I light candles everywhere and come to him, dancing in circles, saying "Isn't it romantic?"

He says "What a waste of matches."

I dont know what to think anymore. Maybe I'm glad he's going to Hawaii... I cant believe he's so fucking....

FUCKED UP.

Is what he is.

Leave me be, i've got stuff wrong with me.

I get so annoyed with my own drama.

Ugh. Guys are so weird. I swear to you.


On a brighter side, I took some pictures of Mark. ^_^ Check out:
(Warning: If you have any problems with very skinny shirtless guys who look like chicks, staaaay awaaay...)

http://www.furaffinity.net/view/977687/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/977486/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/975193/

Watching Rent tomorrow with Mark. He's never seen it. I'm so excited. I downloaded a bunch of the songs. ^-^And drew a picture. I love that movie so much. (And yet i've only seen it twice, because we don't have it, and I never get to rent movies.)

Drama drama drama drama drama drama drama blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. Fuck this fuck this fuck this.

Sooo, whats been going on lately? Drama drama drama drama boys boys boys boys. Not much interesting. I just can't decide if i'm cheating on him or not. I MIGHT be, but then again, are me and Ryan REALLY going out? Not REALLY. I dont think at least. It depends on what RYAN thinks is going on. And Emmi wasn't supposed to come BACK from his little vacation till spring time. *sighs* I dont know if I love him. Someone tell me I do.

Ok, so...lately. Hmm...What's been going on, except for pointless drama that you don't wanna hear about? Well, nothing. ^-^;; Heheh. Things've been okay, but for my jump drive that died so I cant' put anything else on FA. So i'm pissed. But on a lighter note, it SNOWED! Snow snow snow! ^-^ I hope its a white christmas this year. I really really want it to be. And christmas is soon. We put up decorations, and made wreathes, and all that good stuff. We're getting a tree like next weekend, and I know for a fact that i'm getting some pretty spiffy art supply stuff. I'm excited. Majorly. I WANT an Ipod, but like that's gonna happen. Mum's getting an Iphone and i'm massively jealous.

ta for now.

Cheers

Eerielle

Okay, so, if you have little to no interest in the drama of my life (Which you probably don't) dun read this. ^^; It's a rant. I warn you now, it WILL uselessly take up your time if you read it.

Okay. Archania. I'm getting really tired of Archania. I'm getting tired of the problems that show up over and over and over agian. I'm getting tired of people pressuring us to expand. I'm tired of people throwing gifts at our feet because they pity us. Because they think that we're weak. Because they think i've completely damaged what Archania stands for, and thusly the people are suffering. That's shit. Do you know that there hasn't been a population increase of this magnitude for hundereds of years? I'm tired of this. I'm tired of people thinking they can walk all over my country. Well, they can't. We're still proud, we're still warriors, and we're still ready to fight if you shove a spear in our face. Once upon a time people were careful of what they said to an Archanian woman. She might kick their ass. Once upon a time people only said the most respectful, careful things to an Archanian queen. If you hurt her pride, she'd hurt your people. I don't want fear, but I do want respect. There has to be a better way to get respect than fear, right? But I can't do it with the reputation Archania had once upon a time. I know that what i'm doing has been good and will continue to be helpful to my people. I know that, within my heart, and my Archanian Council knows that, and the King knows that, and my own advisors know that. The government knows that, and so do most of the people. It's the OTHER countries I can't get it through to. I dont' know. One thing's for sure. I DONT want Mark's help. He thinks he's so high and mighty. So pure and good. As soon as I get even a little angry he pulls the holier-than-thow attitude on me. Like he's so good. Like he's so perfect. YES, I have the capacity for anger. NO, I don't like war. I am not perfect. I am not perfect. I wish people would stop expecting me to be, and see what i"m going through. I'm getting good grades, managing a country, managing 40+ people in my head, managing a relationship, managing my social life at school, and managing my parents. SOMEONE put me up for SAINTHOOD for not having CRACKED sooner!

Aaaaand i'm done. I think. Whew.

Walking home, I decide to take a shortcut. I slip down a road I don't know and hear him calling me. I spin around, and there he is. He's a two-faced fairy who points the way with his eyes, confusing, beguiling, enticing you into his arms and away from your goals. He steals away time, and hides the things we love. He is the blindfold over the eyes of the all-seeing hawk. He is the wind that seduces those who dare to climb the mountain, or take the boat out to sea. He is the one who puts the mask over our loved ones who have passed away. He stands, enshrouded in mist, just out of sight. We try to stay away from him, and yet become him. You cannot see him, unless you take on his name. He is “Lost”, and so am I.

Mom's taking me to the doctor today cuz of my sick. I'm scared. I dun like doctors.

Mark's been acting weird lately. He's...I dunno, being un-cheerful. I'm not used to it. I miss cheery-summery-woo Mark. I dunno.

I haven't eaten for 3 days. I mean, I had a sandwich yesterday, but that was all. I feel good.

Dunno what to do. Things are being weird. I've been cleaning like crazy. My room is sparkling.

Oh, yeah. I was gonna say this: Damn. FA's down.

Leave me be, i've got stuff wrong with me.

SO damn dizzy! I swear to you, this is crazy weirdness. >< What's wrong with me? Anyway, not what i was going to talk about. ...Wait...what WAS I going to talk about? GOD DAMN IT! *sighs* T_T Anyway, i'll think of it in a minute.

So, I'm at school right now. I'm really dizzy, and sound keeps coming sorta...in and out. Or at least the aknowledgement (is that how you spell that? I think not) of sound...ugh. School is not a good idea.

Passed out for the first time yesterday. At least twice, I think maybe three times. I had a bad fever, and was stupid enough to take a hot shower. Not making that mistake again.

I learned something today. If you loose something, you cannot PLAN on finding it.

So I put a link to my Fur Affinity account on my page, if anyone didn't notice. LOooOOoooOooOoooOOOoook at it. You know you want to. I'm a whore for comments and critiques. Just look at it, recognize it, and I dont care what the hell you say about it. (Okay, that's a lie, of course I do, but seriously...) Feed me, FEEEEEEeeEEeeeEEeeeD ME!.... comments!

I can do it myself. Why does she have to try to help me? I'm trying to make a point. I'm trying to prove myself. Maybe to myself, but still...trying to prove a point. Trying to make people see that I'm for real, that I'm not a bunch of bragging and hot air. I know what i'm doing. I can do it myself. I NEED to do it myself.