Omg. Chapter 11 in Confessor is, like, the best. Ever. -sqeeee- I love this book! I never want it to be over!!!!!

1. Grab the nearest book.
2. Open the book to page 23.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the text of the next three sentences in your journal along with these instructions.
5. Don't dig for your favorite book, the cool book, or the intellectual one: pick the CLOSEST.

While many of the soldiers were sleeping, others seemed always to be at work repairing gear, making weapons, cooking, eating, or engaged in drinking and raucous stories around fires as they passed the time waiting for their next opportunity at murder, rape, and plunder. All night long, it seemed, there were men testing their strength against one another, sometimes with muscle, sometimes with knives. Small crowds gathered from time to time to watch such contests and to bet on the outcome.

Terry Goodkind, Confessor.

Cj, Zeth, Rean, Ilie, Tanner, Hank, John, Julius, Jay, Sam.

No, NOT a list of people I've had sex with, thankyouverymuch.

How much longer until the day comes when I forget to think of you?

I pray that day will come soon, I can't take the torment.

"And I wanted to say something about your 'marriage is a little too far' comment. I don't want to be rude or anything, so I'll try not to be, but when you look at it technically - marriage is a federal thing. People can get married without a priest, preacher, etc. It's become something legal that has nothing to do with religion any more - because religion is separate from state and so on and so forth, as you well know. I'm Christian, so I don't agree with their actions, but it's not my right to tell them what to do when it doesn't involve me, or hurt anyone. This is also why I'm pro choice towards abortion; I can't tell someone else what they should or should not do, it's none of my business because I don't know them or know the choices/reasons yadda yadda. Then again, I can't say that with complete iron certainty, because there are so many shades of gray pertaining to what involves my life or the lives of the people I care about, or what hurts innocents for no good cause.

But ANYWAYS, (geesh, sorry about ranting at you!) how is it our right, anyone's right, the GOVERNMENT'S right, to restrict a couple from all the LEGAL pleasures of being married, because our religions say it's not okay, or because we find it 'gross' or whatever? It's like our government has suddenly become Catholic again or something, and that is NOT okay, we are a /free/ nation."

Just a silly, quick minute rant I sent someone. Filled with grammatical errors and probably doesn't make sense. I dun care. Muwaha. ^_^

Cation, TMI for some guys out there that gag at the thought of menstruation!

Dodged a bullet there.

Damn stress, this is ridiculous, I haven't had a period for almost two months now. I hate when this happens, and it happens all the bloody time! I either get them one right after the other, or not at all for a really long time and then BOOM, I'm actually bawling in pain for five days straight, gushing. Ung. Ung!

Still. Thank the Lord there's not a baby. Phew.

Huh. Could be pregnant.

Let's hope not, mmkay?

Mmkay.

Well, if I'm not around very much, sorry. Probably getting kicked out of the house tomorrow.

Knew it would come to this eventually, just thought I'd get more time to save up money.

Keep your fingers crossed for me.

. . . No.. fucking.. way.

The Backstreet Boys are back.

Holy shit.

So.

I dropped out.

On Monday.

Getting my GED, going to PCC next year. I'm pretty sure I have a job, starting it next week.

That's all. Take care, guys.

I can't believe that some people think it's alright to hit children.

Spanking. Good god. I don't know how many times I've been spanked - and did it change my behavior? Barely.

I mean, how could people be so stupid as to believe that punishing a child for hitting their peer by thwapping them is a good idea? It's ridiculously stupid. Just like doing drugs and then telling your kids not to do them. What the fuck.

Parents are hypocritical and completely fucked up. I don't think I want children, though, because I doubt I'd be any better.

currently extremely pissed off at my tablet. I wish that technology could read minds and react the way it should already, damnit.

The dictionary. Nouns. Verbs. Adjectives. They mean different things to everyone.

coxcomb: a vain, showy fellow.
chicanery: the use of trickery to deceive.
habitue: one who habitually frequents a place.
pellucid: transparent, clear; also, easily understandable.
buss: a kiss; to kiss.
factitious: artificial; not authentic or genuine.
profligate: shamelessly immoral; also, recklessly wasteful.
bedaub: to besmear; also, to overdecorate.
bifurcate: to divide into two branches.
contumacious: obstinate; stubbornly disobedient.
firmament: the sky; the heavens.
arcane: understood or known by only a few.
perfunctory: done routinely.
temerity: unreasonable or foolhardy contempt of danger.
superannuated: old; discharged or disqualified on account of old age.
egregious: outrageously bad.
tutelary: guardian; protecting.
condign: deserved; adequate.
lambent: playing on the surface; flickering.
confabulation: familiar talk.
expiate: to make amends for; to atone for.
somniferous: causing or inducing sleep.
aubade: a song greeting the dawn.
cogitate: to think; to ponder.
persiflage: frivolous or bantering talk.
obfuscate: to darken or obscure.
calumny: malicious misrepresentation; slander.
ablution: the washing of the body or some part of it.
undulate: to move in waves.
cosset: to treat with excessive indulgence; to pamper

Think of those so commonly used words.

Me.
Water.
Sex.
Little.

What do they mean to you?

The buzzing of my computer alarm jarred me awake this morning. Still groggy, I turned it off, hid under my blanket, and promptly fell back to sleep.

--

His face, his smile… the past few nights have been torture. I wake up believing that he has sent me a message, that he’s somewhere close, and when reality hits me like a train, my own self pity and loathing try to replace the void in my heart that he made.

--

Do I consider myself a slut? No. It’s a dirty word, an insult, something bad. I’m more inclined to say nymphomaniac.

--

Where do I get off thinking that it’s okay for me to be who I am? Because I can’t change? Because my mom was the same? Because it’s easiest?

--

I look forward to my future, to all of the experiences that will continue to change me. My role models are the actions, emotions, appearances, of other people. This might make me vain. So I am vain. At least I can appreciate every person in my life. I appreciate the man who stole my virginity from me, for now I can better understand the pain and helplessness of others. I appreciate the way that my mother drinks every night, just to get to sleep, because her memories torture her sub consciousness. And I appreciate the time and effort you will take to read what I have written. The things that you think, the decisions you make, and how they will continue to make me into the woman I will one day be. Thank you.

--

I'm so full of bullshit, I can hardly stand myself sometimes.

Ideas. 9-23-07

The colour of dragon scales - surgery - attaching scales to humans - skinning - hunting - abuse

Miles of metal, metal landfills, use crystal, metal useless, use earth as a landfill

Government becomes dictatorship, God rules all, those who don't follow burn, those who obey are glorified

Shuck the skin from iridescent purity

Surgically attach the indiscriminating resplendence

Over gaping wholes in our humanity

Dementia sickens lunacy

Muses soar in agony, stripped of themselves

Our Ascension gained through their suffering


!@#%!@Futuristic@@!@#$

remnant

extinction

Journal Entry. 9-18-07.

Painted finger nails, cocaine stains around their mouths. I get hailed from friends, as little boys wander away from their parents. Ball caps, beer cans, cigarette butts, am I any different? I'm wearing Sean's old work shoes, no socks. The pricklies from the overgrown garden in our yard have been tearing into my feet all day long, stuck to the fabric of his shoes. Oh well. No bra; I couldn't risk my mom seeing me this morning, and I didn't have it with me downstairs.The concrete is hard, and cold, and I can feel it very easily through my thin sweat pants. To my right, a small group of deaf use sign language to communicate while I watch out of the corner of my eye. What a beautiful thing to see. An elderly woman stands beside me, her hair dyed a reddish purple. She's probably no more then four feet tall. And this, only in Spokane. I wonder what the transit in downtown New York would look like.

My bus is here.

Hey.. I actually had a bit of fun with these. They let me know more about myself, and it was interesting to see the results.. So.. Yea... I stole 'em from [Jitter]'s diary, and I'menna do 'em! Yup yup.

Stole from the fork aka Vorkje

Okay, here's the deal, start with 100% and subtract 1% for everything that you've done. Then repost as your __% Virgin. The lowest number you have, the more you've done!

1. Smoked.
2. Drank alcohol.
3. Cried when someone died.
4. Been drunk.
5. Had sex.
6. Been to a concert.
7. gotten/given a handjob.
8. gotten/given a blowjob.
9. Been verbally/sexually harassed.
10. Verbally/sexually harassed somebody.

PERCENTAGE SO FAR: 91 %


11. Felt someone up and/or been felt up.
12. Laughed so hard something came out of your nose.
13. Cheated on a boyfriend/girlfrend before.
14. Been cheated on by a boyfriend/girlfriend.
15. Been to prom.
16. Cried at school.
17. Gotten lost in a WalMart or a department store.
18. Went streaking.
19. Given or receieved a lap dance.
20. Had someone of the opposite sex in your room.

PERCENTAGE : 83 %


21. Had someone of the opposite sex sleep over.
22. Slept over at someone of the opposite sexs house.
23. Kissed a stranger.
24. Hugged a stranger.
25. Went scuba diving.
26. Driven a car.
27. Gotten an x-ray.
28. Hit by a car.
29. Had a party.
30. Done serious drugs.

PERCENTAGE SO FAR: 74%


31. Played strip poker/darts.
32. Got paid to strip for someone.
33. Run away from home.
34. Broken a bone.
35. Eaten sushi.
36. Bought porn.
37. Watched porn.
38. Made porn.
39. Had a crush on someone of the same sex.
40. Been in love.


PERCENTAGE SO FAR: 62%




41. Frenched kissed.
42. Laughed so hard you cried.
43. Cried yourself to sleep.
44. Laughed yourself to sleep
45. Stabbed yourself.
46. Shot a gun
47. Trash talked someone and then acted like their best friend the next day.
48. Been online for 9 consecutive hours.
49. Watched TV for 9 consecutive hours.
50. Watched an animal die.

PERCENTAGE SO FAR: 53%

51. Watched a person die.
52. Kissed and/or messed around somewhere with at least 1 person present.
53. Pranked somebody
54. Put somebody in the hospital.
55. Snuck into someone's room and/or your own room after being out.
56. Kissed somebody of the same sex.
57. Dressed punk.
58. Dressed goth.
59. Dressed preppy.
60. Been to a motocross race.

PERCENTAGE SO FAR: 46%

61. Avoided somebody.
62. Been stalked.
63. Stalked someone.
64. Met a celebrity.
65. Played an instrument.
66. Ridden a horse.
67. Cut yourself.
68. Bungee jumped.
69. Ding dong ditched somebody.
70. Been to a wild party.


PERCENTAGE SO FAR: 36%


71. Got caught stealing something.
72. Kicked/punched a guy in the balls.
73. Stolen a boyfriend/girlfriend from a friend.
74. Gone out with your friend's crush.
75. Got arrested.
76. Been pregnant.
77. Babysat.
78. Been to another country.
79. Started your house on fire.
80. Had an encounter with a ghost.

PERCENTAGE SO FAR: 29%


81. Donated your hair to cancer patients.
82. Been asked out by someone that you never thought you'd be asked out by.
83. Cried over a member of the opposite sex.
84. Had a boyfriend/girlfriend for over or 3 months.
85. Sat on your butt all day
86. Ate a whole carton of ice cream all by yourself.
87. Had a job.
88. Gotten cut from a sports team.
89. Been called a whore.
90. Danced like a whore

PERCENTAGE SO FAR: 21%

91. Been mistaken for a celebrity.
92. Been in a car accident.
93. Been told you have beautiful eyes
94. Been told you have beautiful hair.
95. Raped somebody
96. Danced in the rain.
97. Been rejected.
98. Walked out of a restaurant without paying.
99. Punched someone/slapped someone in the face
100. Been raped

PERCENTAGE SO FAR: 13%

.... Uhm.. Yea. I'm pretty un-fucking-virginal. -_-;; I don't think that's a good thing.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Stolen from, again, [Jitter], who stole it random website. ^_^

1. Add up the price of the clothing you're wearing.

Uhm. Really old college tshirt, my mom's college, that is.. probably no more then $5.
Baggy, bear covered pj pants, like, $8, I believe.
Socks. Black, warm. No idea, as they're bought in packs, but probably like $1.80.

So that's $11.80. Eh. Way too much for pjs.

2. Add up the pageviews of all the accounts you own.

Shit.. probably like... 3,000 or so. o_o

3. What have you eaten today?

Uhm. Two slices of oreo pizza, some alkaseltzer, which I can't spell, and.. well, I'm being called for dinner right now, so that's that.

4. Write the last thing you heard?

phfooooooom, the sound of the heater coming on.

5. List 5 things you see next to you

A 2 liter of root beer, 3/4s empty.
Some fixative spray for charcoal drawings.
My glade plugin lightshow. I adore thee. ^___^
A fallen stack of video games/dvds.
My 250GB external harddrive. Whee!! I sound rich. HAH.

6. The first word that comes into your head

Poo. ..sad, I know. Stfu.

7. One funny thing thats happened to you today

A close friend of mine agreed with me that I'm a bit of a slut. I find that funny. XD

8. Put your music player on shuffle. Click the skip/next song button 5 times. Whats playing now?

Tongan & Sade - By your side (reggae mix) ... I have no idea.

-squeals like a preppy- VIGGO MORTENSEN!!!!!!!! There's a new movie coming out with VIGGO! Aaaaahh omfg! And he's NAKED in a scene! AAAAHHH! And it's coming out in LESS THEN A MONTH! AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHMYFUCKINGGOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"Fat girls give the best head because they're HUNGRY!" R.O.F.L.M.A.O.

Oh, how true.

I'm going to be taking 20 classes this year.

If I don't talk to anyone, or hang out much, or get online much, it's okay. I'm just going to be really effing busy.

I'm taking 7 classes each semester at Lewis and Clark, and then another 6 classes through BYU online, with the help of Damon and Jennifer (Jennifer's parents are paying half), so that I can graduate with my class.

I will be busy.

Yes.

"That's a nipple. That is a nipple in the mouth, right there. Nipple in the mouth -- an ugly nipple. It's like a -- fuck, a nipple. Fuckin' barbwire nipple, or some shit. This is fuckin' terrible, this is, this has gotta be one of those - fuck. This is a fuckin' dinasour dick." <--- I .. no words.