ooo man... I think I give up/get frustratd to easily... however when I try it hurts.... so here I am, stuck in the middle

awards sucked... spent the entire time messing around and then my mom freaked out cuz I was being "rude" whatever... BITE ME. She's mostly cool but i dk it still just gets to me. Like the Tom Petty concert and the midnight star wars thing... (which was part of the orginal effing plan) like seriously I am 17 I think I can take care of myself.

o well gtg... thnk I'm going to the liquor store with my mom and my aunt...who I swear have been drinking all day...

*sigh*

eh... crappy day and gna get much worse. We have awards ceremony at 7pm and its school awards and sports awards... so I'll sit there for two hours doing nothing when I could be home watching my effing perfect sister recieve every effing freshman award... *sigh* the downside of being related to a perfect genius...

oh... and last night... dont even get me started :/ o man....

my moms home with pizza...so I'm out kids!

wow and it seems like everythings falling apart. and I know its still aways off but its really not. Time flies. damn time...I dont want it to end... there isn't enough time to say goodbye

[i don't know if living makes me happy.
i don't know if anything's exactly what it needs to be.
when it comes to me. she is a god to me.
i waited for so long.

i don't know if living makes much sense now.
i can't say a thing in its defense now cause it gets to me.
that i used to be so extra-sensory.
i knew it all along. that nothing could go wrong.
when i look into those eyes. nothing seems like a surprise.
when i look into those eyes. nothing seems like a surprise.

i don't think that living's too attractive.
i don't think that god is interactive and it gets to me.
that i used to be so extra-sensory.
i knew it all along. that nothing could go wrong.
nothing could go wrong. nothing could go wrong.]

TO DO
english portfolio
'My Sister's Keeper' Organ paper
'Angels and Demons' science vs. religion pssay
Holocaust essay
College essay
study for trig final
type spanish corrections
'Taming of The Shrew' movie/movie/book imagery comparission paper

just kill me.. I want it all to be over....

no , NO! I lied... cuz when its over its summer, then fr. matt leaves and when summer ends everything ends, everyone deserts me, everything changes...so for once I dont want school to end...

ok definently just had hotdogs and hamburgers for the 4th time in week.. :(...not feeling too hottttt

wow crazy CraZy weekend...
Friday-come home, leave to fill out applications at Sorgels, come home, make dinner, get my hair cut, come home, take shower, greet company, talk to company (my aunt, uncle, and cousin), go to bed
saturday-wake up, wander down to breakfast, take a nap in the kitchen on the table while everyone else easts breakfast, wander summmore, help everyone get ready to leave for the church, mom leaves to take my brother to a soccer game, try to do some hw, feed paul, dad, colleen, rose, and aunt, uncle and elissa leave for church wedding, sit by myself for a bit listening to very loud music, do some chores, talk to jess, talk to mom (who is still at the soccer game) wake up paul, do my hair, take pictures, get dressed, leave for the wedding reception >.< get to the wedding reception, find my table, decide i dont want to sit at my table as it contains my cousin Jess, his girlfriend (annoying like Omg Omg in a high squeaky voice), 3 other looking angery cousins, and jess's like 26 yr old sister, so go and sit with my parents and my uncle paul and his grandkids (=sooo cute!), eat, watch them dance, wonderful tonight comes on, sit there and wish i was at semi, dance (some) wander outside to find my uncle frank and we have a very deep conversation about steph and my pap as we take turns drinking his whiskey, wander back inside, talk to mi madre, dance, wander back outside to see uncle frank who has a LOT more whiskeys by this time and decides that I need a drink too, we go into the bar and i get some wine, watch my parents leave, sit around, dance to shout and watch uncle frank go crazy on the dance floor (lying on his back kicking and waving his hands...goodd timess) end dancing, say goodbye for a 1/2 hour and leave, get home, watch some SNL, shower, sleep... finallly
Sunday-wake up, everyone cept colleen and I leave for chruch, breakfast, homework, everyone else returns, aunt, uncle and elissa leave for the airport, get ready for the party for my dad's birthday, do summore hw, aunt shelia and her kids and gramma comes, few minutes later uncle chuck and brittany (my cousin) show up (party at the stock house), played indian ball for a bit, ate, got ready for church, said goodbye to cousins etc. and went to church, have a deep conversation with brittany (papalia) about friends, find out fr. matt is leaving (NOOOOOO, *_*, saddness, we are sooo transferring to st. bonnies!!!!!), do the skit (ehh I hate vasline and my purse smelled funny), more friends talk, singing, praying over fr. matt and bernadette (why was everyone crying about bernadette?? i musta missed it) circle thing, singing, leave, home, sleep..............

tell me that's not insane...

And I cant let you, let me down again

and I'm not gna be able to do this.... *whines*... I DONT WANT TOOOOO......damnit.

In such a bad mood and off do stupid chores and get ready for the stupid wedding >.<

kIndOfObscEnE: yep lying to yourself is a great way to ensure mental stability<---advice for the day

The light you bring, Falls on me

so ya.. havent been here in a bit...my life was interesting, crazy, fun, well just read on..
wednesday-got in big trouble with dad and pulse, hada go to church
thrusday-hada go to church again and went out to dinner with the grandparents
friday-went to kennywood *meh* then gates came over and we went to tastee freez *WOOT* and brittany let us in cuz she's awsum.. well jen let us but whatever? then back to my house
Saturday-took the SATs and NASH and the stupid lady made me throw out my coffee >.<grrrr... came home and got ready for prom ^_^ then bill came over... omg i swear there was like 15 ppl at my house, I think it scared him... then we went to gates's for pictures and then to prom which was very fun... bill dances ^_^ kinda a surprise, but definantly fun all the same...then we went to eatn'park, yes by ourselves then home
sunday-mothers day... went to church and got yelled at cuz i talk too much? whatever.. everyone was back from college *meh*
monday-school and shopping with my mom and jess and her mom.. a very crazy two hours
today-.....ever have one of those days that just suck? well taht was today...everyone was sick, all the teachers were being dress code nazi's...just sucked...


all night long I've been searching for the answer, to the questions you never asked, and we never planned on this disaster, when will I let it go?

the white crayon.


the crayon that just sits in the box. has no purpose. who wants to use the white crayon? why would any one want a crayon that won't color anything? it just blends in with the paper. go and get a box of crayons. look closely at the white crayon. although it is never used, it looks quite beat up. it looks this way because it always ends up shoved to the corner of the box where it is hard to get it out. it is this way because all of the other crayons are in continuous use, being pulled out and put back in. the white crayon never did anything to deserve this kind of treatment. but please, don't feel bad for the white crayon. it is simply waiting for it's time to shine, when all of the other colors will just fade away on the dark colored paper. even the most vibrant and wonderful of colors will be of no use. only the white crayon will work. the white crayon really does not receive enough recognition. in a way, it is a foundation. take your white crayon and draw some thick lines on dark paper. then take a more vibrant color and color over that white. you can now see the color, can't you? so let's take this time to recognize the white crayon.
now don't really drop to your knees and thank your white crayon. but think about all of the white crayon's in your life. those you have pushed around, those who are always there when you need them, and even more so when you don't. or, maybe you are a white crayon. awaiting your time to shine. don't feel bad about being disregarded and pushed around, just hold your head high and understand that there are going to be scuffs and shoves in life, but also understand that being the white crayon is a good thing. you will never be torn down, broken, and overused, and in the end you will stand taller than the rest.

[Whisper Sweet Nothings]

ooo man... prom is gna be so awkward -_- hmmm *sighs*

that girl will be the death of me... like GOD!!! I cant even say anything more about her... she's lucky I'm lazy and dont feel like walking to her house to egg it or stink bomb it or, or, or,...*goes off to find food* or SOMETHING!!!!!!! grrrrrr

Well I don't know why I came here tonight,
I got the feeling that something ain't right,
I'm so scared in case I fall off my chair,
And I'm wondering how I'll get down the stairs,
Clowns to the left of me,
Jokers to the right, here I am,
Stuck in the middle with you,
Yes I'm stuck in the middle with you,
Stuck in the middle with you.

Well you started out with nothing,
And you're proud that you're a self made man,
And your friends, they all come crawlin,
Slap you on the back and say,
Please.... Please.....

Trying to make some sense of it all,
But I can see that it makes no sense at all,
Is it cool to go to sleep on the floor,
'Cause I don't think that I can take anymore
Clowns to the left of me, Jokers to the right,
Here I am, stuck in the middle with you.

definintely reminds me of last night....

wow... nice job and 3 claps for the computer... way to shut down randomly

hola...crazy weekend with family in Tionesta at the camp. Here's some highlights
-Burning like 6 mattresses outside in the middle of the woods until like 11 at night
-Sleeping on the couch in front of the fire and being blamed for not keeping the fire going
-Being woken up random times at night b/c the fire was out and for some reason you need to crumple newspaper (which by the way makes a very loud noise) to restart it
-Being woken up by Neko (the big happy rotweiler) with a big slobbery dog kiss
-uncle chuck changes the score of the card game and it takes my dad like 5 minutes to figure it out
-the pouring rain for like 3 hours while we fish
-Robber humping Neko (dogs)
-the crazy guy that threatend to kill Robber and Neko if they killed some other guy's chickens and my uncle looking like he wants to punch him in the face
-me putting body wash in my hair instead of shampoo
-Jen's impression of the family
-Micheal's iraq stories
-Jen trying to vaccum up the million lady bugs only to find that more appeared
-sitting around watching the bug zapper on friday night
-Micheal practically forgetting his wedding in like 2 weeks
-manwhore
-heather getting a bruise from a baseball hat
-the uncles convening outside to dicuss where to put the pool and hottub they want to put in
-my dad's awsum hat he got from my uncle that says lube master O.o...yaa
so that would be it... the weekend... spent with 17 members of my family.

got home round 1 unpacked and went to lifeteen... woot!

taht would be my weekedn

omg.. I still have no idea what hell I am doing for PROMM!!!!!!! ahhh!!!!!!!!!

today was in general pretty good. Did tons of errands with my prom to get random stuff for this weekend and prom before I leave and my grandparents come in etc etc.. O yes very good thing got the "true Parallels" disc by Trust Co. very good!

umm yesterday was one of the most interesting days in while... it was total randomness! and we talked about childbirth in 2 periods...every little detail. Only at mount..

well i gtg pack for this weeknd, Do you know it is supposed to rain, and THunderStorm on saturday!!!!??? that's the day I am supposed to spend outside for about 8 hours!!!!! ahhhhhhhh why did they move the date in the first place??? it was beautiful, 70 degreee weather on the 16 when we were supposed to go up... but now its realllyyyy crappyyyy...props to the unclees for that one..

lata babes<3

erghhh... have I ever mentioned how much I absolutely hate living at my house???

parents are stupid... I will never become one... and If I do I will NOT EVER NEVER EVER not allow my child to go to a once in a lifetime concert with # (yes that's in code you idiot!) of her closest friends including the love of her life! for no apparent good, makes sense reason...ARGHGHHGH I HATE my house!!!!!!...cant wait to leave

do you know it man?

"Nothing is wrong in my life, its just that nothing is right. Everyone around me is so happy. I think I am too. Its like I dont even know me anymore. When I look in the mirror I feel like Im staring at someone else. I havent changed or anything. Thats a lie. If Ive changed, I dont even know. Maybe I have?

Everything feels the same. But then again, everything seems so different. Its like everything around me is changing so quickly, and I dont know how to catch up.

I feel like Im in a ,dream, where everything is moving in slow motion. Im sitting on the sidelines just watching everything go by, and I cant change any of it. I have no control over my life, over myself. I hate it. And at the same time, I dont think I even care."-EC

not my words... but it feels like i finally found a way to describe how I feel... too bad someone else had to do it for me...

smile like you mean it (do do doooo dodo dod o do dod) ..umm right... moving on.

i love ppl, especailly the stupid petty, egotistic, self centered one that go to my school. speaking of which we had another amzing lunch..
julie "I'm not black"
Arline "waht are you trying to say" *pushes jullie*
Julie "nothing! I just wana be Black but no ones listening"

I Want to go to the TOM EFFING PETTY CONCERT WITH THE LOVE OF MY LIFE and umm... those other ppl! wait i rememeber billl and adamm, WHATEVER I STILL WANT TO GO!!!! and get stoned and and and... GTRRRRRR i want to go... and I shall miss them terribly when they are gone

lifeteen last night... fun and then school today bleh... my life... school,home, sleep, school home sleep, *repeat until weekend* sleep, home, lifeteen, sleep school

1. Never do housework. No man ever made love to a woman because
 the house was spotless.

2. Remember you are known by the idiot you accompany.

3. Don't imagine you can change a man - unless he's in diapers.

4. What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? You shut the door.

5. So many men - so many reasons not to sleep with any of them.

6. If they put a man on the moon, they should be able to put them
 all there.

7. Tell him you're not his type - you have a pulse.

8. Never let your man's mind wander. It's too little to be let out
 alone.

9. The only reason men are on this planet is that vibrators can't
 dance or buy drinks.

10. Never sleep with a man who's named his penis.

11. Go for younger men. You might as well. They never mature
  anyway.

12. A man who can dress himself without looking like Forrest Gump
  is unquestionably gay.

13. Men are all the same. They just have different faces so you
  can tell them apart.

14. Definition of a bachelor: a man who has missed the opportunity
  to make some woman miserable.

15. Women don't make fools of men. Most of them are the
  do-it-yourself types.

16. The best way to get a man to do something is to suggest they
  are too old for it.

17. Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.

18. If you want a committed man, look in a mental hospital.

19. The children of Israel wandered around the desert for 40
  years. Even in biblical times, men wouldn't ask for
  directions.

20. If he asks what sort of books you're interested in, tell him
  cheque books.

21. A man's idea of serious commitment is usually "oh alright,
  I'll stay the night."

22. Women sleep with men, who if they were women, they wouldn't
  even bother to have lunch with.

23. Remember a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him
  jokes, it means you laugh at his.

24. If he asks you if you're faking it tell him no, you're just
  practicing.

25. Sadly, all men are created equal.

26. When he asks you if he's your first, tell him "you may be,
  you look familiar.""

[Kurin]

send lawyers guns and money...

I really wanna go to that effing concert... thnx mom -_-

[do dreams come true once you wake up?...if they do, I guess I'm still asleep...]

"dark matter has a gravitational effect on other objects. You can't see it, you cant feel it but you can watch something being pulled in it direction"...found this in a book. It is so true... but applied to different situations, kind of an outside looking in philosphy that reminds me of myself

it's offical... I'm going away next weekend with my family to el campo...meh still cant decide whether this is good or bad

working..but its only and excuse, not that it would have changed anything...I hate myself

same old boring day...went to target, got something to wear to the demon wedding, cleaned the bathroom, talked to a couple ppl on, did some reading for school, and am now spending my night doing some homework...WOOT or maybe not

it's really because there are some nights when you just want to know there's someone besides you in this wide world

its complicated...seriously that is the only answer i can give now, all of life is effing complicated

an interesting new developement... why did frannie wanna know anyways? what difference does it make to her?

colleen...*sighs and shakes head* sometimes I wonder how someone so smart can be So IncRediBly effing stupid??? guess its one of life's little jokes

hmmmm.. well got lotsa books today. Reading is a very good way to occupy your time when you have no life, homework works too...

right so today=boring like every other day. and tha's all for now for folks

Roger D the duck: anne i love you
Roger D the duck: i always will
Roger D the duck: remember that
^thnx babe you made my day!...

Julie 22 M: ANNE!!! I MOONED YOU !!!
^yes, yes you did... now i am scarred for life...lol

anGelFish151122: hey pinko
kIndOfObscEnE: hey sexy;-)
^daily conversation

anGelFish151122: JOE!
Engld Pants: mullet!
^only in 2nd grade! lol *muah*

the lovely ppl who make my life worth living ^_^

wow... DC was very amazing... the highlights:
my awsum cd from Julie
spending more time on the bus than in DC
sleeping under lauren's seat
finishing the museum in like 45 minutes and waiting 2 more hours for everyone else to finish
Stephanie being high on the way home
tierra's poem (?)
my HUGE bag of combos... yummmm
the random trucker stop
being asked by about 15 ppl why we all had red shirts on
thalin's mom trying to get a picture with amo
"losing" my sunglasses
kayla getting left behind
me almost (thnx to amo... right) falling the museum
Julie was in the same group as Ashly Rothwell
the stupid ppl who were supposed to sing to kayla but didn't

yes overall a very interesting day...

um yesterday was very tired and my head hurt from sleeping underneath the seat and we had pulse..
andy: father can you hear me?
Brittany: what? (sings) tommy can you hear me?

today=boring but got my spanish journal moved to monday and hopefully thalina will bring me my cd finally....

I don't want to lose you, but I don't want to use you
Just to have somebody by my side
I don't want to take you, but I don't want to be the one to cry
And that don't really matter to anyone anymore
But like a fool I keep losing my place
and I keep seeing you walk through that door
But there's a danger in loving somebody too much
And it's sad when you know it's their heart you won't touch
There's a reason why people don't stay where they are
It makes a sound like thunder, it makes me feel like rain
And like a fool who will never see the truth
I keep thinking something's gonna change
And there's no way home, when it's late at night and you're all alone
Are there things that you wanted to say?
And there's a danger in loving somebody too much...


damn straight.. i think that song about sums up my whole entire love life.. or the lack thereof. whatever, maybe taht's what's been bugging me all day, so if I looked out of sorts, that may have been the reason.. or some thing (one) else... sry i know.. I have a date, my best friend is getting a great guy for her, I'm going away with jules tomro, glenn's making me laugh, my research paper is done, and about a thousand other good things, but i just cant get over myself... I should be HAPPY! dammit

once upon a time I was falling in love, now I'm only falling apart... Nothing I can do, I need, A total eclipse of the heart

there are times I wonder... why does that never happen for me? and this is one of those times. I should be happy, and I am. I'm just slightly confused as to how it works out that everyone else has the thing I just cant seem to have or get no matter how hard I try, or maybe I dont try hard enough, or maybe I'm doing something wrong, but then again maybe its just not time or maybe I'm just not that lucky...

there I go again, trying to explain my life away w/o any real answers... I wish I had an answer for all of these questions, cuz the reasons are running out...

Will I wake up
Is it a dream I made up
No I guess it’s reality
What will change us
Or will we mess up
Our only chance to connect
With a dream

Say a prayer for me
I’m buried by the sound
In a world of human Wreckage
I’m lost and I’m found
And I can’t touch the Ground