I am a fool, to fall into this trap twice. Why is it that when someone says that they love you they turn out to be the person who hurts you the most? I opened my heart up thinking that pain was not to come to me again, thinking that I could trust someone. But he hurt me and lied, he lied so terribly to me. and it does not even phase him.
I truely wish that I could cry, That I could break down and show the emotions that I hold, unfortunatly I have creid myself dry from the last time this happened. I should have learned that love was wrong, that it was all nothing but a lie set to make me a fool. I should have known that it was too wonderfull to be true. i should have known but I failed to realize that Someone like him could be lieing to me.

So, Live a thousand years and never be lonely
    Speak a thousand words and never grow waery
    And love a thousand times but never be broken,
          for your soul is acuminated with demons
        for your word shall never be your own
     And your love shall never be true
So, Speak now your words of pain and sorrow
    Speak now to kill us all
   And speak now to bury youself deeper in an irregular shaped black hole
          for your soul is acuminated with demons
            for your word shall never be your own
           And your life is a wicked lie that shall never unravel to be true
So, Now you may dislike the world you see,
So, Now you may say you are different than everyone else
   And you may say and think these things
                             But you are just the same
          for everyone's soul is acuminated with demons
        for everyone's words are not thier own
     And everyone's lives are full of sorrow
And we are all Never True

why don't you listen?
i was right about everything else,
i guess you can't stop being somebody else.
why don't you listen?
oh what i wouldn't give for just one day,
to sit with you and figure out a much better way.
why don't you listen?
I to you have never lied,
can you not see these tears that i've cried.
why don't you listen?
you say you want to die,
but don't you see that you and me are never gonna say goodbye

unwanted
unknown
Fears,
forgotten
lost hopeless
Tears,
determined
relentless
Change
all kept within a Silver Cage.
lost diminished
Life,
hard
uneared
Strife,
inevitable
unusual
Rage,
all kept within a Silver Cage:

Heart broken into,
A peice for me,
A peice for you,
A peice for life,
A peice for love,
A peice for angel wing's above.
A peice for fraility,
A peice for hinderance to speek.
A peice for God always to keep.
A piece for friends,
A piece for careless nights,
And a piece for all the loving lights.

life passes
a day by day original delma
lived as if in a play
watching your life go past
realizing that it is moving too fast

not lost not sad
no longer unhappy but simply glad
God has touched my withered shell
he took me from the depths of hell
he breathed life into my shattered heart
and he found the pieces that had fell apart
God did for me what no other could
God did for me what no other would
God to you my heart i give
thanks to you
you let me live

ringlet bars of silver stone
the mirror shows a face unknown
black candles burning on the bed
always tettering on the edge
songs of old now always sung
hope that fades befor it was hung
dreams undone in moonlights glow
feelings none shall ever know
black hope calling
tear drops falling
life not living
death not giving
moving hate that goes unseen
and feelings that are so unkeen
that pathetic human laughter
with no happily ever after
and life is now forever gone
playedsadly as a widoed pawn
while i as a lioness wait
for my weaken prey to take the bait.

life is a fleating dream
that moves us all into the unseen
love is a whispered prayer
that will kill us all if we dare
And ringlet bars of our silver cage
is the only thing that controls our rage

child lost alone at sea,
won't you come along with me?
young man weeping all alone,
walk with me for knowledge shown.
woman screaming in the night,
follow me and i will give you light.
for i am here, on this day,
to wipe your falling tears away.
And i am here not to part,
but to piece togeter your broken hearts.

life is good life is grand
even if we do not understand
even if we won't always be
what we are right now and what what we see
now i may have falln in the wrost of love
but can i not still be carried on wings above
even if my hope does fial
and even if i fall alng the winding trail
love is what will keep me true
everytime i look at you

so now as time passes by
i close my eyes but do not cry
thinking of the tmes we had
how could i ever agian be sad
instead i laugh and i'm filled w/ joy
for you the man no longer the boy
who taght me how to show my fears
and taught me how to hide my tears
and w/ my love i shall stay true
every time i look at you

And now everytime i do smile
i will stop and think for a while
knowing that it will never come to be
for you to love this lonely me
but w/out your love i will stay true
everytime i look at you

death hate scorn envy pride lust pain hurt sadness tears all these things and all things to do w/ them i wish i did not understand i wish i did not know.

i love u and i want u to be happy. i want u to have someone who can take care of u who won't wiegh u down who won't cause u pain even if that someone is not me. and i don't think it would be for i could only cause pain.for that is all i have ever caused. and even if i am not the to give pain u could be subject to pain from the enymies that surround meand wish to hurt me for all things i've done to them. i love u and i wish i could tell u all. i wish i could just simply explain my terrible past and tell u why they want to hurt me. i know that u love me as well but i truely wish u didn't. it even hurts to know that if i did tell all u would understand and forgive me for all things. u would even understand y i can not be w/ u.

Every time i attempt to live this life your reply is no.
when you were in trouble i helped you out of all your problems. you were locked in a jail cell leaving your wife and kids at home and I your oldest "daughter" stayed and took care of everything. I only 16 got a job and gave up my dreams so that this family would be safe. I never asked for anything. I did not need anything but your approval, your acceptance. but this i did not receive, and still i did not ask for it. on my b-day for the second year in a row you forgot and were in jail. for all my other sisters and brothers you remembered nd sent them at least cards. but for me not even a phone call. but who could blame you? At least my drunken grndma called to chat. but she did not even know it was my b-day. but i did not hold any of this against you. for how could you have known all the pain you caused me? i took care of your family for that entire time and when you got home, you did not talk to me. it was as if you simply wished me to fade into the backround. but i wouldn't and i still won't you can not make me. yes you hurt me for it but i'm still here i won't dissappear. and still i love you as my farther. i even want your last name but do you aknowledge that no you simply ignore that i exist. to day after cleaning your house i made the mistake of touching your guitar. the one that sits in your room unused. i am sorry for touching the one thing that you actuallly care about. for that is what it looks like to me, you only care bout the small stuff not anything else. you now how much i've always wanted one and you knew that i was upset when i told you that i wanted one and the next day you bought one for yourself. and then you have the nerve to tell me today that i don't deserve anything.  I have had it w/ your wanting pathetic needs you are not the thing that huants me. were do you have the right to tell me as to what i deserve? you do not have any right. it is you who do not deserve, for what have you done? after all the pain you have caused me after everything said and done to me by you, i want you to know that i will not stand by for much longer and watch you hurt me. there will not be a next time for you if you do. i will have YOU out of this house faster than you could ever imagine. for i by now own your house. plus your car. you do not own me you do not even know who i am. but i do . and that is probally not good news for you.

come and save



Ringlet bars of silver stone,
the mirror shows a face unknown.
Trapped inside this prison cell,
deep inside the gates of hell.
Silently screaming but no one hears,
drowning now in a sea of tears.
Trying not to fall way
in the dawning of the day,
and life is not what it does seem
in this life a faded dream.
Where terrors raom throught our world.
Where hate and death become unfurld.
Is there not one who'd save
us all from this pitless wave?
God, where did you go,
why is your face not the one to show?
Where is the angel to watch over us,
for soon i fear life shall turn to dust.
Where's your reaching hand?
I do not understand,
you promised to always be
right here next to me.
Or where all promises fake
and my life another mistake?
Please tell me what is going on
where my friends right all along?
They said i had a tragic fate,
that my emotions would only reflect ice cold hate,
but then agian i do remember
all of life in itr's splendor.
The way our worlds did collide
into an over powering landslide,
and there like a battle won
we sat and watched that setting sun.
And I knew right then life would not be the same
and that my lips would forever be your name.
God, forever did not end,
and neither did my time with you to spend.
Your name, still on my lips,
trickles down my heart, see how it rips.
Your words forever ring true4r5
and lord this is why I love you.
So please, come hear my prayer and save,
my dieng soul from the devils grave.
I'm deep within the gates of hell,
silently pleading in my prison cell.
My mirror shows your face now known
behind these bars of ringlet silver stone.

cries ring through my ears
they sing to me of disant years
they call to me from far off lands
and they tell me i can't wash the blood off my hands
they acuse me of lieing
untill i yeild to my own dieing
they say my lfe was wasted
they claim i've aboned things i have created
they always have more to say
and i haer them everyday
i see and taste their mournful tears
these are the cries noone hears

i have nothing else to remember
in all the world and its splender
i have fallen in the worst of love
and it won't be carried on wings above
i have given all i own
just to venture all alone
i have died a millionth time
and never once took back my crime
i have listend to them lie
so much i am to cry
and i have given up my life
to heal those with thier unbearable strife

four letters in a word
fur letters not yet heard
in these ears of mine
those four letters so divine
will lead to things now always blurred
who knew four letters could cause such harm
and lave our hearts in such alarm
who knew four leters could mean so much
and kill us all with deaths cooling touch
four letters in a word
four letters never heard
in your precious ears
but the pain will last for years

is this life a faded dream
for nothing is what it does seem
the past few yers i have tried
i have failed but have not cried
no tears have tricled down my face
and no tears shall ever replace
the one that has me torn apart
the world and its blackend heart
so try to piece together now
sit and wonder when and how
when did my life come crashing down
and how was my smile turned to a frown
but for this rddle you need one word
the one still waiting to be heard
that one word that touched my hips
and poured through my bloody lips
it kept me going when i was dead
its source ran through my lifting head
love the word was to be my fate
and with love i overcame all hate
but soon the fates held in thier hand
my love, and they do now cut the strand
i feel you slither from my grasp
you fallaway and i do collapse
that is when it all began
when the world did shout and i did ran
i ran away from all things known
i ran just to be alone
i ran and my life did change
into hate and uncaged rage
disgust ran through my coarsend lips
and love no longer touched my hips
love your face was erased with time
and i no longer call you mine
Love when you died unfaithful i became
and now i no longer dare to dance in the rain
instead i swaer i curse i drink
i throw up all life in the kitchen sink
i forget love what you taught me true
and try sometimes to remember you
the way your hair was to shade your eye
the way youd make it ok to cry
i miss the way you used to smile
the way youd ask to stay awhile
but if you saw me now would you even recognize
for i now wear a most crafty diguise
for i wish to hide my past
and want none to know you were the last
     THE LAST ONE  ACG
 just something to add to yesterday i kinda was upset and unable to think clearly plus it probally did not help that it was 2 AM in the mourning

death is only a simple part of life it is only the passing of our soul into another world. at least that is what i force myself day after day to believe. living here on eath is not a perminant place i must remember that i am just passing through. but if i am only passing through why do i hurt as much as i do?
  the reasons why i hurt are on myself and is my burden that i must carry
i should not have let my gaurd down and begin to feel for this man. i should have been careful as to not fall in love
for now all i can do is think of him and wish to linger in his precence that is forrbidden in my house. pain is horrid. but it shall pass