and this is exactly what I mean... If I took the chance that coulda been me...damn... i hate myself...may as well just go hole up in some dark cave and stare into the blackness for the rest of my life...Owait..
I'm so lost
I'm barely here
I wish I could explain myself
But words escape me
It's too late
To save me
You're too late
You're too late
why is it that you feel the most lonely at the worst possible times? seriously why do I feel so alone? I have so many friends but I still feel like I am the only one here, left alone again. while everyone else is out with their boyfriend, working, or just having a damn good time, I'm here, by myself, doing nothing. The worst part of it all is that its mostly my fault, if I would take a few more risks, or just be a little more outgoing I might just have that. But I am too cautious, not willing to risk anything for everything... if I did I'd have my license, I wouldnt be sitting at home now, hell maybe I'd even have a boyfriend...bu
This place is so empty
My thoughts are so tempting
I don’t know how it got so bad
Sometimes it’s so crazy that nothing can save me
But it’s the only thing i have
If u believe its in my soul
I’d say all the words that I know
Just to see if it would show
That I'm trying to let you know
That I’m better off on my own
I tried to be perfect
It just wasn't worth it
Nothing could ever be so wrong
It’s hard to believe me
It never gets easy
I guess I knew that all along
Last person who;;
Slept in your bed : my sister who has an odd fascination with sleeping in my bed instead of hers O.o
Saw you cry : brittany
Knew you were crying : ditto
Spent the night at your house : some random family member maybe gram?
You shared a drink with : ummm....cant remember
You went to the movies with : jess and chrissy
You went to the mall with : my mom
Yelled at you : probably my dad
Sent you an e-mail : the weather.com ppl
Have You Ever...
Been to Florida : no
California : I wish
Been to Hawaii : maybe... do they have good umm medicine?
Been to Japan : No
Been to China : to get my one of my children
Been to Canada : only on days that end in y
Danced naked : all the time
A few questions;;
Last time you went out of the state : april
Lucky number : umm dont have one?
What you look for in a guy/girl - um tall, funny, drives, idk i suppose its one of those things you can just tell, someone who will talk, umm not being afraid of my massive family
Weirdest thing about you : myself, my sense of humor
What book are you reading now : i needa get a new one
What's on your mouse pad - my mouse u idiot
Favorite board game : sorry
Favorite magazine - uhhh sure...maybe that one that gloria had the one that had scott weiland in it that she was having mind-sex with in the middle of the bookstore
Worst feeling in the world : being on the outside looking in, knowing that you have to do the one thing that you never wanted to, regret, rejection,lone
What is the first thing you think when you wake in the morning : where am I? why am I awake?
Do you like scary or exciting roller coasters - umm scary
How many rings before you answer : 1-3
Chocolate or vanilla -vanilla
Do you sleep with a stuffed animal : yes
What are you going to do after you finish this survey : find more colleges to visit
What was the last food you ate : um a chewy thingy
How many buddies are on : 60
Last movie you saw : theaters--> pants movie / at home--> some random midway history movie my dad was watching
You get embarrased when : i cant think of anything to say or i dont know anyone
What upsets you - reallyyy preppy preps, my siblings, rules, stupid ppl, annoying ppl, and lotttss of other stuff
Do you like to cook : eh.. maybe sorta, if its easy, otherwise I'm moving in with a gay chef heh...
Do you have a secret you have not shared with anyone - probably
Do you set your watch a few minutes ahead : if i remember...but then i'm always early
Do you believe in love - of ppl? for some... I think everyone has that one thing in life that just does it for them, it could be a person or a job or God or flowers, or cooking or whatever but as for me... if it's out there..I haven't found it yet
What is...
Your most overused phrase on IM - ya..
Your best feature - my arms cuz they're really tan now.. and I like arms
Take a shower everyday : ya
Want to get married - eh not at the moment and probably never
Have any tattoos/where- Not yet
Piercing/where : Ears but i want more like maybe my belly button and maybe my eyebrow, cept i cant decide if i like the way it looks
Get along with your parents- my mom yes, mostly, my dad hardly ever
When you see this name you think of;;
Ryan : umm interesting
Heather- evil bitch princess, my hated cousin
Aaron : backstreet boys
Jordan : ....
Chip : kirk, republican, killing things, stories
Amy : poser (aw) funny kid who thought i should go to NASH and had very interesting friends (scholl)
Eve : ...*blanks out*
Eric - my cousin who i hardly ever see
Megan : jess's sister
Sierra : Mist
Name : uhhh
Natural hair color : dark brown
Current haircolor : Dark brown w/fading red streaks
Eye color - chocolate brown
Preferences;;
Cuddle or makeout : depends on who, where
chocolate milk or hot chocolate : Hot chocolate
Milk, dark or white chocolate - Milk chocolate, even though its bad for you
In the last 48 hours, have you...
Cried - not since sunday
Bought something : yes
Gone to the movies - no
Gone out for dinner : no
Said "I love you" : ummmm no
Written a real letter : no
Talked to an ex - no
Missed an ex : no
Had a serious talk - yes with myself
Missed someone - sorta
Hugged someone : yes
Fought with the parents : cant remember
Fought with a friend : No
*tan* hehe... [I <3 SummEr]
went the pool with my brother and his friends..that was exhausting! soo umm ya other than that nothing too much has been going on... ya just wasting time I guess...
R-I-G-H-T-E-O-
ToNIGHT!!!! BIACH! *runs around in circles*
soooo excited!!!!!!!
umm right... maybe I need some food considering its 8:30 in the morning...good
R-I-G-H-T-E-O-
ToNIGHT!!!! BIACH!
*hears siren and sighs* the parent police have struck again preventing me from leaving my house when all I've done all day is spend time with the family... WoooT
unfortunately they strike again and I am being forced to get off of the one device that can connect me to the outside world
As twisted as it seems, I only fear love when it's in my dreams
Lyrics for "One More Line"
Take the photographs, from the shattered glass
A pixelation of your face, another memory displaced
Disgraced is how i feel to think your inosense seems so real
I dont know who you are
Cause I'm lost in this moment
I'm lost in your stories
I use to think higher of you
Your running too fast now in the wrong direction
How could you do this to us
[I dont know this person you've become]
I don't know if I can .:trust:. you again
Just one more line might kill you
Just one more Line and then you will see this needs to stop
Confessing the burden
You chose to pretend
Breathe in a taste your breathe
As you haste away your death
Disgraced is how I feel
To think your inocense seems so real
I dont know who you are
How could you...
How could you do this to me?
By : the scene
There's gotta be something more
((Gotta be more than this))
I need a little less hard time
I need a little more bliss.
bored out of my mind, babysitting the zoo...woooHOOo aren't I a winner on the night after I get out of school?.... yup, yup you know it...and these freaking pictures wont scan!
[I want...]
my license
ice cream
my own room
a new camera
a car
a boyfriend**
more freedom
a new phone
no summer reading
to sleep
a scanner
arrgghhh...not going to school tomorow..even though that would technically be the last day...I'm going to church instead, hard choice ey? like I'm freaking Canadian ey? w/e then maybe back to lauren's to work on the book? ey? ooo ya... *runs off to find lyrics*
oya... "money doesn't buy class".<<--quote of the eff'n day BIACH!
stupid me....so ya I should be in school being bored out of my mind but whatever...fin
breakfast
school
Physics
lunch
study
religion (yes finnally done with the asss)
home
randomness
brittany's game? with....?
pulse with padre mateo
WOOT for fun day!
Under the weight of your wings
You are a god and whatever I want you to be
And I wonder if truly you are
Nearly as beautiful as I believe
In my head
Your voice
You've got all that I need
And this make believe will get me through
Another lonely night
Under the weight of your wings
Should ever we meet on your side of your stereo
I will pretend I know not of your thoughts
And even the way that they mirror my own
I'll take you away in the way that you take me and go where I go
In my head
Your voice
You've got all that I need
And this make believe will get me through
Another lonely night
Fall away to the sound of my heart to your beat
Melancholy and cool, kind of bitter sweet
Love on repeat
I'm echoing all your philosophies
And as I fall away to the sound of my heart to your beat
Melancholy and cool, kind of bitter sweet
Love on repeat
I'm echoing all your philosophies
And as I...
Oh...
I don't
Wanna be fool-hearted
Baby, I'm out
Numbered in my head
I don't
I don't wanna be fool-hearted
Baby, I'm out
Numbered in my head
My head...
In my head
Your voice
You've got all that I need
And this make believe will get me through
Another night
Yeah, your voice
You've got all that I need
And this make believe will get me through
Another lonely night
Lonely night...
Under the weight of your wings
I make believe you are all that I'll ever need
"In my head"-anna nalick
www.xanga.com/
fajah...how is it you are never happy with anything I do? I know, I know... I grew up. Well sorry, newsflash, that's part of life. and yes we did used to be real close and I wish that we could still be that close but we aren't. Like.. I dont even know what to say around you anymore (O God) like I cant talk to you because all we ever do is disagree, all we ever do is argue about the stupidest things. All you ever do is criticize me, my life, my friends, my schoolwork, my attitude, how I dress, how I act, ME! It's like you just cant deal with the person I've become, and that makes me sad. I thought I was doing the best I could but when I try to come and show you, you throw it back in my face; like all I ever do is never good enough for you. That's another thing why is it whenever I do try to talk to you or ask a question, or show you something good why do you just blow it off? It's always just "umm good job" or "very nice" But when Ben does something good in sports or Colleen gets an A on a test for the 294720740 time you get all excited and happy? That doesnt give me much motivation to come back and try again. It's like we're stuck in a circle, you're angery cuz I dont talk to you, (cuz you criticize me) and I'm angery cuz you're angery so you yell somemore and I dont talk to you cuz you're yelling so then you just get angerier...I'm sry I think differently than you, and act differently and wear different clothes, and hang out with different ppl, (oh hold on, lemme take a minute here. I met most of my close friends AT CHURCH!!!! remember church is a good place??? cant you just trust me? cant you just trust them? like the whole prom thing... sry just hada get that in too), and cant stand the whole "big stock family" thing (but hey, gotta say something again, they dont exactly make it enjoyable for me to be around them) and am a different person than you want me to be. But I'm still your daughter, you're supposed to love me no matter what, whether I grow up or act how you want. And I'm trying, maybe not as hard as I should, but it's not easy when you wont let me...
"hey can you talk a little louder,
I don't think my heart is broken enough"
great quotes of the day
[I think I have an oral fixation]...lol kay, gloria, and lauren
[you're killing me anne, you're killing me]...julie
[applechild]...lol danielle
anna nalick = absolutly amzing..!!!!
so ya.. danielle wants me to come to pictures with her? *shrug* whatever...heh
if girls only have one choice of companions on this earth why is it someone as stupid as guys??? seriously who says crap like "idk how to talk to you anymore"? or ignores ppl or who is just a complete ass?? or totally desperate? why cant we have someone ... smarter?!? phewww
so today... um nothing special... hada a study for gym and got some work done, decided i really do hate my religion teacher cause he picks favorites and ignores everyone else, and came home and my gram was here...and now I am on the way to my brother's middle school play... WooT -_-
dont try and control me... it wont get you anywhere. I'm not here so you can make me perfect. I wont have everything you hate about today brainwashed into me. I'm almost effing 18, dont try and dress me. I'm a big girl! I'm not gna be your perfect little daughter NO. I'm gna be me. If you dont like it then deal with it... you missed your chance to change me... infact I think you've done enough damage already...I am who I am and I like it...so get over it...the way I think, act, dress, that all shows who I am. dont try to change it, dont try to change me, just let me be myself. If i want to dress in t-shirts and jeans LET me... I'm not gna look pretty just to please you. I'm gna look like I want to and if that means sloppy let it be. Sry that's not who I am... dont try and make me something I'm not.. I do try and you just get mad cuz I'm pouty well guess why..?? cuz I'm not happy!
dont try to control me...I'm not the perfect daughter and never will be...let it be
*runs of to turn on loud music and get her taco*
i try to let it go but i dont know if i can take it
cause the way you looked at me
made me see that i cant really fake it
though it looks as if its over...
I need out of my house I would rather not live here... especially this summer. o well more homework...
ooo man... I think I give up/get frustratd to easily... however when I try it hurts.... so here I am, stuck in the middle
awards sucked... spent the entire time messing around and then my mom freaked out cuz I was being "rude" whatever... BITE ME. She's mostly cool but i dk it still just gets to me. Like the Tom Petty concert and the midnight star wars thing... (which was part of the orginal effing plan) like seriously I am 17 I think I can take care of myself.
o well gtg... thnk I'm going to the liquor store with my mom and my aunt...who I swear have been drinking all day...
*sigh*
eh... crappy day and gna get much worse. We have awards ceremony at 7pm and its school awards and sports awards... so I'll sit there for two hours doing nothing when I could be home watching my effing perfect sister recieve every effing freshman award... *sigh* the downside of being related to a perfect genius...
oh... and last night... dont even get me started :/ o man....
my moms home with pizza...so I'm out kids!
wow and it seems like everythings falling apart. and I know its still aways off but its really not. Time flies. damn time...I dont want it to end... there isn't enough time to say goodbye
[i don't know if living makes me happy.
i don't know if anything's exactly what it needs to be.
when it comes to me. she is a god to me.
i waited for so long.
i don't know if living makes much sense now.
i can't say a thing in its defense now cause it gets to me.
that i used to be so extra-sensory.
i knew it all along. that nothing could go wrong.
when i look into those eyes. nothing seems like a surprise.
when i look into those eyes. nothing seems like a surprise.
i don't think that living's too attractive.
i don't think that god is interactive and it gets to me.
that i used to be so extra-sensory.
i knew it all along. that nothing could go wrong.
nothing could go wrong. nothing could go wrong.]
TO DO
english portfolio
'My Sister's Keeper' Organ paper
'Angels and Demons' science vs. religion pssay
Holocaust essay
College essay
study for trig final
type spanish corrections
'Taming of The Shrew' movie/movie/bo
just kill me.. I want it all to be over....
no , NO! I lied... cuz when its over its summer, then fr. matt leaves and when summer ends everything ends, everyone deserts me, everything changes...so for once I dont want school to end...
ok definently just had hotdogs and hamburgers for the 4th time in week.. :(...not feeling too hottttt
wow crazy CraZy weekend...
Friday-come home, leave to fill out applications at Sorgels, come home, make dinner, get my hair cut, come home, take shower, greet company, talk to company (my aunt, uncle, and cousin), go to bed
saturday-wake up, wander down to breakfast, take a nap in the kitchen on the table while everyone else easts breakfast, wander summmore, help everyone get ready to leave for the church, mom leaves to take my brother to a soccer game, try to do some hw, feed paul, dad, colleen, rose, and aunt, uncle and elissa leave for church wedding, sit by myself for a bit listening to very loud music, do some chores, talk to jess, talk to mom (who is still at the soccer game) wake up paul, do my hair, take pictures, get dressed, leave for the wedding reception >.< get to the wedding reception, find my table, decide i dont want to sit at my table as it contains my cousin Jess, his girlfriend (annoying like Omg Omg in a high squeaky voice), 3 other looking angery cousins, and jess's like 26 yr old sister, so go and sit with my parents and my uncle paul and his grandkids (=sooo cute!), eat, watch them dance, wonderful tonight comes on, sit there and wish i was at semi, dance (some) wander outside to find my uncle frank and we have a very deep conversation about steph and my pap as we take turns drinking his whiskey, wander back inside, talk to mi madre, dance, wander back outside to see uncle frank who has a LOT more whiskeys by this time and decides that I need a drink too, we go into the bar and i get some wine, watch my parents leave, sit around, dance to shout and watch uncle frank go crazy on the dance floor (lying on his back kicking and waving his hands...goodd timess) end dancing, say goodbye for a 1/2 hour and leave, get home, watch some SNL, shower, sleep... finallly
Sunday-wake up, everyone cept colleen and I leave for chruch, breakfast, homework, everyone else returns, aunt, uncle and elissa leave for the airport, get ready for the party for my dad's birthday, do summore hw, aunt shelia and her kids and gramma comes, few minutes later uncle chuck and brittany (my cousin) show up (party at the stock house), played indian ball for a bit, ate, got ready for church, said goodbye to cousins etc. and went to church, have a deep conversation with brittany (papalia) about friends, find out fr. matt is leaving (NOOOOOO, *_*, saddness, we are sooo transferring to st. bonnies!!!!!), do the skit (ehh I hate vasline and my purse smelled funny), more friends talk, singing, praying over fr. matt and bernadette (why was everyone crying about bernadette?? i musta missed it) circle thing, singing, leave, home, sleep.........
tell me that's not insane...