Sorry I haven't written in so long.


One small nothing
But it’s all so much
My little illusion
My mental crutch
Been holding on so long
But I choose to let it go
To let it float away
To let absolution grow
Some spots are left
As well as the scars
How unoriginal, I thought
And how I’d come so far
To your notion that I’m real
The assumption that you are too
Just guided probability
On a plate just for you
A laceration of the mind
One unimportant thought
A tiny mistake
Can turn me into something
That I’m sure I was not
A cold heart left dwindling
And the mind will rot
A sliver of joy
Falls onto my face
A sudden realization
It’s nothing like fate
So random and new
A love so alive
But not only for her
But for you and I
For every feather
For every stone
For each and every object,
There deserves to be a throne
And we all are the perfect one
We’re all so innocent
We don’t know what we’re doing
And where we went
Wrong

I've decided that what is normal is complete insanity.
There is no difference between "me" and "you".
We are the same thing! What the fuck?
how can I critisize all you when I am you?
Goddamnit!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHH
*dies*
I've been thinkin' too much.
If that's possible.......
New poem?

Fall along the accepted
The Entwined
Covered with acceptance
A lie
Parallelic pieces fall apart
Moving in together
To collide
Smash around assumptions
This goes on
And on
And on…
Nothing that hasn’t been done before
Nothing unique
A common experience simplified.
Sometimes when I walk
I hear a sound
Imaginations make this wicked world
Without creation
There is nothing to be created
Without thought
There is nothing
No time
Trudging on…
Come onto a revelation
I am my own imagination

Hermit Crab.
Walking aimlessly
No choice, no path
Guided by the “democratic” hands
Lay’n before him

He has no idea where he’s going
Only the faith that the one controlling him will lead him
Down the path of salvation
He’s got a shell
Isolated, foolishly withholding himself from all who near him
No one can see his true self

He hides his weakness
The soft, insect like body from
All who may oppose him
He doesn’t even unravel himself to his friends, his mates
The only time he comes out of his hard protection
Is when he gets a new shell,
To conquer something new
That is the only risk he will take

He flaunts his large claw
In front of him, all around him
Those who dare impose, those who are curious
As to why he isolates himself are
Hopelessly cracked in half
By his gargantuan weapon

Paint on his shell,
Showing his pride
Why was it put there?
Carelessly laid down by a machine?
A child paid a quarter for an hour’s work?
A lazy painter?

He will not come out
No matter what, he will protect his soft insides
The sensitive organs that he doesn’t remember
You can pull, and prod
And he will never come out
You can pull his legs out
destroy him
Kill him, but he will not succumb
To whatever you may do to him
Whatever you may say
Nothing will make him change.

I saw a talk by DePak Chopra today.
I thought so many new thoughts that I think I may think myself to death in my thoughts. Dear god...

I'm really disgusted by you people. If religion was played out the way it really was meant to be, the world would be perfect. But here are a bunch of Christian Millionares thinking that they are better than a bunch of Athiest civil servants. God doesn't want us to waste our lives worshiping him, he wants us to be good people.

I'm stilll going to notify you of friend's only diary entries.
















HA.

Why must she lie to me? She's always telling me that she'll break up with him and go out with me. Oh well.
I'll wait.

I give up.
I've tried all this time to hand on
No signs of realisation.
No signs of contempt
Emptiness fills my eyes
Through the censored out light
Nothing reaching out
But insanity.
Breathing heavily.
Remembering those I've hurt.
Won't it ever go away?
Sleeping just so I don't remember.
Who can decide
What this ocean of chaos will throw at me?

I'm trying to break down all thoughts based on how people assume other people.

              Prejudice& discrimination
                     \/
              Ignorance, Wide range steriotypes (stupid blonde, drunk mexican, smart asian ect.)
                      \/
                Actual assumed qualities (smart, cool, stupid, in-need-of-attention)
                    \/
               More specific characteristics (caring, understanding, anything that is more descripitive... creative?)
            Actions that people take (no one has a specific quality, everyone has certain qualities in certain situations; you can not see who someone is by even the most descriptive words, instead you must use shorter words, which in turn: leads to things that are assumed...)

No happy thoughts to be found...
the only good things in my life have dissapeared in tragic ways...
No one knows what I feel.
You can't predict what I'm thinking.

Cristy....
You lied to me...



I took a blow today.
You said you loved me.
I was just a pawn
I was nothing
I mean nothing
Nothing...
I mean nothing to you.
I was just a pawn
Yours to manipulate
Kill me if you wish
You have taken your king
And I bow below you
Thinking I might've been next
To take a seat
Next to you
But, no
I'll never be taken.
I'm nothing new.
Same idea.
I wasn't special
You said you wanted me...
I've fallen into your cruel trap.

I took a blow today.
You said you loved me.
I was just a pawn
I was nothing
I mean nothing
Nothing...
I mean nothing to you.
I was just a pawn
Yours to manipulate
Kill me if you wish
You have taken your king
And I bow below you
Thinking I might've been next
To take a seat
Next to you
But, no
I'll never be taken.
I'm nothing new.
Same idea.