i'm scared, and confused and basically so messed up... i dk what i want.. or if i want it for the right reasons..

[He burnt down the house one night
He had a loaded six-pack gun
He said that Jesus Christ was just like a cop
You know, you never know when they'll come
She said every day above ground
Was another dream come true
He said I'd hang and swap clichés all night
But I'm not in love with you

And I never got serious
'Til everything went black
And I ain't so curious
That I'm ever going back]

Recounting pages in a book.
That I'd torn out ashamed that one day you'd look.
Afraid that once you did you'd really know how it felt
to be a sucker on a string that you dragged around wherever you'd go.

I'm running around, around and it hurts.
Tempted to tape up the pages I'd ripped.
And although I recognize that we're attached at the lips,
you're the one in charge and that the captain's gotta sink with the ship.

I never had anybody.
But being alone wasn't half as bad as being obsessed
with a breath taker, a smile faker.
These years alone have eaten me alive.

its back..

[x] my fingernails/toenails are almost always painted

[x] during the summer pretty much the only shoes i wear are flip flops

[] the only reason i go to school is for the boys!! duhh! (haha a funny joke)

[] my favorite toy as a child were barbies and dolls

[] my favorite color is pink or purple

[] when i was young i danced ballet

[] i looove skirts! (ACK!! runs far away)

[] hollister or abercrombie is my favorite place to shop

[] tight jeans are the only jeans i'll wear

[x] i love chocolate <33

[]i've never had a real job (TF represent!)

[] my hair is straightened or scrunched and worn down like every day (lolzorz)

[]i usually go shopping once a week

[x]i love to hang out at the mall with friends

[x] i have jewelry containing a real diamond

[] i've gone to a tanning salon

[x] i have atleast 10 pairs of shoes

[] i watch either the OC or Laguna Beach religiously (haha)

[] i dont get football at all (dies)

[] i change my icon weekly

[] i would NEVER step foot into Hot Topic (AHH GAGS)

[] my cell phone might as well become a part of me

[] i wear eye liner, mascara, or cover up everyday (to impress who?.. at mount? o right you must have a crush on on of our extremely hot male teachers.. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA)

[] i've been or am on a diet

[] bathing suits are adorable!

[] i dont know the difference between a sheep and a goat

[] big sunglasses are hott

[]i have gotten my nails done

[x] i own over 10 purses

[] MTV is my favorite channel

[] all i want to do at sleepovers is talk about boys, boys and more boys!

[] i love to have other girls do my hair and make-up

[]i dont understand how people can like Fall Out Boy, From First to Last, System of a down, and all of those other crazy bands!

[x] i love to give and recieve hugs

[] i hate bugs

[x] carnivals are very fun

[x] summer is THE best season

[] i am self - concious

[] i cry often

[] i dont do sports

[x] i HATE to run

[] i dance allll the time

[] i usually spend over an hour to get ready to leave my house

[] i only have like 5 billion hair products

[] preps are the best guys *GAGS*

[] i love to get dressed up(gaggaggag)

[] every part of my outfit needs to match

[] i talk on the phone at least once a day to my friends

[] one of my myspace pictures is of me making a kissy face

[] price on clothes hardly matters (must be nice)

[]i apply lip gloss 200 times a day (sounds like a personal problem)

[] i wish i was a model

[] i wish i could meet Paris Hilton

[] i own Uggs

[] Hip Hop is the best music (faints)

[] i pop my collar

[] i like to be the center of attention

[] guys with mohawks are crazy - its not cute. (they can be)

[] horses are beautiful but i would never ride one

[] i'd rather not pay attention in school - i'd rather talk (i'd rather sleep)

[] i've gotten detention for talking

[] cats are adorable

[] tall dark and handsome are the only guys i look for

[] Old Navy is like a K-mart

[] i write poems or my own music

[x] i love it when a guy wears good smelling
cologne

[] i can get very jealous

[x] i would love to visit Hawaii

[] Valentines day is so cute! and its definately not just a way to make money! (hahaha.. V-day=singles awareness day)

[] white is better than black (wrong)

[] i wouldn't be caught dead in all black (hmm guess ur not me)

[] my closet is STOCK FULL of clothes

[] i hate the grunge look of a beard - must be clean cut

[] i love to read gossip magazines

[] i love to gossip!

[] my friends and i are in a strict group. we mostly only hang out (read make out) with each other

[] old ladies are adorable

[] i'm all about being vegitarian (what?? you dont eat chicken?? .. how do you live??)

[] i refuse to eat at McDonalds

[x] i check my myspace everyday

[] i LOVE life!

[x] claires has cheap jewlery!

[] my screen names have x's in them

[] either one of my myspace names has <3's in them

[] i would never want to be a guy!

[] i love doing yoga

[] i LOVE kids

You're done! now count up your x's and put that as your title as --% girly!! <33

PS.. the stuff in ( ) are my comments

I hear people saying we don't need this war
I say there's some things worth fighting for
What about our freedom and this piece of ground
We didn't get to keep 'em by backing down
Now they say we don't realize the mess we're getting in
Before you start your preaching let me ask you this my friend

Have you forgotten how it felt that day?
To see your homeland under fire
And her people blown away
Have you forgotten when those towers fell?
We had neighbors still inside going thru a living hell
And you say we shouldn't worry 'bout bin Laden
Have you forgotten?

They took all the footage off my T.V.
Said it's too disturbing for you and me
It'll just breed anger that's what the experts say
If it was up to me I'd show it everyday
Some say this country's just out looking for a fight
Well after 9/11 man I'd have to say that's right

Have you forgotten how it felt that day?
To see your homeland under fire
And her people blown away
Have you forgotten when those towers fell?
We had neighbors still inside going thru a living hell
And you say we shouldn't worry 'bout bin Laden
Have you forgotten?

Now I've been there with the soldiers
Who've gone away to war
And you can bet that they remember
Just what they're fightin' for

Have you forgotten all the people killed?
Some went down like heros in that Pennsylvania field
Have you forgotten about our Pentagon?
And all the loved ones that we lost and those left to carry on
Don't you tell me not to worry about bin Laden
Have you forgotten?


Have you forgotten how it felt that day?
To see your homeland under fire
And her people blown away
Have you forgotten when those towers fell?
We had neighbors still inside going thru a living hell
And you say we shouldn't worry 'bout bin Laden
Have you forgotten?

Have you forgotten?

Have you forgotten?


keep it in perspective.... ya.. ppl like justin shouldnt have to go to Iraq .. but ppl shouldnt have had to die b.c they went to work on 9.11 either.. its a no win situation...

school = terrible
ccd = me banging my head off a wall
and house isnt on b.c of gay american idol

tuesday on 3.5 hours of sleep = freaking horrrible


so the best part of my day.. would probably be barrabus's awsum shrinking/growing pen.. and that's sad

AHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH

this whole day can just die

grr grrrr grrrrrrr

so i'm definantly having anger mangement problems right now

AHHHHHHHHHH

trust..

*heavy sigh*

change...

i think

*looks around*

i need a drink

i really cant explain.. I guess it's just one of lifes fcked up jokes.. no reason could explain.. so is everything that way? just a little fluke?...idk.. if that's really happiness.. good.. but then what was everything else? 

tell what i have to do tonight.. cuz i'd do anything to make it right... let's be us agian... look at me I'm way past pride.. isn't there someway that we can try.. to be us again.. even if it takes awhile.. I'll wait right here..baby please....

like you care

*sighes*

-To every girl who is cute, not skanky
- To every girl who wants to be called beautiful, not hot
- To every girl who will spend her whole day looking for the perfect birthday present for you
- To every girl who gets her heart broken because he chose the whore instead
- [To every girl who would die to have a decent boyfriend]
- [To every girl who will not settle for the jerk]
- To every girl who would just once like to be treated like a princess
- To every girl who cries at night because of another heartbreak
- [To every girl who will not get down on her knees and open her mouth just to get a boyfriend]
- [To every girl who just wants to hold hands]
- To every girl who kisses him with meaning
- To every girl who just wishes he cared
- [To every girl who would just once want a guy to give his jacket up when she is cold]
- [To every girl who just wants him to call]
- To every girl who just wants to cuddle
- To every girl who just wants to lie with him
- [To every girl who is scared to put her heart out there again because she has been hurt so many times]
- To every girl who shows how much she cares and gets nothing back
- [To every girl who thought maybe this could be the one]
-

To every girl who is just looking for that one and only and is having a rough time along the way

so two entries ago.. I had a quote.. it bears repeating...

"I want to hold you
But I am afraid
I want to touch you
But I'm not that way
I have many doubts about my motives
I have many fears about my greed
I have always hurt the ONE THAT I love
So I'll turn and look the other way"

so basically this is very very very very very very true.. and so was what kay said... but I'm not like that.. I'm not gna go out and just randomly grab a guy and be like O hey, I like you, let's go out.. its not gna happen...

but on the other hand.. I'm so scared of ending up alone.. I want the reason everyone smiles.. I want to be that girl for some guy.. I wanna feel like that.. and everyone around me seems to get this whole idea of love.. but I dont.. and I want to.. but I cant

and it's not like I haven't tried.. its just hard to like a guy who doesnt like you back.. and you gotta find the guy with the right attitude.. one you can talk to and who's gna admit he likes you.. ya.. its really hard to like someone who doesnt like you back.. the end.

so basically right now I'm just waiting for that guy to come along.. or wake up or whatever.. that's not to say that I dont have my eye on a few.. cuz I do.. but I'm not gna go chasing a guy who's gna leave me in the middle of nowhere.. been there.. done that.. basically its no funnn.... cuz I'm done searching.. I wanna be found.. searching has gotten me nowhere.. litrallyy

I had another thing in the last entry.. 'lost faith in love'.. somehow I really cant believe in love right now.. there's been too much stuff that's gone wrong within the past year for me to be able to understand a force that just wins everytime, no matter what, love always conquers.. I've seen what ppl think is love turn into a lie that destroyes ppl, I've seen best friends stop speaking b/c the love lied, and basically I dont understand it.. I dont understand how one person can be completely in love and the other person couldnt care less... I dont wana get caught there, again caring for someone who doesnt care back is zero fun.. so maybe love scares me.. maybe i just dont get it... probably b.c I havent been in it.. I want to believe it.. but there's a wall.. 'I'll be damned if I get caught up on a lie'

so if this says I dont believe in God b.c I dont believe in love... well then that would explain some stuff.. but I dont think it does.. man I'm really screwed up right now.. and I cant find the road back to the right track.. and I think if I do this one thing then it'll be ok.. but how can that make things better if it will only make me miserable.. well I thought I had it figured out.. but life didnt change, but I think it did.. however.. I'm still messed up..lol.. so idk.. idk idk..

songs to look up that express this entry..
this is a call (thousand foot krutch)
holy water (big n rich)

so thnx for reading.. i just had to get that out.. journaling... does the mind good...

i miss summer<3

p.s I Really love that song in the last entry..
p.p.s.. 'let me go' is a really sweet song

Must be some mistake
'Cause I'm not worth the price you paid.
With every passing hour
I convince myself that you saw something in me.
But I can hear them still,
As the whispers laced with hatred fill the room.
Guess I'm wasting my time
How could you love a man like me?

Lord I need your strength
'Cause I am weak and falling to my knees.
Who is on my side?
'Cause I can't tell my friends from enemies.
Filling up with pain.
Bitterness controls the air I breathe.
What am I fighting for?
Do you have a plan for me?

Must be some mistake
'Cause I'm not worth the price you paid.
With every passing hour,
I convince myself that you saw something in me.
But I can hear them still,
As the whispers laced with hatred fill the room.
Guess I'm wasting my time
How could you love a man like me?

must be some mistake
cause I'm not worth the price you paid

-seventh day slumber-

Bud Light proudly presents Real Men of Genius: Stressed Out College Student During Exam Week. Today we salute you Stressed Out College Student During Exam Week. As you sit in your lonely cubical in the library, doped up on Starbucks & Adderol, you think to yourself, am I ever going to need to know this stuff in life? The distractions are tempting and you have suddenly diagnosed yourself with ADD, along with advanced delusionary schizophrenia and involuntary narcissistic rage. I'm sure by now you know exactly what everyone is doing because you have checked your buddy list 800 times. Christmas break is just days away, and your Prozac prescription will be in tomorrow. So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, tyrant of test-taking, because for most of us, Christmas will be spent in rehab.

there are sometimes when i just make myself sick.. like today..


"what about the nudists?" "Aren't they a people somewhere?, like Gonerea".. ooo religion class


he was just made cause my hoodie was irish.. not italian.. and irish ppl are more funn! ~_^

emo quotes

[The things you fail at are the things inside, things that nobody but God sees. Things you couldn't explain to anybody-- like wallowing around in bed for hours when everyone else just gets up. Like moping around when you're suppose to shake it off and be joyful. Keeping conversations light when they should get serious. Staying quiet when you should speak up. Having another beer when you should quit for the night. Putting your hands all over some guy when you should keep them to yourself.
       -- Damage]

Homesick.. mercy me

You're in a better place, I've heard a thousand times
And at least a thousand times I've rejoiced for you
But the reason why I'm broken, the reason why I cry
Is how long must I wait to be with you

I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
I've never been more homesick than now

Help me Lord cause I don't understand your ways
The reason why I wonder if I'll ever know
But, even if you showed me, the hurt would be the same
Cause I'm still here so far away from home

I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
I've never been more homesick than now

In Christ, there are no goodbye
And in Christ, there is no end
So I'll hold onto Jesus with all that I have
To see you again
To see you again

And I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
Won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
Won't you give me strength to make it through somehow

I've never been more homesick than now


pretty much that's were I am

[paigeywaigey163: haha boonies... as if....we are so better than those city girls... ::puts nose in the air and walks off snooty(ish):: ....lol..jk]

I love paige!!!!


so i am sick.. blehhh... my head is going to explode! *booom*

semi is in a week and i have no idea what the hell is going on ...and what's new?

he's so cute ... i wish i had that...

"It Only Hurts When I'm Breathing"

Hope life's been good to you
since you've been gone
I'm doin' fine now--I've finally moved on
It's not so bad--I'm not that sad

I'm not surprised just how well I survived
I'm over the worst, and I feel so alive
I can't complain--I'm free again

[Chorus:]
And it only hurts when I'm breathing
My heart only breaks when it's beating
My dreams only die when I'm dreaming
So, I hold my breath--to forget

Don't think I'm lyin' 'round cryin' at night
There's no need to worry, I'm really all right
I've never looked back--as a matter of fact

[Repeat Chorus]

It only hurts when I breathe

Mmm, no, I've never looked back--
as a matter fact

[Repeat Chorus]

Hurts when I'm breathing
Breaks when it's beating
Die when I'm dreaming
It only hurts when I breathe


basically ya.. only when i breathe, only after i finally feel alive do i realize how dead I am ....

girls.. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry boys are stupid and annoying a-holes... and I wish I could help... I'm here.. if you need someone to talk to...

just when everything seems fine.. just when the pain feels managable... the whole damn world flips upside down and you're back to dealing with the problems that you were unable to deal with in the first place

*tears* X like 1349807140971

volleyball is over... and sarah is awsum!!!!!! hun you are such a sweet person.. love ya hun!.. and everyone was really sweet and said some awsum things about me, including the coaches, and I am really gna miss them next year... esp Kristy!! lol and tomro at the last game... ooo tthat's gna be one biiiiigggg crying festtt... but we're gna win!!!!!

but today was also sad for another much more important reason.. today was steph's 18th birthday...so the day kinda was sad...*see below song*

o and my cousin (25 years old) moved out of her house and to the North Hills which no one, including her parents, knew until I saw her in Tarje today with jess and told my parents who called her parents... and now its a "situation" ... I swear "situations" and alcohol are the only things that hold my family together

and to make the day sooo much betterrrr.... barabus told colleen someone from mt called him.. and me and sammy P are like we have no ideaa who did it! lol

[Sunny days seem to hurt the most
Wear the pain like a heavy coat
I feel you everywhere I go
See your smile, I see your face
I hear you laughing in the rain
Still can't believe your gone

(Chorus:)
It ain't fair you died to young
Like a story that had just begun
But death tore the pages all away
God knows how I miss you
All the hell that I've been through
Just knowing, no one could take your place
Sometimes I wonder, who you'd be today

Would you see the world
Would you chase your dreams
Settle down with a family
I wonder what would you name your babies
Someday's the sky's so blue
I feel like I can talk to you
And I know it might sound crazy

(Chorus)

Today (3x)
Today (3x)

Sunny days seem to hurt the most
I wear the pain like a heavy coat
The only thing that gives me hope
Is I know, I'll see you again someday

Someday, someday]

wow.. for life...

and if everything is perfect how come it seems like everything is falling back out of place?

wow...everything that suddenly changed is back to how it used to be...but not for the better...for the worse, for the much worse...cuz its like living the same thing twice, the feeling is so much more intensified and it's so much worse

that makes 3 ... three ppl who completely went a different direction... are now themselves again?... wow....

i'm so confused...


wtf?

just when you think you got it figured out and you think everything's finnaly ok... the world turns upside down

      It's unbelievable but I believed you
       Unforgivable but I forgave you
       Insane what love can do
        That keeps me coming back to you
        You're irreplaceable but I replaced you
         Now I'm standing on my own..alone*

the end.


for real... for everything... in the end i am alone

the end.

10 laps... 10 effing laps... i should just frickin' quit.. its not like I play anyway...

dude.. so nothing seems right anymore...like senior year was one big sellout... waited so long and the damn thing just sucks, everyone who can save it is gone... I really did lose on of my best friends.. well 2.. and there's too much stuff to do and not enough time to it... SENIOR IS SUPPOSED TO BE THE BEST YEAR EVERRRR!!! well guess what... its all an effing lie... senior year sucks, everyone leaves, theres too much work, too much to handle... too much drama, too little fun, too much $$$$, too little tiime...yup its supposed to be the best year ever, with the people that are the best friends ever taht you'll never forget... well its not... its a big fake, i hate everyone there... well i cant stand them at ALL!.. i feel like i'm losing the friends who can make it better, nothing feels right anymore.... everytime i walk into church I expect to see certain people, certian priests, and I dont.. everythiing feels wrong and I cant keep going much longer living the lie that everything is ok... cuz its not... its not...

losing friends, losing time, sitting on the edge of one of my worst fears... letting life pass me by, while i sit watching it all alone... and i cant fix it.. i have no idea how to

God, I feel like hell tonight
Tears of rage I cannot fight
I'd be the last to help you understand
Are you strong enough to be my man?

Nothing's true and nothing's right
So let me be alone tonight
Cause you can't change the way I am
Are you strong enough to be my man?

Lie to me
I promise I’ll believe
Lie to me
But please don’t leave

I have a face I cannot show
I make the rules up as I go
It’s try and love me if you can
Are you strong enough to be my man?

When I’ve shown you that I just don’t care
When I’m throwing punches in the air
When I’m broken down and I can’t stand
Will you be strong enough to be my man?

Lie to me
I promise I’ll believe
Lie to me
But please don’t leave
Sheryl crow... strong enough

http://pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/trinacria_87/my_photos

YA pics... hopefully more to come

actually all the pics are from the myspace group... lol thnx guys.. cuz i am a loser w/o a scanner

SOMEWHERE IN BETWEEN