I'm really disgusted by you people. If religion was played out the way it really was meant to be, the world would be perfect. But here are a bunch of Christian Millionares thinking that they are better than a bunch of Athiest civil servants. God doesn't want us to waste our lives worshiping him, he wants us to be good people.

I'm stilll going to notify you of friend's only diary entries.
















HA.

Why must she lie to me? She's always telling me that she'll break up with him and go out with me. Oh well.
I'll wait.

I give up.
I've tried all this time to hand on
No signs of realisation.
No signs of contempt
Emptiness fills my eyes
Through the censored out light
Nothing reaching out
But insanity.
Breathing heavily.
Remembering those I've hurt.
Won't it ever go away?
Sleeping just so I don't remember.
Who can decide
What this ocean of chaos will throw at me?

I'm trying to break down all thoughts based on how people assume other people.

              Prejudice& discrimination
                     \/
              Ignorance, Wide range steriotypes (stupid blonde, drunk mexican, smart asian ect.)
                      \/
                Actual assumed qualities (smart, cool, stupid, in-need-of-attention)
                    \/
               More specific characteristics (caring, understanding, anything that is more descripitive... creative?)
            Actions that people take (no one has a specific quality, everyone has certain qualities in certain situations; you can not see who someone is by even the most descriptive words, instead you must use shorter words, which in turn: leads to things that are assumed...)

No happy thoughts to be found...
the only good things in my life have dissapeared in tragic ways...
No one knows what I feel.
You can't predict what I'm thinking.

Cristy....
You lied to me...



I took a blow today.
You said you loved me.
I was just a pawn
I was nothing
I mean nothing
Nothing...
I mean nothing to you.
I was just a pawn
Yours to manipulate
Kill me if you wish
You have taken your king
And I bow below you
Thinking I might've been next
To take a seat
Next to you
But, no
I'll never be taken.
I'm nothing new.
Same idea.
I wasn't special
You said you wanted me...
I've fallen into your cruel trap.

I took a blow today.
You said you loved me.
I was just a pawn
I was nothing
I mean nothing
Nothing...
I mean nothing to you.
I was just a pawn
Yours to manipulate
Kill me if you wish
You have taken your king
And I bow below you
Thinking I might've been next
To take a seat
Next to you
But, no
I'll never be taken.
I'm nothing new.
Same idea.

I'm getting so many messages it's hard to think strait.
I'm not going to insult you certain people who insist on forcing your stupidity on me. I forgive you.
But anyway.... I just now got this surge of inspiration and i wrote down what i could... it's about 1/100 of what my subconscious threw at me.. so here you go...



You used to be the only one for me…
The only one worthy of my expectations
Now…
I realized
It was just a mask
I still feel the same…
I can’t quit you.

Eyes of a fallen angel
Eyes that she left behind
Eyes through another window
We can’t look through…
I’m blind

Side-stepping the ways you go
Just to avoid your face
That crushing blow to my shadow
I lost my composure.
Isn’t that right?


Eyes of a fallen angel
Eyes that she left behind
Eyes through another window
We can’t look through…
I’m blind

I wasn’t the one to take it through first
It wasn’t my fault…
Like a life raft in the ocean
Will I ever find home?
Or just float on for the sake of life.


Eyes of a fallen angel
Eyes that she left behind
Eyes through another window
We can’t look through…
I’m blind

Eyes of a tragedy
You don’t know what I have wrought
The horrors in my “Soul”
You keep coming closer
But that’s just a mask
Isn’t it?

Eyes of a fallen angel
Eyes that she left behind
Eyes through another window
We can’t look through…
The window has frosted over
Covered in by the snow
Cold weather in here
It’s warm outside.
I’ve seen you naked
But I realize
That I’m just imagining again
No.
That can’t be.
Whisper in my ear.

Okay, I am really disgusted at you people.
I know I used to be like that, but I'm not like that anymore.
All you people who are all, "Nobody loves me!!".
I think there are more Important things in life to worry about whether or not your unimportant ideosyncrasies are functioning or not. I like to help people with their "problems", and I will continue to do it. But don't say you're not doing it for attentiong please. YOU KNOW YOU ARE. Get over it. I'm sure most of your problems are meaningless. However, those who can have an intelligent conversation involving their problems, and the problems of society may talk to me without hassle. But the emo people... GOD GET OVER IT! You are SO out for attention putting your name "gothic chick" or whatever the fuck it is.
Get over your little mind game that you think everyone hates you.

Ok, there seems to be a few people(you know who you are) who seem to like me. I'm sure you are good people and all, but I just can't handle a relationship over the internet. I mean, fun and games are ok, but if it gets too emotional, I may have to break it off. However there is one of you who may qualify(you know who you are).