[Your Favorite Stranger]'s diary
She wasn't exactly normal, and although she didn't want to be, there were sometimes when abnormality was forced upon her.
She had admitted to her closest people, she wanted something normal. Something healthy and normal. A relationship. She wanted her boyfriend to be able to talk to her, be able to see her without stipulations, or sneaking about it. She wanted her boyfriend to take her to the county fair, to take her to the movies, to hold her hand, to cuddle with. She wanted to be able to worship with him, and pray with him.
But it would appear she's not to have that, at least not now.
Time seemed to slow as she watched this boy with his careful movements. It was very cold weather, and yet she stood there, watching him meticulously put her wristband on, perfectly straight. She thought "I'm cared for." And then time sped back up and she was off for a night on the fair.
Fairs are not good for the emotional health of the reluctantly single.
Grr-Arg. I hate it when good things make me sad. I really do. And I hate it when I should be happy, yet I want to cry. How do I get myself into these little stony crevices?
We could you know. We'll have to tone it down a wee bit in public, I wouldn't want to be the subject of so much green gas. *sigh* I don't like it when you leave all weekend. It's normally harder to call you. And calling's all I've got. Until next weekend. But I live in fear that it'll fall through and my excitement will go pfffttt, just like that. Oh well. I'll see you someday, my man-lovely bassist.
Artist: Blue October Lyrics
Song: Calling You Lyrics
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Click here to send Blue October polyphonic ringtone to your cell phone.
Theres something that i cant quite explain
i'm so in love with you
you'll never take that away
and if i said a hundred times before
expect a thousand more
you never take that away
well expect me to be
calling you to see
if you're ok when i'm not around
asking if you love me
i love the way you make it sound
calling you to see
do i try too hard to make you smile
to make a smile
well i will keep calling you to see
if you're sleepin are you dreamin and
if you're dreamin are you dreamin of me
i cant believe
you actually picked...me
i thought that the world had lost its sway
(its so hard sometimes)
then i fell in love with you
(then came you)
and you took that away
(its not so difficult, the world is not so difficult)
you take away the old
show me the new
and i feel like i can fly
when i stand next to you
so what if I'm on this phone
a hundred miles from home
i take the words you gave
and send them back to you
i only want to see
if you're ok when i'm not around
asking if you love me
i love the way you make it sound
calling you to see
do i try too hard to make you smile
to make a smile
i will keep calling you to see
if you're sleepin are you dreamin and
if you're dreamin are you dreamin of me
i cant believe
you actually picked...me
well i will keep calling you to see
if you're sleepin are you dreamin and
if you're dreamin are you dreamin of me
i cant believe
you actually picked...me
i will keep calling you to see
if you're sleepin are you dreamin and
if you're dreamin are you dreamin of me
i cant believe
you actually picked...me
Yay! Another us song.
Out again,
Another late night.
It always is,
But you never fight.
You know exactly where I go,
You know exactly what I do,
But yet you never stop me
As I breeze right by you.
Why do I do this
To the one who loves me most?
Why do I cause such pain
Chasing down these ghosts?
I cannot stand your gaze,
So sad and full of love,
So the moment I get home, I’m gone,
Right past you I will shove.
I know that this will hurt me,
It’s already started to,
But even when it hurts so bad,
I don’t want to go back to you.
Why do I do this
To the one who loves me most?
Why do I cause such pain
Chasing down these ghosts?
Sometimes I wish you’d stop me,
Forbid me to leave this place.
But you never do, you just sit there
With this sad, sad look on your face.
I know how bad this hurts you,
I know it makes you cry,
But sometimes I feel
Like if I stopped, I’d die.
Why do I do this
To the one who loves me most?
Why do I cause such pain
Chasing down these ghosts?
One day when I was leaving,
You just held out your hand.
This very simple motion,
I almost didn’t understand.
I hesitated a moment,
Then rushed to hold you tight.
I sobbed until I could no more,
But I found peace that night.
Safe within your arms I’ll stay,
Cuz you’re the one who loves me most.
Never again will I cause pain this way:
I’ve laid to rest my ghosts.
Cheating
Written by [Your Favorite Stranger]
***Note***: I didn't write this about me cheating on a hysical person, I wrote this about "cheating" on my Dad, my God. It can be used for whatever you'd like to use it for, but yeah, I'm not and never will be a cheater.
Written about Friday 2006-10-13
Written: (6616 days ago)
She breathed in deep, then sighed, content. She smelled him, felt the heat of him so close. She lay her head on his chest, and just listened to his heart beat, the heart that was so full of love for her. He held her close, so close, like he needed her, like he wanted to keep her safe, yet needed her to save him. He lifted a hand and slowly ran his fingers through her hair.
The feeling was one she could never describe, even if she had God's vocabulary. She tightened her arms around him, and smiled against his chest.
The he began to sing, softly, oh so softly, but she could hear.
"If I lay here, If I just lay here, Would you lay with me and we'll forget the world."
Tears leaked from her eyes and for a moment, she could say nothing.
"Yes. I would."
Noise. What noise? There was no noise. Which was odd, because we were at a concert. There should have been noise. But there was only him. Only his eyes. Only his face. Only that silence that's so beautiful. And that was ok. Because his eyes made all the noise I wanted.
The shoes.
It didn't even take her a second to figure out what they were, who's they were, and what this meant to her.
They were the shoes, the ugliest, yet most interesting shoes she'd ever seen. They belonged to him, the person who was most special to her in the world, discluding relatives. And it meant that he had done something.
Shaking, she swiftly bent over, and sucked in a breath.
There was blood on the shoes.Shakily she stood up, and ran as fast as she could to the phone. Willing her hands to be still, she poked in his number.
Ring-ring.
Ring-ring.
Ring-ring.
Ring-ring.
Ring-ptt.
"Hey, you've reached Josh, sorry I'm not-"
She hung up, then picked the phone back up and called his house, having to redial twice due to her shaky hands.
Again, just the messenger.
Drawing in a trembling breath, she made one last call. When a voice came on the phone, she answered "My boyfriend may be hurt, please, he needs help!" She gave them his house number, then hung up.
"Oh God, Oh my God, God, God, God, please, let him be ok, please, be with him Dad. Don't let him be hurt, please, please, please." Tears were in her eyes, but she wouldn't let them fall. She just prayed.
Written about Sunday 2006-10-01
Written: (6628 days ago)
The sun was shining that unique gold color it shines when setting, and the shadows it was casting were magnificent. But the girl, normally in tune with shadows, and sunsets, and anything that would make a good picture, wasn’t paying much attention. She only noticed the sun when it trickled through his hair, or outlined him brightly. The him in question was slightly taller than her, with longish brown hair that always fell perfectly around his face and turned up at the ends. His eyes were open, not necessarily large, but earnest. His smile wasn’t exactly symmetrical, but she loved the way one side went up slightly farther than the other. The were sitting, turned toward each other, on a bench by the river. They were close, but not unbearably close, just a tickle of almost- touch between them. The air was cool, like it always is in fall, but it wasn’t so cold that they needed heavy jackets. He wore his standard camo shorts, and an brown and green OBEY hoodie, while she dressed in dark jeans and an over-large, faded blue hoodie. They were about as aware of the world as it was of them, which was just a brief acknowledgment of existence in busy minds. They would lean forward during a particularly intense part of the conversation, then seem to catch themselves and lean back out. If anyone would’ve had the time to stop and observe them, they would have noticed that the conversation could go from apparently serious to laughter in a matter of words. But the aura from these two was laid back, mellow, content. It’s probably better that no one had time to watch them. If they had, they would’ve been jealous.
You know what's sooooo cool?
Josh
and
i
m
e
"and i know this probably ain't much of a surprise, but i seriously have though about it and i like you. deeply. not the shallow kind just about looks but the deep kind; i like the person you are. just the way you think and speak, they way you live your life, just...well..y
OoO, does Jaime feel special or what? I'll answer for you: Jaime feels special.
imaginedwhen you were young."
How you can stand so totally for something,
yet forgive me for going against that very thing.
And not only forgive me, but
likeme. That's what [blows my mind].
And in this dream, there was just me.
I was alone, but that was ok:
Sometimes alone means free.
Just last night I had a dream.
And in this dream, nothing was as it seemed.
It was quite strange, but that was ok:
Sometimes strange means free.
Just last night, I had a dream.
And in this dream, I fell from the beam.
I never stopped falling, but that was ok:
Sometimes falling means free.
Just last night, I had a dream.
And in this dream, life was mean.
Life made me cry, but that was ok:
Sometimes crying means free.
Just last night, I had a dream.
And in this dream, things were real.
Everything was true, but that was ok:
Sometimes truth means free.
I have no problem waiting. Anticipation is the best part of life. The reward of waiting is only half the satisfaction. So it's just as good waiting for your message as finally receiving it and being overjoyed at getting it. -Josh Pittman
Philosophical love, baby. Just kidding, we're still on the like thing, and doing very well with it, thank you very much.
The edge is crumbling beneath my feet,
I have no chance but to go down.
But will I fall, or will I fly?
Falling is falling, it's always the same,
But flying is falling with style.
Sorry, but it's too true...
[Kissing is a habbit
Fucking is a game
guys get all the pleasure
girls get all the pain
the guy says he loves you
you believe its true
your stomache starts to swell
he says, Fuck you
1 hour of pleasure
9 months of pain
3 days in the hospital
A baby without a name
The baby is a bastard
The mother is a whore
This never would have happened
If the rubber had not torn]
Sorry guys, but it's really true, a lot of the time. Especially
"[Kissing is a habbit
Fucking is a game
guys get all the pleasure
girls get all the pain
the guy says he loves you
you believe its true"
I'm feeling oh-so-sexist tonight, can ya tell? Sorry for all you guys who aren't like this, I know all my friends aren't, just something that's true that makes me madder than...smell.
Apartment Walls
by Stephanie Powell, Age 14
I wrote the story
of our relationship
on the apartment walls
of the old apartment
after you had left.
In the kitchen
I wrote about
all our good dates.
In the sabinets
I wrote about the bad ones.
In my room
I wrote all my flaws
and all the good things
you ever said were me.
When I got to your room
I lost myself.
And in red paint
I wrote "fuck you"
all over everything.
In the bathroom
I wrote about my overdose.
In the living room
I made a list of every movie
we ever rented.
And in the guest room
I wrote how stupid I had been
With your friends
in town to stay.
I wrote how cruel you were.
On the front door
I wrote goodbye.
I packed up my shit
and left it all behind.
And i bet by now
the landlord has painted
it all back to white.
Leaving us with no history.
I love this.
"People with big eyes have such a gift."