p.s.: "Slutty is the new black."

http://www.seductiveshorts.com/#goods/quiz






::laughs:: Now that's something you don't see every day!!!

---

Stolen from [Raziel Ahnara], who stole it from [moira hawthorne], who stole it from [Cia_mar].
I thought it was cute. ^^

---

LOVE


Tech Support: Yes, How may I help you?



Customer: Well, after much consideration, I've decided to install Love. Can you guide me through the process?



Tech Support: Yes. I can help you. Are you ready to proceed?



Customer: Well, I'm not very technical, but I think I'm ready. What do I do first?



Tech Support: The first step is to open your Heart. Have you located your Heart?



Customer: Yes, but there are several other programs running now. Is it okay to install Love while they are running?



Tech Support: What programs are running ?



Customer: Let's see, I have Past Hurt, Low Self-Esteem, Grudge and Resentment running right now.



Tech Support: No problem, Love will gradually erase Past Hurt from your current operating system. It may remain in your permanent memory but it will no longer disrupt other programs. Love will eventually override Low Self-Esteem with a module of its own called High Self-Esteem. However, you have to completely turn off Grudge and Resentment. Those programs prevent Love from being properly installed. Can you turn those off ?



Customer: I don't know how to turn them off. Can you tell me how?



Tech Support: With pleasure. Go to your start menu and invoke Forgiveness. Do this as many times as necessary until Grudge and Resentment have been completely erased.



Customer: Okay, done! Love has started installing itself. Is that normal?



Tech Support: Yes, but remember that you have only the base program. You need to begin connecting to other Hearts in order to get the upgrades.



Customer: Oops! I have an error message already. It says, "Error - Program not run on external components." What should I do?



Tech Support: Don't worry. It means that the Love program is set up to run on Internal Hearts, but has not yet been run on your Heart. In non-technical terms, it simply means you have to Love yourself before you can Love others.



Customer: So, what should I do?



Tech Support: Pull down Self-Acceptance; then click on the following files: Forgive-Self; Realize Your Worth; and Acknowledge your Limitations.



Customer: Okay, done.



Tech Support: Now, copy them to the "My Heart" directory. The system will overwrite any conflicting files and begin patching faulty programming. Also, you need to delete Verbose Self-Criticism from all directories and empty your Recycle Bin to make sure it is completely gone and never comes back.



Customer: Got it. Hey! My heart is filling up with new files. Smile is playing on my monitor and Peace and Contentment are copying themselves all over My Heart. Is this normal?



Tech Support: Sometimes. For others it takes awhile, but eventually everything gets it at the proper time. So Love is installed and running. One more thing before we hang up. Love is Freeware. Be sure to give it and its various modules to everyone you meet. They will in turn share it with others and return some cool modules back to you.



Customer: Thank you, God.



God/Tech Support: You're Welcome, Anytime.

---

---

You know you live in 2005 when:









1) You accidentally enter your password on a microwave

















2) You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years

















3) The real reason for not staying in touch with your friends is because they don't have a myspace/email address

















4) You'd rather look all over the house for the remote instead of just pushing to button on the TV.

















6) Your boss doesnt even have the ability to do your job.

















7) You read this list and keep nodding and smiling

















8) As you read this list, you think about sending it to all your
friends

















9) And ... you were to busy too notice number 5.

















10) You actually scrolled back up to check that there was no 5

















11) And now you're laughing at your stupidity















12) Repost if you fell for it. You know you did!

---

---

---

---

Tearjerker
  ------Korn

Well I wish there was someone
Well I wish there was someone to love me
When I used to be someone
and I knew there was someone that loved me
as I sit here frozen alone
even ghosts get tired and go home
as they crawl back under the stones

And I wish there was something
please tell me there's something better
and I wish there was something more than this
Saturated loneliness

and I wish I could feel it
and I wish I could steal it
abduct it, corrupt it
but I never can, it's just
Saturated loneliness

Does the silence get lonely
Does the silence get lonely
Who knows?
I've been hearing it tell me
I've been hearing it tell me, "go home"
cuz the freaks are playing tonight
they patched up and turned off the lights
And I wish there was something
please tell me theres something better
and I wish there was something more than this
Saturated loneliness

and I wish I could feel it
and I wish I could steal it
abduct it, corrupt it
but I never can, it's just saturated loneliness

and the bathwaters cold
and this life's getting old

and I wish I could feel it
and I wish I could feel it
and I wish I could steal it
abduct it, corrupt it
and I wish I could feel it
and I wish I could steal it
and I wish I could feel it
abduct it, corrupt it
but I never can,
I never can
never can
never can
never can

---

The only song to ever make me cry.

---

---

Tearjerker
  ------Korn

Well I wish there was someone
Well I wish there was someone to love me
When I used to be someone
and I knew there was someone that loved me
as I sit here frozen alone
even ghosts get tired and go home
as they crawl back under the stones

And I wish there was something
please tell me there's something better
and I wish there was something more than this
Saturated loneliness

and I wish I could feel it
and I wish I could steal it
abduct it, corrupt it
but I never can, it's just
Saturated loneliness

Does the silence get lonely
Does the silence get lonely
Who knows?
I've been hearing it tell me
I've been hearing it tell me, "go home"
cuz the freaks are playing tonight
they patched up and turned off the lights
And I wish there was something
please tell me theres something better
and I wish there was something more than this
Saturated loneliness

and I wish I could feel it
and I wish I could steal it
abduct it, corrupt it
but I never can, it's just saturated loneliness

and the bathwaters cold
and this life's getting old

and I wish I could feel it
and I wish I could feel it
and I wish I could steal it
abduct it, corrupt it
and I wish I could feel it
and I wish I could steal it
and I wish I could feel it
abduct it, corrupt it
but I never can,
I never can
never can
never can
never can

---

The only song to ever make me cry.

---

---

Законите на Мърфи с положителен знак.

1. Не се вземай на сериозно.

2. Внимавай на какъв се правиш, защото такъв и ще станеш.

3. Мий си зъбите редовно.

4. Внимавай какво си пожелаваш, защото мечтите се сбъдват.

5. Купи си евтино жилище в скъп квартал, а не обратно.

6. Да знаеш, че има Господ.

7. Винаги дръж в гардероба си един строг костюм за погребения.

8. Слагай си колана, когато шофираш.

9. Пълни ваната първо със студена вода, а после с горещата.

10. Най-добре се ожени по любов.

11. Ако трябва да избираш между този, когото обичаш и друг, койтo те обича - избери втория.

12. Не си купувай евтини очила, дори и слънчеви.

13. Най-добре изобщо не пуши.

14. Знай да се храниш правилно с нож, вилица и клечки.

15. Когато си в компания на видимо по-богати, не говори за пари.

16. Научи се да се ориентираш по карта.

17. Имай винаги пари за такси до в къщи.

18. Ако не ползваш дреха или вещ 2 години, махай я.

19. Ако имаш нещо излишно, не го хвърляй, а го подари на някого.

20. Не забравяй празниците на роднини и приятели.

21. Не закъснявай.

22. Не се срамувай да плачеш и да се смееш.

23. Казвай на любимите си хора, колко ги обичаш.

24. Купи си къща с басейн и камина.

25. Учи повече езици.

26. Дръж се прилично.

27. Гледай някой хубав футболен мач на живо.

28. Иди на концерта на любимата си група.

29. Разбери, че ученето е най-добре положения труд.

30. Не се занимавай с глупости.

31. Прави нещата с любов, иначе няма да станат.

32. Научи се да пишеш писма.

33. Не се страхувай, че ще те набият.

34. Виж колкото можеш повече места по света.

35. Не се самоубивай.

36. Няма нищо невъзможно, само някои неща са невероятни.

37. Не започвай с наркотиците.

38. Не си купувай обувки, ако ти стискат още в магазина.

39. Не тръгвай на дълъг път с нови обувки.

40. Не карай пил.

41. Научи се да казваш "не".

42. Поздравявай пръв.

43. Другите не са лоши, а различни.

44. Не прави секс с жени, по-грозни от твоята.

45. Никога не води любовница в къщи.

46. Не работи на едно и също място с жена си.

47. Не позволявай да ти свърши батерията на GSM-а през деня.

48. Не започвай вечерта с "една малка", винаги свършва зле.

49. Напий се един път, да видиш от какво патим.

50. Вземай заеми и винаги ги връщай.

51. Не сядай в компания, ако не можеш да платиш цялата сметка.

52. Не си мисли че остаряваш и поумняваш, само остаряваш.

53. Вземи си куче и си грижи добре за него.

54. Не пресичай на червено.

55. Плащай си данъците.

56. Не позволявай да те манипулират.

57. Запомни, във всеки договор най-важната точка е как може да бъде прекратен.

58. Играй с децата си, докато можеш.

59. Не давай мнение, ако не ти го искат.

60. Различавай познати от приятели.

61. Не се качвай при пиян шофьор.

62. Научи се да готвиш.

63. Не се страхувай от големите разходи, а от малките приходи.

64. Не харчи, а инвестирай.

65. Пази се.

66. Не си мисли винаги най-лошото.

67. Казах ти, дръж се прилично.

68. Не вярвай. че винаги стaва въпрос за пари.

69. Не си мисли, че знаеш един език преди да си решил поне една кръстословица на него.

70. Не вярвай на очите си, а на сърцето си.

71. Хората не лъжат другите, а само себе си. После са искрени.

72. Не се ядосвай за неща, които ще си забравил след половин година.

73. Посади дърво. Широколистно.

74. Прави дребни подаръци без повод.

75. Не очаквай благодарности за добрината си.

76. Не можеш да се харесаш на всички едновременно.

77. Научи се да изслушваш хората.

78. Планирай си успеха, иначе си планираш неуспеха.

79. Използвай презерватив.

80. Не позволявай детето ти да те вижда пиян.

81. Ходи с чисти обувки.

82. Купувай си стойностни и скъпи вещи, макар и рядко, а не евтинии.

83. Вземай важните решения, след като преспиш една нощ.

84. Признавай си грешките.

85. Научи едно хоро и едно танго.

86. Не лъжи, че си болен. Ще се разболееш наистина.

87. Не пий хапчета без основателна причина.

88. Всички болести са от нерви, само половите от удоволствие. Внимавай с тези две неща.

89. Не обещавай нещо, което не зависи само от теб.

90. Казах ти вече, дръж се прилично.

---

These are "Murphy's Laws with a positive sign"... I'll translate them later...

Now Presenting, [Morrigon] 's How to be a Complete Jackass


1. you must talk on and on about things that are in no way interesting to the people around you and argue with them that they're wrong even though they dont give a shit.


2. you must wear clothing you've seen other people wear, all the time. If at all possible, find a cool person and latch yourself to them. *Warning* suctioning yourself to their backs is not advised!!!


3. It always, ALWAYS helps to have your name be Tony, it's not a requirement but it will help you in then long run.


4. Never do drugs, you don't want to get in trouble. Instead, smoke light cigarettes only at night while repeatedly saying, "this is some good shit..."


5. Whenever possible, talk as much shit as you can, preferably around bigger people who have an obligation to save your ass. *warning* if you have no bigger people available,have a fast car or scooter!!!


6. As soon as you can, purchase a pitbull and use it to intimidate your enemies until it bites your left asscheek off, then quietly have it put down. Then claim he died during a dogfight in the ghetto.


7. After getting a job at Mcdonalds, pay a somewhat attractive 15 year old girl to go out with you and claim she is your hunny who no one can have. when she dumps you and moves to another state, tell everyone around you that she couldn't handle the size of your penis.


8. If for any reason you get fired for being a sloppy idiot, or there is not enough beer or money in the world, search online for attractive pictures of latino women to keep in your wallet in case for any reason, you need to show your homies your bitches.


9. ALWAYS meet your homies at a designated spot well away from your home, the last thing you need is to have them witness your mother beating you with a frying pan for eating all the brownies.


10. Wear baggy clothing only, such as, shirts big enough to use as parachutes, hats big enough to slip down over your eyes (it's mysterious), and pants that sag to at least your knees, if you're really a rebel, you'd only wear underwear on mondays.


11. Wear white shoes only, if you get dirt on them never hesitate to hide from your friends in an alley and lick them clean if need be. *Warning* Don't cry!!!


12. Get used to being pushed, it happens a lot. Stand in front of the mirror at home and practice an overly passive face until it looks like you're stoned or have been propped up against something after death. *warning* Don't cry!!!


12. Always keep your Brittney Spears albums hidden under a board in your room or even better, bury them in your backyard where the poodle won't dig.


13. When you to the club, ALWAYS remember to never dance, instead, lean against the wall with your arms folded and occasionally nod your head to the beat. If a girl should approach you, agree to dance but simply stand there with your hands on her hips while she grinds until she gets bored and wanders away. *warning* Don't Cry!!!


14. Get silver or gold braces or fake teeth as soon as possible. If you lack the funds for such a thing, use silver or gold spray paint.


15. The last and most important rule, many Jackasses have fallen here, no matter what happens....Don't cry!!!

---

P.s.: [Morrigon] gave me permission to post this here. Thanks, dear!

!!!BANNER CRAZY!!!

YeaH, ThaT BE ME ToO. Aren'T I LoverlY?!?

OnE OF MY FavouritE AvatarS... AnD OnE OF MY EditinG PrideS... I ThinK IT WorkeD OuT FinE. DO You ThinK SO ToO?