. He half expected, drawing a deep breath, to feel it sliding down his throat like treacle, and repressed a shudder when he felt - nothing.

Not even the coolness of air in his mouth.

Finding it impossible to sit up, Sirius managed to turn slowly onto his side. He was lying on the stone dais in the centre of the room - but he might as well have been suspended in mid-air, he realised suddenly, because he couldn't feel the stones under his cheek.

The archway was barely two paces away. The curtain hanging in it seemed to flutter slightly in an unfelt breeze, but he couldn't seem to see through it.

He could see beyond it, however; he could see people moving in the dark chamber, slowly, like victims of a sudden shock. Sirius frowned. He could see Remus. The other man was halfway up the rows of tiered seats, as if he'd been following someone but stopped halfway. He had just turned back, moving as if in a dream. He began to walk down the steps, but Sirius saw his gaze turn, as if magnetically drawn, to the stone arch by which he was lying.

Remus sat down very suddenly on one of the stone benches. Sirius couldn't be sure from this distance, but Remus looked even paler than usual - white in the dimness - and his hands, when he raised them mechanically to brush his hair out of his eyes, were shaking.

A coldness began somewhere in the pit of Sirius' stomach. He tried to move again. With a supreme effort, he worked his way into a sitting position. He was beginning to understand why it was so hard to move: he couldn't seem to exert any pressure on the floor beneath him. It was like floating underwater without a solid surface to push against, and the only way he could get anywhere was to try and find purchase on the air itself.

Sitting, now, he could see some of the others. Many Death Eaters, stunned or immobilised; Mad-Eye Moody, stumping around with blood dripping from his head. A boy with a broken nose, who alternated between horrified glances at the door through which they'd entered, and frightened ones at the stone archway.

The archway, Sirius realised belatedly, through which he had fallen.

The Gateway in the Chamber of Death, through which the living could not pass.

"Moony." The word was on his lips without conscious thought. "Moony!" he called louder, looking frantically towards his friend. For a moment, his heart lifted in hope as Remus stood up; a second later it dropped again when he saw the other man was simply making his way to the broken-nosed boy. "Remus!" he shouted desperately. "Remus!"

Remus didn't so much as glance in his direction.

"Moony. Moony! Please, for the love of Merlin, look over here! Just for a second! Remus!"

Remus was silently helping the injured boy to stem the bleeding from his nose. Moody paused momentarily to say something in his gruff way; Remus just nodded once without answering. Moody walked away. Remus glanced up, following him with his eyes, and for a second his gaze flickered over Sirius.

He looked back to the injured boy, and Sirius realised that he couldn't be seen, either.

For the first time, he looked down at himself. He half-expected to see a ghost's body - white and translucent - but he looked utterly solid to his own eyes. Tentatively, he laid a hand flat against his chest and pushed. It definitely felt solid, but there was no warmth under his fingertips and he couldn't feel the fabric of his robes either. He tried grabbing a handful of cloth and tugging: again, he could feel the resistance against his fingers and the tug on his body, but his hand might as well have been dipped in numbing solution. He touched his face: neither his cheek nor the palm of his hand registered warmth or the texture of skin.

Fighting mounting panic, Sirius tried to stand up. It was even more difficult than sitting had been - he was constantly on the point of losing his balance, and he had a feeling that, if he did, he would float downwards like a feather. The people around him took not the slightest notice of his struggles.

Was he dead?

There didn't seem any other explanation. But how had he died? Sirius ran through the last few moments of his memory before he'd hit the veil. Bella had hit him with something painful - more than a simple stunning spell, he suspected, but certainly not the killing curse. The light had been red and tightly focused, not the flaring green brilliance of Avada Kedavra. His chest had burned and his balance had been irretrievably lost; he hadn't even been able to stagger backwards, but had simply fallen in an arc like a tree in a storm. He had felt the veil fly out behind him, letting him through. Then there had been a blank nothing.

He'd fallen through the Gateway - which, according to what little he knew about it, was utterly impossible. Things came out of the Gateway. Spirits returned to it. The living did not pass through. It was impossible for the living to pass through.

Walking was almost impossible, but somehow he managed it, feeling more like he was swimming against the tide. One step. Two. He fixed his gaze on the archway. He had to walk back through the veil. Everything would make sense again if he could just reach it. Another step. Another. He was within an inch of the veil.

Sirius stepped forward. Or rather, tried to. In fact he found himself stopped as effectively as if he'd just walked into a brick wall.

No.

Sirius slammed the palms of his hands against the veil. It didn't move like fabric should; it was as if he'd hit an invisible wall that stood rock-steady behind the curtain. He tried to grab hold of the edge of the veil, pull it aside; his fingers scrabbled across a frictionless surface and slid away as if he'd touched a block of ice.

Moving as quickly as he could, Sirius circled the archway and tried the same thing on the other side, with similar results. The ragged curtain hung serenely before him, mocking his anger.

He began to hammer on the invisible barrier with his fists and kick it as hard as he could, barely aware that he was shouting spell after spell, counter-curse after hex after jinx, spells for breaking, dispelling, opening, tearing...

Nothing.

No.

Sirius sank to his knees, frightened and defeated. His hands didn't even hurt, he realised numbly. The veil would not let him pass. His heart was hammering - except that it couldn't be, he thought hysterically, because he didn't have a heart, but nevertheless he could feel it, and the sick, panicky feeling that he had lost control.

A creeping horror nudged its way through his whirling thoughts. Maybe when they said the living could not pass through the veil, they simply meant that they would cease to be living if they crossed the threshold. Remus, he had always suspected, knew more about the Gateway than he did. Remus had refused to tell him any more than what he already knew.

Remus was only a short distance away, and Sirius realised that he was leading the broken-nosed boy towards the exit.

"Don't go!" Sirius shouted frantically, struggling to his feet again. He tried to run after his friend, but he couldn't move fast enough. "Please! Remus, you have to help me! Remus!"

His voice had trailed off into a painful whisper that was barely audible even to himself.

"Don't go, don't leave me... don't leave me here and forget about me... not again... don't leave me here..."

Remus hesitated by the door and looked back. His wandlight, which he was holding aloft to guide their way, illuminated his white face and caught the grey in his hair. He looked so tired, so shocked, so lost. His eyes were empty. They closed against the sight of the Gateway, and he turned away, and Sirius fell silent, because he knew then that Remus thought he was dead.

And to Sirius' mounting horror, there wasn't a lot of evidence to contradict him.

http://www.fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=1416891

72865  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2003-09-20
Written: (7734 days ago)

There is a saying in Sanskrit - "Strotram kasya naa tusht-te"
It means that who is there in the world who does not get pleased by a prayer or a salutation.

70094  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2003-09-15
Written: (7739 days ago)

Sun
Take some time, get away
Sun
Suicide is a shame
Sun
Soon you'll find your own way
Sun
Hope has come, you are saved
And it makes me cry
Because I'm on my way
On my way
On my way
Hey, it's the sun and it makes me shine (x3)
Hey now it's the sun and it makes me shine
Sun
Soon you'll be okay
Sun
Soon you'll be okay
And it makes me smile
Because I'm on my way
Hey, it's the sun and it makes me shine (x2)
Hey now it's the sun and it makes me smile
All around
Hey now it's the sun and it makes me smile
All around, all around!
Ba dada ba da (X 8)
Hey now it's the sun and it makes me smile
All around
Hey now it's the sun and it makes me smile
All around, all around!
Ba dada ba da (X 8)

64020  Link to this entry 
Written about Sunday 2003-08-31
Written: (7754 days ago)

Staring into your eyes
Never ending
Always deep always
Never depending
Mysterious
As the enchanting legend
Embracing
As the warm lover you are
Staring always and forever

craving more and more…

Sometimes I’m at
the ocean floor,
Drowned by the deepness
of your core…

Staring into your eyes
Never ending
Always deep always
Never depending
Mysterious
As the enchanting legend
Embracing
As the warm lover you are
Staring always and forever

All I want is to explore…

When you close your eyes,
I feel the world
Has ceased existing
In dreams open them,
Open them for me…

62536  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2003-08-28
Written: (7757 days ago)

One day, I realised that I did not need a Personal history. And like some people give up smoking, I gave it up. That, and only that have made every difference...

59681  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2003-08-22
Written: (7763 days ago)

Hangman's Hill

He trudged up the damp dusy road,
This was the end.
Final farewells
to friends, sons and daughters
Final farewells
to his one and only beloved.
May God have mercy on her,
She was drowning in tears
He drowned in her tears
As he kissed her one last time.
As he drowned in his own
The man looked ahead.
The prosecuters were waiting,
Uniformed.
Some were laughing
Some were casually chatting.
The man shed a last tear,
As he looked up at the sky,
the early morning mist,
the dew on the green grass of the hilly village
He quietly sang the martyrs ballad
As his heavy feet transported him to the opposition
The led him up the hill.
Within minutes,
The rope burnt his neck
His balled died away
So did he
What remained was a limp body that was his.
Silence screamed and cried through the countryside
As the wind sang a ballad
Of the forgotten story of Séamus Fitzgearód.

59357  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2003-08-21
Written: (7764 days ago)

I just realised what love really feels like. I value this feeling so much. It's not like the others. This isn't lust. It's just love. And it's so sweet. I would rather not lose this. it just seems so perfect...i want it to remain this way, as time flies by we'll get closer and closer. *dreams*

57045  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2003-08-15
Written: (7771 days ago)

I AM A:Chaotic Good Half-Elf Ranger

Chaotic Good characters are independent types with a strong belief in the value of goodness. They have little use for governments and other forces of order, and will generally do their own things, without heed to such groups.

Half-Elves are a cross between a human and an elf. They are smaller, like their elven ancestors, but have a much shorter lifespan. They are sometimes looked down upon as half-breeds, but this is rare. They have both the curious drive of humans and the patience of elves.

Rangers are the defenders of nature and the elements. They are in tune with the Earth, and work to keep it safe and healthy.

55685  Link to this entry 
Written about Tuesday 2003-08-12
Written: (7774 days ago)

What's with it with magazines??? I picked up the hello magazine out of work with boredom, and it was full of things like "Prince William makes people laugh" and "A celebrity couple went out for a romantic dinner, OH LOOK! he's wearing a wedding ring.." It's annoying, like WHO CARES??? I was more bored reading that magazine than being bored alone.



I find blood romantic. I don't know why. Maybe it's because of an overdose of Hindi Movies...
 The logged in version 

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