How to speak chinese:
thats not right-sum ting wong
are you hiding a fugitive-hu yu hai ding
see me as soon as possible-kum hai nao
stupid man-dum gai
small horse-tai ni po ni
did you go to the beach-wai yu so tan
i bumped into a coffe table-ai bang mai ni
i think you need a face lift-chin tu fat
its very dark in here-wai so dim
i thought you were on a diet-mun ching
this is a tow away zone-no pah king
you are not very bright-yu so dum
i got this for free-ai no pai
please stay a while longer-wai go nao
stay out of sight-lei lo
hes cleaning his automobile-wai shing ka
your body odor is offensive-yu stin ki pu
The entry below it more important than this though >.>
Oh, my poor back <;_;> falling onto hard earth is not fun. Kinda my fault, but it was Randy's fault too. I had fun trail riding on my old Baby Randy though. <n.n> Me, Lexi and Zack went out behind the barn on Brandy, Randy and Chip. Went around the trail a few times, then we went into the then empty paddock and ran around, me and Lexi did on Chipper and Randy. Well there happens to be a pretty deep trench in the paddock (for drainage i think), and I was running Randy, he started going towards the trench, I tried to stop him, he didnt listen, turned towards the trench, did a spectuale jump over it, which i unfortunately was unprepare for, he landed, bucked, me, who was already leaned forward from the jump, kept going over, landed on my back, my lower left back hit a small hill of dirt and now I am in pain. I couldnt move for a second or two, but i managed to get back on Randy and walk and trot around for a few minutes. <n.n> fun fun, huh?
But Im fine <n.n>
Numa Numa
Some fat guy dancin' to Dragostea Din Tei <n.n> takes a while to load, but its extremely funny
FUN STUFF TO DO AT THE MALL!!!!!!
1. Drop all your change on the ground near a vending machine and pick it up via crawling.
2. Ask for a price check at the Dollar Store- without the tax.
3. Follow a family and pretend you are the long lost child they gave up for adoption during the blizzard of 76. When they deny it, walk away.
4. Set up a DDR right in the middle of a walkway and REVOLUTIONIZE THE MALL WALKWAY!!! (You may need some extension cords for this, but that'll be the least of your problems)
5. Only use pennies to pay for things (or you can cheat and use dollar bills too)
6. Talk to inanimate objects.
7. Have a staring contest with a statue and wonder out loud why you keep losing.
8. Follow people and make loud footsteps. Tell them to stop it when they look at you-that's your cue to walk normal. Continue.
9. Obscure extremely important signs.
10. Make funny faces while trying to hold a conversation.
11. Poke fake food.
12. Hide in clothes racks and jump out at shoppers, but make sure there's room for you in there first. When this goes wrong, it hurts.
13. Talk in different languages to random people
14. Poke people.
15. Try the products.
16. If ever you find your hands too moisturized in the Bath and Body Works, comment on the soft robes they have. (This makes no sense to you, but it still makes for a good time.)
17. Draw on people's faces and send them to buy stuff or ask questions.
18. Beat up random things.
19. Sit on a bench and feed imaginary birds.
20. Play 'The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly' on the Carousel.
21. Make piles of stuff and then bury people in it.
22. Put your face real close to glass windows.
23. Bump into things (preferably glass windows).
24. If you do bump into a shiny glass window, ask people "What this new age contraption is”
25. Host Woodstock '05.
26. Dance your brains out at Woodstock '05.
27. Hide in the directories if they're leaning against each other in a triangle shape- sorta like ^, but bigger.
28. Make it your mission to cut as many people off as you can. Have a contest with your friends.
29. Say a certain word in every sentence, like 'macaroni'.
30. Stare at things. People will then stare at that thing. Then stare at the person.
31. Stare at someone, but when they look, look away. Slowly look back. Continue.
32. Speak Gibberish. Ask questions in gibberish.
33. Ask questions with obvious answers.
34. Sit on people and when they realize it say "Oops- Sorry! I didn’t see you there!"
35. Put on a fake mustache and act dastardly.
36. With a friend, pretend you're a foreign exchange student from some made up country. Who are they to know every single country in the world?
37. Host an art/stuff you found in the garbage auction.
38. Tell a store clerk that you lost your brother as a friend stands right next to you.
39. Run up to people and say "Here she is!"
40. Bring your imaginary friend.
41. Wear signs that say funny stuff (like pointless Trigun quotes)
42. Go into a picture booth. Take pictures, then hand them out to random people. Autographs optional.
43. Jazzercise in the elevator.
44. Act like the elevator operator in the elevator.
45. Start a conga line, and go into the elevator, which will hopefully cut off the end of the line, and tell the people in the elevator that you're "Glad they're gone".
46. Stick little notes on merchandise (like a ring that says 'The One' or you can try to put the whole inscription on it, but that's really hard to fit on a piece of paper)
47. Try to use words starting with the same letter as much as possible.
48. Have a fake fist fight with a friend.
49. Put random things on your head.
50. Salute people who walk by.
51. Go shopping for your attack hamster (see Safety Tips by Martha)
52. Pretend to be sick and cough/sneeze on people.
53. Stuff notes in pants pockets (like 'I'm your new pocket-gnome, Bill' or 'Lestat').
54. Tape things together.
55. ‘Accidentally’ fall down. Crutches come in handy for this one. So to digital cameras.
56. Buy dog collars for you and your friends. Better yet, get some ID tags to eliminate any confusion.
57. Pretend the glass elevator is a teleporter and scream, "BEAM ME UP, SCOTTY!"
58. Tape "Kick Me" signs on people.
59. Act out famous movie scenes.
60. Talk like a robot.
61. Consult your handy stuffed animal on which shade of blue eye shadow you should get.
62. Act like James Bond and roll around on the ground whenever you have to get somewhere.
63. Slap people with a glove and say, "I challenge you to a duel!"
64. Actually duel in the proper Harry Potter fashion, pencils and all.
65. Talk through a sock puppet.
66. Save some ketchup packets from McDonald's to snack on later--and tell the nice people staring at you that it's 'astronaut food'.
67. Teach some parrots at the pet shop some new vocabulary.
68. Build a porch/deck at sears--they have all the tools ya need.
69. Ask any appliance salespeople if they have a tv that speaks English.
70. While you're at sears in the tool section, ask a salesperson how well certain saw cuts through bone.
71. Rummage through a bin of jellybeans in a candy store-and claim you're looking for an expensive earring.
72. Answer any service phones that ring with the traditional 'Pizza Hut' (or if you're a spaz like me, Pizza the Hut)
73. Pretend to be a mannequin and stand very still in store windows. Scream occasionally.
74. Wave at the security cameras.
75. Make up songs about mispronounced words.
76. Sing 'Toxic' to bystanders and do all the choreography from the video. They won't mind at all.
77. Ride the Hate Doll around!
78. If you're at the national mall, fly little egg-shooting monkeys around, preferably aiming at bush. It would help to have a camera mounted on the monkey as well.
FaLlEn
[Fox_Child]
“Ring around the rosy...”
Stop it!
“Pockets full of posies...”
Shut up!
“Ashes...Ashes
Leave me alone!
“…We all fall down…”
Everyday, voices in our head
Singing, taunting us to no end
Behind the smile, screams our soul
“Help us! We’re not okay!!!”
No one will, no mortal sees the pain
Only in the shadows does it rain
Raining glass, shattered glass
Small rivers are born, then die
Every day, we bear new shells
Only a ruse to hide the hell
This life I ‘lived’ has killed my soul
Now I wander alone, without hope
Surrounded by hatred, living in Hell
Nothing now but an empty shell
“…We all fall down…” indeed
“Ashes…ashes…I
Eh . . . I felt poetic
75 Ways To Order Pizza
1. Belch directly into the mouthpiece; then tell your dog it should be ashamed.
2. Make up a charge-card name. Ask if they accept it.
3. When they repeat your order, say "Again, with a little more OOMPH this time."
4. Order a Big Mac Extra Value Meal.
5. Terminate the call with, "Remember, we never had this conversation."
6. Tell the order taker a rival pizza place is on the other line and you're going with the lowest bidder.
7. When they ask for your phone # give them theirs and see if they notice.
8. Answer their questions with questions.
9. Tell them to put the crust on top this time.
10. Sing the order to the tune of your favorite song from Metallica's "Master of Puppets" CD.
11. Do not name the toppings you want. Rather, spell them out.
12. Stutter on the letter "p."
13. Make a list of exotic cuisines. Order them as toppings.
14. Put an extra edge in your voice when you say "crazy bread."
15. Change your accent every three seconds.
16. Ask if you get to keep the pizza box. When they say yes, heave a sigh of relief.
17. Ask what the order taker is wearing.
18. Move the mouthpiece farther and farther from your lips as you speak. When the call ends, jerk the mouthpiece back into place and scream goodbye at the top of your lungs.
19. Say hello, act stunned for five seconds, then behave as if they called you.
20. Say "Are you sure this is (Pizza Place)? When they say yes, say "Well, so is this! You've got some explaining to do!" See how they respond.
21. Tell the order taker you're depressed. Get him/her to cheer you up.
22. Imitate the order taker's voice.
23. Tell them to double-check to make sure your pizza is, in fact, dead.
24. Order 52 pepperoni slices prepared in a fractal pattern as follows from an equation you are about to dictate. Ask if they need paper.
25. Act like you know the order taker from somewhere. Say "Bed-Wetters' Camp, right?"
26. Put the accent on the last syllable of "pepperoni." Use the long "i" sound.
27. If they repeat the order to make sure they have it right, say "OK. That'll be $10.99; please pull up to the first window."
28. Eliminate verbs from your speech.
29. Say it's your anniversary and you'd appreciate if the deliverer hid behind some furniture waiting for your spouse to arrive so you can surprise him/her.
30. Amuse the order taker with little-known facts about country music.
31. Ask to see a menu.
32. Have your pizza "shaken, not stirred."
33. Ask if they have any idea what is at stake with this pizza.
34. Ask what topping goes best with well-aged Chardonnay.
35. If using a touch-tone, press random numbers while ordering. Ask person taking the order to stop doing that.
36. Order a slice, not a whole pizza.
37. Doze off in the middle of the order, catch yourself, and say "Where was I? Who are you?"
38. Psychoanalyze the order taker.
39. Ask what their phone number is. Hang up, call them, and ask again.
40. Order two toppings, then say, "No, they'll start fighting."
41. Call to complain about service. Later, call to say you were drunk and didn't mean it.
42. If he/she suggests anything, adamantly declare, "I shall not be swayed by your sweet words."
43. Wonder aloud if you should trim those nose hairs.
44. Try to talk while drinking something.
45. Start the conversation with "My Call to (Pizza Place), Take 1, and. . . action!"
46. Ask if the pizza is organically grown.
47. Ask about pizza maintenance and repair.
48. Be vague in your order.
49. Use CB lingo where applicable.
50. If using a touch-tone press 9-1-1 every 5 seconds throughout the order.
51. After ordering, say "I wonder what THIS button on the phone does." Simulate a cutoff.
52. Start the conversation by reciting today's date and saying, "This may be my last entry."
53. State your order and say that's as far as this relationship is going to get.
54. Learn to properly pronounce the ingredients of a Twinkie. Ask that these be included in the pizza.
55. Ask if they're familiar with the term "spanking a pizza." Make up a description to go with the term. Ask that this be done to your pizza.
56. Say "Kssssssssssss
57. When listing toppings you want on your pizza, include another pizza.
58. Ask if they would like to sample your pizza. Suggest an even trade.
59. Put them on hold.
60. Teach the order taker a secret code. Use the code on all subsequent orders.
61. Mumble, "There's a bomb under your seat." When asked to repeat that, say "I said 'sauce smothered with meat'."
62. Make the first topping you order mushrooms. Make the last thing you say "No mushrooms, please." Hang up before they have a chance to respond.
63. When the order is repeated, change it slightly. When it is repeated again, change it again. On the third time, say "You just don't get it, do you?"
64. When you've given the price, say "Ooooooo, that sounds complicated. I hate math."
65. Haggle.
66. Order a one-inch pizza.
67. Order term life insurance.
68. When they say "Will that be all?", snicker and say "We'll find out, won't we?"
69. Ask how many dolphins were killed to make that pizza.
70. While on the phone, fake entering puberty. Fluctuate pitch often; act embarrassed.
71. Dance all around the word "pizza." Avoid saying it at all costs. If he/she says it, say "Please don't mention that word."
72. Have a movie with a good car chase scene playing loudly in the background. Yell "OW!" when a bullet is fired.
73. If he/she suggests a side order, ask why he/she is punishing you.
74. Ask if the pizza has had its shots.
75. Order a steamed pizza.
uploaded new Breaking Point Chapter on Fictionpress.c
www.fictionpre
I have entered the "snapdragon" part of my life......
Part of me has snapped.......
"Sometimes we must leave the past behind us for if we linger there, we will cease to realize reality."
Quotes galore, apply to me and people I know o.O
One Vision Lyrics
by Queen
(God works in mysterious ways ... mysterious ways)
One man, one goal, one mission
One heart one goal just one solution
One flash of light, yeah one God, one vision
One flesh, one bone, one true religion
One voice, one hope, one real decision
Wo, wo, wo, wo, gimme one vision
No wrong, no right
I'm gonna tell you there's no black and no white
No blood, no stain
All we need is one world wide vision
One flesh, one bone, one true religion
One race, one hope, one real decision
Wo, wo, wo, wo, oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah
I had a dream, When I was young
A dream of sweet illusion
A glimpse of hope and unity
And visions of one sweet union
But a cold wind blows and a dark rain falls
And in my heart it shows
Look what they've done to my dreams
So give me your hands, give me your hearts... I'm ready
There's only one direction
One world, one nation, Yeah, one vision
No hate, no fight, just excitation
All through the night it's a celebration wo, wo, wo, wo yeah
One, one, one, one...
One flesh, one bone, one true religion
One voice, one hope, one real decision
Gimme one light, Gimme one hope
Just gimme
One man, one man
One bar, one night
One day, hey, hey
Just, gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme
Fried chicken
(Coughs while pointing to last line) You would really expect something more deep than that >.>''
Life
The supreme irony of life?
No one gets out alive
No matter what we say
Or what we do
Deals we make
Promises we break
No one gets out alive
So take a dive
Off a cliff
Learn to fly
The key’s to miss
Miss the ground
And the trees
Row your boat
Down a stream
Under the falls
And through the dream
Dream during the day
Live during the night
Live free
‘Cause no one gets out alive
Reality
Size 36 chest
Size 24 waist
Screams perfection in your face
Perfect smile
Perfect grace
She doesn’t bend at the waist
High-heeled feet
Without shoes
On long work days, singin’ the blues
Perfect hair in the box
Take it out, tangled locks
Brush it; comb it, the same it’s not
Her body’s solid plastic
Her head is empty space
The only thing she wasn’t, was President of the United States
The perfect woman?
Ha! I think not!
She’s nothing more than a plastic robot
An imperfect dream
Not meant to be
She doesn’t even bend at the knee!
Mwahaha, my poem 'bout Barbie
hnuybj7refcdij
my day, any questions? No? Good.
damn, my headache just got worse . . .
More Proof of Our Stupidity
In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.
On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping.
(And that's the only time I have to work on my hair.)
On a bag of Fritos: …You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(The shoplifter special?)
On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap."
(And that would be how??...)
On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost."
(But, it's "just" a suggestion.)
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down."
(Well... duh, a bit late, huh!)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating."
(...And you thought????...)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body."
(But wouldn't this save me more time?)
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: “Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication."
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head colds off those forklifts.)
On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness."
(And... I'm taking this because???....)
On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only."
(As opposed to...what?)
On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use."
(Now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)
On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts."
(Talk about a news flash)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts: “Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
(Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)
On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."
(I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)
On a Swedish chainsaw: “Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."
(...Was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)
On a hot or cold pack: Warning: do not microwave while wearing
(Like I can fit in a microwave)
Sure-kill rattraps: warning: do not use on any animal larger than a mouse.
(But isn't a rat larger than a mouse?!?)
Ever wonder why?...
1.) Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
2.) Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth
closed?
3.) Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins
Lottery"?
4.) Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
5.) Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
6.) Why is it that to stop Windows, you have to click on "Start"?
7.) Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons?
8.) Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
9.) Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
10.) Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
11.) When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?
12.) Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
13.) Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
14.) You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes?
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?
15.) Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
16.) Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
17.) If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
18.) If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
19.) Why people drive on parkways but park on driveways?
ONLY IN AMERICA
1. Only in America... can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
2. Only in America... are there handicap-parki
3.Only in America... do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
4. Only in America... do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet Coke.
5. Only in America... do banks leave both doors to the vault open and then chain the pens to the counters.
6. Only in America... do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
7. Only in America... do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.
8. Only in America... do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.
9. Only in America... do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.
10. Only in America... do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.
30 ways to annoy people
1. Sing the Batman theme incessantly.
2. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual massage."
3. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."
4. Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeep Bip..."
5. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
6. Amuse yourself for endless hours by hooking a camcorder to your TV and then pointing it at the screen.
7. Speak only in a "robot" voice.
8. Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.
9. Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will "swipe your grub".
10. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 98 copies.
11. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
12. Sniffle incessantly.
13. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.
14. Name your dog "Dog."
15. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."
16. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."
17. Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your "astronaut training."
18. Declare your apartment an independent nation, and sue your neighbors upstairs for "violating your airspace".
19. Forget the punch line to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot."
20. Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with Lysol.
21. Practice making fax and modem noises.
22. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc:" them to your boss.
23. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
24. Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.
25. Erect an elaborate network of ropes in your backyard, and tell the neighbors you are a "spider person."
26. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with the prophecy."
27. Wear a special hip holster for your remote control.
28. Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment.
29. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.
30. Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.