school = terrible
ccd = me banging my head off a wall
and house isnt on b.c of gay american idol

tuesday on 3.5 hours of sleep = freaking horrrible


so the best part of my day.. would probably be barrabus's awsum shrinking/growing pen.. and that's sad

AHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH

this whole day can just die

grr grrrr grrrrrrr

so i'm definantly having anger mangement problems right now

AHHHHHHHHHH

trust..

*heavy sigh*

change...

i think

*looks around*

i need a drink

i really cant explain.. I guess it's just one of lifes fcked up jokes.. no reason could explain.. so is everything that way? just a little fluke?...idk.. if that's really happiness.. good.. but then what was everything else? 

tell what i have to do tonight.. cuz i'd do anything to make it right... let's be us agian... look at me I'm way past pride.. isn't there someway that we can try.. to be us again.. even if it takes awhile.. I'll wait right here..baby please....

like you care

*sighes*

-To every girl who is cute, not skanky
- To every girl who wants to be called beautiful, not hot
- To every girl who will spend her whole day looking for the perfect birthday present for you
- To every girl who gets her heart broken because he chose the whore instead
- [To every girl who would die to have a decent boyfriend]
- [To every girl who will not settle for the jerk]
- To every girl who would just once like to be treated like a princess
- To every girl who cries at night because of another heartbreak
- [To every girl who will not get down on her knees and open her mouth just to get a boyfriend]
- [To every girl who just wants to hold hands]
- To every girl who kisses him with meaning
- To every girl who just wishes he cared
- [To every girl who would just once want a guy to give his jacket up when she is cold]
- [To every girl who just wants him to call]
- To every girl who just wants to cuddle
- To every girl who just wants to lie with him
- [To every girl who is scared to put her heart out there again because she has been hurt so many times]
- To every girl who shows how much she cares and gets nothing back
- [To every girl who thought maybe this could be the one]
-

To every girl who is just looking for that one and only and is having a rough time along the way

so two entries ago.. I had a quote.. it bears repeating...

"I want to hold you
But I am afraid
I want to touch you
But I'm not that way
I have many doubts about my motives
I have many fears about my greed
I have always hurt the ONE THAT I love
So I'll turn and look the other way"

so basically this is very very very very very very true.. and so was what kay said... but I'm not like that.. I'm not gna go out and just randomly grab a guy and be like O hey, I like you, let's go out.. its not gna happen...

but on the other hand.. I'm so scared of ending up alone.. I want the reason everyone smiles.. I want to be that girl for some guy.. I wanna feel like that.. and everyone around me seems to get this whole idea of love.. but I dont.. and I want to.. but I cant

and it's not like I haven't tried.. its just hard to like a guy who doesnt like you back.. and you gotta find the guy with the right attitude.. one you can talk to and who's gna admit he likes you.. ya.. its really hard to like someone who doesnt like you back.. the end.

so basically right now I'm just waiting for that guy to come along.. or wake up or whatever.. that's not to say that I dont have my eye on a few.. cuz I do.. but I'm not gna go chasing a guy who's gna leave me in the middle of nowhere.. been there.. done that.. basically its no funnn.... cuz I'm done searching.. I wanna be found.. searching has gotten me nowhere.. litrallyy

I had another thing in the last entry.. 'lost faith in love'.. somehow I really cant believe in love right now.. there's been too much stuff that's gone wrong within the past year for me to be able to understand a force that just wins everytime, no matter what, love always conquers.. I've seen what ppl think is love turn into a lie that destroyes ppl, I've seen best friends stop speaking b/c the love lied, and basically I dont understand it.. I dont understand how one person can be completely in love and the other person couldnt care less... I dont wana get caught there, again caring for someone who doesnt care back is zero fun.. so maybe love scares me.. maybe i just dont get it... probably b.c I havent been in it.. I want to believe it.. but there's a wall.. 'I'll be damned if I get caught up on a lie'

so if this says I dont believe in God b.c I dont believe in love... well then that would explain some stuff.. but I dont think it does.. man I'm really screwed up right now.. and I cant find the road back to the right track.. and I think if I do this one thing then it'll be ok.. but how can that make things better if it will only make me miserable.. well I thought I had it figured out.. but life didnt change, but I think it did.. however.. I'm still messed up..lol.. so idk.. idk idk..

songs to look up that express this entry..
this is a call (thousand foot krutch)
holy water (big n rich)

so thnx for reading.. i just had to get that out.. journaling... does the mind good...

i miss summer<3

p.s I Really love that song in the last entry..
p.p.s.. 'let me go' is a really sweet song

Must be some mistake
'Cause I'm not worth the price you paid.
With every passing hour
I convince myself that you saw something in me.
But I can hear them still,
As the whispers laced with hatred fill the room.
Guess I'm wasting my time
How could you love a man like me?

Lord I need your strength
'Cause I am weak and falling to my knees.
Who is on my side?
'Cause I can't tell my friends from enemies.
Filling up with pain.
Bitterness controls the air I breathe.
What am I fighting for?
Do you have a plan for me?

Must be some mistake
'Cause I'm not worth the price you paid.
With every passing hour,
I convince myself that you saw something in me.
But I can hear them still,
As the whispers laced with hatred fill the room.
Guess I'm wasting my time
How could you love a man like me?

must be some mistake
cause I'm not worth the price you paid

-seventh day slumber-

Bud Light proudly presents Real Men of Genius: Stressed Out College Student During Exam Week. Today we salute you Stressed Out College Student During Exam Week. As you sit in your lonely cubical in the library, doped up on Starbucks & Adderol, you think to yourself, am I ever going to need to know this stuff in life? The distractions are tempting and you have suddenly diagnosed yourself with ADD, along with advanced delusionary schizophrenia and involuntary narcissistic rage. I'm sure by now you know exactly what everyone is doing because you have checked your buddy list 800 times. Christmas break is just days away, and your Prozac prescription will be in tomorrow. So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, tyrant of test-taking, because for most of us, Christmas will be spent in rehab.

there are sometimes when i just make myself sick.. like today..


"what about the nudists?" "Aren't they a people somewhere?, like Gonerea".. ooo religion class


he was just made cause my hoodie was irish.. not italian.. and irish ppl are more funn! ~_^

emo quotes

[The things you fail at are the things inside, things that nobody but God sees. Things you couldn't explain to anybody-- like wallowing around in bed for hours when everyone else just gets up. Like moping around when you're suppose to shake it off and be joyful. Keeping conversations light when they should get serious. Staying quiet when you should speak up. Having another beer when you should quit for the night. Putting your hands all over some guy when you should keep them to yourself.
       -- Damage]

Homesick.. mercy me

You're in a better place, I've heard a thousand times
And at least a thousand times I've rejoiced for you
But the reason why I'm broken, the reason why I cry
Is how long must I wait to be with you

I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
I've never been more homesick than now

Help me Lord cause I don't understand your ways
The reason why I wonder if I'll ever know
But, even if you showed me, the hurt would be the same
Cause I'm still here so far away from home

I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
I've never been more homesick than now

In Christ, there are no goodbye
And in Christ, there is no end
So I'll hold onto Jesus with all that I have
To see you again
To see you again

And I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
Won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
Won't you give me strength to make it through somehow

I've never been more homesick than now


pretty much that's were I am

[paigeywaigey163: haha boonies... as if....we are so better than those city girls... ::puts nose in the air and walks off snooty(ish):: ....lol..jk]

I love paige!!!!


so i am sick.. blehhh... my head is going to explode! *booom*

semi is in a week and i have no idea what the hell is going on ...and what's new?

he's so cute ... i wish i had that...

"It Only Hurts When I'm Breathing"

Hope life's been good to you
since you've been gone
I'm doin' fine now--I've finally moved on
It's not so bad--I'm not that sad

I'm not surprised just how well I survived
I'm over the worst, and I feel so alive
I can't complain--I'm free again

[Chorus:]
And it only hurts when I'm breathing
My heart only breaks when it's beating
My dreams only die when I'm dreaming
So, I hold my breath--to forget

Don't think I'm lyin' 'round cryin' at night
There's no need to worry, I'm really all right
I've never looked back--as a matter of fact

[Repeat Chorus]

It only hurts when I breathe

Mmm, no, I've never looked back--
as a matter fact

[Repeat Chorus]

Hurts when I'm breathing
Breaks when it's beating
Die when I'm dreaming
It only hurts when I breathe


basically ya.. only when i breathe, only after i finally feel alive do i realize how dead I am ....

girls.. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry boys are stupid and annoying a-holes... and I wish I could help... I'm here.. if you need someone to talk to...

just when everything seems fine.. just when the pain feels managable... the whole damn world flips upside down and you're back to dealing with the problems that you were unable to deal with in the first place

*tears* X like 1349807140971

volleyball is over... and sarah is awsum!!!!!! hun you are such a sweet person.. love ya hun!.. and everyone was really sweet and said some awsum things about me, including the coaches, and I am really gna miss them next year... esp Kristy!! lol and tomro at the last game... ooo tthat's gna be one biiiiigggg crying festtt... but we're gna win!!!!!

but today was also sad for another much more important reason.. today was steph's 18th birthday...so the day kinda was sad...*see below song*

o and my cousin (25 years old) moved out of her house and to the North Hills which no one, including her parents, knew until I saw her in Tarje today with jess and told my parents who called her parents... and now its a "situation" ... I swear "situations" and alcohol are the only things that hold my family together

and to make the day sooo much betterrrr.... barabus told colleen someone from mt called him.. and me and sammy P are like we have no ideaa who did it! lol

[Sunny days seem to hurt the most
Wear the pain like a heavy coat
I feel you everywhere I go
See your smile, I see your face
I hear you laughing in the rain
Still can't believe your gone

(Chorus:)
It ain't fair you died to young
Like a story that had just begun
But death tore the pages all away
God knows how I miss you
All the hell that I've been through
Just knowing, no one could take your place
Sometimes I wonder, who you'd be today

Would you see the world
Would you chase your dreams
Settle down with a family
I wonder what would you name your babies
Someday's the sky's so blue
I feel like I can talk to you
And I know it might sound crazy

(Chorus)

Today (3x)
Today (3x)

Sunny days seem to hurt the most
I wear the pain like a heavy coat
The only thing that gives me hope
Is I know, I'll see you again someday

Someday, someday]

wow.. for life...

and if everything is perfect how come it seems like everything is falling back out of place?

wow...everything that suddenly changed is back to how it used to be...but not for the better...for the worse, for the much worse...cuz its like living the same thing twice, the feeling is so much more intensified and it's so much worse

that makes 3 ... three ppl who completely went a different direction... are now themselves again?... wow....

i'm so confused...


wtf?

just when you think you got it figured out and you think everything's finnaly ok... the world turns upside down

      It's unbelievable but I believed you
       Unforgivable but I forgave you
       Insane what love can do
        That keeps me coming back to you
        You're irreplaceable but I replaced you
         Now I'm standing on my own..alone*

the end.


for real... for everything... in the end i am alone

the end.

10 laps... 10 effing laps... i should just frickin' quit.. its not like I play anyway...

dude.. so nothing seems right anymore...like senior year was one big sellout... waited so long and the damn thing just sucks, everyone who can save it is gone... I really did lose on of my best friends.. well 2.. and there's too much stuff to do and not enough time to it... SENIOR IS SUPPOSED TO BE THE BEST YEAR EVERRRR!!! well guess what... its all an effing lie... senior year sucks, everyone leaves, theres too much work, too much to handle... too much drama, too little fun, too much $$$$, too little tiime...yup its supposed to be the best year ever, with the people that are the best friends ever taht you'll never forget... well its not... its a big fake, i hate everyone there... well i cant stand them at ALL!.. i feel like i'm losing the friends who can make it better, nothing feels right anymore.... everytime i walk into church I expect to see certain people, certian priests, and I dont.. everythiing feels wrong and I cant keep going much longer living the lie that everything is ok... cuz its not... its not...

losing friends, losing time, sitting on the edge of one of my worst fears... letting life pass me by, while i sit watching it all alone... and i cant fix it.. i have no idea how to

God, I feel like hell tonight
Tears of rage I cannot fight
I'd be the last to help you understand
Are you strong enough to be my man?

Nothing's true and nothing's right
So let me be alone tonight
Cause you can't change the way I am
Are you strong enough to be my man?

Lie to me
I promise I’ll believe
Lie to me
But please don’t leave

I have a face I cannot show
I make the rules up as I go
It’s try and love me if you can
Are you strong enough to be my man?

When I’ve shown you that I just don’t care
When I’m throwing punches in the air
When I’m broken down and I can’t stand
Will you be strong enough to be my man?

Lie to me
I promise I’ll believe
Lie to me
But please don’t leave
Sheryl crow... strong enough

http://pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/trinacria_87/my_photos

YA pics... hopefully more to come

actually all the pics are from the myspace group... lol thnx guys.. cuz i am a loser w/o a scanner

SOMEWHERE IN BETWEEN

omg.. i'm so worried about him!!!!!!!!!!!!... this is what happens when you have dumb parents who wont let you online YOU MMISS THINGS LIKE THIS!!!!!!!!!

so while i'm here wallowing in my self pity about volleyball, too much homework, i hate everyone at school...life confuses me...blah blah blah ... john somehow got himself in ICU

damnit

sunday was .. um okay i suppose.. ppl are so confusing and messed up.. yesterday sucked.. I dk why i even play sometimes.. it just takes up time and money.. ya...


crap... please pray for john, even if you have no idea who he is! i'm so worried...

wow.. life needs to chill. It seems like there's so much going on... can you make the room stand still for a sec?

for example...
*volleyball.. dont even start with that
*family.. dudes.. I need some effing space.. like space outside my house
*"situation"... ppl effing confuse me, when you play with fire ur gna get burned
*college...ooo snappp.. right gotta get started on that crappola..yay
*and school... get me the hell out of that moneysucker... ppl annoy me
*and that other thing.. but no worries.. Adam is coming home next weekend!!!! lol

so ya.. basically life is busy and confusing and annoying.. thank God for certain ppl cuz otherwise I wouldnt be sane

aight gtg do some hw.. gotta game tomro.. if you are anywhere out by StoRox.. aka the GHET-TOOOO... come and watch us get screamed at by our coaches... wooo

*sighs* wish life could be .. back to summer.. I hate this frickn uniform and i love long shorts and beeters... woooo

well we sucked.. that was horrid

glad ur happy now... I'm just feeling left behind again.. why cant I have that with anyone? I really do just wish that the perfect one would get dropped infront of my face, and I could finaly get it.. but i dont.. and once again,i feel like i'm on the outside looking in as life speeds away

eh.. talked to mr. A today about my school issues... interestingness...

well that's all... gna go to sleep and forget this horrid game