Found this on the net
This actually happened.....
I was an AV assistant in college, and we received a work ticket from a professor stating "Cannot print to printer".
So I went to the classroom and the professor was standing up taking turns looking at the computer and the printer.
I asked her to explain the problem.
"Yeah, everytime I try to print I get this message saying 'The document ********* was not printed because the computer could not see the printer.'"
"Okay," I said. "It might be--"
She cut me off. "Yeah, so I turned the monitor towards the printer and it still wouldn't print."
This is an email sent by Michael Moore
10/6/04
Friends,
You may have heard by now that the Michigan Republican Party has called for my arrest. That's right. They literally want me brought up on charges -- and hope that I'm locked up.
No, I'm not kidding. The Republican Party, yesterday, filed a criminal complaint with the prosecutors in each of the counties where I spoke last week in Michigan.
My crime? Clean underwear for anyone who will vote in the upcoming election.
Each night on our 60-city "Slacker Uprising Tour" through the 20 battleground states, I've been registering hundreds (and on some nights, thousands) of voters at my arena and stadium events. I then ask for everyone over 23 who has never voted (or didn't vote in the last election) to stand up. I tell these slackers that I understand and respect why they think politicians are not worth the bother. I tell them that I may have been the original slacker, and that I do not want them to change their slacker ways. Keep sleeping 'til noon! Keep drinking beer! Stay on the sofa and watch as much TV as possible! But, please, just for me, on 11/2, I want you to leave the house and give voting a try -- just this once. The stakes this time are just too high.
If they promise me that they'll do this, I give the guys a 3-pack of new Fruit of the Loom underwear, and the women get a day's supply of Ramen noodles, the sustenance of slackers everywhere.
I then close by having them repeat the 2004 Slacker Oath: "Pick nose! Pick butt! Pick Kerry."
It seems to have worked, as each night the volunteer tables are swamped afterwards with hundreds of new and young voters signing up to campaign for regime change for the next four weeks.
The satire of all this seems to have been lost on the Republicans. Or maybe it hasn't. The state of Michigan (where we spent most of last week) reported that over 100,000 young people recently registered to vote, a record that no one saw coming. The Slacker Tour has turned into a huge steamroller with a momentum all its own.
So, the Republican Party, to show their gratitude that so many young people will now be involved in our system, has demanded that I be sent to jail for trying to "bribe" students to vote.
Of course, this would be quite laughable if they weren't so serious about their charges. But they are. I may soon be a wanted man in Michigan -- simply because I convinced a few slackers to change their underwear and eat a healthy meal of artificially flavored noodles.
I thought I'd seen it all this year -- Disney refusing to distribute the film they paid for, right-wingers harassing theater owners who showed "Fahrenheit 9/11," conservative action groups trying to get the FEC to kick our film ads off the air, the unnecessary restrictive R-rating that forced teenagers to sneak in to see it, and all the stupid, crazy attacks on me and my movie that I've had to listen to as I watched the public ignore them and pack the movie houses anyway, where my film was being shown. And when all that failed, five different Republican groups made five different attack dog tapes (oops, "documentaries
Now, after enduring all this, with no tricks left in their bag, they've just decided, "Let's toss his sorry ass behind bars -- him and his noodles and his gift of clean underwear!"
My friends, they will not catch me. Though I may be on the run, and I may never be able to return home to my beloved Michigan, I make this solemn vow to you and yours: The slackers of America shall not be denied their noodles, they will proudly wear their clean underwear as free Americans, and they will vote Bush out of office come November 2nd (though they will not show up to the polls until well after noon)!
Stay strong, stay slacker, and please remember to turn the underwear inside out every three days. As for the noodles, add boiling water, stir.
Yours,
Michael Moore
MMFlint@aol.co
www.michaelmoo
P.S. My favorite moment of the VP debate: Cheney saying to the moderator that this was the first he heard that that many black women in America had AIDS. Clueless. Cheney, for an entire 90-minutes, only mentioned Bush's name -- that's his running mate, the "president" -- once. They should have called this the "President (Cheney) -- Vice President (Edwards) Debate."
P.P.S. Tomorrow's letter, as promised for today, will be about my new book, "Will They Ever Trust Us Again?: Letters from the War Zone." And thanks, everyone, for sending "Fahrenheit 9/11" on its first day to #1 on Amazon. If you find that your store didn't order enough copies, or to report other problems, please e-mail Sony Home video at HeySony@michae
Well, m ycontact is really hurting my eye, ouch, this hurts like hell, i can't get it out so im gonna try and go to a doctor to get it out, motherF-er!!!!
Wow, had a really big scare last night, i was friggin terrified, i mean, god. anyway, people, i can't stress this enough
Well, just a half hour ago i finishes reading one of my Zane Grey books, he was an author in the early 1900's and writes novels about that time. I cried, I really wish that I had lived in the early 1900's, it was such a beautiful place back then and it is mostly gone now. We have de-evolved into what we are now, yes I know some people shall argue with me and point out the technilogical advances and bla bla bla. Well, it was much better back then, everyone worked hard and there weren't such indecent clothes then, yes i like some of them, but they are still indecent. I cried, me, Brett, i cried at this book, i would do almost anything to live in that time period, the only regret i would have would be leaving my friends and loved ones. I don't know, i bet this sounds really stupid to most of you, but you know what, I don't care!
Well, i think i might need to change my mind about abortion. I never thought about it personally, i always thought of it happening to someone else, but when you think about it... i wouldn't want my child to be killed...
By Myself
What do I do to ignore them behind me?
Do I follow my instincts blindly?
Do I hide my pride / from these bad dreams
And give in to sad thoughts that are maddening?
Do I / sit here and try to stand it?
Or do I / try to catch them red - handed?
Do I trust some and get fooled by phoniness,
Or do I trust nobody and live in loneliness?
Because I can’t hold on / when I’m stretched so thin
I make the right moves but I’m lost within
I put on my daily façade but then
I just end up getting hurt again
by myself [Myself]
I ask why, but in my mind
I find I can’t rely on myself
[Myself]
I ask why, but in my mind
I find I can’t rely on myself
I can’t hold on
To what I want when I’m stretched so thin
It’s all too much to take in
I can’t hold on
To anything watching everything spin
With thoughts of failure sinking in
If I
Turn my back I’m defenseless
And to go blindly seems senseless
If I hide my pride and let it all go on / then they’ll
Take from me ‘till everything is gone
If I let them go I’ll be outdone
But if I try to catch them I’ll be outrun
If I’m killed by the questions like a cancer
Then I’ll be buried in the silence of the answer
[by myself]
[Myself]
I ask why, but in my mind
I find I can’t rely on myself
[Myself]
I ask why, but in my mind
I find I can’t rely on myself
I can’t hold on
To what I want when I’m stretched so thin
It’s all too much to take in
I can’t hold on
To anything watching everything spin
With thoughts of failure sinking in
How do you think / I’ve lost so much
I’m so afraid / I’m out of touch
How do you expect / I will know what to do
When all I know / Is what you tell me to
Don’t you (know)
I can’t tell you how to make it (go)
No matter what I do, how hard I (try)
I can’t seem to convince myself (why)
I’m stuck on the outside
How do you think / I’ve lost so much
I’m so afraid / I’m out of touch
How do you expect / I will know what to do
When all I know / Is what you tell me to
Don’t you (know)
I can’t tell you how to make it (go)
No matter what I do, how hard I (try)
I can’t seem to convince myself (why)
I’m stuck on the outside
I can’t hold on
To what I want when I’m stretched so thin
It’s all too much to take in
I can’t hold on
To anything watching everything spin
With thoughts of failure sinking in
I can’t hold on
To what I want when I’m stretched so thin
It’s all too much to take in
I can’t hold on
To anything watching everything spin
With thoughts of failure sinking...
Here's a song that expresses what I'm feeling right now.
Linkin' Park
One Step Closer
I cannot take this anymore
Saying everything I've said before
All these words, they make no sense
I've found bliss in ignorance
Less I hear, the less you say
You'll find that out anyway
Just like before
Everything you say to me
Take's me one step closer to the edge
And I'm about to break
I need a little room to pray
'Cause I'm one step closer to the edge
And I'm about to break
I've found the answers aren't so clear
Wish I could find a way to disappear
All these thoughts. they make no sense
I've found bliss in ignorance
Nothing seems to go away
Over and over again
Just like before
Everything you say to me
Take's me one step closer to the edge
And I'm about to break
I need a little room to pray
'Cause I'm one step closer to the edge
And I'm about to break
Everything you say to me
Take's me one step closer to the edge
And I'm about to break
I need a little room to pray
'Cause I'm one step closer to the edge
And I'm about to
BREAK (echo)
Shut up when I'm talking to you!
Shut up!
Shut up!
Shut up!
Shut up when I'm talking to you!
Shut up!
Shut up!
Shut up!
Shut ... UP!
I'm about to break
Everything you say to me
Takes me one step closer to the edge
And I'm about to break
I need a little room to pray
'Cause I'm one step closer to the edge
And I'm about to break
Everything you say to me
Takes me one step closer to the edge
And I'm about to break
I need a little room to pray
'Cause I'm one step closer to the edge
And I'm about to
BREAK!
Well, i kept my promise to [Kitiara], i got some sleep last night, although when i logged on to elftown today at school i found out she left. well, im gonna get to the bottom of all this but it would really help if someone WOULD TELL ME WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON!!!!!!!!!!!
Bob Parkhurst: I want to see how a war is foght, so badly.
Captain Edmund Blackadder: Well, you've come to the right place Bob. A war hasn't been fought this badly since Olaf the Hairy, high cheif of all the vikings, ordered 80,000 battle helmets with the horns on the inside.
Black Adder Goes Forth
==============
"Now, this may sting a little just at first. But don't worry, that'll go away once the searing pain kicks in." Ethan
Buffy the vampire slayer
==============
"I hate wizards"
Morik the Rogue
==============
Will Turner: In a fair fight, I'd kill you.
Jack Sparrow: Then that's not much incentive to fight fair then, is it?
Pirates of the carribean
==============
"Baldric, you wouldn't know a cunning plan if it painted itself blue and danced naked on top of a harpsichord singin "cunning plans are here again!"
E. Blackadder III
==============
"There's a fine line between foolishness and bravery, too bad it isn't a fence"
==============
Buffy: Have i ever let you down?
Giles: Should i answer that or just glare?
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
==============
"Why is this man speaking in sign language?"
Anonymous- Famous Last words
==============
"I don't need assassins, I have dragons."
Andrew
==============
"If you want something done properly, kill Baldric before you start."
Edmund Blackadder, Esq
==============
Angelus: "All the more reason to use a certain amount of finesse."
Spike: "Bollocks! That stuff's for the frilly cuffs-and-coll
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
==============
"The Almighty tells me he can get me out of this mess, but he's pretty sure you're fucked."
Stephen, Braveheart
==============
A poem written by my good friend Sam, it's for his girlfriend.
my love for you is poetry,
pure and unyielding,
like the heavens from whence you came.
rivers could not be used to explain my love for you,
for they are uneven in their flow,
where as my love is constant,
ever growing, ever true
I love you
By HSA
This is my favorite poem, pay special attention to the very first and very last lines.
In The Pouring Rain
In the pouring rain, I stood alone,
The rain soaking through my clothes, chafing off my skin.
But right before that you dropped the bomb,
You told me you hated me and never wanted to see me again.
The rain soaking through my clothes, chafing off my skin,
The lightning cracked, the thunder boomed, yet I stood there,
You told me you hated me and never wanted to see me again.
But I still love you and always will.
The lightning cracked, the thunder boomed, yet I stood there,
I start to turn around and walk away,
But I still love you and always will.
I will wait for you, there is no other for me.
I start to turn around and walk away,
When I hear my car speed right by,
I will wait for you, there is no other for me.
I stop and look at you, but then you pull the shade shut.
When I hear my car speed right by,
But right before that you dropped the bomb,
I stop and look at you, but then you pull the shade shut.
In the pouring rain I stand alone.
Here are some poems that i have written, enjoy
Alone in Winter
By Brett Marrus
It is wintertime,
All white and blank.
Everywhere you look.
Snow blankets everything.
Even my heart,
For it too is covered in snow.
For in wintertime I adapt,
To block out the happy couples
Walking hand in hand
Down the street.
For I am alone.
Alone like the last dinosaur,
The last of his kind.
So alone that I must cry myself to sleep,
For then I realize, I truly am,
Alone.
==============
Countless ways of Looking at War
Brett Marrus
Among the war-mongered lands,
The only peace,
Was among the buried dead.
A man and a woman,
Are one,
A man and a women and a war,
Are three.
Blood crept through the trenches with chilly warmth,
The shadow of death passing overhead,
Silenced the weakened.
At the sight of a bayonet,
In the hands of a fearless soldier,
Even the most courageous turned coward.
Without fear there is nothing to live for,
Therefore the fearless soldiers are the most dangerous
That is what we train our soldiers to be,
How terrible are we.
==============
Emptiness
i sit here feeling the emptiness of my life
inside where i should have a beating heart
i only have a void,
the void of a black hole where it is completely empty
except for you,
my one and only
==============
Like Before
Why can't things be like before?
Before you uttered those fatal words,
"let's take a break",
You might as well take my heart and break it into pieces,
Why can't it be like before?
When you and I would do anything for each other,
The love I thought I felt,
Was just an illusion it seems,
Now I will go and leave you,
I won't look back,
I'll start a new life, one without trust, love, or
Stupidity.
Do you see what you've done?
Are you happy now?
I can never love again,
All because of you,
Why can't things be like before?
==============
Valentines Day, The Worst Day Of The Year
Valentines Day, The Worst Day Of The Year
Valentines Day,
The worst day of the year.
Why? You ask,
I'll tell you why.
Because when you see the couples,
And all the love between them,
And you're all alone you feel,
Depressed.
You feel the emptiness and wonder,
What's wrong with me?
Why doesn't anyone care?
Where is that damned someone?
Then you think that maybe, just maybe,
You don't deserve one,
Maybe you're doomed to be alone.
When you look around on Valentines Day what do you see?
You see the couples and not the lonely ones like me.
And there is your answer to why,
Valentines day is the worst day of the year.
==============
War, The Curse Of Mankind
Soldiers lying on their blood soaked backs
in the hazy smoke covered battlefield,
Watching their close friends being cut down,
And as they lie there waiting for death,
They wonder, how can mankind fall to this?
How can we be such beasts?
And how can we stop?
As they take their final breath they are
enlightened
They learn the secret of how mankind can do
this, why we are such beasts,
And most importantly,
How we can stop,
But alas, they die too quickly,
And the secret is lost,
Or maybe, just maybe,
This is their way of showing us that death,
Is the only true answer.
==============
Hate To Get Up
oh how i hate to get up in the morning,
oh how i hate to get out of bed,
one of these days im gonna get the guy that wakes my dad up,
and then,
im gonna spend the rest of my life in bed
Yup, %90 sure im leaving, one of the people i was most hoping wanted me to stay doesn't. i should have figured, oh well, whatever, fuck it
I'm probably going to leave Elftown, as much as i love it, there is too much damned depression, and stress. i dont kniw, if i do leave it wont be until friday or saturday. more later
I fucked up big today, really fucked up, i'm such an asshole, damnit why do i always do this? every time something is good, i have to ruin it. Kit, im really really sorry
depressed, confused, pissed, i need serious help
"Bronzer" Well, i hate to say it but im getting really tired of fighting, there is never anything good to fight, they all die to quickly. ah, well. i think i'll go drink some ale. I'll turn this over to Brett now, bye all. *Walks off to get some ale*
"Brett" *watches Bronzer walk off* Moron, anyways, i've been doing well lately. I've gotten really frustrated with Bronzer lately, he drinks all the alcohol in my house. DAMN HIM! oh well, i have to go now, time to roleplay some more. *walks off*