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my day, any questions? No? Good.
damn, my headache just got worse . . .
More Proof of Our Stupidity
In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.
On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping.
(And that's the only time I have to work on my hair.)
On a bag of Fritos: …You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(The shoplifter special?)
On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap."
(And that would be how??...)
On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost."
(But, it's "just" a suggestion.)
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down."
(Well... duh, a bit late, huh!)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating."
(...And you thought????...)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body."
(But wouldn't this save me more time?)
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: “Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication."
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head colds off those forklifts.)
On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness."
(And... I'm taking this because???....)
On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only."
(As opposed to...what?)
On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use."
(Now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)
On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts."
(Talk about a news flash)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts: “Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
(Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)
On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."
(I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)
On a Swedish chainsaw: “Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."
(...Was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)
On a hot or cold pack: Warning: do not microwave while wearing
(Like I can fit in a microwave)
Sure-kill rattraps: warning: do not use on any animal larger than a mouse.
(But isn't a rat larger than a mouse?!?)
Ever wonder why?...
1.) Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
2.) Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth
closed?
3.) Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins
Lottery"?
4.) Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
5.) Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
6.) Why is it that to stop Windows, you have to click on "Start"?
7.) Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons?
8.) Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
9.) Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
10.) Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
11.) When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?
12.) Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
13.) Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
14.) You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes?
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?
15.) Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
16.) Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
17.) If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
18.) If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
19.) Why people drive on parkways but park on driveways?
ONLY IN AMERICA
1. Only in America... can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
2. Only in America... are there handicap-parki
3.Only in America... do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
4. Only in America... do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet Coke.
5. Only in America... do banks leave both doors to the vault open and then chain the pens to the counters.
6. Only in America... do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
7. Only in America... do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.
8. Only in America... do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.
9. Only in America... do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.
10. Only in America... do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.
30 ways to annoy people
1. Sing the Batman theme incessantly.
2. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual massage."
3. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."
4. Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeep Bip..."
5. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
6. Amuse yourself for endless hours by hooking a camcorder to your TV and then pointing it at the screen.
7. Speak only in a "robot" voice.
8. Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.
9. Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will "swipe your grub".
10. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 98 copies.
11. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
12. Sniffle incessantly.
13. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.
14. Name your dog "Dog."
15. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."
16. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."
17. Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your "astronaut training."
18. Declare your apartment an independent nation, and sue your neighbors upstairs for "violating your airspace".
19. Forget the punch line to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot."
20. Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with Lysol.
21. Practice making fax and modem noises.
22. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc:" them to your boss.
23. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
24. Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.
25. Erect an elaborate network of ropes in your backyard, and tell the neighbors you are a "spider person."
26. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with the prophecy."
27. Wear a special hip holster for your remote control.
28. Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment.
29. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.
30. Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.
50 Fun Things to Do in an Elevator
1. Make racecar noises when people get on and off.
2. Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your Kleenex to other passengers.
3. Grimace painfully while slapping your forehead and muttering, "Shut up dammit, all of you just SHUT UP!"
4. Whistle the first 7 notes of "It's a Small World" incessantly.
5. Sell Girl Scout Cookies.
6. On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural frequency of the elevator.
7. Shave.
8. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask, "Got enough air in there?"
9. Offer nametags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down.
10. Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
11. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to pull the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
12. Lean over to another passenger and whisper, "Ever had a Wet Willy?"
13. Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you "Admiral."
14. One word: Flatulence!
15. On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go "plink" at the bottom.
16. Do Tai Chi exercises.
17. Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: "I've got new socks on."
18. When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back, "Oh, not now, damn motion sickness!"
19. Give religious tracts to each passenger.
20. Burp, then say, "Mmmmm..... tasty!"
21. Meow occasionally.
22. Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.
23. Frown and mutter, "Gotta go, gotta go," then sigh and say, "oops!"
24. Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected.
25. Sing "Mary had a Little Lamb" while continuously pushing buttons.
26. Holler, "Chutes away!" whenever the elevator descends.
27. Walk on with a cooler that says "Human Head" on the side.
28. Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce, "You're one of THEM!" and move to the far corner of the elevator.
29. Leave a box between the doors.
30. Ask each passenger getting on if you can push the button for them.
31. Wear a hand puppet and talk to the other passengers "through" it.
32. Start a sing-along.
33. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask, "Is that your beeper?"
34. Play the accordion.
35. Shadow box.
36. Say, "Ding!" at each floor.
37. Lean against the button panel.
38. Say, "I wonder what all these do?" and then push ALL the red buttons.
39. Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.
40. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your "personal space."
41. Bring a chair along.
42. Take a bite of a sandwich and ask another passenger, "Wanna see wha in muh mouf??"
43. Blow spit bubbles.
44. Pull your gum out of your mouth in long strings.
45. Announce in a demonic voice, "I must find a more suitable host body."
46. Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively.
47. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
48. Wear "X-Ray Specs" and leer suggestively at other passengers.
49. Stare at your thumb and say, "I think it's getting bigger."
50. If anyone brushes against you, recoil fiercely and scream, "BAD TOUCH!"
Mad 4 U
By: [Fox_Child]
Locked in a room
Pads on the wall
Smile on my face
Mad 4 u
Written in Pen
On white walls
Were the words
Mad 4 u
All alone
In a man-made hug
Forever I will be
Mad 4 u
Waiting in silence
Surrounded by white
Forever and always
Mad 4 u
Yeah, I was poetic for once in Lit. so voila. ^n.n^ -dances- Yeah, this really doesn't pertain to me, but it does to some of my friends
I have decided Candy Stores are plotting to end the world.
Who else would give little children different forms of sugar in exchange for pieces of metal and paper?
I bet they're waiting for us little hyper people to spontaniously combust and take the world with it.
I know because I was selling fundraising candy and my friend went psycho hyper after she bought and ate the candy.
It's a pretty smart way to take it over too.
It shall help me with my plot of taking over the world with Smiles and Daisies. =D MWAHAHAHAHAHAH
Hey Abby -adressing my puppy-
Normal People generally dont enjoy 80 pounds of dog flying at them at the speed of puppy. >.>
-killls Ashley who is poking her- MWAHAHAHAHA! BURN IN HELL! -is thinking my marvolous little quote i found friday applies here-
YAY! BREAKING POINT IS FINAL UPLOADED!!!!
http://www.fic
go there to read the Prologue & first two chappies if ya want
Tielandros , Pikabloo12 , evilAki , Fox_Rose and Bladara01 this is a must read for you ^.^
Happy ChrismaHanaQua
my friends are crazy. I took in one of my horse's cookies cause I wanted to see Kevin eat it, well he found out and wouldnt do it, but three of my other friends even after finding out what it was. -_-U
I do not want to hear it
No "I know how you feel"s
How the Hell do you know
No "It'll be okay"s
Give me one solid reason why it will
No "I am sorry"s
'Cause I know you're not
I dont want you to Sympathize
Empathize
Or Criticize
I asked you to Listen
And you failed
I would rather scream to the wind
Then confide in you
for you have already failed me
I asked you to listen
Not put yourself in my shoes
Not pity me
Not tell me why I feel the way I do
Or tell me why I shouldn't feel that way
Why must you continue to fail me
Why can't you just listen
If I scream to the Wind
She will Listen
If I cry to the Heavens
He will listen too
They may murmur in response
But they won't interupt my rant
However, though they listen
They cannot pull me into an embrace
Nor rock me gently as tears fall silently
Or caress those tears away
And for those seemingly meaningless tasks
I thank you
Maybe it is not you who have failed me
But I who have failed myself
I failed to let the truth become a reality
I ran away to my little world
I brushed off your words as if it were a poorly written tale
I convinced myself it was a lie, or a mistake
that it wasnt real, or that you were lying
But to see him lying silently there
Unnamed and unfaced people silently weeping
I knew I could no longer deny it
My serine little lie had come crashing down
My walls of defense fell
Just like the tears
And you were there
You took me in your arms
And held me close
And when I thought you said it would be okay
You had really whispered "I know it hurts . . ."
I had let my crashing world falsify your meaning
I have failed myself
And I am sorry . . .
Thank you for listening to me. . .
Wow, been a while since I've written poetry
-_- i am sad and depressed. My great Uncle died recently. But i suppose its better than laying in a hospital barely there. Strokes are evil. -curls up in a ball and sulks-
YAY ITS ALMOST HALLOWEEN!!!! ^_^ One of my favorite times of year. Hey guess what I found out today, my dog can scale a fallen tree like a cat! She followed my right up the log, we got pretty high too, but she wasnt allowed to go all the way up near me cuz my parents didnt want her to fall, but im betting she would have come all the way up. She had a blast at the park today though, she got to go swimming, and running and climbing and lots of stuff. ^_^
Eh, not much to say, walked horses, froze in the wind, ended up leaving early, worked on homework (hiss T_T) . . . but oh well, saw One Piece today, wasnt that bad, looking forward to tonight and everything thats on then so . . .
Hmm, my poor sad and empty diary . . . well lets see I had an utterly pointless day today. 3 hours of school, half day, utterly pointless -_- rainy, rained yesterday too, hope it don't rain tomorrow, and let it be warmish too, it needs to be warmish tomorrow, walkin' horses for 4, 5 hours, needs to be warm yep yep, well lets see anything else oh yeah I gots a DN Angel manga today -does the happy dance- Yay!! ^-^ numba 4 ha [Perplexing] gunna want to steal it from me well, thats it for today i guess